“Machete don’t text”

Swift shot: You like action?  You like people getting hacked, shot, stabbed and eviscerated?  Yeah?  You do?  Well, cabron – ya gonna love this mojon!  Machete is grindhouse-ethnic exploitation madness at its best, with level headed story-telling and just enough cheese to keep you chuckling throughout.  Some choices were just a little too campy to merit a full five star rating, like the random bionic man foley effects when the head honcho repeatedly draws his katana – still a fun film not afraid to take some risks.

Truth be told, this is one I would normally rent, but I would recommend you shell out some pesos to see it with your vatos at the local drive-in to get the full effect.

Machete starts with brutal violence and ends the same, like you would expect anything less?  This film had what I thought was lacking in The Expendables, an action flop for me, personally.  Machete is raw and ugly, but the action was more believable and grotesque.

The prelude, shot with deliberate film “artifacts” intact (dust, hair, emulsion scratches, with 1970s style) exposes Machete (Danny Trejo) as a vulnerably naive Mexican Federale who is confronted with brutal betrayal.  When the film really starts, after the awesome credits, the artifacts are removed and you are flashed forward three years later.  Machete is now an illegal alien in Texas, struggling just to get a meal.  The long gap never gets accounted for in the film, but the mystery adds to the story.

While Machete is trying to go about his life, he happens to gain the attention of the sinister Booth (Jeff Fahey) who hires him to kill a US Senator, McLaughlin (De Niro).  If he refuses to do the job, Booth will have him killed – naturally.  Jessica Alba holds her own playing the straight-laced ICE agent, Sartana (wasn’t that Zartan’s sister?) who enforces the law with a blind devotion – but faces a challenge of judicial faith when she crosses paths with Machete.

Combined with all of this political assassination intrigue, there exists an illegal organization known as “The Network” that may have something to do with the plot.  The network is headed by a mysterious female leader, known only as “SHE”.  (According to Amadarwin, SHE is a direct homage to CHE – nice catch, slanty).  Lucky for Machete, he attracts the attention of the lovely Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) who runs a taco truck in the city and is rumored to be SHE.

As with all great grindhouse films, hell breaks loose, shit goes wrong and Machete finds out there is more to Booth than initially feared. There are some choice cameos with Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, and even Don Johnson plays a sadistic vigilante, aka “Minuteman” IRL, that relishes his job, murdering illegals to keep his grand-daddy’s land Texas and not Mexico.

While there are overtly, non-subtle points made about the current hot-topic, illegal immigration, throughout director Rodriguez’ film . . . it is extreme farce.  The characters are so vibrantly silly that you can’t help but laugh at most of them, especially Seagal as Torrez, the Mexican heffe that is pulling all the strings.

To all of those of you thinking, I don’t want to waste money just because De Niro is in it, note, his role is more than a mere cameo.  Even little miss fucked-up, Lohan, gets to fill a few cylinders, firing off multiple guns in the grand stand-off climax that is sure to please everyone.  And, yes, she uses stunt boobs during one scene, but she sheds her shyness later on.

This film is designed to be over-the-top insanity, clever dialog and pragmatic characters help drive a lot of the story, and the action is awesome.  The kills in this film will be talked about for quite some time, in fact one kill is foreshadowed quite brilliantly.  I won’t give it away, because it was brilliant – and if you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss it!

I set my expectations pretty low for this flick, and I gotta say, I was impressed.  Not only was it a visually fun film, the message was contemporary and done tongue in cheek, so even right wing, gun-totin’ loons like me could sit back and laugh a bit.  You will enjoy this film if you take it for what it is.  If you are a film snob who looks at anything mainstream as pure popcorn crap, how miserable are you?  Just enjoy this flick for everything it is – fun, gory, madness!

“When you need her and do not want her, she must stay. When you want her and do not need her, she must go.”

