A film about men who hate women, among other things…

The H-Bomb: Disgraced journalist Mikael Blomkvyst (Michael Nyqvyst) has just been convicted of libel and steps down from the magazine he created, Millennium. But before he has time to stew over his losses, he is hired by Henrik Vanger (Sven-Bertil Taube), an elderly business man who‘s a member of the wealthy and powerful Vanger family, to investigate the disappearance of his niece, Harriet, who vanished some four decades ago and is believed to have been murdered.

At first Blomkvyst seems to be getting absolutely nowhere in his investigation, but out of the blue he is helped by a computer hacker named Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), an emo-ish goth chick who has some… er… issues of her own, to put it kindly. Lisbeth ends up joining Blomkvyst’s investigation and the two strike up an unusual relationship while digging into the mystery, discovering a link to Harriet’s disappearance and the murders of other young women, and uncovering some very dark secrets about the Vanger brood.

Okay, where to start, where to start. “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a Swedish import that is the first part of the “Millennium” trilogy, which is based on a series of books that is insanely popular in Europe. I’ve been reading the hype and praise for this for a good long while, with reviewers giving it four and five star ratings and calling it things like “Brilliant!”, “Amazing!”, and “A Mind Bending Thriller!” I was actually really looking forward to this one… well, you know how too much praise can be a bad thing?

When I finished watching this for the first time (notice I say first time), my reaction was simply “Meh. That‘s it?” I mean, can we say over-hyped?! Don’t get me wrong, I thought it was a perfectly decent film, but I wasn‘t amazed or blown away. I certainly didn’t think it was any kind of a masterpiece, and I felt it had a lot of problems. Mainly, on first viewing, I found it to be very unfocused, where it kept going off on tangents that just seemed kind of pointless to me. Lisbeth being jumped in the subway by a pack of young hooligans, flashbacks to her as a child setting a car on fire, and an entire first act subplot about her being sexually exploited by her social guardian (Swedish version of a parole officer, I guess). These, amongst other things, seemed extraneous and distracted from the central murder mystery.

The mystery of the missing, dead girl was very intriguing, and that aspect of the film kept me completely immersed. I also thought the performances by both the leads were superb, and the chemistry between them was quite compelling. The film is also strikingly well directed (by All Niels Arden) in places… but goddamn, there just seemed to be so much fat in the movie – things that seemed irrelevant to the main plot that made it all seem so unnecessarily drawn out, that it really just muted the impact of the entire picture for me.

On top of all that, this movie also has enough false endings to give the third “Lord of the Rings” film a run for its money. At some point, during the fifteen minutes or so, I was literally chanting at my TV “End! End! End! End!!!!” Then it FINALLY ended… thank Christ for small favors.

Now, that was how I reacted the first time I saw the film. I did give it a second go, and while I still find it bizarrely over-rated by the uber-hip, we-love-all-things-foreign latte slurping cinephiles, something did strike me on the second viewing. Bear in mind, I have not read the books or seen the later films, so I’m simply venturing a guess, but it occurred to me that this is the first part of a trilogy, so many of the elements that seemed out of place and gratuitous to me the first time around will probably be of greater significance in the sequels, as the characters are developed further, particularly Lisbeth (like why she’s as royally fucked up as she is). So that considered, I was more forgiving of those elements on my second viewing and enjoyed the film considerably more.

Again, though, I still don’t think this is the modern classic that many proclaim it to be. There are still pacing issues, the movie is still too long, and there are many, many scenes of characters looking at old photos, newspaper stories, and doing online research, which I’m sure work fine in the book, but in the film, they’re not very cinematic nor exciting to watch. Another issue is that there are so many characters and names to remember that unless you’re paying the strictest attention, you could lose track of who’s who and who’s what to who very quickly. This is definitely not a “check your brain at the door” type of film.

After all is said and done, I did like this movie, despite my criticisms. It’s a sophisticated, well crafted, ambitious film with very richly developed characters and the performances are top notch. It, as I’m sure you’ve heard, is being remade in the U.S. with David Fincher directing and Daniel Craig starring, and even though I loathe this remake trend, I must confess that I am interested in seeing what they do with this story. I do recommend it overall, but I must warn you to take the hype with a grain of salt.

“It’s halothane.”

Swift shot:  A Swedish vampire film, complete with awkward attire, dated dialog and a touch of the surreal.  If you are sick of the melodramatic crap America is forcing you to endure – romantic, gift-wrapped vampires – add this to your Netflix instant-play and grab some Absolut, you’ll need it.  Lina Leandersson portrays the wretched creature in a commanding on-screen performance that all aspiring actresses should follow.  Her character, Eli, simply . . . IS – and this little Swedish actress will terrify you with her pragmatic delivery.  At times, you’ll forget she is just wearing a mask for your entertainment.  It’s one of those roles you are pretty sure still stares back at her in the mirror long after director Tomas Alfredson called a wrap.

“Låt den Rätte Komma In” is based on a 2004 novel written by John Ajvide Lindqvist of Sweden.  The novel gained international attention and was finally realized as a film in 2008.  I saw some screen captures of this film via a Facebook acquaintance and decided it deserved a screening, despite the lame title.  Glad I opted in on this one, because it didn’t disappoint . . . mostly.

