Rick Swift

“Wolverines”

Swift shot: Classic Milius! If you read my bio, you know this was one of my favorite films growing up, it put things at the time into a perspective I appreciated.  Today I have heard it described as silly and frivolous story-telling, bullshit, it was a great film and I will tell you why below…

Teddy Roosevelt 1899 – “Far better it is to dare mighty things . . . than to take rank with those poor timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat.”

To explain why this film resonated with me is to reveal inner darkness, and perhaps why I have so hesitated to review this film.  As we dissect that which we love, we learn much about ourselves – and sometimes the truth is not pretty, but it is honest.

To say I have an intimate relationship with this film would be the understatement of the eighties, it would be like saying Gary Hart made some poor choices, who?  Yes, I see I need to set the tone here – go back with me to 1984, when we invaded Nicaragua and the Russians were occupying Afghanistan, boycotting the Olympics and CIA station-chief, William Buckley was kidnapped and eventually died at the hand’s of his captors in Iran. . . to a time when “Just Say No” was focused on the war on drugs and not trans-fats.

I was ten, and just starting to understand what it was to be an “American”.  Red Dawn wasn’t only socially relevant, it was a warning of what to expect if things didn’t change! As a re-hash of Red Dawn is now in the works, I hear people on blogs saying, how can they make that movie now?  Maybe we need to look at the last decade and the new Sino-Russian threat which may seem far-fetched to you.  But, I digress, that is the new film, let’s focus on the original.

Red Dawn centers around the fictional small-town of Calumet, Colorado, where one small skirmish of World War III takes place.  Russian-Cuban military units paratroop into the town and quickly seize it, rounding up people like me and seeing to it we don’t become partisans and insurgents.  Sounds like an easy plan, right?  WRONG COMMIE!  You don’t just drop into small-town America and expect to walk around unscathed, not if the Wolverines have anything to say about it.

Comprised of a few teenagers who manage to flee the initial assault and hide out successfully in the mountainous woods of “Colorado”, these Wolverines (their high school mascot) put up a tenacious resistance and become a ravenous nuisance for the occupying armies.  They are mostly naive, yet strong-willed youths who only want to survive and return to normalcy, but they soon realize that normal is a dream.  They stand up, willing to die, willing to kill, fighting for their homeland . . . til the death.

What so inspires me about Red Dawn is the way I seem to identify with all the characters – now more than ever even.  All of the characters deserve that scrutiny in Red Dawn, because Milius shows us the dramatic impact of violence, whether it be from the allies or the invaders perspective, death comes to everyone – and death is personal and painful in Red Dawn.

Characters are shot, tortured, humiliated, betrayed, and all manner of angst is printed on their hearts.  Some are led to a firing squad, some are forced to dig their own grave, put yourself in that guy’s shoes.  It’s easy to watch as a spectator, this work of fiction, but I know from my service (in Albania), people who were forced to do just that . . . and worse.   What would you do, tough guy?

We all want to believe we would be fighting the occupiers and holding our own – destroying as much enemy materiel and morale as possible – but, could you, if the shit hit the fan, right now, today, would you be ready?  Go on, laugh, pretend there isn’t evil in the world, pull your covers over your head and bury your fears in the sweet fiction of Hollywood.  It wasn’t too long ago that a man had explosives stitched into his underwear to kill Americans, that sounded pretty damned far-fetched to me . . . until it actually happened.  Think of the level of dedication for that “character” – starting to get my point now?

This film had a cast of relatively unknowns that went on to become somebodies.  The late Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Gray, Lea Thompson, and Charlie Sheen and my favorite character in the film, C. Thomas Howell, as Robert.  At the beginning, Robert dons a Star Wars cap with the bill turned up – until he learns of his father’s death and he drinks the blood of his first deer, after that, he is a different character altogether.

Robert embodies the uber-realist in war, and metes out justice without emotion.  His lust for revenge is never sated.  These characters always interest me the most, because their transformation is so immersing.  Robert has lost everything, and his hate keeps him warm at night, it is why he wakes up every morning and what he dreams about before closing his eyes – and I always wondered, what would Robert have been like if not for the war?

