Cheese sandwich anyone?

Swift shot: This one almost ended up in “The Bin” section, but I wanted to give it a little more prime-time exposure.  Still this would be more than adequate “Booty” for several reasons.  I had actually already seen this flick, back in 2000, and I admit I only watched it back then because it had Famke Janssen and “Sex” in the title.  It’s a great find though, as far as romcoms go, this is a keeper for most who prefer the genre.   The dialog was fun and the script needs little mending, plus Adam Rifkin recommended it, so who am I to argue with him?

Love & Sex appears as this typical Hollywood romantic comedy with slight moments of serious squirted onto the canvas, because life isn’t all kittens and sunshine.  But, in actuality, it is the pseudo auto-biography of writer/director, Valerie Breiman, whose “Kate” character is perfectly portrayed by leggy Nederlander, Janssen.  Her character, on paper, is just as much fun on screen.  Kate, err, Valerie, oh, we’ll just stick with Kate for now, starts off letting the audience know about her first love, a kid in her class who only kissed her behind the tree, because he was one of the cool kids, and to be blunt, she . . . wasn’t.  Anyone who was awkwardly in love should resonate immediately with her strange liaisons, which were quickly ruined (spoiler alert) because her dumb friend blabbed about it to the whole school!

Fast forward a decade or so, and we see the “grown-up” Kate working for a glamour magazine and she has to write fluffy, happy, bunny type stories about love and other bullshit.  Simply put, she loathes it; she is mortified with the sobering fact that, at some point, inevitably, she is going to die.  So, light, airy stuff isn’t exactly her forte, still, she isn’t all German Expressionism 24/7.  See, Kate decides to go out on a limb, after her boss challenges her to put more of herself into the writing, and writes a stylized guide to oral sex, entitled “Blow by Blow”.  From there, you get the feeling this film is going to be slightly raunchy, and guess what, ding ding ding, you are right.  There are scenes with overly sized sexual aides, public displays of affection galore and, yes, a few “sex scenes” – but there is nothing outrageous, unless you count Adam’s art, which perfectly juxtaposes his dialog.

Adam, played by the, at the time, up and coming Jon Favreau, is an artist from Chicago, you only know that because of his awesome leather jacket with the Chicago flag, which he even has his alter-ego wear in one scene which should grant small chuckles.  What I found so interesting about the Adam character is his ability to keep things earnest throughout.  He is entirely deliberate in his dialog, almost like he too knows life is short, and when you see some of his, dare I say, thought-provoking art, you might not believe a sensitive guy is to be found anywhere in there.  He is not necessarily a likeable character at first, because he is so frank and when he sees something he wants, the phrase “all is fair in love and war” comes immediately to mind. Still, I liked him well enough, and the friendship that grows between Adam and Kate is interesting and as I said before, the dialog is good stuff.  I found myself a few times thinking, damn, that was a great line.

If I have to take anything away from the film it is some of the supporting cast looked like they were seriously phoning in some scenes, I won’t name names though, because I am such a nice guy.  But, when you see these kinds of scenes it really detracts from the overall piece and the film becomes just a story and not something you are emotionally involved with. A few scenes felt tacked on in the middle, but, I guess sometimes life has moments, hell days, like that, and you find yourself searching for an internal fast forward button.

For the genre, you can’t avoid this one.  The characters are fun to watch on screen, the script is not dull, save for a few parts, and the acting by the leads is genuine.

Tonight is about doing; thinking is over-rated!

Swift Shot: Decent trip down memory lane, this is a good renter with all your old buddies who will get all the references to 1980′s flicks, but this won’t be enough to keep the film interesting.  I laughed quite a bit, but the tacked together feel of the story and transitions made me painfully aware I was in the theater and not immersed in the story.

I set the bar high for this flick, and it didn’t quite reach my expectations, I wanted more from the peripheral characters and I wanted to laugh a lot more.  Plus, a lot of the film had this rushed feel to it.  Also, on the controversial issue of the film’s release being delayed four years; I don’t mind seeing people degrade themselves to the point of stupidity, and hey, this is a film set in the 80s, so not showing a few characters experimenting with cocaine and larceny would feel false somehow.

