I have to get out this last tweet!

As a die-hard “Harry Potter” fan, when I first saw a preview for “Percy Jackson & the Olympians:  The Lightning Thief” I rolled my eyes and thought “oh how nice, they are copying “Harry Potter””.  However, the more previews I saw for “Lightning Thief” the more I actually wanted to see it.  I always loved reading Greek myths in school, so when I realized that this story is about the son of Poseidon and the daughter of Athena, I was there!!

Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman) is your average high-school student.  While on a school field trip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and in the ancient Greek section, he is caught off guard by an attacking fury who demands that he return Zeus’s lightning bolt.  Percy is confused, as he has no idea what a fury is, why it’s attacking him, and why it thinks he has Zeus’ lightning bolt.  Somehow, Percy’s best friend Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and his teacher Mr. Brunner (Pierce Brosnan) know what’s going on and they come to Percy’s rescue.   This part was confusing; it wasn’t explained how Grover and Mr. Brunner anticipated the attack. Maybe the books elaborated more on it, but the film lacked the proper exposition to my liking.  It is later revealed that Zeus’s lightning bolt has been stolen, and if it’s not returned by the summer solstice, then there will be a war in Mount Olympus.

It is soon revealed that Percy’s mother, Sally (Catherine Keener) had a relationship with Poseidon, hence, Percy was born.  Sally’s husband, Gabe (Joe Pantoliano) doesn’t get along with Percy, and he’s not very nice to Sally either, but that is explained.  Since it’s not safe for Percy to be in the real world, Grover and Sally take him to a special camp for children of mortals and gods, Camp Half-Blood.  While there, Percy meets Annabeth (Alexandria Daddario), a daughter of Athena, and Luke (Jake Abel), a son of Hermes.  At Camp Half-Blood, I found it rather disbelieving that the second Percy picks up a sword, he is able to wield it like a pro.  He didn’t even visit the weapons master to learn his sword fighting skill!!  This was explained as his “warrior instinct”.  Hmmm, I don’t buy it!!  But I’ll play along.

The characters seamlessly accepted their new roles as demigods with too much ease.  Also, everything we just a little TOO convenient for me.  I didn’t feel as if the characters were in any real peril.  There was always someone/something that “just happened” to be nearby to give them aid.  And mortals (such as Sally) had entirely too much knowledge about things that mortals don’t usually know about, such as the location of Camp Half-Blood, and how to get to Mount Olympus (what, you don’t know that?)  The climactic finale managed to drag a little bit.  Otherwise, the acting was solid, the special effects were fantastic, and the references to Greek gods and goddesses were plentiful.  I liked the mixing of ancient Greek mythology with present-day pop-culture, which oddly didn’t seem forced.  Everything blended nicely.

It must have left a decent mark with me, because I will be taking a field trip to my friendly neighborhood library to borrow the first “Percy Jackson” novel.  Maybe it will fill in some of the background details for me.  Overall, if you enjoy the “Harry Potter” and “Chronicles of Narnia” movies, you will enjoy “Percy Jackson”.

Welcome to a world where KFC moist-wipes can get you anything!

Swift shot: Decent post-apocalyptic journey with some rapid-slash fight scenes and an intriguing twist.  Mila and Denzel manage well, and Oldman comes across as a believable villain – not so much a monster as an uber-realist.  With harsh, gritty paneling this is definitely a must see for graphic novel fans. 

After “the Flash” and ”the War”, a walker, Eli (Denzel Washington) sets out on a thirty year journey to deliver a special package of knowledge and hope.  What he carries west with him is a weapon, a book, lethal in its application.  Eli is wary to veer from his path and tries to shed himself of company.  But, he becomes inextricably linked with Solara (Mila Kunis), the “daughter” of his most dedicated foe, Carnegie (Gary Oldman), who runs a make-shift town where water is doled out to maintain control of his twisted flock.

Like you, I wanted to know why I should treat this post-nuclear survival film any differently than the countless offerings of the eighties.  Countless times, armor-clad station wagons and modified motorcycles transported droves of menacing neanderthal packs of wolves driven by savage urges.   

So, what makes The Book of Eli any different?  Not much, really, except the overall message of hope throughout the film, a chance for some form of redemption and enlightenment in a world plagued by hopelessness, where survival is purely instinctual.  There are interesting characters strewn throughout and even a cat manages to survive the carnage somehow.  There is some shameless product placement too – but it actually is designed more to gain authenticity than dollars – so it is forgivable.