Immediately, I was drawn to the almost albino teen, Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant) who essentially reminded me a lot of myself at that age . . . brooding and twisted. Living with his mother most of the time and seeing his father occasionally, Oskar lives in the periphery of life.  He has a voyeuristic nature and is a curious spectator to his surroundings.  Oskar is constantly bullied at school by a group of kids not much bigger than him and not much different than him ultimately.

But with one interesting utterance “Squeal like a pig” Oskar attracts a spectre, Eli.  From her first line, she makes it clear that she can’t be friends with Oskar, to which Oskar replies, “What makes you think I want to be friends with you?”  Perhaps it was this small act of defiance that ultimately draws Eli to Oskar – or maybe there is a more sinister desire behind her attraction.  To the outside world, she is all of twelve years old, but inside she is an ancient force, a monster in every sense of the word.  The creature your grandparents warned you about in the woods or the creep up your spine when you think you are alone in some desolate place.

Some of the acting by supporting cast really sucked, even with the subtitles, I can tell a forced delivery when I see and hear it.  The townspeople, notably failed to impress me and cost this one a higher rating – calling you out Peter Carlberg and Ika Nord.  The special effects will underwhelm most American audiences, but it’s clear director Alfredson wanted a subtle, believable approach to the super-natural.  And, really, American audiences are spoiled with the stuff we see nowadays – it was refreshing to see toned down special effects, which turned out to be the creepiest scenes anyway.  I already see the American version, “Let Me In” is going with a more fantastic approach, shame really.

Overall, this film will crawl up your spine and force you to think, is it love that drives Eli, or is it sinister survival.  If nothing else, this film will get you talking with all your horror-film loving friends about what they took from it.  And, oh, be warned, there is some very inappropriate content towards the end that you will NEVER find in an American film.  Don’t say you haven’t been prepared.  Watch this one, then let me hear your comments, was it love or something else?

Swift shot:  Emotional, superb acting and believable performances that will haunt you – sometimes the best horror films aren’t horrors at all.  Sometimes survival is its own hell.  To my brothers in harm’s way, know that you can always rely on the truth – Semper Fidelis.

Took me a long time to finally watch this one, it sat on my desk . . . daring me to open the oddly fastened Netflix sleeve for a whole week.  I was afraid it would be yet another pandering Hollywood sneer at our forward operating troops deployed in combat zones.  It’s hard to pin down if this was an out and out criticism of our efforts overseas, or if it was just a matter-of-fact – War is truly horrible – message film.

Certain elements in the film brought me back to an abandoned rail-station in Albania, where we were debriefing prisoners of the Kosovo conflict and I was reminded of soulless eyes, shells of men, broken hearts and minds – desperate to embrace normalcy. To endure all manner of torture, you must have something to live for, some “other” that keeps you moving when the easiest thing is to just shut down and die.

I have often wondered about those souls, the “survivors” what were their lives like after the war?  Were they able to embrace that normalcy again?  Were their minds so twisted that even the slightest nuance of happiness was robbed from them?  Do they sleep?

This film brought the war home, but the sadness and hostility were underground, buried in some chasm of moral apnea.  Watching Captain Cahill interact with his family before “breaking” and afterward was expertly portrayed by the dedicated Tobey Maguire.  For his dedication to the role, I applaud him; at no time did he disappoint.

Brothers will have you struggling to fathom your own mortality.  Choices we make to survive remind us we are all gonna end up in the dirt.  It is what we live for outside of ourselves that dares us to stand up to death and say with baneful conviction, “Fuck you, death, not today!”

While the juxtaposed sequences danced back and forth between the war and the family, the overall transitions were somehow diluted and less powerful than the rest of the film.  Perhaps some stronger scoring was in order, but overall the film intellectually was stimulating.  The acting, as mentioned earlier, was precise – even the youngest actors were amazing – well disciplined (if you will permit a little jarhead inside joke).

It isn’t easy to talk about the wars, it isn’t something that should be taken lightly.  War is hell; Brothers does a decent job exploring this theme, but it doesn’t have enough balance to be a really incredible film.

The H-Bomb: The entire planet has been devastated by some unspecified catastrophic event. All of the animal life and most of the plant life has been completely destroyed. Society has collapsed and human beings have, for the most part, regressed back to a savage state, often resorting to cannibalism in order to survive.

Wandering through this ugly, barren, post-apocalyptic world are a Father (Viggo Mortensen) and his young Son (Kodi Smit-McPhee) who struggle to get by any way they can, while trying to maintain their own humanity in this literal Hell-on-Earth.

From the above synopsis, it’s pretty fair to say that this is not a candidate for “Feel Good Movie of the Year.” In fact, if anything, it’s a shoo-in for “Most Depressing Movie of the Decade,” right alongside “Children of Men”, “Million Dollar Baby”, and “Sex and the City 2”. Based on the Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Cormac McCarthy (“No Country For Old Men”),  “The Road” is dark, grim, and relentlessly downbeat, with practically no moments of levity to be found anywhere.