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“What you need is Nanny McPhee”, little “c” big “P”.  Emma Thompson brings you another installment to the McPhee franchise. The second adventure of the pretty much super nanny tells of a poor woman named Isabel  Green (Maggie Gyllenhal) who half-owns a farm with Uncle Phil (Rhys Ifans). From the intro scene you can pretty much assume that Isabel and her three children Megsie, Vincent, and Norman are broke as shit.  The farm is pretty much in ruins and Uncle Bill is just AMPED to sell this farm off.

They couldn’t afford to keep their tractor and therefore, can’t harvest the barley. Mr. Green, Isabel’s husband, is far away “at the war” and constantly writes his wife. The film doesn’t give on how long he has been gone but it was apparent that it has been quite a while. The house is all a mess…aged. Isabel can’t handle the kids alone, and the Uncle is completely and wholly set on getting this farm sold fast. You see, his life is literally on the line. The appearance of Miss Topsey and Miss Turvey (Sinead Matthews and Katy Brand respectively) reveals that the bastard may have gambled the farm away in some weird Casino! Hmph, if only he had Isabel’s consent to make the sale that would spare him.

To make matters worse, Isabel’s sister send her own two children to the farm…the cousins. Of course they are spoiled, rich, snobby, hilarious brats but they really do, surprisingly, grow on you…almost stealing the movie away from the “main kids.” From here, the plot develops to the point where “(Maggie) needs Nanny McPhee.”

Now we meet the hella ugly, Nanny McPhee and see what she is all about. (Note Emma Thompson is Prof. Trelawney from Harry Potter and Maggie Smith plays Prof. McGonagall!)
The acting was, woot woot, on point.

I have to admit, I was hesitant to watch something that looked like Mary Poppins WITHOUT singing. However, the children that were casted completely stole the show. Cyril is my personal favorite of the entire cast with his obnoxious retorts and complaints of his situation. His display of sarcasm and arrogance light the screen up and come, like a surprise ninja kick every time. No one was unbelievable and the whole film held a consistent “Nanny McPhee” aura, making it stand out from your usual kids films.

The move itself was shocking. Mostly because I found myself wanting to keep watching it, then, wanting it to be longer. The plot flowed very smoothly and there was no sign of foolishness anywhere. No unneeded extra characters or idiotic plot twists, or unexplainable “conveniences” here!  You can always tell when a movie’s engine has stopped running , followed by a swift kick in the ass to force-start it.

Eyegasm. The special effects were pretty much perfect and never seen before. There was not anything epic or spectacular done, but the effects added so much life and personally not only to the movie, but to Nanny McPhee. This movie has a life of its own and I didn’t even have the awkward looming feeling of enjoying a movie for kids.  It was geared towards children but presented adult problems like divorce, love, jealousy, and good morals. Everything was so clever and wrapped up so well.

I love it when a movie gives me closure. Speaking of closure, prepare yourself for a very unexpected ending (I am not sure how, just do it) that turns out to be rather suspenseful. The person next to me jumped to the edge of his chair and clutched the arm holders with anxiety! I hope you guys do enjoy it as much as I do, and as much as you want to hear more from me, I must go. *Thunk*

***Need more pix of these badasses? Click here***

Limacher Low Down:  The Expendables is just a throw back to the Action Genre of the 80′s and 90′s where violence was utilized just for the sake of violence. The movie has a cast of THOUSANDS, well not really, but action stars galore light up the screen. The viewer definitely gets their bang for the buck in this one, and you won’t leave saying “I thought there would be more explosions and violence and shit!”

The Expendables is a group of guys who are hired to do mercenary work for those who can afford to pay for their services. The movie opens showcasing what the group, led by Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone), does best, “Peace Negotiations”.  The audience quickly learns there is a friendly rivalry of who can do the most damage between Ross and Lee Christmas (Jason Statham). Everything is fun and games, literally, as the team members try to out-kill and out-destroy each other.  But one guy, a “rogue” Expendable doesn’t always follow Ross’ orders, enter Gunner Jensen (Dolph Lundgren) who by taking action into his own hands gets into a spat with Ying Yang (Jet Li). Ross puts an end to the situation and alerts everyone that this behavior is not tolerated in the group.