You could wait to rent this one, even though the action is pretty intense at times, with limbs being hacked and tossed about like some grotesque human salad – you don’t need to see it on the big screen and odds are the behind the scenes stuff will be as fun to watch as the film itself.  On a personal aside, as I walked out of the theater an old blue-hair Boca bitty remarked to the usher, “That was the worst film I have EVER seen!”  I couldn’t help thinking, what the hell was she expecting, Ben Hur?  Funny how free movies bring out the harshest critics.  I enjoyed it, because I wasn’t expecting to be blown away, but I was expecting to be intrigued . . . and I was.

“It aint rocket surgery.”

The H-Bomb: After slaughtering all the high profile gangsters in Boston, the MacManus Brothers have spent the past decade hiding out in Ireland. But when a priest is murdered,the “Saints” come back to Beantown for one reason and one reason only… to shoot the shit out of some bad guys.

Just to state this upfront, I am not a huge fan of the original “Boondock Saints”. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it, I just never quite understood the fervent following that film has. It’s entertaining enough, but it’s no classic by any means. For me it played like one of a million Tarantino clones… except made by someone who wasn’t nearly as good a writer or director as QT. So I went into Troy Duffy’s long gestating follow up with modest expectations, and to his credit, the film lived up to those expectations precisely… no more, no less.

Fans of the original are going to love this, because essentially it’s more of the same. More shootouts, more black humor, more drunken Irishmen swearing like sailors. Connor and Murphy MacManus (Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus) are drawn out of retirement by said slaying of Priest, and resume their old mission of ridding Boston of it’s criminal element. This time they’re aided not only by dear old dad (Billy Connolly), but also by enthusiastic new recruit Romeo (Clifton Collins, Jr., sporting one of the most ridiculous haircuts in motion picture history), and  FBI Agent Eunice Bloom (Julie Benz), who happens tobe the protege of Agent Smecker, Willem Dafoe’s character from the first movie.

A large problem this movie has is that it more or less plays out exactly like the original. Sure, there are a couple of twists and surprises thrown in (loved how it went into the back-story of Connolly’s character), but overall it seems to tread same old ground; the “Saints” find out where a group of gangsters will be gathering, stage an absurdly elaborate ambush, then execute the ambush in an amusingly sloppy manner. Repeat those steps about ten times, and you basically have the whole movie. Anyone looking for anything of more substance or depth should look elsewhere. The debate about whether vigilantism is right or wrong is brought up a couple of times, but it’s presented in a half baked and superficial way.

Being that this was made ten years after the original, I would’ve expected writer/director Duffy to have grown as filmmaker during that time, but, for the most part, he has not. The film looks more polished than the first one, but that is most likely due to a higher budget rather than his increased skill as a director, and the dark humor is as hit-or-miss as it was before. When it hits, it’s laugh out loud hilarious. When it misses, it is painful to endure.

Part of what makes this film work on a popcorn level, aside from the bloody shoot outs, is the enthusiasm of the cast. The actors seemed to have a blast making this movie and it shows. Flanery, Reedus, and Connolly are all back and as solid as ever, even if they’re all longer in the tooth (Flanery and Reedus are certainly not as fresh faced as they used to be). Benz is tough and believable as the only woman of the bunch, and at points actually seems to channel Willem Dafoe, which is as fascinating as it is creepy. Collins really sinks his teeth into his role and steals every scene he’s in. Judd Nelson and Peter Fonda do a great job rounding out the colorful supporting cast, and there are even a few surprise cameos (including ones by characters who were killed off in the first movie). Everybody in front of the camera is firing on all cylinders, no question.

“The Boondock Saints II” may not be an Oscar contender, but Duffy definitely understands what it was about his first film that made it such a cult hit, and played up those strengths with this sequel. (If you saw the documentary on Duffy, “Overnight”, then you know it’s something of a miracle that he ever got to work in showbiz again). While I found it all merely moderately entertaining cinematic junk food, a no brainer action flick, the die hard fans of the first movie, and you know who you are, will most definitely be pleased.

A war movie titled The Men Who Stare at Goats may lead some to the theaters searching for an allegory about our modern day military occupancy in the Middle East. Others are likely to just say “What the hell?” and expect 90 minutes of something at least a little strange. Neither of these groups is likely to leave the theater entirely disappointed, but there may be an air of unfulfilled dreams around them. Grant Heslov (writer, Good Night and Good Luck) seems to want to blend the two together, but falls short on delivering something lasting.

