(1 People gave this 1.00 out of 5)
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Even our writers can’t agree on this one . . .
We had completely different opinions on this one; H-Man hated it, and Amadarwin thought it was a good complement to Besson’s other work. Click on each image above for the reviews, then rate the film above and post your comments here.
(4 People gave this 3.50 out of 5) Loading ...
Finally, a vampire flick with bite.
The H-Bomb: Something strange has been going on in a Las Vegas suburb, as local residents have been mysteriously disappearing at an alarming rate. High school senior Charley (Anton Yelchin) hasn’t really been paying attention to this, since he’s much more focused on his hot new girlfriend, Amy (Imogen Poots), and hanging out with the “cool kids” at school. Then his former best friend, mega nerd “Evil” Ed (McLovin), comes to him with his theory, that a vampire is behind the disappearances. Not only that, but that the vampire is none other than Charley’s neighbor, Jerry (Colin Farrell), who just moved in next door.
Charley, of course, is rather skeptical of this crackpot theory, and who can blame him? Seriously, Jerry? What kind of name is that for a vampire? So despite Ed’s urgent warnings, Charley understandably blows him off and goes home, intending to forget the whole thing. But when Ed himself vanishes the next day, Charley becomes suspicious and decides to take a closer look at his new neighbor. It’s then that he realizes there are some things about Jerry that are not quite right.
The windows in his house are blacked out, he only comes out at night, he can’t be seen on video, he casts no reflection in the mirror, he has holding cells in his house, and he just had the stripper who lives down the street as a snack. After taking all this in, Charley comes to the conclusion that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck… it must be a vampire! What’s worse, Jerry the vampire has been putting the moves on Charley’s mother (Toni Collette), who is single and very interested.
At a loss as to how to deal with this blood sucking freak himself, Charley seeks out Vegas performer and self-proclaimed vampire slayer Peter Vincent (David Tennant). Charley soon finds himself back at square one when he sees that his one hope is little more than a loutish, alcoholic charlatan, and to make matters worse, Jerry now knows that he’s on to him.
Traveling as I do amongst various internet horror geek circles, I am fully aware that there is a great deal of grumbling leading up to the release of “Fright Night”, being that it is a remake of the much loved and respected 80’s vampire flick. I for one can’t blame them, since this movie does continue the depressing and never ending trend of remaking classic horror films, and since most of these remakes just totally ass fuck the beloved originals from which they are based. Public cynicism regarding remakes is not only understandable, it’s justified.
Now, I have only seen the original “Fright Night” once, many, many moons ago, when I was a teenager, and I don’t really remember it at all. This, no doubt, works in favor of the remake, since I was able to watch it without comparing it to its 1985 counterpart. However, even if I were a die hard, groveling fan boy of the original, I think that I would still look upon this updated version as being the immensely entertaining, carnage ridden horror flick that it is.
In this age of de-fanged, “Twilight” bullshit, it really was a great pleasure to see an all out, gushy, blood soaked vampire movie with a set of fangs. There are no sparkly skinned emos agonizing over their love lives here, this is about a real fucking vampire, who is fucking evil to the core, and thirsts for human fucking blood. Period. Even though I don’t entirely hate “Twilight”, I am glad to see a vampire film that isn’t just made for swooning teeny-boppers, though I hear Farrell is popular amongst the ladies.
No, from the blood spilling, to the limb severing, to the profanely humorous attitude, this is one for the seventeen and over crowd, who like to have actual horror in their horror movies. The movie starts up with a slow but steady build, with Charley snooping on Jerry, and Jerry stalking and taunting him, then finally explodes with showdown after showdown; on a stretch of desert road, in a tricked out Vegas penthouse, and finally the vamp’s underground lair, once this bitch on wheels gets rolling, it doesn’t let up.
The cast is just fucking awesome across the board. Farrell is far creepier than I ever thought he could be. He’s seductive, menacing, and just totally fucking owns as Jerry. If this fuckin’ guy moved in next door to me, I’d be reluctant to welcome him to the neighborhood, too. I sure as hell wouldn’t invite him over for a drink. Yelchin is solid as our young hero, Charley. He’s likeable and has that “everyman” feel to him that makes you scared for him. He’s totally in over his head going toe-to-toe with a vampire, and that makes us invest in him all the more.