That said, it’s a beautifully made, thought provoking film that examines two key aspects of human nature: hope and survival. The Father and Son struggle so hard to survive in this brutal, frightening, desolate world. A world that is devoid of any hope for any kind of a positive future, that I had to ask myself, “Why? Why are they even bothering?” The Father even carries around an old revolver, loaded with only two bullets, one for him, and one for his Son. Yet we get the sense that no matter how dire things get, he will never be able to bring himself to use it.

It’s the undefined hope, the vague notion that there is something better out there, that motivates these two to forge ahead. That, to me, is the ultimate point of this story; even in the worst situations imaginable, ones that would cause many to revert back to barbaric savagery, there are good people who will always retain hope, and the will to survive.

As directed by John Hillcoat- who made the equally bleak Aussie western “The Proposition”- the film has an appropriately cold, dreary, colorless look to it. It’s the look of a cruel, dying world, and was perfect in selling the shear desperation of its inhabitants. As the Father, Viggo Mortensen is excellent, as he is in everything, even in shit like the “Psycho” remake. Here he is perfect as a calloused, hardened man who is only driven on by his love for his Son.

Young Australian actor Kodi Smit-McPhee is also terrific as a boy who has grown up in this shit hole of a world, which has forced him to mature beyond his years. Charlize Theron appears in flashbacks as Mortensen’s practical, but not exactly sympathetic wife, and Robert Duvall has a poignant cameo as an old loner who the Father and Son meet on the road. But for most of the film, the Father and Son are alone on screen, as they scrounge around for food, seek out safe places to sleep and stay warm, and of course, avoid those nasty, unpleasant cannibal gangs.

Again, this ain’t no date movie. This is an incredibly dark, depressing film that is not for everyone. It’s a very difficult movie to enjoy and many will come out of it feeling like they’ve just been to a funeral (or like they’ve just spent a weekend with their in-laws). However, for those of you who look for more in a film than just two hours of car chases, explosions, and fart jokes, I would say that “The Road” is a journey that is very much worth your time.

Gentlemen Broncos is the story of a young man, Benjamin (Michael Angarano) an aspiring science fiction writer.  To hone his skills, he attends a writer’s camp.  He has been working on a novel, humbly penned “Yeast Lords”.  The main character of his eccentric novel is Bronco (Sam Rockwell).   Benjamin’s mother Judith (Jennifer Coolidge) is his biggest fan and has also home schooled Benjamin his whole life.While venturing out to his author’s camp, he encounters two new creative thinkers Tabatha (Halley Feiffer) and Lonnie (Hector Jiminez). Tabatha writes French novels, and Lonnie is a producer/director of movies and trailers.

When they arrive at camp, Tabatha asks to read Benjamin’s story “Yeast Lords” and seemingly gets turned off by it immediately.  She has low expectations of Benjamin’s overall success.  But Benjamin is thrilled to discover his idol, Dr. Chevalier (Jemaine Clement) will be a guest speaker at the camp.  The doctor also announces he will be gathering samples of the student’s writing – the winner will have their story published and sold in book stores across the United States. Benjamin finds out rapidly that idols aren’t always what you expect in the flesh – he is underwhelmed and a little disgusted.  Still, Benjamin does turn in his work, “Yeast Lords”.

Chevalier is not only a self-important prick, he is a failure as a writer, and his publishers are putting pressure on him to produce something good . . . or he is off their gravy train. Fortune favors the fool; though, and Chevalier rips through the submissions and finds Benjamin’s Opus – “Yeast Lords” – and he can’t put it down.

Benjamin leaves camp to find his mother has assigned him a “Guardian Angel” from church, his name is Dusty (Mike White) and is a REAL piece of work. Dusty has his own blow dart gun and he dips the darts in a mixture of rat poison and his own feces! With all this excitement, even more good news is coming Ben’s way as his friends from camp let him know they want to shoot his novel into a film – a trailer is in the works.

Meanwhile Chevalier has reworded and changed “Yeast Lords” to be more suitable for his liking; changing Bronco’s name to Brutus, and also making Brutus a Transvestite. (Sam Rockwell was hysterical when playing Brutus) Benjamin learns while filming the trailer that Lonnie has come into some money and will pay $500 for the rights to “Yeast Lords”. Benjamin quickly agrees and they begin filming with Dusty playing Bronco.

What happens next is fairly obvious, Chevalier is eventually confronted when his new novel “The Chronicles of Brutus and Balzaak” is revealed and Benjamin recognizes it right away – as “Yeast Lords”.  The film picks up and just keeps going into a frenzied crescendo at this point.  All things come to a head, as Benjamin has to reclaim his idea – his idol has betrayed him.  What will he do?  What would you do?

This movie was very funny, and very well done. The fact that it was written and directed by the same guys who did Napoleon Dynamite might give it a little bit of an audience. I will warn you this has similarities to Napoleon Dynamite, but all in all is not really the same. The performances given by all were really well done, but the performance of Sam Rockwell was GENIUS!!!! He really made a decent movie that much better and that much funnier.

I suggest this movie for anyone who has ever read an Issac Asimov novel or just enjoys science fiction. This movie is not life changing or even remotely close, but the characters do grow on you, and it does a good job of making you feel for Benjamin. I say if you’re looking for a movie and a few good laughs, check this out, cause it is well worth the price that you’ll pay to see it!