Red Dawn is easy to over-look as “just a cheesy, red-scare movie from the eighties” . . . until it becomes reality.  I lived in Norway, in a house that was seized by a Gestapo officer in World War II, a resistance fighter was killed down the street by having his mouth shoved on a tailpipe, tanks used to roll down the E39, fear and despair was everywhere.  To this day, Norwegians decorate their Christmas trees with little Norwegian flags, and I asked my friend why, he looked at me with no emotion and said matter-of-factly, “because the Germans wouldn’t let us fly our flags – you got killed for that”.  Tell a Norwegian that Red Dawn is just a scare-film, I dare you.

VERSUS

H-Man

“America! Fuck Yeah!”

The H-Bomb: I was checking out the DVD section of my local Wal-Mart when I chanced upon a DVD Double Pack of “Navy Seals” & “Red Dawn” for five bucks.  Knowing that “Red Dawn” is an old favorite of our esteemed editor Rick Swift, I decided “what the hell” and tossed it into the shopping cart. So, how does this personal fave of Mr. Swift’s rate with the H? Read and find out.

It’s the early mid-eighties in America, and the worst thing imaginable has just happened to us, we’ve been invaded by the Ruskies (With the help of Cuba and Mexico. If this movie were made today, you could throw in Iran and Venezuela as well)! The Soviets parachute into our country, and all but completely take it over in what seems to be the span of a day. However, there’s one thing those rat commie bastards didn’t count on… a pack of High Schoolers hiding in the mountains, armed to the teeth and determined to take their country back, guerrilla style! Yeah, take that you freedom hating Pinko fucks!

On the surface, this film seems to tell a purely patriotic, flag waving, nobody fucks with the U. S. of A. type story. However, to look into it a little more deeply, you could argue that the film’s real message is that occupation of one country by another will never work because the natives will always resist. And that could be applied to us in our adventures into Vietnam and Iraq just as much as it could to the Soviets invading Afghanistan. But seriously, who wants to look at it from that angle? I mean, this flick was co-written and directed by all American gun nut John Milius, one of the most macho, bad ass filmmakers in Hollyweird. He had a hand in writing the first two Dirty Harry movies and directed “Conan the Barbarian”. He makes movies for guys who like movies! He ain’t no candy ass!

As for the film itself, I enjoyed it and can definitely see why it’s achieved its cult status among action buffs. The action scenes were well-staged (if a bit redundant) and the film is surprisingly violent for PG-13 (yes, I’m aware this is the first PG-13 movie). Something that caught me off guard is how serious the tone of “Red Dawn” is. Not that I was expecting anything campy, but I was expecting it to be more… rousing, for lack of a better word, but it’s actually quite dark and a little bleak.

Another part where the movie falters is with the characterizations of teen rebels (led by Patrick Swayze. Why? Because he’s Patrick fuckin’ Swayze, bitch!). They all felt underdeveloped and therefore I never quite felt attached to them the way I should have. The young cast of now familiar faces, including Charlie Sheen, Lea Thompson (the Mom from “Back to the Future”), and Jennifer Grey (who went on to star with Swayze in “Dirty Dancing”), all do fine, but sadly the script doesn’t give them much to work with. Powers Booth drops in as a shot down fighter pilot and completely owns for about twenty minutes or so. He really brings a sense of gravitas to the cast, and I almost wish he was the star.

Also, there were moments of what I think were unintentional silliness, like when Harry Dean Stanton shouts “AVENGE ME!!!” to his sons. That part just made me laugh out loud.

But why am I even complaining, it’s “Red Dawn”, for Christ’s sakes. Odds are your minds are already made up on this one. If you’re nostalgic for the 80′s, or enjoy good, old fashioned 80′s shoot em ups (80′s action movies… nothing quite like them), then you probably have a special place for it right in your cinematic carnage loving heart. I know boss man Swift does.