Tennant is a hoot as the pompous, asshole British celeb/chicken shit “vampire expert.” When the shit hits the fan, he hits the bottle, then hides in his panic room… very nice. McLovin (okay, Christopher Mintz-Plasse) plays a geek, which is no big stretch for him, but he does it well and brings in the laughs. I even felt sorry for his character, to an extent. Collette rounds out the cast as Charley’s Mom, and it goes without saying that she brings her A-game and aces it.
The director, Craig Gillespie, handles the material almost perfectly, coming up with some sweet camera shots, a couple of nicely suspenseful sequences, and a few effective jolt scares. If I had any problems, it’s that the film felt a little drawn out, with a false ending or two. Had he shaved a good ten minutes off the movie, he would have had a better, tighter film. The CGI was also a little shoddy in places, but I guess that’s just something we have to live with these days.
But, those mild gripes aside, I’d say that “Fright Night” is a funny, gory ass horror flick that’s never quite scary, per se (mind you, horror movies almost never scare me), but that’s always enjoyable nonetheless. Yes, most horror remakes suck major ass, but this one is a refreshing exception to that unfortunate norm. If you’re a rabid fan of the original, you might be a little harder on it, but if you watch it and judge it on its own merits, I think you’ll get more than enough bite for your buck.
“You can fool me, but you can’t fool Hemingway!”
The H-Bomb: Gil (Owen Wilson) is a hack Hollywood screenwriter vacationing in Paris with his fiancé, Inez (Rachel McAdams), and her family. Gil, unsatisfied with his life and career, romantically views 1920‘s Paris as the “Golden Age“ of creativity, and yearns to take up permanent residence there and write a novel. Inez, who as we come to find is self-centered, controlling, and for lack of a better word, bitchy, will of course hear none of it. After all, Gil’s career would afford her a very comfortable life in Malibu.
Late one evening, a slightly drunken Gil is walking back to his hotel when the clock chimes midnight, and a vintage car pulls up. The passengers invite Gil inside, and the next thing he knows, he’s at some party where everyone is dressed funny in period costumes and a Cole Porter song is being performed by a guy who bears an uncanny resemblance to Cole Porter. Then, Gil meets a couple who introduce themselves as Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald… wait… as in…? Yep.
This is about the time it starts to dawn on Gil that something ain’t quite right. After a night of decadent festivities, he finds himself in a bar with Ernest Hemingway (a great Corey Stoll), who offers to pass his novel along to Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates). Gil is about ready to shit himself… is he dreaming all this? Apparently not, as every night, he waits at that street corner, and every night, a car picks him up and whisks him back to the 20’s, where he has face to face meetings with everyone from Picasso, to Bunuel, to Dali, to T.S. Eliot, drinking it up and partying like it‘s 1929.
The nights are having an undeniably positive effect on Gil, as he feels truly inspired creatively, attacking his novel vigorously during the day, while often blowing off Inez and her family’s pre-planned activities. He’s alive in a way he never has been before. Then, on one of Gil’s nightly adventures into the past, he meets a girl, Adriana (Marion Cotillard), a girlfriend of Picasso‘s. As you can imagine, there’s chemistry at first sight, and over the course of several nights, their feelings for each other begin to develop. Gil finds that he wants to be with her, as they truly seem like kindred spirits, but how can he do that when during the day, he has a life (and fiance), in the present?
“Midnight in Paris” is pretty much what you would expect from writer/director Woody Allen; a light-as-a-feather romantic comedy, with a dash of fantasy, and a considerable amount of clever wit and sophistication. It is, save for a the occasional line of dialogue, never exactly laugh out loud funny, but it’s consistently amusing, with many references to artists of the past that will get a decent chuckle out of people savvy enough to appreciate them. It’s doesn’t rise to the level of Allen’s classics from the past, though it is heads and shoulders above most of his more recent pictures.
Allen makes a statement with this film about how people are often unsatisfied with the present they live in, and often romanticize an era of the past that was “better.” As Gil comes to find, even though he thinks of the 20’s as the time in which he belongs, the people who actually live in that era find it as uninspired as he does the 2000’s, and they themselves have their own bygone eras in which they would have rather lived. Allen’s ultimate point being that even though we may view the past through rose tinted glasses, that things always seemed better back in the day, the here and now is what we must accept and live with, and the future is what we should be looking to. Wow, a rom com with an intelligent, viable theme? Only in a Woody Allen film!
As for the acting, again, this is a Woody Allen film, and he fills it with famous faces in roles large and small alike, and they’re all terrific. Wilson plays the Allen surrogate flawlessly, giving Gil the perfect mix of charisma, geekiness, and awkwardness. He doesn’t exactly have Allen’s neurotic energy, but he makes up for it by bringing a dorky charm of his own.