What annoyed me was that I wanted to see less trite, one-dimensional, characters supporting the lead, Matt Franklin (Topher Grace).  The Matt character was interesting, as he is faced with a second chance to win the affections of his high-school crush, Tori Frederking played by the “choicest” of young hotties, Teresa Palmer.  Matt, who graduated from M.I.T., is still working for Suncoast Video, and he was supposed to be the brainiest kid in his high-school. So when Tori happens upon him at the video store, he lies about his station and says he works for Goldman Sachs . . . in fact he doesn’t even own the video store, because he is afraid of everything, really afraid to try anything.  Yet, when it comes to Tori, this time anyway, he finds a pair and lies to her about his job . . . bad idea.

I had to suspend some disbelief that a guy donning the M.I.T. cap and gown would be so reticent to try new things, but, hey, I went along for the ride and tried to just enjoy the film.  So, moments after she learns about Matt’s position at Goldman Sachs, Tori invites him to an annual party being thrown at overtly stereotyped 80′s rich-kid, Kyle Masterson’s house.

I found myself oddly identifying with the Kyle character, played by Chris Pratt who really put his essence into the role, he literally leaves nothing stuffed up in one scene in particular.  But, where a lot of these rich-kids play the villain, Kyle actually plays a surprising victim, a victim of his lack of intelligence.  He has one story that he repeats seventeen times throughout the movie, by the third time he says it, you won’t be laughing . . . neither does his girlfriend, Matt’s sister, Wendy who is played by the deliciously, devilish Anna Faris.  It seems they wanted to make the Wendy character have a more pivotal plot-line than necessary, and a lot of the external characters had an almost cartoonish presence in the story, especially Michael Ian Black as Tori’s groping boss, Pete Bering.

Dan Folger stars as Matt’s best pal, Barry Nathan, a perpetual loser, who seems to be a card carrying member of the Murphy’s Law club – all his decisions up to this night have been wrong – and tonight is no exception.  He opted out of college to work for a luxury car dealership, to always peddle what he will never obtain.  Eventually, his poor decisions lead to the inevitable as he is fired for generally being a schmuck!  When he hears about the party, he decides to steal a luxury car and let Matt roll to the party in style, there is some magical pixie dust in the glove-box, and Barry can’t resist.  You’ll have to watch to see if Matt decides to “let it snow”.

But, the message of Take Me Home Tonight was a good one, albeit a tad dangerous, as Matt’s own father Bill (Michael Biehn) an L.A. cop challenges Matt to do something, ANYTHING that requires risk.  Matt learns many lessons over the night, not the least of which is, do what you love, be who you are and OWN the night!  Again, wait for this one to hit shelves soon and invite some of your 80′s friends over, but don’t be expecting to laugh your ass off, it won’t happen.  Take Me Home Tonight tries to get a little too serious for my taste.  I like my zany comedies to stay that way, if I want a Rom Com, I will put my testicles in a purse and assume the coma position, thanks!

When you are beautiful on the outside, it doesn’t matter what you’re like on the inside, right??  Wrong!!  In “Beastly”, Kyle (Alex Pettyfer) is a handsome and popular student at his private school in New York City.  He cares only about himself.  We later find out that he learned just how much looks matter from his father, whom he barely sees.  When he treats the school’s resident Goth chick Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen) badly one too many times, she casts a spell on him (yes, she is a witch) that makes him look as ugly on the outside as he is on the inside (this includes odd facial piercings, tattoos, and assorted scars).   He has one year to find true love or else he will stay that way forever.