Turns out Ross gets his mission intel from his tattoo artist, Tool (Mickey Rourke) who was once an Expendable himself.  Tool lets Ross know about a dangerous mission, and Ross and Christmas do some recon work.  They soon discover there is a former CIA Agent, James Munroe (Eric Roberts), who has bought his way into the small island for his own personal use – manipulating a local general to brutally control the local populace. General Garza (David Zayas) loves only two  things, money and his family, the rest are, well, expendable!

The recon work leads Ross and Christmas to initally shy away from the mission, hard to spend money when you are dead!  But, their contact, Sandra (Giselle Itie) gets into Ross’ head.
This part is the real drama of the movie – Ross decides to go it alone because it was time to live or die.  The others decide it is all in their best interest to join the mission as well, and not miss out on the fun. This is where the movie takes off and the audience knows that the shit is FINALLY going to hit the fan!

The mission itself is worth the price of admission. The explosions, the gunfire, the blood just take over the screen and the fun has truly begun. The action more than makes up for the acting, which is good cause the acting wasn’t that great. The cameos are given away in the previews, but the lines that are shot between the 3 are hilarious. There is some comedy in the movie, although some of it wasn’t supposed to be funny. I say if you miss action movies that just explode the screen with high body counts and explosions then RUN to see the Expendables!

It goes down pretty easy… if you go for this sort of thing.

***Click here for more switch pix***

The H-Bomb: Wally (Jason Bateman) is a neurotic pessimist who always thinks he has some kind of disorder, wears ugly sweaters, and has a tendency to talk too much (not to mention his last name is Mars, for Christ‘s sake). In other words, the guy’s kind of a mess. The fact that he is such a mess has squandered every potential relationship he has ever had. One such old flame, Kassie (Jennifer Aniston), who has now been his best friend for several years, has just dropped a bombshell on him: she wants to have a baby via artificial insemination.

Wally has misgivings about this because, for one thing, he still has feelings for her, and because she’s not asking him to be the donor. Why? Well, basically because he is such a goddamn basket case. So instead, she puts out an ad on Craig’s list (!) and casts hunky college professor Roland (Patrick Wilson) in the role of “The Viking” (that term will make sense when/if you see this movie).

On the advice of her best friend Debbie (Juliette Lewis, playing the ditsy kind of BFF part that‘s required of this kind of movie), Kassie decides to throw a party for the insemination, where Roland will donate his… stuff… right there… on site… just typing that last part made me realize how wrong it really seems.

Anyway, something, I won’t say what for the sake of spoiling how it happens (which is hilarious), goes very, very wrong at the party, and unbeknownst to anyone, the daddy goop gets… switched (hence the title).

After this party, Kassie becomes happily pregnant, and decides to leave New York believing that it’s not a suitable place to raise her offspring. Wally, who got absolutely blasted at this bizarre insemination gathering, has little to no memory of what happened that night, and goes on living his life.

Seven years later, Kassie returns to the Big Apple with her young son, Sebastian (Thomas Robinson), in tow. When we, along with Wally, finally meet Sebastian, we notice a few peculiarities about him… he’s freakishly intelligent for his age, and pessimistic, and neurotic, and blunt, and he has weird hobbies like collecting picture frames, and… he sort of reminds us of… Wally… just a little too much. He even kind of… sort of… looks like Wally. Gee, what could this mean? (Amazingly enough, the characters, for the longest time, seem completely oblivious to all of this.)

In fact, despite a rocky start, when Wally spends time with Sebastian; taking him to the Zoo, picking lice out of his hair, giving him very bad advice on how to handle bullies at school, etc., etc., they actually get along like… father and son.