Cotillard has the alluring yet likeable French babe thing down pat, and McAdams is a little too convincing as the pushy, spoiled bitch Inez. Michael Sheen is great as Paul, a pompous know-it-all who starts putting the moves on Inez. But, it was Stoll who stole the show as Hemingway. He’s the Hemingway I always imagined; brilliant, boorish, with an ego bigger than the Eiffel Tower. Too bad the “Law & Order” gig didn’t pan out, maybe this will open some doors for him.
Overall, if you’re tired of cowboys, aliens, robots in disguise, wizards, and comic book heroes, then “Midnight in Paris” is the pleasant, refreshing “counter programming” summer movie for you. Some may bitch that the pace is too leisurely, but I didn’t think so. Some may moan that the time travel is never explained, but it really didn’t need to be. I’d say this is the perfect date movie for cinephiles, and serves as proof that while Allen may be getting up there in years, he hasn’t lost his touch… not entirely, at least.
(3 People gave this 4.00 out of 5) Loading ...
Taking the man out of manifest destiny!
Swift shot: Quite simply, this is ‘Predator’ meets ‘The Missing’. At its core, Cowboys & Aliens is a formulaic Western with an extra-terrestrial threat that serves as the common evil that brings together all the other players. There is the quintessential bad boy with the rich daddy who gets locked up for mayhem, the simple-minded barkeep, the worldly preacher, the hot chick, the former War Between the States veteran, and even injuns and other badlands characters join the fray. The one element out of the formula is Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) who has an edge over the aliens, but he doesn’t seem to remember why.
It was interesting to learn that the production crew actually acquired the rights to produce ‘Cowboys & Aliens’ before Scott Mitchell Rosenberg’s graphic novel was even finished; apparently Spielberg was fixated on the title and willing to risk a flop. I don’t think this was a flop by any means; it was an entertaining time at the theater, and the title doesn’t mislead – true to form, there are cowboys and there are aliens, but there is also a nice little twist or two to keep you intrigued. Even Ron Howard was in love with the graphic novel cover art and jumped on board for that alone! See, sometimes it is ok to judge a book by its cover, and there is a lesson to aspiring creators out there, be dynamic and bold.
This film has some of my all-time favorite character actors, chiefly Clancy Brown who I will always see as Drill Instructor Zim of Starship Troopers, but you probably know as the toughest screw from Shawshank Redemption. He plays Meacham, the Absolution, New Mexico preacher who has his hands full with his flock and then “demons from the sky” start swooping down and even more hell breaks loose.
Sam Rockwell provides the comedy relief as Doc, the barkeep, and brings some lighthearted fun to an otherwise overly dramatic screenplay. He is joined, seemingly at the hip, by his lovely wife Maria (Ana De La Reguera) who is the reason he has risked entering the godforsaken west to search for gold. Thing is, he isn’t alone, other folks want the gold stashed deep in the caverns of Absolution.
Rounding out the cast were the under-rated Adam Beach as Nat Colorado, Paul Dano as Dolarhyde’s spoiled-as-shit punk kid, Percy (aptly named I might add) and finally the equally mysterious, Ella (Wilde). Wilde brings a fiery presence to the town and the story overall, but sadly is under-used for the most part. I almost forgot to mention Keith Carradine, who does a fine job as Taggart, the town’s sheriff, who tries to keep tabs on his grandson, Emmett (Noah Ringer) while juggling the chaos around him.
It’s 1875, and now about five years since Scarlett donned her drapes and did declare that tomorrow is another day . . . but, she didn’t happen to live in Absolution, where tomorrow is hardly a guarantee. Ruled by the almost dictator-like retired Colonel Dolarhyde (Ford), the town is on the verge of a collapse when a Stranger (Craig) stumbles on the scene. That night the demons swoop in on the townsfolk, and there might could be a reckoning as a posse is formed to find loved-ones abducted by the demons. As the film progresses, the characters are explained with some solid dialogue, and my favorite side story was between Nat and Dolarhyde – where Ford’s acting chops were put to the test.
As I mentioned, there are aliens, and the scenes with them were well shot and blended seamlessly with a believable nineteenth century feel, where the west was still wild, untamed, and filthy too boot. Once everything comes to a head, and secrets are revealed, the film has a meager message, which I won’t ruin, but the message doesn’t come across as too preachy. The action makes up for any silly political steering, and there is plenty of room left for Hollyweird to carry these characters onto another adventure well past the sunset.