Poor disfigured Kyle is sent to live just outside the city in a townhouse.  His father promises to visit often, but he keeps cancelling on his son (he’s not a very nice dad).  Instead, he sends Will (Neil Patrick Harris), a blind tutor to keep Kyle current with his studies.  So with only Will and his housekeeper Zola (Lisa Gay Hamilton) for company, Kyle takes to skulking around the city, spying on Lindy (Vanessa Hudgens), a student at his former school whom he had several interactions with prior to his curse.  When Lindy’s father inadvertently puts her life in danger, Kyle makes a deal with her dad to keep her safe.  So she is brought to Kyle’s townhouse to live.  At first, Lindy is angry because she had to leave her friends, her school, and her dream of visiting Machu Picchu (on a school field trip) behind.  Kyle realizes that this is his chance to find the one to declare her love for him, so he sets out to win her affections.  Unfortunately, he didn’t take the time to get to know Lindy, so his expensive presents get him nowhere. It’s not until he brings her a case of her favorite candy that is he able to break the ice.

I don’t want to reveal any more, but if you’ve seen any other version of “Beauty and the Beast” you can probably guess what happens after.

The acting in this movie was good.  There was a fair amount of chemistry between the lead characters.  I especially liked Neil Patrick Harris and Mary-Kate Olsen’s performances.  Michelle Tanner she is no more!!   I thought the makeup people did a good job uglying up Kyle.  At first it was kind of hard to look at him but after a while you get used to it.  I feel this was a good, modern take on the “Beauty and the Beast” tale.  If you believe in magic and the power of love you will enjoy this movie.

“What a twist . . .”

Swift Shot:  All I knew about this film was that it complements “The Social Network” – but really Facebook is only a device to get the story started and ultimately digitally unravelled. Since this was a documentary, and the film-makers were along for the same ride as the audience, it’s hard to judge its content – it wasn’t written – it was revealed.  And the fact that the film-makers don’t know how things are going to play out until the end is what makes this film so interesting.

“Catfish” is about the old internet question, how do you know if who you know is who you know, you know?  It centers around New York based dance photographer, Nev Schulman, whose photos catch the attention of an eight-year old rural Michigan girl, Abby who likes to paint.  Abby contacts Nev to send him a painting of one of his highly publicized photos; of course Nev agrees and an odd professional, artistic relationship develops between the two via Facebook and the occasional painting delivered to Nev’s studio.

Nev is is thrilled with the idea of having a fan who is so young and so driven to create art; she serves as an inspiration to his imagination.  Ultimately, this little girl’s fascination with Nev leads Nev’s brother, Rel Schulman (an aspiring film-maker) to document the relationship that Nev and Abby share.

As Rel films the relationship between the two, things get more interesting as Angela, Abby’s mother, serves as a mediator between the two artists – in fact, Nev has never actually spoken to Abby . . .  she is only a little girl and her mother does most of the talking, and the negotiating, for Abby’s artwork to be ordered and sold.  But, Angela has another daughter, a much older daughter, Megan, who is Abby’s half-sister and is gorgeous, according to her Facebook profile.  It’s Megan who captures more than Nev’s artistic, philanthropic side, and Nev finally works up the nerve to call her on the phone.

A long-distance relationship starts to develop with Megan and Nev constantly talking on the cell-phone, via Facebook, and even sharing songs that Megan’s brother has recorded for Nev.  Something doesn’t seem quite right, and Nev does a Google search of the supposedly freshly written song – here is where the film starts to get interesting, as Nev and Rel digitally dissect Megan and learn she is full of lies.

Rather than ending all communications with Abby, Angela, Megan, or any of them, Rel cajoles, bullies, and pesters his brother to keep the line of communication open and to play the thing out, to see just how much about Megan is deceit and how much is truth.  Now, you know something is going to happen, but you don’t know, is this a horror film, a film about international email fraud, aliens, monsters, it could be anything really.  And when the truth is finally revealed, you’ll sit back and take an internal emotional inventory on all your friends, co-workers, even enemies and wonder what kinds of secrets they might be hiding.

The payoff in the film is what makes it so compelling and I am not going to give anything away – it’s tough not to, because so much happens with the reveal that really makes this film engaging, the build-up to the payoff isn’t that exciting.  But, unlike a scripted “twist”, we are given a chance to appreciate how life can sometimes be more disturbing  than fiction.  I would recommend this one to people who like to think, people who like to be involved in a film, that don’t need constant Michael Bay like action or Oliver Stone surrealism to keep your attention.  This one will surprise you, and maybe it is worth a viewing for that reason alone.