Wally finally catches on to this, and just as he starts to piece it all together, things are complicated even more when Kassie contacts Roland, the donor, and the two strike up a relationship, and it still takes the characters the full second half of the movie to figure what the audience already knew since the end of the insemination party scene.

The basic beef I have with this movie is that it is predictable as hell and basically follows the typical rom-com formula from beginning, to middle, to end. When the two lead characters are introduced, you basically know who’s going to end up with who and who the baby’s daddy is going to be. It’s essentially that kind of cookie cutter, dime-a-dozen romantic comedy that Hollywood cranks out on a regular basis. It’s one of those where the audience is way ahead of the characters every step of the way, and the big reason for watching is to see how these people on the screen will react when they find out what the audience already knows.

That said, this one is helped out considerably by a marginally above average script that keeps the chuckle inducing one liners rolling at a steady pace, a couple of gross out moments to keep the guys in the audience entertained, and a likable cast that has both good energy and chemistry. These elements admittedly, much to my chagrin, make the film very watchable and somewhat enjoyable for the most part.

The main ingredient for why this thing works as well as it does has got to be the cast. Bateman, who I’ve been noticing more and more over the years, I completely loved as Wally. The guy just has this kind of “everyman” charisma that, even when he’s playing a kind of sour puss, just makes him endearing and amusing. Aniston, an actress whose films are apparently a genre unto themselves, I genuinely liked as Kassie, though I suspect many will say that it’s the same role she’s been playing for years now.

Wilson does well as the affable Roland, but being familiar with his other work (“Watchmen“, “Little Children“, “Hard Candy“), I really do think that he’s too good an actor to be playing third banana in assembly line comedies like this. Jeff Goldblum has a funny turn as Wally’s best friend/colleague who pops up throughout the movie to give our hero the sage-like advice he needs to eventually get the girl. He’s yet another stock character in a movie full of stock characters, but Goldblum adds an extra layer and makes him something more.

But the true stand out in this movie for me was the young Robinson as Sebastian. When it comes to child roles like these, casting is crucial. Sebastian is the pivotal character of the movie, and putting the wrong kid in the role would totally kill it. Fortunately, with Robinson, they hit the nail right on the head. He’s quirky, hilarious, and, most importantly, endearing. He steals this movie and I think he’s got a bright future ahead of him.

Overall, “The Switch” definitely isn’t a game changer in the genre of rom-coms (or in the genre of Jennifer Aniston movies), but it is a perfectly decent date movie, which while it isn’t really my thing, for you couples out there, it’s definitely worth checking out.

Get out your tokens!

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Swift shot:  It’s a movie, no, it’s a graphic novel, no, it’s a video game?  Wait, what the hell is this thing?  Really, who cares, you want a label – get some duct tape and stick it to your forehead – now put a Sharpie to it “Old”.  Yea, that’s you, so, anyway, like I was saying, this film, err whatever, was just awesome!  It has this low-class, Canadian – in your face – attitude.  It’s like Degrassi Junior High meets Crank!  The acting is solid, the direction is stellar, the fun is non-stop, and you’ll have a great time – I know the cast did.

Scott Pilgrim is dating a high-schooler!  Enter Player 1, Scott Pilgrim, whose latest antics unfold for the audience as he toys around with dating a seventeen year old Chinese girl, named . . . wait for it, Knives Chau!  Right away I knew I was going to freakin’ LOVE this film.  One of the major love interests is named after a weapon.  (I bet Action Flick Chick knows every female lead named after weapons, if not, she’ll have it up soon).  Ellen Wong owns the character, she’ll be Knives eternally, and she stole every scene with her commitment and impeccable comedic timing – to say nothing of her ability to kick major ass.