As for what I thought of the other half of this DVD Double Header, “Navy Seals”, I think Kevin Smith was spot on in referring to it as one of the most “intellectually devoid movies on the rack”. But I kind of had fun with that one, too.

“Let’s see Robot Chicken top this one.”

Swift shot: Star Wars and Family Guy lovers will be thrilled – Fox removed their censors this time – so, you actually get your money’s worth.  You won’t hear any beeps except for R2D2′s beep boop beep.  Using classic parody, creator Seth MacFarlane fires his own blasts at George Lucas in not so subtle criticisms of The Empire Strikes Back. Enjoy this one, you will.

What does the force mean to you?  To Seth MacFarlane it means watching the unrated version of Van Wilder with all the frat stuff in there – and knowing that Kathy Bates or the naked old ghost in The Shining were the worst on-screen nude scenes Hollywood has to offer.  Who is the best naked on-screen scene?  You will have to pop this baby into your DVD or Bluray player to find out.  Oh, sure, you could probably google the whole damned film – but that wouldn’t be much fun – and would clearly lead you on a path to the dark side.

So, the story begins a long time ago, when the gays weren’t all in your face about it.  The rebel alliance has set up shop on a distant planet hoping to evade imperial detection, but, you know this story . . . and if you don’t, what, you live in a cave that isn’t a cave?

What you don’t know is how much fun you are going to have watching this for the first time.  The whole menagerie of Family Guy cast members make an appearance in Dark Side – some cameos will flat out surprise you – I know they shocked me with some of the choices.  As with Blue Harvest (A New Hope parody), Mila Kunis as Meg has a minor appearance.  But, the rest of the primary cast are back with a vengeance.  Trying to guess which Family Guy character will portray certain Empire Strikes Back characters is fun too.

The attention to detail and the graphic representation and care shown to the original Empire Strikes Back is noteworthy at times and downright silly, or stupid, at others.  With  most comedies, I am always wary to point out what you will think is funny, because I don’t know you.  You could be a fucking lunatic clown killer or a closeted Amish butter churner stashing your laptop under your floorboards.  But, I can say without a doubt that you will enjoy all the little pop-culture references tossed into Dark Side.

At times you may find yourself rolling your eyes, and if you aren’t a fan of Family Guy to begin with, you may not get some of the more subtle or older referenced themes.  And, they do go back to some of the older material in Dark Side.

I don’t want to reveal too much in the review, because as with most Family Guy episodes the left-field references really drive the humor – and I don’t want to put a dampener on your experience. I watched it twice now, and the second time I watched it the comedy was a little flat, because I knew what was coming.  Though, you won’t.

And simply put, you MUST see this with a friend – watching it alone is like masturbating to Van Wilder on Comedy Central – yes, I went there – it’s 2010 – DEAL WITH IT!  Just enjoy this one and don’t you dare watch it censored!

It will all come together in the end… sort of.

The H-Bomb: A father, Peter (Bernard Hill), is searching for his missing son, young Londoner Milo (Sam Riley) is moping in deep depression after his fiancé dumps him, flaky goth chick Emilia (Eva Green) tries to commit suicide as part of her art school project, and a masked man badly in need of a throat lozenge (Ryan Phillippe) roams around a futuristic city that looks like the fantasy love child of Tim Burton and Terry Gilliam. During all this I’m wondering, who the hell is Franklyn?

This weird, trippy British film, that flew completely under the radar here in the U.S., has a lot going for it in the ideas department, but falls just short of greatness. As stated above, there are four main story threads involving very different characters. Three of these stories take place in modern day London.

The fourth takes place in an effed up, dystopian nightmare world called Meanwhile City. It centers around a vigilante named Jonathan Preest, who, rather ironically, is the only atheist in a city where having religious beliefs is required by law. He is searching for someone called The Individual, a cult leader who Preest believes kidnapped and murdered a young girl. Phillippe’s Preest is basically your garden variety modern superhero; dark, mysterious, slightly unhinged, and talks in a deep, raspy voice like Christian Bale’s Batman or “Watchmen”‘s Rorschach. This story is also a bit reminiscent of “V for Vendetta” as well.