Reviewed by Alyn Darnay

Directed by Dennis Dugan.

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Brooklyn Decker, Nicole Kidman, Dave Matthews.

For better or worse, I’m an Adam Sandler fan. I just enjoy his laid back shtick and the way he attacks his material. He knows what’s good for him as an actor and stays within two distinct ranges in his films. You’ll find him acting either edgy and brave (Funny People, Punch Drunk Love) or playing the complacent loner living in his own world (Billy Madison, The Waterboy).

In “Just Go With It”, we find the latter; he’s a middle-aged man/boy wrestling with the dangers of emotional commitment. However, don’t get the idea that this is a film of great depth and substance, remember it’s an Adam Sandler film, it’s simply a light diversion into silly comedy and romance. A minor attempt to lighten your mood and deliver a few inspired laughs, and by the end of the film that’s exactly what you get.

Loosely based on the 1969 comedy “Cactus Flower”, “Just Go With It” is the story of Danny Maccabee, a freewheeling playboy doctor (Sandler), who seduces and then keeps women at arms length by pretending to be married. When he finally meets the woman he does want to marry (‘Sports Illustrated’ model Decker), circumstances force him to lie his way into the relationship with the help of his down-to-earth assistant (Aniston) and her two precocious children.

Surprisingly, Sandler and Aniston are great together, and the scenes where they go at each other as a make-believe bickering divorcing couple are excruciatingly delightful. Watching them paint each other into a corner with a barrage of escalating lies is just plain fun, and later when they are forced to declare their likes of one another, you can really believe they are falling in love.

The other characters, like Danny’s insipid cousin (Nick Swardson), the irritating yet lovable children, and a decidedly unfunny Nicole Kidman add nothing to the proceedings, but at least they don’t take away anything either.

“Just Go With It” is a respectable Valentine’s Day date film. You should find just enough laughs and romance to satisfy.

Let the mayhem begin…

The H-Bomb: Jason Statham does what Jason Statham does best in this latest entry from the Hollywood action movie factory. Here, Statham plays Arthur, a professional killer of the quiet, cold blooded variety. He specializes in assassinations that are either set up to look like accidents, or to point the guilt in another direction. To him, killing is entirely dispassionate and impersonal.

The closest thing he has to a friend is his contact and mentor, the wheelchair bound Harry (Donald Sutherland). One day, Arthur receives orders to kill Harry. He of course has his hesitations about it, but after checking with his big boss, Dean (Tony Goldwin), Arthur grudgingly carries out the hit.

Not long after, Arthur runs into Harry’s son, Steve (Ben Foster), an alcoholic ne’er-do-well with a mean violent streak. Despite statements to the contrary, Steve did care about his father and has a strong desire to avenge his death. Arthur lets his guilt trip get the better of him as he decides to take Steve under his wing and show him the ropes of his less than respectable profession, despite the fact that Steve is clearly an unhinged, ticking time bomb.

Arthur brings him in on his latest job and lets him take the reigns. He instructs Steve precisely on how to kill his target cleanly, instructions that Steve deliberately ignores in favor of a bloody, messy kill. An exceptionally messy kill that should’ve clued Arthur into the fact that he can’t control this kid. But, he continues to train him and take him on other assignments nonetheless.

Eventually, Arthur realizes that the organization he works for set him up to kill Harry, and is gunning for him next. And what, pray tell, would happen if Steve, the temperamental fellow that he is, ever found out that Arthur was the one who pulled the trigger on his old man?

But enough about the plot, which is a shitload of whatever, anyway. We’re here for the gunfights, the fistfights, the explosions, and the blood spatter, which this movie provides in spades. From what I hear, “The Mechanic” is a remake of a 1970’s Charlie Bronson flick of the same name. While I’ve never seen that film, I think it’s safe to say that this one goes a lot heavier on the pyrotechnics and carnage.