In this film we follow the exploits of Bob Wilton, played by the flat, yet ever charming, Ewan McGregor. He’s an American journalist who heads to Kuwait to prove to his ex-wife that he’s more man than she may believe, despite her utter lack of interest in it all. Along the way he meets Lyn Cassidy, a retired soldier. This is the kind of role George Clooney shines in and he took and ran with it as far as he could go. It’s an excellent performance of a soldier who’s both beautifully insane and inspiring.

Not long into the film, it’s exposed that he was once part of a military psychic operation unit known as “The New Earth Army.” It’s based on the real-life project known as “The First Earth Battalion.” Bill Django, played by the scene-stealing Jeff Bridges, runs the group of rag-tag young men and turns them all into “super” soldiers who dance around like they’re at Woodstock. He’s the hippie soldier who teaches peace, love, and the way of the Jedi. And, yes, this film is based on true events.

That being said, the director obviously has something to say about the many insane ideas and the almost adolescent desire of the United States Army to the best of the best. “The U.S. Army has no alternative but to be wonderful,” is one of Bridges many quirky one-liners in the film, and history has shown us that this idea has led to some pretty insane projects. The psychic operations programs are just one example.

While this is a fairly profound concept, the film simply doesn’t give off the vibe it’s going for. There is too much going on for the director to handle.  But, luckily it doesn’t fall apart. The film is funny and there isn’t really a scene that disappoints completely. However, the characters aren’t given the amount of flesh and history that’s going to take over the audience. There aren’t any moments of really wanting to know what’s going to happen next.

If you’re looking for a funny film that’s going to try its best to make you think a bit, The Men Who Stare at Goats is for you. With a great cast of guys that includes Kevin Spacey in a role that was far too small, there’s plenty of charismatic faces moving around on screen to keep most people happy. Could it be funnier? Yes. Could it be smarter. Absolutely. Does it deliver what you would expect? Well, there are certainly goats and they do get stared at, so when it comes down to it, it does. This is definitely worth the price of admission, but don’t expect to go back for seconds.

The REAL 1984

Swift shot:  Mired in suspense and intrigue, The Lives of Others reminds us that socialism comes with a hefty price.  There will always be corruption in the liesof others as idealism fails to achieve results.  Monotony is a tool Director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck wields effectively, but long-winded in many places which will fail to capture the attention of the bulk of viewers.  Still, if you were looking for a spy movie or action-flick, you should have done a lot more research.  This piece is dry by design.

It will be hard for contemporary and younger viewers to grasp the drama in this foreign film, set in Stasi-controlled East Germany, the DDR – remember that?  Yea, so few do, but for decades, people risked life and limb, quite literally in some cases, to flee the “Glorious” German Republic under the Iron Curtain of the USSR and traverse “Der Mauer”.

I have friends who crossed into the DDR on top secret missions for the US, sometimes just to deliver information and aide to artists, among others, just to remind them they were not alone in the struggle for democracy.

The Lives of Others follows one such artist as he seeks to make a statement, to the West, that things are not all happiness and sunshine in the DDR.  Playwright Georg Dreyman (Sebastian Koch) passionately reciprocates the loss of his mentor with an article subversively published in Der Spiegel.  The Stasi agent in charge of his case, Wiesler (Ulrich Muhe) comes across like a German Kevin Spacey, in fact the similarities are eerie.

In one chilling scene, a little boy looks up at Wiesler and asks, “Are you with the Stasi?”  The hard-edged agent is about to ask the boy who is father is, but then rescinds and asks him the name of his ‘ball’ instead.

The Lives of Others leaves this agent wondering, what have I given of my life, for the state, what identity have I shed so that I might serve the “greater good” for my country?  What are my boundaries and what is my purpose in this game of agitation?  Excellent scenes help build up the angst of all the characters, and my only severe criticism falls on Martina Gedeck who, although acting in a foreign tongue, delivers a sub-par performance as Christa-Maria Sieland – effectively taking me “out of the movie” countless times.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again…Hollywood has run out of ideas!!  That’s why movies keep being remade.  The latest remake, “Fame”, an updated version of the musical which was originally released in 1980, is in theaters now.  I haven’t seen the original “Fame” in a long time, so this review is going to focus on the 2009 edition.

“Fame” follows a group of students at the New York School of Performing Arts over a four-year period, starting on Audition Day and ending on Graduation Day.  The students are gifted in music, singing, dancing and acting, and over the course of their school careers, each meet with varying degrees of success.  Some make it big, while others are told they will never be good enough. The school employs some unusual methods of learning, including Ms. Rowan the singing teacher (Megan Mullaly), who took her students to a karaoke bar and graded them on their performance.