I’d say watch this one in the theater for the action alone, but if you have a tremendous veritable theater at home, well-equipped with the latest and greatest tech, I am sure you would enjoy it there too. On a related note, this was one of the few screenings I have been to that folks were turned away because the theater was packed – so that might could be a good sign for the folks who spent sleepless nights making sure 1875 New Mexico could host believable little green men . . . all for your enjoyment.
“I don’t like bullies; I don’t care where they’re from.”
Swift shot: Captain America is one bad-ass hero. He defines courage and commitment; quite literally he has inspired thousands of people, men and women, to don their nation’s uniform as soldiers – and Chris Evans doesn’t hump the bunk. He was Human Torch in Fantastic Four as well, and that character was a real cocky little punk. With Steve Rogers, though, Evans brings a more serious presence to the classic shield-wielding super soldier. As his creator reminds him, a strong man loses respect for strength and power, but a weak man will never take it for granted. Still, none of that matters a hill of beans, because Tommy Lee Jones as the ever charming, Colonel Phillips, steals the whole film!
Steve Rogers is a courageous man in an ill-matched frame. He is never afraid to stick up for the little guy, and his passion for his nation is unequaled. When war is upon his people, he wants desperately to join the military ranks. But, try as he might, he always comes back a 4F, reject/defect. He has tried lying several times, but the astute military doctors always give him the same diagnosis, and merely the asthma alone keeps him disqualified after countless attempts. On his last attempt though, he earns the attention of a German Doctor Erskine (Stanley Tucci) who selects him for a top-secret, super soldier squad. From there, his life is never the same – his path as the First Avenger is chiseled in stone.
Captain America was always one of my favorite heroes as a kid, because he symbolized hope and the promise that regardless of size or stature, the size of your character can lead to great things if you commit yourself. Really, that is what Cap is all about, and that is why he hates bullies – they have strength but use it for evil. They are spoiled. Steve does quite a bit of bully bashing in this film, but his journey to become Captain America doesn’t necessarily play out as he envisioned.
Meanwhile, across the Atlantic, the Nazi super scientist group, Hydra (kill one head, two more grow back) led by the incredibly power- hungry Johan Schmidt (Hugo Weaving) is searching for what most assume to be legend, but he and Hydra deem fact. Finally capturing the super-natural element, Hydra is nearly unstoppable on the battlefield.
And, while this movie may be torn from a comic book, it is, in earnest a war film, set almost entirely in the 1940s as war ravages the world and madmen are commonplace. Still, that is an adequate setting for a comic book, now that I think about it. Because Rogers is a Captain, he needs a commander, enter Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) who had high hopes for the super soldier serum, but Hydra quickly shatters his dreams and he becomes more grounded and pragmatic as the film proceeds. Still, Phillips’ team is staffed by the lethally accurate Agent Carter (Hayley Atwell), who is as gorgeous as she is deadly with a pistol, and Howard Stark (Dominic Cooper), yes, THAT Howard Stark, the head of Stark Industries. And where would any self-respecting super-hero be without his trusty side-kick, for Cap, the omnipresent Bucky (Sebastian Stan) who is there for Steve regardless of risk.
Some of the things that really worked in this film, the Gothic stylized Hydra sequences, where the action really feels set in the forties against somewhat modern technology courtesy of Hydra and Stark conversely. The story was a bit hokey in places, but for the most part can be forgiven for simply trying to stay true red, white and blue to Cap’s origins. Remember, this is an origin film, and they can be difficult to keep flowing. The costumes and the 3D effects with the shield were pretty smashing, if you’ll excuse the pun . . . one guy to my left actually flinched when Cap tossed his shield seemingly at the audience through a clever bounce off a troop-carrier to dispatch a Hydra agent.
There is plenty of action in Captain America, but there is also a lot of cheese – even scenes that were supposed to be ‘dramatic’ captured a few unintended laughs from the audience, like during the Hydra salute scenes, each time they drew a moan and a snort-giggle. But, while those laughs were unintended, EVERY line Tommy Lee Jones delivered got a huge reaction from the audience, and I would see this film again just to experience them with new friends at my side. Finally, the Howling Commandos make their first appearance, much to the delight of stalwart Cap fans – and they blow up a lot shit and cause a huge ruckus.