Anyway, Pilgrim is sorta dating this high-schooler, and she is a fire-ball of hyper active geekiness, but she is really young and his band, Sex Bob-Omb (1 -2 -3 -4) think maybe he is a bit of a creep for dating a high schooler.  Couple that with the fact that Pilgrim is some kind of dorky version of Cassanova or something, and you instantly find yourself suspended in disbelief. But, the whole film, err whatever, is like this, so it’s just fun.  It’s not as zany as Airplane, but it teeters on the edge of ridiculous.  Still, people were eating the shit up at the screening, laughing hysterically at the dry deliveries and odd subtitles, akin to Zombieland (Don’t worry, Madison, you don’t have to read this movie).

As mentioned above, Scott Pilgrim is in a band, Sex Bob-Omb (1-2-3-4), and he plays guitar, and they suck.  He lives with a gay dude who owns everything and basically lets Scott crash indefinetely, the gay dude is played by the better Culkin.  So, his life is pretty interesting, he’s a twenty-something slacker whose only ambition is to get over his broken heart, courtesy of one Envy Adams (Brie Larson) who used to play in the shitty band, Sex Bob-Omb (1-2-3-4) but found fame and left Scott and the others behind without a care.

So, Scott is pretty jaded about relationships, plus, he has a phobia about his hair.  But, when this American girl, Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) appears at a friend’s party, Scott is instantly attracted to her.  She is different than the normal Toronto herd, she has purple hair, and oh yea, he saw her in a dream the night before – so he is pretty sure she is the one – or was it just bad gas?

As he works up the nerve to ask her out, using his coveted Pac-Man pick up line, he gets what he assumes is junk mail from someone claiming they must fight to the death now that Scott is dating Ramona. This is where shit starts to get all Nintendo 64!

Scott is ruthlessly pursued by Ramona’s evil exes throughout the film, err whatever, and he must vanquish each in unique, challenging ways.  Calling on skills he picked up from playing something that looks like Dance Dance Revolution with Ninjas (Hey, I am old, I don’t know what the hell that was) Scott must defeat each to truly start “dating” Ramona.  Ramona’s evilist (it’s not a word, neither is douchebaggery) ex, Gideon (Jason Schwartzman) has founded the League of Evil Exes to vanquish Scott, because he is a threat to the strange hold Gideon possesses over Ramona.

The cameos in this film were perfect, when you realize at one point, Scott has to defeat both Superman AND Human Torch, he’s boned!  Luckily he has an amazing cast of supporting characters and actors who really flesh out the film beautifully.  The gay dude, Young Neil, Linda Blair (no, she REALLY looks like the demon with that makeup – check it out), and two surprise un-credited cameos who swoop in to save the day.  The film’s pace is amazing, I never found myself bored or fidgety.  One nod to Bollywood caused me pause, but the rest of the audience wanted more curry with their Canada I guess – cause they loved it all!

You will love this film if you ever played Nintendo, if not, save yourself some tokens and stay home.  The only thing I didn’t like was, one, I am not a huge Cera fan, I prefer the poor man’s version, Eisenberg (Zombieland).  Two, Ramona and Scott were not my favorite characters, I think you know who I was pulling for the whole film, err whatever, give you a hint, her name rhymes with chives.  Yea, this is one of those rare films where the title character doesn’t interest me as much as his band of merry idiots and geeks galore. Still, the film is too much fun to get all worked up over crap like that, just see this one – and, hell, if you want to, see it twice,  just need to find that extra life!!

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Get Low is the AMAZING story of a man who has become a hermit in his old age and is misunderstood by everyone in the small town.  He lives just outside the town, in a time period that wasn’t clearly defined, but my guess is late 20’s early 30’s. Felix Bush (Robert Duvall) has lived alone for 40 years and doesn’t like to be disturbed, in fact he posts a sign that reads “No DAMN Trespassing! Beware of Mule”, because recently kids came and threw rocks through his window. Felix goes into town to attempt to set up a funeral for himself and is politely turned away by the local reverend – despite his large wad of cash in hand. But, just outside the reverend’s door, a young resident, Buddy (Lucas Black) was listening to the strange request.