Most of the cast is unknowns or relative unknowns, with the exception of the teachers.  Bebe Neuwirth, Charles S. Dutton, Kelsey Grammer, Megan Mullaly, and Debbie Allen gave solid performances as the instructors and mentors of the students.  Some of the other acting was not as polished but it was better than I would have expected for first-timers.

The movie features energetic dance sequences and amazing musical performances.  When the NY School of Performing  Arts puts on a show, no expense is spared!!  Overall, if you are looking for a movie that will entertain and possibly inspire you to sing and dance, you won’t be disappointed with “Fame”.

The Unexpected . . .

Much better than I was expecting, this was actually based on the Korean horror Janghwa, Hongryeon by Ji-woon Kim.  I don’t mind telling you, I haven’t seen the original, and now that I have seen this version – it would ruin it for me.  The story was interesting and the characters were completely believable.  Those Koreans know mind-bending suspense films.  Of course, this American version was rated PG-13 – to put butts in seats.

We are introduced to two sisters as one returns from her stay at a mental hospital after witnessing her bed-ridden mother’s death by a terrible fire.  She can’t remember anything about the traumatic event, and is haunted by ghosts trying to lead her through the past as she struggles to piece together what happened to her mother.  Anna (Emily Browning) is the strong, silent type while her sister Alex (Arielle Kebbel) fits the role of mouthy, sexy independent brat quite well.  There is a new guest at their father’s bedside, their mother’s nurse, Rachel, played by the unremarkable Elizabeth Banks.  You could tell she was lacking direction for her character throughout.  Her performance made no sense and needed more direction from the Guard Brothers.  She is a talented actress, for the most part – they just didn’t drive her A-game out for this really great story.

The Uninvited will make you think, and while it isn’t chock full of scary images, it does have a few of the PG-13 variety.  Watching it late at night will add to the experience, but this one is no terror of the mind’s eye.

Damn. For me there is nothing better than going into a film you have low-to-no expectations for, then being pleasantly surprised when you actually like it. My expectations for “Sorority Row” were less than low. The previews for it had my lame-o-meter ringing off the charts, and the whole thing just looked like another shitty post-modern teen hack ‘n slash flick. From what I saw, I was expecting nothing but maximum suckage from this thing. Well… looks, as they say, can be deceiving, and just as I, as a horror geek, was ready to tear this movie a new asshole, I actually found myself really digging it.

The story goes down like this; six Theta Pi sorority girls decide to play a prank on one of their boyfriends, only the prank goes too far, and one of them ends up dead. And being the dumb college kids that they are, they naturally go the dumb route and make the dumb decision to cover up the crime instead of going to the police. So, they drop their dead friend down an old well in the middle of nowhere and go about their lives as if nothing happened.

Some eight months later, the girls are graduating and are planning to throw the party to end all parties at their sorority house. They’ve put the incident behind them and have gone on with their lives, but then someone sends them a disturbing message… someone knows what these girls have done. Then, as if things couldn’t get any worse, a hooded killer starts picking them off one at a time. Who could it be? Did someone witness what they did that night… was their sorority sister really dead? You’ll have to watch to find out.

Now, if that description reminded you a little of “I Know What You Did Last Summer”, don’t worry, you’re not the only one. In fact, there’s a lot of stuff in this flick that you’ve seen in many others. This movie most certainly does not re-invent the wheel. Yes, all the clichés of the horror genre are here. Costumed killer… check. False, make you jump scares… check. Grisly, bloody deaths… check. Hot young people drinking, partying, getting it on, and getting killed… check. Princess Leia toting a shotgun… check. (Okay, that last one I haven’t seen before, but whatever)

However, what “Sorority Row” may lack in originality, it makes up for in execution. Yeah, the characters are the usual assortment of smart alecky brats that have populated every slasher film since “Scream”, but the cast of attractive (meaning fucking hot) young actresses brings life to them and makes them somewhat interesting. Briana Evigan I totally loved in the lead as the one sorority chick who seems to have her head screwed on straight. Before this the only thing I saw her in was “S. Darko”, and she was the only bright spot in that worthless piece of excrement. She can be a big star someday if she plays her cards right. Leah Pipes is fun as the queen bitch of the clique who always makes the stupid decisions for the rest of the group, and Rumer Willis (daughter of Bruce) has her moments as the nerdy girl who can always be counted on to start crying when things get tough.