The H-Bomb: Lt. Terence McDonagh (Nicolas Cage) is a highly decorated cop working the mean streets of a post-Hurricane Katrina New Orleans. After suffering a back injury, he is prescribed Vicodin and in six months time moves on to other (illegal) drugs and becomes a full blown addict, but that’s only part of McDonagh’s many nefarious activities. After a low level drug dealer and his family is found murdered, McDonagh does everything he can to function and solve the case, despite the fact that both his personal and professional lives are going on a seemingly unstoppable downward spiral.

As many of you probably already know, this is the sort-of-is but sort-of-isn’t remake of Abel Ferrara’s 1992 indie classic “Bad Lieutenant”, which starred Harvey Keitel as a woefully corrupt New York cop. Many critics have stated that there are no connections between the two films, but I think those critics need to pay a little more attention. Yes, the two films and their protagonists are very different. Ferrara’s film was grim, nasty, and entirely humorless, whereas Werner Herzog’s (“Rescue Dawn”, “Nosferatu: The Vampyre”) “remake” has a slightly more playful and darkly humorous tone. Cage’s McDonagh, as crooked as he is, is a considerably more sympathetic character than Keitel’s Lt., who was more or less a complete scumbag. The original “Bad Lieutenant” also had heavy(handed) religious overtones, whereas this one thankfully left out anything resembling Catholic guilt.

However, there are undeniable similarities that both films share. Both characters have chemical dependency problems. Both have gambling problems and owe money to bookies. Both often abuse the power that their badges give them, using their position to procure everything from drugs to sexual favors. Both carry gigantic revolvers that they wave around and fire off recklessly. Both are prone to hallucinations; Keitel had hallucinations of Jesus standing in front of him, while Cage has hallucinations of iguanas sitting on his coffee table. Most importantly, both films are character studies of men who gradually dig themselves deeper and deeper into holes that ultimately seem impossible to climb out of.

Which film do I prefer? Well, as great as the original is, it’s a very bleak and oppressively downbeat film that, while I do admire it, I don’t really enjoy it. The “remake,” however, as dark, raw, and appropriately sleazy as it is, also manages to be quite entertaining at the same time. So while I feel that Ferrara’s film is probably the better of the two, I personally like “Port of Call- New Orleans” more… if that makes sense.

It’s become quite fashionable to rag on Nicolas Cage lately, as many of his more recent choices in projects has been unfortunate, to say the least (“Wicker Man“ remake, anyone?). But he is a damn fine actor and when given quality material, he is more than capable of delivering an impressive performance. Such is the case here. He really puts his back into this role and gives us a character who is fully rounded and compelling. Everything about his Bad Lt., from his voice, to his gestures, his postures, and his horrible haircut, really suggests a man who was perhaps once good and honest, but who has gone horribly astray over the years, and now has to struggle every waking second to keep his shit together.

As we’ve seen in “Leaving Las Vegas”, Cage is very adept at portraying hopelessly self-destructive characters, and after years of slumming in Le Cinema de Shit, it’s a treat to see him finally firing on all cylinders again. The scene where he employs some “advanced interrogation techniques” against an elderly woman on a respirator is fucking classic!

The supporting cast is made up of well known character actors, including Brad Dourif, Fairuza Balk, Tom Bower, Michael Shannon, Irma P. Hall, and Jennifer Coolidge. They all add color and flavor to the picture, and every one of them leaves an impression, despite that many of them only have a scene or two. Alvin “Xibit” Joiner is both slimy and menacing as the local drug kingpin who becomes the number one suspect in McDonagh’s murder investigation. Eva Mendes, who plays McDonagh’s hooker girlfriend with a nose candy habit herself, provides solid support for Cage and allows him to show a more sympathetic side to his character. Val Kilmer is also good as a fellow cop who is perhaps as dirty as McDonagh, but his role is sadly underwritten. I really think they could’ve used him more than they did.

As great as the supporting players are, though, this is entirely Cage’s show, and the only other element that is just as crucial to this film’s success as Cage‘s performance, is the director, Werner Herzog. In the hands of a lesser filmmaker, this could have ended up being just another police drama, but Herzog, bringing with him his attention to detail, his oddball sensibilities, and his quirky sense of humor, makes it something entirely different. He gives us a vivid look at a devastated New Orleans that is both real and surreal at the same time. Whether he’s showing us the rundown slums, or a snake swimming around a flooded jail cell, or a road killed alligator in the middle of the road, he gives us a real feel for the place. I also appreciate the fact that, despite the setting, there isn’t one phony Cajun accent to be heard. Thank you, Mr. Herzog, for not having the actors go down that road.

Despite the fact that this movie is called “Bad Lieutenant” and shares some thematic similarities with the earlier film, this really is a movie that stands on its own with its own style and mood. It’s a unique, bizarre film that alternates between being violently ugly and perversely funny. Ultimately, I can’t guarantee you’ll like it, but I do recommend you take a chance on it.