While there’s very little to distinguish this movie from others of its ilk, I will confess that it totally delivers what it’s supposed to deliver. The action we’re treated to is raw, visceral, and bloody as a douche. A couple of scenes that stood out for me were a would-be gay tryst turned bedroom brawl, and a totally fucking brutal display of fisticuffs on board an airport shuttle. Oh, then there’s the scene involving a hand in a garbage disposal… ah, but I won’t give that one away.

As I’ve said in other reviews, we’re living in an era where most action movies are pussified, bloodless, nutless, dickless PG-13 pieces of shit, and because of that, a movie like this one should be all the more appreciated. My hat goes off to Simon West, a director who’s done fuck all for me in the past, for creating a bat-shit crazy thrill ride that doesn’t skimp on the gruesome details. He may have bored the crap out of me with “Con Air” and “Tomb Raider”, but he made up for it by delivering a tight story with some wildly inventive, in your face gun-play as a cherry on top.

As for the cast… like I stated earlier, Jason Statham does what he does best, a kind of scruffy, poor man’s James Bond thing, and he is about as badass as badasses come. Solid shit, as usual. The real standout, though, is Ben Foster. Anyone who has seen “Alpha Dog” or “The Messenger” will tell you this guy is one hell of an actor. On one hand, he has this natural, manic intensity to him. On the other, there’s a real vulnerability I sensed about him, and I think he probably made his character much deeper than he ever was in the script. This dude is gonna win an Oscar one day, mark my motherfuckin’ words.

Donald Sutherland comes in like the veteran that he is and makes the most of his few minutes on screen. I actually gave a crap when he died, that’s what a great actor can do with a short role. The only character I was disappointed in was the main villain, Dean. Now, I thought Tony Goldwyn did fine in the role, it’s just the character was a bit of a letdown. He’s a sneering, tailored suit wearing, mamby-pamby bad guy who talks tough when he’s surrounded by twenty heavily armed bodyguards, but face him one-on-one, he turns into a total fucking jelly-spined bitch boy. A more formidable foe our heroes could have used.

Sadly, there’s no real novelty to “The Mechanic”, but… I had a fuckin’ good time watching it. It’s fast paced, shamelessly violent, and entertaining in a kind of guilty pleasure sort of way… but, nothing exceptional. If you’re an action junkie, then by all means, drop ten bucks and get your fix. As for everyone else… this is a renter.

I just do!

How do you get more pics?  Click here!

The H-Bomb: 31 year old softball player Lisa (Reese Witherspoon) has just been cut from the national team. She freaks out over what she’s going to do with her life and seeks solace in the arms of her boyfriend, pro baseball superstar Matty (Owen Wilson). Only problem is, Matty’s a bit too self-absorbed and inconsiderate to really provide any comfort to anyone.

Then she meets George (Paul Rudd), a nice guy business man with a neurotic edge. George, as it turns out, has his own bag of shit that he’s hauling around. He’s facing a Federal indictment for some kind of corporate malfeasance and his company, owned by his father (Jack Nicholson), is throwing him under the bus completely.

The first few encounters between Lisa and George are very awkward (their first date gives new meaning to the word excruciating). They’re a couple of bundles of neuroses who aren’t very good at talking about their problems, yet they can’t help projecting that something is very wrong in their lives. They take turns playing therapist for each other, and would you know it, a mutual attraction starts to form. What are the odds that these two likeably eccentric people will end up together?

Yeah, this is more or less your average rom com, predictable to the last frame. Although this one boasts a better script than most, with characters who seem slightly more interesting than the ones who usually populate this genre. That probably has to do with the fact that “How Do You Know” was written and directed by James L. Brooks, who in the past has made terrific films like “Terms of Endearment” and “As Good As It Gets”. This one is lighter going than those movies, but Brooks keeps a breezy tone, brings out great performances from the three very appealing stars, and makes the film more enjoyable than I would’ve expected.