What I didn’t like about Captain America was, sadly, Chris Evans was believable, and he passed, but I never got a lump in my throat where I felt he had become Captain America, where I really felt for him. It was more like, I knew I was watching a film and being entertained the entire time – still, he was Human Torch already, so maybe that destroyed the immersion factor that so many Role Players seek when casting their two ten-sided dice and comparing FASERIP. Like, to me, Hugh Jackman IS Wolverine, period. I can’t say the same for Evans. Also, Red Skull was never developed to any significant degree, he was well portrayed by Weaving, who simply loves wearing false faces it seems.
But, if you just love The Avengers, and especially if you love the Captain America character, this is one for you to screen – there is a lot of big action, grandiose special effects and while I saw this in 3D, there were really only three sequences worthy of 3D and almost so self-serving it becomes detracting. See this in a high quality theater or watch it at home on Blu Ray, but if you are a fan of Marvel – this shouldn’t disappoint. Make sure you stick around after the credits, this Avengers teaser is one you don’t want to miss!
It will make you blue…
The H-Bomb: Years ago, Dean (Ryan Gosling) and Cindy (Michelle Williams) were two soul mates crazy in love. They met the way a lot of people do (I guess), with a simple glance across a hallway. He’s laid back, goofy, compulsive, and, in a way, romantic. Not a particularly ambitious fellow, he‘s happy enough just going along and getting along. She’s sweet, quiet, and dreams of becoming a doctor. She sees how unhappy her parents are, and hopes to never end up that way herself (honey, have I got bad news for you). After a modest but sweet courtship, Cindy winds up pregnant, and Dean stands by her.
Jumping ahead to the present, all the passion has drained from their relationship and the marriage is on its last legs. He’s still a laid back goofball, only now he’s at an age where that’s no longer endearing. He now has a beer gut, a receding hairline, and a job that allows him to start drinking at 8:00 AM. She works as a nurse and is what you could call the “responsible one” in the relationship. She is no longer charmed by her husband’s adolescent demeanor, and her pent up frustration with him is about to boil over. It doesn’t help that her doctor boss is putting the moves on her at work. Dean and Cindy’s once joyous union is in a rapid downward spiral, and it’s only their young daughter Frankie (Faith Wladyka) that keeps them together.
As a last ditch effort to save the marriage, Dean books a romantic getaway in a tacky hotel room with Cindy in the hope that it will rekindle the fire that used to exist between them. Drinks, sex… you know the drill. Question is, will it actually help them turn things around, or will it be the final death knell of a doomed relationship?
After viewing “Blue Valentine”, a question arose that I’ve been faced with a few times in my movie going life, “Can a film be considered good, even if I didn’t exactly enjoy it?” In this case, I can say the answer in an easy yes. “Blue Valentine” in one hell of a good movie, one that features two excellent lead performances, an evolving relationship that seemed perfectly believable, and emotions that, to this reviewer, at least, always rang true.
Director/co-writer Derek Cianfrance made us feel this deteriorating marriage by cutting back and forth between the miserable, bitter couple of the present day and the lovebirds’ budding romance in happier times. This non-linear style of storytelling does take some getting used to, but once the film gets rolling, it makes for a very effective compare and contrast.
But even more important than Cianfrance’s structural choices, was the trust he put in his two lead actors. This is yet another character piece where the film’s success or failure hinges on whether or not the right actor’s are cast, and in this case, the casting selection could not have been better. As I said, Gosling and Williams had great chemistry and I completely bought them as a couple. Despite how emotional things become at times, at no point did I feel like I was watching two actors acting, I felt like I was watching two people at a very difficult, painful time in their lives. Williams was put up for an Oscar earlier this year, and I think Gosling should have been nominated right beside her.
Everything about this film was solid and then some, so what did I mean when I said I didn’t exactly enjoy it? Well… who actually enjoys watching people fight and break up? I didn’t enjoy it in the same way I didn’t enjoy “Revolutionary Road”, another strong film about an unhappily married couple. Yes, it is well made, and it’s depiction of a failing marriage is very accurate, I’m sure (thank God I’ve never been married). But spending two hours with a couple who are probably better off divorced is not exactly my idea of entertainment.
I appreciate that this movie goes on where most romantic comedies end, in that when the two pretty people get together, they’re probably not going to live to be “happily ever after.” We see them fall in love, then follow them to the point where they’ve fallen out of love. Given the divorce rate in this country, it is pretty realistic. Serious relationships start out happy, but more often than we like to think, they don’t end that way. It’s definitely a bummer to be reminded of that, especially if you yourself have a significant other that you’re crazy about, and it’s not my idea of a fun time at the movies.