Nature is Satan’s church

The H-Bomb: A married couple is in the middle of making love, when their toddler son Nic escapes from his crib, makes his way up to a windowsill, and falls to his death. This plunges his mother, She (Charlotte Gainsbourg- “21 Grams”, “The Science of Sleep”), into a deep depression. The father, He (Willem Dafoe), believes that she is not being treated properly by her psychiatrist. Himself a therapist, He feels that the best treatment for her is a retreat to their secluded cabin in the forest of Eden. Big mistake…

Danish filmmaker Lars von Trier’s latest film was a firebrand of controversy when it premiered in Cannes last year. During the movie’s press conference, one journalist stood up and angrily demanded that von Trier “justify himself” for making this film. While “Antichrist” is certainly dark and disturbing, filled with a number of unsettling images, I believe that many have overstated how “shocking” it is.

While its detractors were upset by it, and dismissed it simply as being the work of a director trying to get a rise out of people, I found it to be an intriguing, provocative look at a couple’s decent into madness after suffering from an unimaginable tragedy. It’s a movie filled with cryptic, surreal imagery and sequences that ultimately, much like a David Lynch film, leaves it open to endless interpretation.

Much could be made of the title, but whether the series of unfortunate events that unfold in the story are the work of the forces of evil, or are simply things that He and She bring upon themselves through their own psychological unraveling, who’s to say?

I personally lean toward the latter. At first, She is the one who seem most shattered and traumatized by her son’s death. He died while she was having passionate sex with her husband, and She feels deep guilt, like She was being punished for her lust, her sin. He, on the other hand, at first comes across as the calm, rational one. He is her rock, and He will help her through her sorrow. However, once they are alone at the cabin, He starts to see (hallucinate?) some strange things, and the sanity of both of them comes into question.

Ultimately, it’s about two people who not only blame themselves for the death of their son, but also each other, and it all spirals into a startlingly violent conclusion.

Man o’ man, while much of the film is quiet and low key, in typical European film fashion, it’s also a genuine mind bender that if you show to a hundred different people, you will get one hundred different interpretations as to its meaning. It’s full of religious symbolism and subtext as well as many beautifully haunting images.

I have heard about this film for nearly a year and was finally able to see it on Netflix Instant Play, and I wasn’t disappointed. From the very first scene I was hooked in by this curious little fucker, and it didn’t let me go until its rather baffling final scene. Now this is certainly not a movie for the masses. It’s slow, ambiguous, sexually explicit, and graphically violent. There is much in here to turn off many. Von Trier has been accused of gratuitously including many elements for simply for cheap shock effect; porno-like close ups of male-female penetration, close ups genital mutilation and other horrific images.

Normally, I would agree, but, as disgusting as those visuals were, in the context of this film, and in context of von Trier’s typical envelope pushing style of film making, I didn’t find them inappropriate. The director dedicated this film to the late Russian filmmaker Andrei Tarkovsky (“Solaris“, “Stalker“), which makes sense, as this is very reminiscent of his work in terms of tone, mood, and style. It also contains many philosophical and religious undertones not unlike the ones found in Tarkovsky’s films.

Again, this is most certainly not a film for everyone. In fact, I would only really recommend it to the most adventurous, open minded, patient, and strong stomached of film buffs. That narrows the field quite a bit, but I found it to be a challenging and worthwhile experience.

As a final note, if you’re ever hiking through the woods, and all the sudden a dead, mangled fox looks up at you and says, “Chaos reigns,” turn and get the fuck outta there as fast as your legs will take you!

The H-Bomb: Arthur and Norma Lewis (James Marsden and Cameron Diaz) are a perfectly happy middle class married couple living in 1970’s suburban Virginia. She’s a teacher at a private school, he’s a NASA scientist, and they have a young son, Walter (Sam Oz Stone). One day, a stranger by the name of Arlington Steward (Frank Langella) arrives on their doorstep. A vaguely sinister man, missing a portion of his face, Steward delivers a strange wooden box with a large red button on the top and makes Norma an offer: if she presses the button, her family will be given one million dollars in cash, but… someone in the world, a complete stranger, will die.

The other conditions are that she has 24 hours to decide, and she is only allowed to discuss it with her husband. If she tries to talk to anyone else about it, then Steward will somehow know about it and the deal will be off. While their first instinct is to tell this Steward guy to take his box and shove it up his rectum, the Lewis’s realize that they are strapped for cash, and that they won’t be able to afford to send their son to private school for much longer.

They also notice that other people around them have been acting strangely and suffering from nose bleeds. And just who the hell is this Steward guy, anyway, and what is this box? Could it have something to do with that Mars project Arthur has been working on…?

“The Box” is a movie that took me a couple of viewings to form a solid opinion on, and even then, I’m not sure how solid it is. Much like with writer/director Richard Kelly’s “Southland Tales”, there’s a lot about it that I liked, but there were things about it that I wasn’t too crazy about, which ultimately kept me from loving it. Given the studio budget and the cast, I expected this to be more mainstream than Kelly’s first two films, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Even though it’s more focused and palatable than “Southland Tales”, it’s still quite odd and obscure in places.