Meanwhile, back on the planet Earth, the tortured artist Emilia, whose look ranges from hauntingly beautiful to freakishly… freakish, is back in the hospital after yet another suicide attempt. It’s all part of some video art project and at first seems to be nothing more than a stereotypically lame attempt to get attention from her wealthy mother.

However, it’s later learned that Emilia does have a dark secret in her past. French actress Green, who sounds more and more British with each passing movie, inhabits the role perfectly and brings to it the same mix of mystique and humanity that she brought to the role of Vesper in “Casino Royale”.

While this is going on, we are also forced to watch the dour Milo mope around in what is easily the weakest of the film’s story threads. In it, this pathetic, depressing drip of a character moans about how much he thought his cold footed bride-to-be was “the one,” and seeks the comfort of his best friends, and a few bottles of red wine. Then he runs into Sally, a striking young redhead who was his childhood friend, and the two start to hit it off.

This really is the worst of the four stories mainly because, writing wise, it’s the least interesting. For the most part it plays out like some half-assed romantic drama, and even after a key revelation late in the game, it just doesn’t measure up to anything else in the movie. Riley tries his best, but his character was just a frowning sad sack who I hoping would either get hit by a bus or struck by lightning. Oh, and Eva Green plays Sally as well, for reasons that will make sense in the end.

Finally there’s Peter’s story involving his search for his son. As we follow him, we find out that his son is a very troubled person and perhaps even dangerous. Hill plays Peter with just the right amount of dignity and anguish, and comes off like the seasoned pro that he his (he played the captain of the ship in “Titanic”).

First time writer/director Gerald McMorrow lets all the stories play out at the same time, often cutting back and forth between them. For me, that was a problem early in the film. It jumps around to the various characters in random, “21 Grams” style, and just as one story would start to get interesting, it would abruptly switch to another one. It does settle down after a while, but this storytelling style does require some re-adjusting on the part of the viewer.

I would say that McMorrow falls into that trap that many young filmmakers do, that he tries to cram too much into one film. He doesn’t let it go off the rails like Richard Kelly did with “Southland Tales”, but he does run that risk, and there really is enough material here for four films.

All of these story threads do come together (even the fantasy one) in a way that is fairly unpredictable and reasonably satisfying. This did get some attention in Europe during it’s theatrical run earlier this year, but, like I said, it went completely unnoticed Stateside. Hopefully that shall change now that the film is on DVD. It’s a cool, intriguing little movie that’s worth seeking out. Oh, and who is Franklyn? Sorry, you’ll have to watch to find out.

“Is it safe?”

Swift shot: Marathon Man will have you wondering where the grit went over thirty years of film-making.  This film bleeds angst and delivers drama and real suspense.  Several times throughout the film I had to take a breather and say, Holy Shit that was awesome!  I can’t believe I never bothered to watch this one before.  John Schlesinger directed, Robert Evans produced and starred three legends of the small screen, need I say more?

I was two when this film came out, and I just never got around to seeing it, and man, was I missing out!  This film is amazing, with an all-star cast and a great screenplay that keeps you actively involved throughout.  Marathon Man’s true claim to fame would have to be the immersion factor, everything feels so damned real – and while it was released in 1976, it could easily apply today.  Concept is simple, Nazi war-criminal Szell (Sir Laurence Olivier) has to come out of hiding to retrieve ill-gotten diamonds, graduate student, Babe (Dustin Hoffman) and his brother, Doc (Roy Scheider) get caught up in the affair and the rest is just buckle up and enjoy.  What else do you need to know about the plot anyway?  It has Nazis, treasure and spies, oh my!!

The FBI likes to say crime doesn’t happen in a vacuum - people bleed, people leave trails of their lives everywhere.  Marathon Man leaves trails of blood, sweat and tears throughout this battlefield of cinematic gold.  You will feel everything the characters do, the pain is visceral and translates well for any era’s audience - incredibly well done!  I’d call this the Old Boy of its time, complete with a disturbing torture scene that original audience members fled the theater because it was too intense for its time.  I’ll grant you the scene wasn’t as graphic as Old Boy, not by any stretch of the imagination, but incredibly effective!