Director Stewart Hendler keeps the pacing brisk and the tension high. He sure knows how to milk every shock moment for all that it’s worth. Can’t wait to see what he does in the future. The killings are imaginative and appropriately gruesome, and there are twists aplenty. Just when I thought I had the killer fingered, the movie pulled the rug out from under me. I also loved that it didn’t pussy out and go all PG-13 on my ass; there is blood, there are guts, and there are boobies… nice ones (gratuitous nudity used to be a staple of slasher flicks, but now it’s so hard to come by, what the hell?).

Just so it’s clear, though, “Sorority Row” is no classic. Not by any stretch. It’s not going to show up a few years from now on one of Bravo’s “100 Greatest Horror Movies” Halloween specials or anything. There’s nothing here that we haven’t seen done before. But what this movie does do it does well. I’ve sat through so many crappy “Scream” clones in my time that I can appreciate the occasional good one when it comes along. Yeah, there’s not a lot of originality on display, but for me it sure worked while I was watching it.

So, even though I walked into this gory little puppy expecting to hate it, I ended up having a damn good time instead. The main reason it works is, unlike a certain other slasher pic I saw recently, this one just plays it straight and doesn’t pretend to be anything other than what it is (yeah, “Halloween II”, I”m talkin’ to you). And what it is, is a straight up horror film that manages to get a few screams, jolts, and jumps out of the audience. If you’re looking for a horror masterpiece, stay home and rent “The Shining”. But if you’re a guy looking for a good date movie, where your lady can clutch your arm and huddle in close and maybe give you a little action afterwards (big maybe), then you can do a lot worse than “Sorority Row”.

Sometimes life can surprise you. Sometimes you think you have it all figured out, then life throws you a curve ball and forces you to rethink your entire belief system. Let’s take Jean-Claude Van Damme for example. I thought I had him figured out; shitty actor, washed up martial arts star. Before I saw “JCVD”, that basically summed up my feelings of the man. But, “JCVD” turned out to be one of those curve balls that forced me to re-evaluate my opinion on the topic.

Now I know that “Bloodsport” and “Universal Soldier” have their fans… hell, I once even met a guy who liked “Street Fighter”. However, guilty pleasures aside, I think it’s safe to say Mr. Van Damme was never in a legitimately good movie, and that he never gave a good performance… until now.

In an indirect way, “JCVD” reminded me of another film I saw this year, “My Name is Bruce”. Both films feature B-Movie stars (Jean-Claude Van Damme and “Evil Dead”’s Bruce Campbell) playing fictionalized versions of themselves. Both feature these actors being thrust into a situation straight out of one of their films, and both contrast the actors’ on screen persona with their “real life” personalities. But while Campbell’s film is basically a comedic love letter to his fans, Van Damme seems to be using his film in a more therapeutic way.

The fictional Jean-Claude of this film is a has been who is reduced in appearing in straight-to-video dreck in order to pay child support. He returns to Belgium and visits a post office to pick up a money order when… he walks into the middle of an armed robbery. Had this been one of Van Damme’s regular flicks, he would’ve kicked these robbers’ asses no problemo. But this isn’t one of his movies, this is “real life”, and Van Damme finds himself reduced to the role of a helpless bystander. To make matters worse, the police and the press think that he’s behind the robbery.

But the plot here is almost beside the point. This is about Van Damme taking stock of his life and career. He seems to be wondering, “Where the hell did it go wrong? When did my fans turn against me? And why?” This is a film about a man at the end of his rope, and fuck me running, Van Damme sells it. There’s a scene at the beginning of the film featuring Van Damme at a child custody hearing, in which his young daughter says she would rather live with her mother, because whenever she tells her friends who her father is, they make fun of her. It then cuts to a reaction shot of Jean-Claude, and damn if the look of hurt on his face isn’t genuine. His entire performance is a subtle and nuanced one, and he completely pulls it off. Van Damme had us all fooled these last 25 years… the son-of-a-bitch can actually act! Who the fuck woulda thunk it??!! (The fact that he mostly acts in his native tongue does help)

There is one point, however, where the script lets him down. It comes late in the movie, when Van Damme floats up over the movie’s set, and delivers a lamenting monologue directly to the camera that spells out the subtext of the film. I know what the filmmakers were partially going for with this, trying to break the fourth wall of the movie’s “reality”… but it comes off as pretentious, and the movie would be better off without it.

Overall, “JCVD” is a film about redemption. It’s about a has been regaining his former glory. Some out there buzzed about an Oscar nod for Van Damme when it first came out. While I never thought that would actually happen (seriously, people), I wouldn’t have minded much if it did. “JCVD” is the best comeback vehicle Van Damme could’ve hoped for, for it shows that the “Muscles from Brussels” has some real acting chops after all.