Adapted from a (very) short story by Richard Matheson (“Duel”, “Stir of Echoes”), this is actually a film that I can’t say much about without giving away spoilers. It’s part sci-fi, part morality tale, and part Richard Kelly mind fuck. The first hour or so of the movie recalls some of the great paranoia thrillers of the past, particularly “Invasion of the Body Snatchers”. Helped by Langella’s subtly menacing performance and an terrifically eerie music score, it brilliantly establishes intrigue and builds up tension. I was all set to love it…

Then, along came the last act, where for me it just fell apart. Again, I can’t go into detail, but the way this set up played out just didn’t quite do it for me. I’m not sure where it went astray. Perhaps it was when Kelly fell back on his tired watery portal idea that he’s used in all three of his flicks now, I can’t quite say. I just know that it all but completely fizzled towards the end.

However, this is not at all a bad film. Far from it, in fact. The performances are all strong; Langella, again, is excellent, and Diaz and Marsden are very convincing as an average married couple who are thrust into this strange predicament and are forced to make some very difficult decisions. Many of the best science fiction films out there also deal with themes of morality intelligently, and this one is no different. It makes us think, “What would we do if someone told us to press a button, and we would get a million dollars, knowing that a stranger would die.” We would all like to say that we absolutely would not press the button… but you never know. A million dollars is a million dollars, and people die every day…

While not perfect, this is a smart, suspenseful film that may be frustrating at times, but is intriguing throughout. It’s not as powerful or engaging as Kelly’s “Donnie Darko”, it’s certainly an improvement over the messy, scatter-brained “Southland Tales”. Definitely worthwhile for filmgoers who like to think outside the box (sorry).

Isvand i blodet! – Ice to your blood! “Peer Gynt”

Swift shot: Demented and hilarious, surreal and somehow believable – Dead Snow shocks and demands a viewing.  You won’t be amazed, but you will not soon forget Dead Snow.  Simple concept from start to finish but the cinematography is unbelievably choice.  The pure white snow provides the perfect contrast to the carnage and carnal evil of the thick red darkness haunting Øksfjord.  I am going to follow all of director Tommy Wirkola’s stuff from now on, I am impressed!

Like many typical zombie Nazi flicks, this one starts off with a group of horny friends going to a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere – but, unlike America, this is REALLY the middle of nowhere – I googled it, because I couldn’t remember if I hit Øksfjord on my NATO tour of Norway.  Turns out, I did, but that is all classified and shit.

Yes, you can hack this script at places as so cliched you will be looking for the Nazi zombies, or zombie Nazis (take your pick) to don hockey masks.  Still, where it isn’t cliche, it really serves up some hefty portions of meaty goodness.  In fact, the director pokes fun of this right off the bat, with this line,  “How many movies start with a group of friends on a trip to a cabin with no cell phone signal?” I loved that, because I don’t consider myself a real critic, just a lucky SOB who gets to share his thoughts with my overwhelming network of friends.  Also, I love when characters reference pop culture, because, hey that is the way real people talk all the time.

What is it about?

Eight friends have arranged to meet in the middle of nowhere at a family cabin way up near the border of Russia. (That isn’t classified, because such as the Iraq, and such as, people who have maps such as can find it)  If these crazy pop-ins of pop-culture are making you want to pop your eyes out with a cheese knife, I apologize – but the screenwriters used pop-culture throughout the film to help flesh out the characters a bit.  I mean, you want to see authentic Norwegian dialog, here it be.  And, goofy sweaters aside, they could be your friends down the road.

These particular friends are all medical students, and they have decided to take a breather from their studies and basically hang out, drink beer, reminisce and maybe get laid a few times – I love Norway.  But, each character has their own little quirks that make them stand out, and because this film is subtitled sometimes it is hard to really immerse yourself in a foreign film.

You have the two movie geeks, one is hot, Chris (Jenny Skavlan), and one is not, Erlend (Jeppe Laursen).  They quickly get reprimanded for movie quoting early on, which I loved – because I have had several friends say, Jesus, can’t you have a thought WITHOUT referencing a damned movie?  Martin (Vegar Hoel)  is a squeamish leader of the pack, a medical student who nearly faints at the sight of a drop of blood.   Hanna (Charlotte Frogner) is his girlfriend, and she has issues with tight spaces.  Liv (Evy Kasseth Røsten) is not Maria Bello, but damn she looks like her to me, and I couldn’t focus on her character much more beyond that – because the resemblance was weirding me out, watching Maria Bello speak Norwegian.

Co-screenwriter Stig Frode Henriksen rounds out the main group of characters with Roy.  Roy is your basic dude, doesn’t stand out much, except that you can tell he is a writer and not an actor.  Sorry man, but you know it too, ikke sant?  Vegard (Lasse Valdal) and Sara (Ana Dahl Torp) are the couple that put the whole trip into motion, the cabin belongs to Sara’s family and she insists in going through the woods cross-country skiing, literally.  Vegard is more practical, he has a badass snowmobile, which only becomes more badass throughout – and you will love his character.