Witherspoon plays Lisa as a strong, smart, independent woman, but isn’t afraid to let the character’s insecurities show. Being that she’s had stand out turns in “Election” and “Walk the Line”, the latter winning her an Oscar, this is hardly a career best for her, but she’s solid in the role. She’s matched by Rudd, who’s very funny as the goofy, clumsy, but good hearted George. Owen Wilson does his Owen Wilson thing and brings in the laughs, despite his character being such a narcissistic buffoon. That’s one complaint I have about the script, did this character really have to be such a cartoonish dolt?

As for Nicholson… what can I say? Jack is Jack, in all his cool, devilishly funny glory. He has a smaller role, but he steals just about every scene that he’s in. This is especially true in a certain scene set in a hospital room where the very act of him walking into the room just completely brings the house down… that is the power of Jack!

If I were to complain about anything, I would say that this is a rom com that follows the formula to a T, and thusly it doesn’t escape the predictability of genre. This is my general complaint about most romantic comedies I’ve seen, and this one is no different. Also, the movie comes in at almost two hours, and while it never felt like it dragged, I was definitely ready for it to be over by the time it ended.

Overall, “How Do You Know” is consistently amusing with a few laugh out loud moments and is even occasionally touching at times. It’s certainly nothing great, but as entertainment, it’s passable. Couples looking for something to see on the weekend will probably enjoy it. As for everyone else, there are probably better ways to spend ten dollars.

Limacher Low Down: Faster is a movie that I thought would be action packed with a basic revenge story line tying all the violence together, and I was WAY OFF! Faster was slower than a street sweeper at times, but the acting and plot is what takes center stage in this movie. With multiple twists and turns that take the viewer on an enjoyable ride, but for the action nut Faster will leave a somewhat bitter taste in your mouth. It wasn’t terrible, but some predictability and lack of over the top action takes away from how much better this movie could have been.

Faster starts off when a man simply known as Driver (Dwayne Johnson) is getting out of jail. We know nothing of his past or what he plans to do. The first thing he does is get a car (a Chevy Chevelle SS) that was waiting for him and we’re off to the races. The revenge starts off within the first five minutes, but the question is still why the is this guy so angry? The first kill is the one they constantly show in previews with Driver making his way through an office to find his first “victim”.

We learn that Driver hired Roy Grone (Mike Epps) to find all the people he was after and supply him with a car. Meanwhile back at the crime scene we meet Cop (Billy Bob Thornton) an officer 10 days from retirement, down on his luck, and seeking one last case to retire on. Cop’s supervising officer on the case is Cicero (Carla Gugino), who once again plays the grizzled woman who feels the need to be the hard-ass. While the two of them are investigating tapes they realize that the victim knows Driver and apparently knows what is coming.

Next we see pictures of a kid who seemed to have it hard when he was a child only to become a multi-millionaire in his adult life. He gets a call from his “Boss” and gets told he has some work from an anonymous person who wants Driver taken out. If you haven’t guessed by now this guy is named Killer (Oliver Jackson-Cohen). He gets the info he needs to have on Driver and as the old cliché goes, the chase is on.

Driver and Killer have short little gun play when Driver is going down his list and we now have all the pieces in place to really make this movie take off. Unfortunately the movie stalls out in certain parts, but it’s the build of the story that takes over for the lack of action. As the movie progresses we find out the back story on Driver and why he was seeking revenge on the people he wants to see dead.

This is one of those movies where everyone has baggage and to add to character development we learn just enough about each person to gain that better understanding the will “drive” the viewer to the finish. The movie, I suppose, will keep some people guessing as to what will happen next and if Driver will ever be satisfied or if his conscience will catch up to him before he completes his list. The end is a good twist and kind of gives off that “WHAT THE FUCK?!!?” feeling that really adds to the overall feel of the movie. With that said, I will not give anything away, but I WILL SAY that truth be told, I was a little upset by the lack of action; but sometimes people have to sacrifice one thing to get another in return. The acting was better than I expected, and the story was well written and does make for an interesting viewing. If you enjoy the old school, slow paced, story driven, revenge style movies than Faster is worth checking out, but if you want a thrilling action flick, you may be disappointed.