While there may have been some obvious spy thriller cliches tucked in a few scenes, the whole film doesn’t suffer as one big cliche and even leaves some loose ends flapping in the wind – but for some reason it won’t bother you.  Hard to explain without giving away things, but, suffice to say . . . our hero has some family issues that never get resolved to my liking.

Marathon Man never appealed to me, on the surface, because of the title.  There was another 1970s film about an actual marathon runner that I saw when I was a kid that bored me to tears.  So, please, don’t let the title of this one sway you from seeing it.  It is a suspense thriller and had NOTHING to do with running. 

When everything is finally revealed, you will have a new understanding of the levels of human indecency, greed and corruption.  Excellent cinematography throughout, layered angles, very few cheesy effects - which I hated about some 1970s films, and is why I typically avoid them like the black death.  The only thing that didn’t work right was the dubbing, the audio wasn’t synching right and it will be painfully obvious in certain scenes, which of course has that detraction of immersion effect to it.    

All in all, I am pissed at myself for not catching this one sooner.  You gotta watch this one if you want to see some of the best acting on the small screen, ever and some amazing camera play.

The H-Bomb: Director Sam Raimi makes a long awaited return to the horror genre with this twisted tale of a young woman plagued by a curse. Was it worth the wait? Read on…

Christine (Alison Lohman) is a loan officer at a bank in line for a promotion to assistant manager. But when she sees that her chances of being promoted are threatened by a new, hot shot, kiss ass employee, she goes against her better nature and denies a mortgage extension to an old gypsy lady in order to get on her boss’s good side. As it turns out, she screws the wrong lady as the old witch places a damning curse on her. Now, Christine only has three days to undo the curse before she is literally dragged to hell.

Mr. Sam Raimi, we here in the horror nut community would like to say, welcome back! Yes, we enjoyed your “Spider-Man” movies (the first two, anyway), and we appreciated your non-genre work in films like “A Simple Plan” and “The Gift” (the less said about “For Love of the Game”, the better). However, it was an absolute delight to see you come home to the genre from which you came. While it doesn’t quite stack up to your deliciously schlocky “Evil Dead” trilogy, you have certainly shown us that you haven’t lost your teeth, and you’ve delivered one of the best horror films I’ve seen in recent memory. Bravo, sir!

Goddamn I got a kick out of this movie! This, for me, is the first recognizable Sam Raimi film since “Army of Darkness” (Evil Dead 3). While I enjoyed his more commercial outings, a part of me missed the audacious, outlandish style of his he showed when he was an up-and-comer. Well, with “Drag Me To Hell”, he’s proven that he’s still got a little bit of that wild spirit in him.

This is total retro-Raimi; complete with an inventive story (which he wrote with his brother, Ivan), crazy, creative camera angles, and some effectively spooky scenes, including one with people floating in mid air and speaking in demonic voices that will surely dig up pleasant memories of “Evil Dead II” for the fanboys.

Lohman is great and makes for a very sympathetic heroine, despite the fact that she does something really selfish at the beginning. I really wanted her character to pull through. (She more than makes up for her AWFUL performance in “Where the Truth Lies”).

However, as a critic, I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t find something to bitch about. So here are a couple of complaints; the CGI was pretty hokey at times, I know Raimi was working with a limited budget, but c’mon, he had more convincing effects in the first “Evil Dead”. Secondly, Justin Long‘s character is supposed to be a professor, and I just couldn’t buy him as one for a minute. Lastly, no Bruce Campbell??!! That is just unacceptable, Mr. Raimi. How the fuck can you finally make a horror film again and not find a role for “The Chin?!”