However, I will admit its artistic merits do outweigh the overall depressing nature, and I encourage those of you out there who can appreciate a more serious minded drama to check it out. In fact, the two great performances alone make this very much worth seeing, I just don’t recommend seeing it on date night.
“So, you lied? You weren’t a minute late . . . you were two minutes late?”
Swift shot: Filthy, fantastic, & funny – it’s “9 to 5″ meets “Strangers on a Train”. I laughed to the point of pain in quite a few places, and I enjoy these kinds of summer check your brain at the door type comedies. Overall a decent effort by all involved, and I was not a fan of Charlie Day, until now – he certainly carried his part with a not too shabby script and at least one leading comic strongman to contend with in Bateman. And, with comedy, more than any other acting arena, timing is everything, and chemistry with an ensemble cast is a must. The triplicate team of Bateman, Sudeikis and Day was an odd, yet effective mashing of different styles that somehow worked.
To say this was an overtly raunchy comedy is like saying “A Clockwork Orange” was only slightly disturbing, competing with this year’s Hangover Part II is no easy hurdle, so when you can’t outwit someone, out-sleaze them – seemed to be quite effective with Anniston’s scenes especially. I almost feel like I am spoiling something by telling you that even salty sea-dogs may turn red a few times with her character’s ridiculous slut-bag behavior . . . especially considering she is supposed to be hot for Dale played by Charlie Day.
On that note, Jason Sudeikis’ character, Kurt is apparently gifted with not only a silver tongue but a lightning fast closure speed, in one scene he seduces and slams in less than ten minutes, all while another character is spilling some beans (shall we say) of his own. Yea, if THAT line offended you, please, avoid this film, because you are too delicate and foo-foo to enjoy the comedy. I found it hard to swallow that Dale or Kurt would be so incredibly smooth with the fairest sex.
Kevin Spacey, what, like I NEED to say anything else here? Colin Farrell, well, you’ll certainly hate his character enough to enjoy his fate. And there are a few other cameos that I won’t ruin here, suffice to say you’ll recognize them when you see them. Seth Gordon directed, he’s already a director to keep in your cross-hairs, Horrible Bosses didn’t suck, and he has comedy down. Brett Ratner, our local hero, produced this film, and I always laugh at his shit and this was no exception.
With all this epic raunchy action happening you might miss some key moments that actually force you to pay close attention in the film, I was so caught up in the moments and laughing my ass off that I missed at least a couple things, so you had a kind of Shamalyian twist effect at the end, let me clarify that and say that was a HINT to what you should be paying attention to. You’ll enjoy this adult film, but, please don’t be an idiot and let your kids see this one, not til they are old enough to drive at least.
At the end, you may just find yourself wondering . . . is my boss the Total Fucking Asshole, Evil Crazy Bitch, Dipshit Cokehead Son, or Twisted Old Fuck? Me, I love my boss – because I AM THE BOSS! And, Sergio Diaz, if you are late to Harry Potter I will eat your dog!!! And, if you don’t have one, I will provide you one just so I can make good on that promise.
Mechanical mayhem. . . delivered
Swift shot: This was the best and worst Transformers film to date. Best, because the action was intense and emotional, worst because the cheese and in-your-face sexiness was heavily grated on top of everything. This is another film that is a must see for theaters; there is a reason they call these things Summer Blockbusters folks – seeing them at home for the first time is just not right. No doubt Michael Bay has every hope you will rush into theaters and do just that, and to his credit, he answered many previous critics in this one . . . but he is sure to gain more for his perversion of a classic, dare I say immortal, geek line that is painful to endure considering the character and the context in which it is used.
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” starts in space, a battle rages on Cybertron, home planet to the transformers race. With a fight over the most basic rights, Freedom vs. Tyranny – no surprise the Autobots are on the side of Freedom. Alas, they are no match for the swarms of Decepticons. So, in a last desperate maneuver of hope, they send a lone ship with the key to saving Cybertron within its confines. The Autobot leader, Sentinel Prime can’t elude destruction and has to crash onto Earth’s moon. Images reach NASA and JFK decides we have to beat the Russians to the crash site – at first it is believed to be a meteor, in fact it is Sentinel Prime’s ship, “The Ark”. Right away you could start your eyes rolling, or you could just go with it and enjoy – I chose the latter as I did throughout most of the two-hour and forty minute long film.