Buddy works for the local funeral parlor, run by Frank Quinn (Bill Murray), who is a quick talking man willing to do anything to save his struggling funeral parlor. Buddy and Frank go to Felix’s house to see if they can accommodate Felix’s wishes. Felix explains he wants to have a “Living Funeral” where everyone in town comes and tells a story about him. Quinn is eager to oblige . . . he needs the cash. On the way out, Felix runs into Mattie Darrow (Sissy Spacek), an old friend from his past.

Felix, Buddy, and Frank are going to town to get posters ready and clean Felix up for his “Living Funeral”, when they ask how Felix knows Mattie in which Duvall delivers a sure to be CLASSIC line.  (The facial reactions from Bill Murray and Lucas Black here are priceless and just added more to the scene). Mattie happens upon Felix’s place and they end up going for a walk and spending some time together, but she gets offended and leaves after seeing a picture on the wall, with no real explanation why for the audience.

Felix goes to a local radio station w/ Frank and Buddy to hype the “Living Funeral” when Felix drops the bombshell that they’re going to offer raffle tickets for $5 and the winner will win Felix’s property after he passes. Felix next tells Buddy that they’re going for a drive, and for Buddy to not stop till he tells him. Here we learn more about Felix and some unfinished business.

Felix decides that he’s going to tell his own story at his funeral and get the burden that’s been with him for 40 years off of his chest. Everything is set up for the “Living Funeral”, which was like Woodstock of its time. Felix reveals all the final pieces to the puzzle of his life – in a wonderful moment of clarity, all the questions that had been brought up beforehand are answered.

This movie was just a WONDERFUL story that was very well told, and very well acted. The interaction between Robert Duvall and Bill Murray was magical, and the acting from everyone was very well done. This movie had comedy, drama, and a story that pulled the viewer in to enjoy it. I HIGHLY recommend that anyone who likes movies that are funny, yet have a heart without being Romantic check this movie out. I can honestly say this is my FAVORITE movie I’ve seen this year, and it’s a film that gives me a greater understanding of why I LOVE movies.

Charlie St. Cloud (Zac Efron) has a promising future. He’s a skilled sailor and ready to attend Stanford. He has a younger brother, Sam (Charlie Tahan), who looks up to him and a mother (Kim Basinger) who works hard to support her family. All that changes after a tragic accident leaves his brother dead and Charlie overcome with grief.

On his way to an after-graduation party, Charlie and Sam are in a car accident. In the ambulance on the way to the hospital, Charlie flat lines, but the paramedic working on him, Florio (Ray Liotta) doesn’t give up, and Charlie is given a second chance and survives.

Fast forward five years, and Charlie is a caretaker who lives in a cemetery and takes care of the grounds. This involves cleaning duck poop off the headstones, chasing away the ducks from the grounds, and taking care of the plots. He never made it to Stanford, he hasn’t sailed in five years, and he’s pretty much regarded as the town crazy. Oh and every night, he plays catch with his dead brother Sam.

When a classmate from high school, Tess (Amanda Crew) is missing at sea, Charlie realizes why he was given a second chance and joins the search to find his missing classmate. I can’t really reveal any more about this storyline, as it would give too much away.

Charlie cried a lot in this movie. A lot. However, it was truly part of the story, unlike a certain vampire series where the lead male character cries a lot. Anyway, Efron has come a long way from the “High School Musical” series, and he showed it in this movie.

This is a straight-up drama. Don’t go see it expecting to laugh. Do expect to cry (possibly). Slightly reminiscent of “The Sixth Sense” (minus the thriller factor), “Charlie St. Cloud” is a good story with fine acting and overall a decent film.

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“Ramona and Beezus” is based on the book series by Beverly Cleary.  I know I read these books when I was in elementary school, but I don’t really remember them much.  I do remember that Ramona was a rambunctious little girl with a very active imagination.