When they get to the cabin, they soon encounter a creepy old guy who tells them about the Nazis at Øksfjord who unlike other places “didn’t get along well with the local population” – you know, because Nazis are always confused with playing well with others – so he had to clarify that point.  Turns out the Nazis stole a bunch of gold and silver from the locals before razing the entire area in a scorched earth campaign, but the locals didn’t go down without a fight – Viking blood and all that.  That is all you really need to know about what is it about, as you can guess the rest from there.

Colonel Herzog (Ørjan Gamst), leads the Nazi zombies, or zombie Nazi horde with a chilling demeanor.  I found out Ørjan Gamst shared a beer in Alta with a friend of mine from Stavanger.  I wish it had been me, because I would have asked Ørjan, wait, were you the leader of the zombie Nazis or Nazi zombies?  And, then I would have laughed as he caught the reference to the South Park episode, Pirate Ghosts or Ghost Pirates – right before he fed me my entrails and played with my eyeballs – just so I could watch him eat the rest of me – yea, on second thought – not so sure I would want to have a beer with that guy.

Why do I care?

The transformation of the key characters is fun to watch, as each faces their own little personal demons whilst battling and fleeing from the Nazi zombies.  Come on, don’t we ALL have Nazi zombie issues?  Isn’t there something eating at you?

The gore is wonderful to behold, it is very much like the Norwegian version of Shaun of the Dead . . . yet twice as fun.  The creative way people are killed was masterful in uniqueness.

The soundtrack was pure Norwegian, even the opening sequence booms Grieg’s In the Hall of the Mountain King, you Americans will recognize it immediately – and now you have some culture thanks to Rick Swift.  It isn’t just for Needful Things anymore.

I liked that the violence wasn’t quick and simple, people and zombies take a long time to die, no cheesy sequences of people hearing a blast, clutching their chest and dropping like all of Lieutenant Dan’s dead relatives.   All the brutality in this film reminded me just how much violence the human body can take before it finally gives up and accepts death.  Not one of these characters died well.  One cliff hanging scene in particular left me holding my gut and exclaiming, Holy Shit!

I want to watch this one with all my friends, drinking pils and talking about the Simpsons and simpler times. It is a fun, fuck-it-all film for the audience to cringe with and laugh with and there is even a little twist thrown in to make things more fun for horror movie buffs.  So, if you have Netflix, watch it on instant view now, if you don’t, rent it – tonight!

“Wolverines”

Swift shot: Classic Milius! If you read my bio, you know this was one of my favorite films growing up, it put things at the time into a perspective I appreciated.  Today I have heard it described as silly and frivolous story-telling, bullshit, it was a great film and I will tell you why below…

Teddy Roosevelt 1899 – “Far better it is to dare mighty things . . . than to take rank with those poor timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat.”

To explain why this film resonated with me is to reveal inner darkness, and perhaps why I have so hesitated to review this film.  As we dissect that which we love, we learn much about ourselves – and sometimes the truth is not pretty, but it is honest.

To say I have an intimate relationship with this film would be the understatement of the eighties, it would be like saying Gary Hart made some poor choices, who?  Yes, I see I need to set the tone here – go back with me to 1984, when we invaded Nicaragua and the Russians were occupying Afghanistan, boycotting the Olympics and CIA station-chief, William Buckley was kidnapped and eventually died at the hand’s of his captors in Iran. . . to a time when “Just Say No” was focused on the war on drugs and not trans-fats.

I was ten, and just starting to understand what it was to be an “American”.  Red Dawn wasn’t only socially relevant, it was a warning of what to expect if things didn’t change! As a re-hash of Red Dawn is now in the works, I hear people on blogs saying, how can they make that movie now?  Maybe we need to look at the last decade and the new Sino-Russian threat which may seem far-fetched to you.  But, I digress, that is the new film, let’s focus on the original.

Red Dawn centers around the fictional small-town of Calumet, Colorado, where one small skirmish of World War III takes place.  Russian-Cuban military units paratroop into the town and quickly seize it, rounding up people like me and seeing to it we don’t become partisans and insurgents.  Sounds like an easy plan, right?  WRONG COMMIE!  You don’t just drop into small-town America and expect to walk around unscathed, not if the Wolverines have anything to say about it.

Comprised of a few teenagers who manage to flee the initial assault and hide out successfully in the mountainous woods of “Colorado”, these Wolverines (their high school mascot) put up a tenacious resistance and become a ravenous nuisance for the occupying armies.  They are mostly naive, yet strong-willed youths who only want to survive and return to normalcy, but they soon realize that normal is a dream.  They stand up, willing to die, willing to kill, fighting for their homeland . . . til the death.

What so inspires me about Red Dawn is the way I seem to identify with all the characters – now more than ever even.  All of the characters deserve that scrutiny in Red Dawn, because Milius shows us the dramatic impact of violence, whether it be from the allies or the invaders perspective, death comes to everyone – and death is personal and painful in Red Dawn.

Characters are shot, tortured, humiliated, betrayed, and all manner of angst is printed on their hearts.  Some are led to a firing squad, some are forced to dig their own grave, put yourself in that guy’s shoes.  It’s easy to watch as a spectator, this work of fiction, but I know from my service (in Albania), people who were forced to do just that . . . and worse.   What would you do, tough guy?