Flash forward to the present, and we see Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is getting a lucky bunny from his incredibly gorgeous new blonde flame, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) whose entrance was definitely worthy of the Real 3D! She met Sam at the White House, right after Obama gave Sam a medal for basically saving the planet, so I guess that is why she was attracted to him. It doesn’t have to make sense, again, just go with it and you’ll enjoy most of the film.
Thing is, Sam might be a hero, but he is under National Security directives to not divulge any of how he got to be a hero to anyone – so he remains jobless after the government paid for his full education . . . for being a hero. The film has moments of comedy relief as he interviews for a position in D.C. His hottie, Carly works for a rich eccentric collector, Dylan (Patrick Dempsey) who is the definition of Mr. Inappropriate, but not in a funny way. It’s clear he has eyes for Carly, yet he does give a recommendation for Sam to get hired by John Malkovich, and he and John Turturo provide half-hearted comedy relief to the film. I found myself chuckling and smiling occasionally, but at other times I was just flabbergasted by some of the crap we were supposed to find funny. Still, this wasn’t a comedy, but the brief moments of comedy were diluted because of the over-the-top ego-driven performances of some character acting folks. For example, when Dutch (Alan Tudyk) is on screen opposite Turturo, it becomes a veritable SNL sketch where each one tries to get the other to break – in short, they over-acted in my opinion.
But, this wasn’t a comedy, it was a film that gets right down to the simplest question from political science 101, do you want to rule yourselves or be ruled? The Autobots are now working for the black ops sections of the US forces and energon fields now protect our trusted secure sites. But during a classified mission in Chernobyl, Optimus Prime makes a terrible discovery that threatens to shatter the alliance with the U.S. Seems the “humans” have been keeping secrets from Prime that he can’t just overlook, and quickly Prime discovers The Ark exists, and more importantly, Sentinel Prime can be revived. [I may have been imagining this, but the "Ark" incredibly resembled the ship discovered in "Alien" - the large ship I mean].
But, are the Decepticons behind everything? Of course, that is why they are CALLED Decepticons, and that is why we have a film. If everything was all beans and cornbread, the film wouldn’t have lasted nearly as long. So, Megatron is back, no shocker there, because they kind of hinted to it at the end of Transformers 2. This time, as he is inept at facial repairs (apparently) he is sporting a nomad’s cloak and is mostly in the form of a desert junker truck. He had a rather limited role in the film to be honest, and I didn’t feel his character was necessary, nor did I think his motives felt genuine. In one scene he is being taunted by a human, which he essentially considers bugs, but instead of destroying this bug of a human, he allows it to live . . . that made no sense to me. I don’t like it when villains spare heroes just because they are lead characters. It’s weak, American writing, a European film would have Megatron rend that human limbless in a nano-second. Still, Americans are allowed to dream that at the last second John Wayne will come in and save the day, REPEATEDLY – wish real life were like that, but us educated types know better. Again though, I chose to just enjoy the film, mostly.
On enjoying the film, it was easy, because there were some incredibly imaginative special effects and some kick ass kill shots, where Bay slowed down the action, as mentioned before . . . answering his critics to let people experience as much as possible. There were some intense, suspense-laden shots which looked seamless to me, even with the 3D perspective. I didn’t feel like I was watching a cartoon, and when the action shifts to Chicago . . . you are gonna be BLOWN AWAY, shit gets real and except for one convenient, literal, entanglement of a lead transformer hero, the action is pretty serious. The stakes for Earth have never been so high!
There are some nice cameos in the film that offer geeks like me something to cheer about, and I am not going to spoil the surprise for you here. Suffice to say, Bay got a butt-load of talented folks to sign on to this, and a few people that you may or may not like actually played themselves to the delight of the audience I was with. Everyone knows Megan Fox is out of this one, and while they took a jab at her in the film, they also paid homage to her hotness in several ways. I think the Fox/Huntington-Whiteley debate will be like the Van Halen argument that still rages on – yes, Fox has a huge ego, but she also stirred a lot of publicity for the franchise and played the perfect “real life” villainess.
My one real complaint about the overall Bay series has been the same since the first one came out – it gets to be tricky to differentiate the transformers, and sometimes when there is a battle you are like, ok, I see two robots battling (oh, yes, I went there) and I just don’t know who is who – with exception to the leads, of course. And, on that note, a few of the old guard transformers die in this film – and one execution scene may be too violent for anyone under eight or so. Yes, they are robots, but yes, they do die.