Ramona Quimby (Joey King) is a creative little girl, who has an older sister Beatrice (Selena Gomez).  (When Ramona was small, she couldn’t say Beatrice’s name, so she called her Beezus, which stuck as her nickname.)  Ramona and Beezus also have a baby sister, Roberta (can you tell by the character’s names that these books were written in the 50s and 60s??).  Ramona, Beezus, and Roberta live in Washington with their parents Robert (John Corbett) and Dorothy (Bridget Moynahan).  Also part of the family is Aunt Bea (Ginnifer Goodwin), whose high-school boyfriend Hobart (Josh Duhamel) is back in town and wants to get back together with Bea.

Everything is peachy keen in the Quimby house, until Mr. Quimby loses his job and the family faces the possibility of losing their home, forcing them to move to another town.  Ramona comes up with some fantastic yet harebrained ideas to try to save their house, including selling delicious lemonade, offering delicious car washes (that of course, ends in disaster), and auditioning for a commercial.

Even though she means well, Ramona is always in trouble in school.  Mrs. Meacham (Sandra Oh) is her exasperated teacher who has to deal with Ramona and her far-fetched ideas.  I’ve got to give Ramona credit, she tries really hard!

What I liked: when Ramona would imagine fantastic things in her mind, we the viewers saw them on the movie screen.  I thought that was a nice visual touch.  The story flowed well, and I have no complaints about the dialogue or the acting.

What I didn’t like:  overall, the movie was kind of hokey, but that’s to be expected.  In this day and age, it was kind of unusual but nice to see a nuclear family doing family things with their neighbors!!  Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with a happy ending, is there??

Warning:  there was one sad part.  Parents may have to explain the concept of “pet heaven” to their children after watching this movie.  I thought that part of the movie was handled well though.  The girls dealt with it and accepted it.

I thought for the lead role, Joey King’s performance was more than decent.  A few scenes were just so-so but overall she gave a pretty strong performance.  I think she has potential.  I enjoyed the interaction between the sisters.  I think both actresses performed those scenes well.

“Ramona and Beezus” isn’t the greatest flick ever, but it certainly isn’t the worst.  Don’t go to the theatre expecting much and you will enjoy it for what it is.

It will blow your mind!

***More mind melting fresh images here***

The H-Bomb: Cobb (Leonardo DiCaprio) is an Extractor, someone who goes inside people’s dreams in order to steal their secrets and ideas. Naturally, his most frequent clients are shady corporate types looking to commit various kinds of industrial espionage. After his latest job gets bungled, Cobb is commissioned by a Japanese business man, Saito (Ken Watanabe) to perform an Inception. What is an inception? It’s the opposite of an extraction, of course. Instead of stealing someone’s idea, it’s the act of planting an idea into someone’s mind through a dream.

Most in Cobb’s line of work believe that inceptions are impossible, but not Cobb. Why? Because Cobb has performed one before. That’s just one of the many dark secrets of Cobb’s past that are buried inside his mind and his dreams. Another being a mysterious Brunette (Marion Cotillard) who constantly turns up in Cobb’s extractions as a threatening force. Who is she, and what is she to Cobb? Wait… I’m getting ahead of myself here.

The other members of Cobb’s extraction crew include Arthur (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), his icy right hand man, Eames (Tom Hardy), his forger- someone who can disguise himself to look like other people in a dream- and Ariadne (Ellen Page), an architect who designs the inside world of the dreams and the latest addition to Cobb’s crew. It’s during her recruitment that Cobb explains to her (and us) the rules of the dream world. First, never design a place in a dream based on your own memories, it will make it harder to establish what’s real and what isn’t. Second, if you die in a dream, you will simply wake up, but if you die when under sedation, you will sleep into an even deeper dream state from which you may never wake. Third, the background characters in a dream are the subconscious projections of the person having the dream, and if they find out there are outsiders inside the dream, they will attack and kill them.