When all is said and done, though, “Drag Me To Hell” is a terrific return to form for a director who is worshiped as a god in horror circles. Despite strong reviews, this one under-performed commercially, which is too bad. Hopefully, it will find the audience it deserves on DVD. If you’re a in the mood for a good fright flick, rent this creepy puppy tonight.

The H-Bomb: How in the hell did a movie starring Harrison Ford, Ashley Judd, and Ray Liotta get dumped straight to DVD? Isn’t Harrison Ford one of the most bankable stars working today? Why then, have you (most likely) never even heard of this film? Sadly, there is a very good reason…

South African born writer/director Wayne Kramer made a big splash a few years ago with “The Cooler”, a casino set drama that starred William H. Macy and got Alec Baldwin a nomination for Best Supporting Actor. After that, he came out with the wild-as-fuck, acid trip crime thriller “Running Scared”. While that one wasn’t received very well, I personally had a blast with it, and Mr. Kramer became one of my rising directors to keep an eye on. He showed true promise… unfortunately, much of that promise has diminished with the release of his latest; the self-important, preachy, half-baked “Crash”-wannabe “Crossing Over”.

Much like “Crash”, “Crossing Over” is set in modern Los Angeles, boasts a large ensemble cast with many different story threads that intersect, and deals with clashing cultures and race relations. Specifically, the overall theme is immigrants in the U.S.; how we treat them, how their cultures often clash with our own, what they have to go through to become Citizens, how we respond when they present a world view different from our own.

This would all be well and good, except Kramer’s approach is so heavy handed, and his examples of differing cultures and ideologies are so extreme, that the film is ultimately rendered ridiculous. Among the story threads are an Iranian family who commits an “Honor Killing” because it’s part of their culture, a Bangladeshi teenager who gives an over-the-top speech to her class that sympathizes with the 9/11 terrorists and more or less condones their actions, a Korean youth whose forced onto the path of becoming a gang banger, and the most idiotic of them all, an Immigration Official who agrees to help a struggling Australian actress get a green card… if she agrees to meet him regularly for sex.

If your overall impression of America came simply from watching “Crossing Over” you’d think it’s a mean, unwelcoming place and that immigrants would be better off staying where they came from. Well, for one thing, that’s bullshit since the United States is a country of immigrants. And for another, if that is the impression Kramer is going for, then he seems to be constantly undermining it with his own plot.

Take the Bangladeshi girl, for example. After her speech she’s reported to Homeland Security and is put on the fast track to deportation when it’s discovered that her parents are illegal immigrants. Now the film wants me to be on her side, it wants me to feel bad for her, but after her little introductory monologue, I’m not and I don’t. In a big scene where she’s weeping and saying goodbye to her siblings, I’m supposed to be weeping right along side her, feeling her pain. But, instead, I was thinking, “Fuck her! They can’t kick her ass out of the country fast enough, as far as I’m concerned!” In fact, this is the character that the film puts most of its emotional weight behind… big mistake.

When the film isn’t shooting itself in the foot like that, it caves in on itself from being obvious and overly simplistic. When we meet Harrison Ford’s Immigration Officer at the beginning, we see him rounding up Mexican illegals. The film makes it clear, Ford feels bad about that, he doesn’t like his job, he doesn’t believe in it. Well, that’s understandable, but we do have immigration laws for a reason.

Despite its obviousness, “Crossing Over”‘s message is a mixed one. On one hand, it seems to be saying, “can’t we all just get along?” But on the other hand, it seems to say that some customs just can’t be tolerated (like… um… “Honor Killings” for example).

The film wears its sincerity on its sleeve, and the game cast does the best it can, but dramatically it just never gels. Aside from getting me to actively dislike some of the characters (Ray Liotta is a fucking slime-ball in this), its emotional impact was nonexistent. Kramer tried to make a significant social drama here, but since the most significant thing I can think of about this movie is the fact that Sean Penn’s supporting role was left completely on the cutting room floor, I think it’s safe to say he failed. This one isn’t even worth a rental.