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The H-Bomb: Eight strangers are dropped into a jungle with no memory of how they got there. They’re an eclectic mix of soldiers and violent criminals and they’re all armed. The only one who appears to be out of place in this bunch is a dweeby doctor (Topher Grace). They wander about this strange jungle, finding empty cages attached to parachutes, plants that were thought to have been extinct on Earth, weird booby-traps, all the while they start to get the feeling that they’re being watched.

When they finally reach a point where they get a good view of the sky, they realize that they have been dropped onto another planet. (At this moment, I was expecting one of them to say, “We’re not in Kansas anymore.” Thank God that line never came) The self-appointed leader of the group, a mercenary named Royce (Adrien Brody), surmises that this world is in fact a giant game preserve for intergalactic headhunters and… well, they’re the game. I’d say that’s a pretty good guess.

Yes, it is true, the ugly motherfuckers are back, in their full dreadlocked, crab-faced glory. There are three of them this time around, as mean as they ever were, and they have some trophies to collect… trophies in the shape of human skulls. Now this band of social misfits (to put it politely) must set aside their differences and work together if they’re going to have even a shred of a chance of surviving this hunt.

This simple, straightforward, spatter heavy, gleefully R-rated throwback to the action flicks of yesteryear (yesteryear being the 80’s) is best enjoyed if you’re not expecting too much from it. If you are anticipating such things as a probable story that stands up to scrutiny and rich character development, then you are setting yourself up for massive disappointment. But if you go in looking for a fun, Sci-Fi shoot ‘em up, with carnage and gunplay to spare, then you’re likely to get your money’s worth and leave happy.

I wouldn’t say it’s as good as the original “Predator” (Arnold owns), but I enjoyed it more than the second one (Predator in L.A. … yawn), and it’s fucking “Citizen Kane” compared to those piece of shit “Alien vs. Predator” movies (those NEVER HAPPENED).

If I were to complain about anything, I’d say that the filmmakers (producer Robert Rodriguez and director Nimrod Antal) fell into the same trap that the people who made “Terminator Salvation” did by throwing in way too many homages to the original film (the minigun, the roll off the cliff into the river, the song over the end credits). Seriously, the references may be fun for some fans, but they hinder the film’s chance of having a life of its own. Also, I think it took the movie a little too long to get rolling. Yeah, it’s all a big mystery to the characters, but we the audience already know where it’s going. So while the main characters spend the first part of the picture wandering around scratching their heads, we the audience are left sitting there waiting for the Predators to show up.

However, once the movie does kick into gear, it’s pretty much a rockin’ rollercoaster ride all the way to the finish. It totally delivers the goods on the action front and the idea of the predator “hunting dogs” was a pretty slick touch. Director Antal actually came up with a number of imaginative and surprising action sequences, and unlike that cinematic poop stain “AvP: Requiem”, we can actually see what’s going on in them.

The performances are pretty solid for the most part, with Brody making a much more convincing action hero than I ever thought he would. I first assumed he was just slumming here, but I could tell he was actually giving it his all and having a blast with it. Alice Braga is both beautiful and badass as an Israeli sniper. Fans of Danny Trejo may be excited at first by the idea of him going toe-to-toe with the Predator, but any hopes of seeing that are quickly dashed as his character buys it very early in the film. Laurence Fishburne pops up in an entertaining extended cameo as a lone nutball who has managed to survive many of the hunting seasons on this planet. As far as Topher Grace’s doctor character goes, many of you are probably wondering “What the fuck is Topher Grace doing in a Predator movie?!” Relax, he’s not that bad here. He actually provides some comic relief without being obnoxious about it.

Overall, “Predators” is by no means groundbreaking or extraordinary, it’s not meant to be. It’s a fast, energetic thrill ride that’s a fun way to kill a couple of hours on the weekend. For fans of original Arnold flick, it’s a must see, and for fans of action movies in general, it’s definitely worth hunting down.