Because this was such a long film, there is a need to screen it more than once to really capture every subtle thought or feeling. But, I can say I didn’t walk out of the theater feeling like I had wasted my time, and I didn’t feel like it was going on and on, I am sure others will disagree. I would wager there will be those out there that will delight in tearing this one to shreds . . . and, more power to them. There is certainly enough to work with to be torn down, but this was not a crap movie. “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” was exactly as billed, a 3D Summer Blockbuster, i.e. pop-corn flick that you see with your buddies and you just want to watch shit blow-up and have a few laughs. As far as I am concerned, Bay delivered that and more. We say it a lot at iratefilms, but it bears repeating, some films are made for pure entertainment value – there doesn’t need to be a wise-ass script, a lesson, a twist or any of that shit – just entertain us and we are happy. I think Dark of the Moon foot the bill.
“I find your stupidity mildly amusing.”
The H-Bomb: Once upon a time in China, peacocks invented fireworks (just go with it), and the evil peacock Lord Shen (Gary Oldman) has figured out a way to turn it into a little weapon called a canon. He uses it to kill Thundering Rhino (Victor Garbor), the greatest Kung Fu master in the land, thus defeating Kung Fu itself (the horror!) and now plots to take over the entire country. Master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) gets word of this and sends the Great Dragon Warrior, the hefty Kung Fu Panda himself (and clumsiest action hero since Paul Blart), Po (Jack Black), to stop this dastardly peacock. Accompanying Po on his mission are the Furious Five (as opposed to the Fast Five, I guess); Tigress (Angelina Jolie), Mantis (Seth Rogan), Monkey (Jackie Chan), Viper (Lucy Liu), and Crane (David Cross).
While on the journey, Po is having strange, troubling dreams about himself as a cub, as he’s also coming to grips with finding out that he was adopted. This news is indeed very shocking to Po… even though Po’s father is a goose (James Hong), and Po… well… isn’t. Did I mention that Po is also the smartest action hero since Paul Blart? Anyway, we come to find that Po and Lord Shen have crossed paths in the past, and that in order to defeat him, he must find his “inner peace.”
That is the story of “Kung Fu Panda 2”, the rather needless but admittedly enjoyable sequel to the hit 2008 kid’s film. Point of fact, I enjoyed this a lot more than I did the original, which I only just saw when I found out I would be reviewing this one. That movie, I thought, had an amusing premise that it only quasi-successfully followed through on. The sequel, on the other hand (or paw), I feel did a much better job of delivering on the idea’s potential. The jokes are funnier, the action, cartoonish as it is, is bigger, and the story is more epic, with much more at stake than who gets to be the dragon warrior.
The character of Po is also more fleshed out this time. Yes, he’s still the laid back lug who’s much more skilled at stuffing his face with dumplings than he is at martial arts, but we find out where he came from this time around, and the film has some dramatic moments between he and his father that are pretty effective… considering. Black voices the big bear with his easy going like-ability, once again making Po a very endearing Panda indeed.
Jolie is back and is given more to do as Tigress, the real butt kicker of the group. It’s demonstrated time and time again that she is a much more skilled fighter than Po, yet he gets the title of Dragon Warrior and the celebrity status… just can’t get my head around that one. Jolie is fine, but nothing special, and they really could‘ve had any actress voice this part. Sadly, the rest of the Furious Five; Rogen, Chan, Liu, and Cross, get about a dozen or so lines to divide between the four of them. Seriously, Chan had like two lines… probably the easiest check he‘s ever cashed.
Oldman’s vocals are appropriately sinister for the villainous Lord Shen, and we get nice cameos from the voices of Jean-Claude Van Damme (who is actually intelligible!) and Michelle Yeoh. Hoffman’s role has been scaled back from the first film, but he’s does a good job with what he’s given to work with. The scene where he’s describing the worst day of his life is priceless.
The animation is nothing short of stunning, and alone makes this worth seeing on a big screen, but personally, I would pass on the 3D. The action scenes, as stated, are a step up from the original, far more elaborate and entertaining. The sequence when Po and Co. are being chased through the city while hiding inside a giant dragon costume is a real stand out.
As far as flaws go, the movie did seem a little drawn out, with maybe one or two endings too many (the final scene being a set up for another sequel. *sigh*), but that’s really about it. “Kung Fu Panda 2” is a high kickin’ flick that I think kids and grown ups can enjoy equally, as there are enough laughs and action aimed at both camps. Though, if nothing else, this is one that parents can safely send the young-ins to while they go see “The Hangover Part II”.