We all want to believe we would be fighting the occupiers and holding our own – destroying as much enemy materiel and morale as possible – but, could you, if the shit hit the fan, right now, today, would you be ready?  Go on, laugh, pretend there isn’t evil in the world, pull your covers over your head and bury your fears in the sweet fiction of Hollywood.  It wasn’t too long ago that a man had explosives stitched into his underwear to kill Americans, that sounded pretty damned far-fetched to me . . . until it actually happened.  Think of the level of dedication for that “character” – starting to get my point now?

This film had a cast of relatively unknowns that went on to become somebodies.  The late Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Gray, Lea Thompson, and Charlie Sheen and my favorite character in the film, C. Thomas Howell, as Robert.  At the beginning, Robert dons a Star Wars cap with the bill turned up – until he learns of his father’s death and he drinks the blood of his first deer, after that, he is a different character altogether.

Robert embodies the uber-realist in war, and metes out justice without emotion.  His lust for revenge is never sated.  These characters always interest me the most, because their transformation is so immersing.  Robert has lost everything, and his hate keeps him warm at night, it is why he wakes up every morning and what he dreams about before closing his eyes – and I always wondered, what would Robert have been like if not for the war?

Red Dawn is easy to over-look as “just a cheesy, red-scare movie from the eighties” . . . until it becomes reality.  I lived in Norway, in a house that was seized by a Gestapo officer in World War II, a resistance fighter was killed down the street by having his mouth shoved on a tailpipe, tanks used to roll down the E39, fear and despair was everywhere.  To this day, Norwegians decorate their Christmas trees with little Norwegian flags, and I asked my friend why, he looked at me with no emotion and said matter-of-factly, “because the Germans wouldn’t let us fly our flags – you got killed for that”.  Tell a Norwegian that Red Dawn is just a scare-film, I dare you.

VERSUS

H-Man

“America! Fuck Yeah!”

The H-Bomb: I was checking out the DVD section of my local Wal-Mart when I chanced upon a DVD Double Pack of “Navy Seals” & “Red Dawn” for five bucks.  Knowing that “Red Dawn” is an old favorite of our esteemed editor Rick Swift, I decided “what the hell” and tossed it into the shopping cart. So, how does this personal fave of Mr. Swift’s rate with the H? Read and find out.

It’s the early mid-eighties in America, and the worst thing imaginable has just happened to us, we’ve been invaded by the Ruskies (With the help of Cuba and Mexico. If this movie were made today, you could throw in Iran and Venezuela as well)! The Soviets parachute into our country, and all but completely take it over in what seems to be the span of a day. However, there’s one thing those rat commie bastards didn’t count on… a pack of High Schoolers hiding in the mountains, armed to the teeth and determined to take their country back, guerrilla style! Yeah, take that you freedom hating Pinko fucks!

On the surface, this film seems to tell a purely patriotic, flag waving, nobody fucks with the U. S. of A. type story. However, to look into it a little more deeply, you could argue that the film’s real message is that occupation of one country by another will never work because the natives will always resist. And that could be applied to us in our adventures into Vietnam and Iraq just as much as it could to the Soviets invading Afghanistan. But seriously, who wants to look at it from that angle? I mean, this flick was co-written and directed by all American gun nut John Milius, one of the most macho, bad ass filmmakers in Hollyweird. He had a hand in writing the first two Dirty Harry movies and directed “Conan the Barbarian”. He makes movies for guys who like movies! He ain’t no candy ass!

As for the film itself, I enjoyed it and can definitely see why it’s achieved its cult status among action buffs. The action scenes were well-staged (if a bit redundant) and the film is surprisingly violent for PG-13 (yes, I’m aware this is the first PG-13 movie). Something that caught me off guard is how serious the tone of “Red Dawn” is. Not that I was expecting anything campy, but I was expecting it to be more… rousing, for lack of a better word, but it’s actually quite dark and a little bleak.

Another part where the movie falters is with the characterizations of teen rebels (led by Patrick Swayze. Why? Because he’s Patrick fuckin’ Swayze, bitch!). They all felt underdeveloped and therefore I never quite felt attached to them the way I should have. The young cast of now familiar faces, including Charlie Sheen, Lea Thompson (the Mom from “Back to the Future”), and Jennifer Grey (who went on to star with Swayze in “Dirty Dancing”), all do fine, but sadly the script doesn’t give them much to work with. Powers Booth drops in as a shot down fighter pilot and completely owns for about twenty minutes or so. He really brings a sense of gravitas to the cast, and I almost wish he was the star.

Also, there were moments of what I think were unintentional silliness, like when Harry Dean Stanton shouts “AVENGE ME!!!” to his sons. That part just made me laugh out loud.

But why am I even complaining, it’s “Red Dawn”, for Christ’s sakes. Odds are your minds are already made up on this one. If you’re nostalgic for the 80′s, or enjoy good, old fashioned 80′s shoot em ups (80′s action movies… nothing quite like them), then you probably have a special place for it right in your cinematic carnage loving heart. I know boss man Swift does.

As for what I thought of the other half of this DVD Double Header, “Navy Seals”, I think Kevin Smith was spot on in referring to it as one of the most “intellectually devoid movies on the rack”. But I kind of had fun with that one, too.