The REAL 1984

Swift shot:  Mired in suspense and intrigue, The Lives of Others reminds us that socialism comes with a hefty price.  There will always be corruption in the liesof others as idealism fails to achieve results.  Monotony is a tool Director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck wields effectively, but long-winded in many places which will fail to capture the attention of the bulk of viewers.  Still, if you were looking for a spy movie or action-flick, you should have done a lot more research.  This piece is dry by design.

It will be hard for contemporary and younger viewers to grasp the drama in this foreign film, set in Stasi-controlled East Germany, the DDR – remember that?  Yea, so few do, but for decades, people risked life and limb, quite literally in some cases, to flee the “Glorious” German Republic under the Iron Curtain of the USSR and traverse “Der Mauer”.

I have friends who crossed into the DDR on top secret missions for the US, sometimes just to deliver information and aide to artists, among others, just to remind them they were not alone in the struggle for democracy.

The Lives of Others follows one such artist as he seeks to make a statement, to the West, that things are not all happiness and sunshine in the DDR.  Playwright Georg Dreyman (Sebastian Koch) passionately reciprocates the loss of his mentor with an article subversively published in Der Spiegel.  The Stasi agent in charge of his case, Wiesler (Ulrich Muhe) comes across like a German Kevin Spacey, in fact the similarities are eerie.

In one chilling scene, a little boy looks up at Wiesler and asks, “Are you with the Stasi?”  The hard-edged agent is about to ask the boy who is father is, but then rescinds and asks him the name of his ‘ball’ instead.

The Lives of Others leaves this agent wondering, what have I given of my life, for the state, what identity have I shed so that I might serve the “greater good” for my country?  What are my boundaries and what is my purpose in this game of agitation?  Excellent scenes help build up the angst of all the characters, and my only severe criticism falls on Martina Gedeck who, although acting in a foreign tongue, delivers a sub-par performance as Christa-Maria Sieland – effectively taking me “out of the movie” countless times.

“This is the way the world ends… this is the way the world ends… this is the way the worl-” Okay! Okay! For fuck’s sake, I got it already!!!”

H-Bomb: Richard Kelly’s scatter shot, schizophrenic apocalyptic tale has so many characters, themes, ideas, plots, twists, subplots, sub-subplots, and sub-sub-subplots that it weaves itself into a web of almost complete senselessness, nearly beating the viewer into intellectual submission. However, it does make for an inexplicably interesting watch…

(more…)

Ready for a hook up?

Swift shot: Classical contrasting cinematography makes for some visually compelling shots, and the story is interesting enough.  Some of the characters, ok, almost all of the characters come across as unbelievable – and where Seven was able to make the shocking seem tangible, Horsemen fails to ride convincingly into an evil sunset.  The evil is not interesting, because it is so over the top it comes across as fantastical.  Still, this one is chock full of gore and bondage, so it should satiate most S&M enthusiasts.

Dennis Quaid and Ziyi Zhang share the screen in this straight to DVD horror, suspense – made for Seven fans.  Though clumsy in a few places, the acting is solid and believable, but the actions of these characters just didn’t seem to fit with reality.  Granted, criminally insane people can get away with the most despicable of acts in Hollywood, the whole Hannibal series more than illustrates that point.  But, Hannibal was an evil genius, and when the veil is lifted in The Horsemen, you may find yourself going, what?  I don’t get it.

I blame Director Jonas Åkerland for that, because he had a good cast, a decent script, and he should have built up more around the why these evil acts were being committed.  In an evil mind, “just because” never cuts it with me.  There needs to be some driving motivation for the evil, or I just don’t care.  And when you learn that “We are the Nothings” is behind it, uhm, this story is a perverse, adult version of the Neverending Story, chock full with a son (Lou Taylor Pucci) who has lost his mother and is being raised by a dad that is clueless and aloof.

Bondage fans, suspension lovers and bleeders will eat this movie alive, as the fetish element is splashed in your face throughout.  Remember The Cell with Jennifer Lopez?  This literally ratchets up the suspension scenes with even more macabre elements of terror.  So, if you want Seven-lite and are into fetish violence, look no further than The Horsemen.