Now, for the sake of not giving away spoilers, I won’t delve any further into the specific plot of the film. I’m also going to avoid any kind fancy critic talk and just say straight up, I fucking loved this movie! In this dire age of filmdom where it seems everything is either a remake, or a sequel, or a sequel of a remake, or a remake of a sequel, it is unspeakably refreshing to see a movie bursting at the seams with this kind of intelligence and imagination. It’s one of those films where I felt exhausted at the end of it… but in a good way.

Much like with his epic “The Dark Knight” (which is the BEST comic book film ever made, I don’t give a fuck what the being-contrary-to-sound-hip naysayers say), writer/director Christopher Nolan has cooked up another complex, cerebral film that is of course embraced by critics, and that is also palatable and exciting enough for typical moviegoers to enjoy. He manages to match the thrilling spectacle of both of his Batman films, and create a mindfuck that equals the intrigue of his breakout film, “Memento”. In my oh-so-humble view, I think he is one of the single most talented, intelligent filmmakers working today, and he could be the next Spielberg in how he makes movies that have both brains and Box Office muscle.

An interesting thing I noticed was how Nolan took two themes from his previous films and reversed them. “Memento” was about a man with a very rare form of amnesia, and in this film, the protagonist has memories that could potentially harm and destroy him. “Insomnia” was about a cop with said sleep disorder, while this film is about characters who, one could argue, sleep too much. Just something that occurred to me on the drive home from the theater.

If there’s one area that Nolan has truly grown as a visual director, it would be the action. He has finally learned how to shoot action scenes in a way that doesn’t just rely on quick cutting and shaky cam, though there was a notable improvement between “Batman Begins“ and “The Dark Knight“. The gunfights and chases are thrillingly shot, and there’s a sequence in a hotel hallway that I thought was truly fantastic. There’s also a scene set on a snowy slope that may conjure up fond memories of the old school James Bond films for some viewers.

Moving on to the performances, DiCaprio is terrific in this movie. He suffered the stigma of being a pretty boy after “Titanic”, but he has always been a gifted actor, and I would put this up there with “The Departed” as being one of my favorite performances of his. He plays a very complex, conflicted character with a painful past, who we learn more and more about as the movie progresses, and he hits every note just right. I won’t go out on a limb like I did with Sandra Bullock and say that he will win the Oscar for this, but I think he’ll certainly be nominated.

Nolan not only gave Leo a great character to chew on, but he’s also loaded the film with some top notch thespians who have emerged in recent years. Gordon-Levitt kills it as Cobb’s super cool number two. He actually makes a more convincing bad-ass than I thought he would. Page is very good in her sort of audience surrogate role, once again giving us her geeky, girl next door charm. Cillian Murphy, who plays the target of the inception, is given a number of great moments to shine, and he does, in spades. Watanabe and Cotillard I had trouble understanding in places, because of their accents, but they were both quite good as well.

Now on to my minor quibbles, which are indeed very minor, the first of which being the movie’s length. It’s very well paced, and there’s more than enough happening to hold interest throughout, but it is two and a half hours long, and towards the end, I was starting to feel its length. Again, it didn’t really hinder my enjoyment of the film, but it could have been tightened just a little. Another slight grievance is that, as stated, it’s a very complex film. A very complex film with a complex plot set in a world with very complex rules, almost too complex for it’s own good. If you don’t catch every single piece of information thrown your way, you could find yourself getting lost completely. Even if you do catch it all, you could find your brain getting twisted into a knot just trying to keep track and keep up with it all.

Again, these are very minor. At the end of the day, what we have with “Inception” is something that only pops up on the rarest of occasions, a popcorn movie with a brain. There are points where this will remind people of “The Matrix”, but this is truly its own film, and a far better one, in my view, at least. This is one that I definitely intend to go see again, and I can’t recommend it enough. If you’ve had enough of vampire-werewolf soap operas and talking toys, then I highly urge you to go check this one out.