“The world is watching.”

Swift shot: Tragic, compelling and sensually intense.  This is Angelina Jolie’s directorial debut; she wrote, directed and produced In the Land of Blood and Honey as a wake-up call for all of us to remember the horrors of war and to never be complacent with atrocities.  Real people suffered in the 90′s in war-torn Eastern Europe, and there was no glory, there was only death and misery.  Her film captures the sadness, despair and over-powering terror that surrounded the populace of Bosnia as they watched their men marched off and slaughtered, their women raped, their children . . . systematically destroyed.  This is not a film for the easily upset, and unlike some comic book film, the heroes don’t swoop in out of the sky to save the day.  That was our job . . . the world’s job . . . and we were tragically late.

Ajla (Zana Marjanovic) is a young Muslim artist, living in Bosnia in 1992, she is a typical doting aunt to her little nephew, Adi.  Her sister, Lejla (Vanessa Glodjo) is excited for her to go out on a date with a nice young man for some dancing at the local club.  That would be Danijel (Goran Kostic) – a local police-officer.  Life is pretty normal . . . until the war begins.  Then life, and the film, never return to normal for any of them.

Once the war starts, Danijel has a new job as Serb commander of a new kind of war-horror, a rape camp, where single childless women are repeatedly raped, and while the film never gets into this, it wasn’t just so the soldiers could get their jollies, it was designed to taint the Muslim blood-line for a generation, or forever by creating war bastards . . . any parents out there know the joy and miracle of creating life, yet these perverse, evil men twisted it as a weapon.  Life becomes anguish.

The suspense never abates, as we see the war through the eyes of the different players on the different sides of the conflict.  And while Danijel is a monster, through the orders he gives because his father is a Serb general, Jolie allows him some catharsis through Ajla, whom Danijel spares from the rapes as he transforms her into his personal pet.  Danijel is convinced Ajla is in love with him, and Jolie doesn’t divulge whether or not that is true until the very end.  She plays with that question, is Ajla feigning love to receive protection from Danijel, or is she actually falling in love with the monster that, albeit reluctantly, is a war criminal?

Jolie tries to show the Serb side, justifying the horrors, where they claim, “It isn’t murder, it’s politics.”  And in one of the most powerfully acted scenes in the film, Rade Serbedzija as Danijel’s father, General Nebojsa delivers a sad soliloquy where he pathetically tries to convince his audience, us, that the Serb revenge is more than justified.  But it failed to move me, when the Serbs finally started getting killed, I was glad, because until that point the violence was pretty one-sided . . . and against essentially hapless victims.

The war advances in years, Ajla and Danijel both end up in Sarajevo, and the film reaches its dramatic conclusion there.  With almost no respite, this film had my blood boiling most of its run-time, and I watched it in the original Bosnian with English subtitles.  Jolie was so determined that American audiences not simply overlook this film as a “reader”, she actually had each scene shot in both Bosnian and English, every actor shot both scenes TWICE!

The emotional toll this film must have taken on the people involved, all the way down to the gaffs, must have been incredible.  If you get the Blu-ray, I highly suggest you check out the interview Jolie did.  Although she is a little giddy, because it is her first film as writer or director, when she speaks about the shooting of the film, the way it impacted everyone, well I hope she moves audiences to remember more than just a time when the only thing on most American’s minds was this new band from Seattle that launched something called “Grunge.”  In my question to her, I asked, “What do you want American audiences to take from the film?”  Her answer can be found on the Blu-ray interview . . . it wasn’t what I was really expecting.

[Swift aside: In 1999, the region was again under siege by a genocidal wave of terror, this time in Kosovo - and this time I was a United States Marine, assigned to NATO and stationed in Norway, I was ironing my cammies one day and watching CNN, I heard about Arkan's Tigers and their rape-squads . . . I spoke to my commanding officer the next day and told him I wanted to be at the tip of the spear, so that is where I grew up, I went to Albania, I saw first-hand the horrors of war.  Did I go for glory?  No, I went because I was ashamed at how poorly we handled Bosnia, and I was not going to see that happen again, not without at least trying to do something about it.  And even though I served there, I still felt shame after watching this film, because we stood by as the keepers of peace and allowed this to happen.  What is our grand city upon a hill if not a beacon of hope for the hopeless?]

If you watch this film, thank you, because not many will.  It doesn’t promise them sexy action stars nor CGI special-effects, it’s about a bunch of people you have never heard of in a country you can’t pronounce that really suffered, and really should be required viewing for anyone eager for war.  Ever.

Review by Alyn Darnay

Directed by: Drew Goddard

Cast: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Fran Kranz, Jesse Williams, Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford

Let’s start this review by saying “The Cabin In The Woods” is one of the best horror films to come around in the past few years, probably not since the original Scream (1996), and I became an instant fan. Which in itself is strange, made even stranger because it’s been sitting on MGM’s shelf for the past three years and for all anyone knew could have disappeared there forever. But, it finally comes out on Friday the 13th and it’s bound to become an instant classic. The audience I saw it with was a mix bag of ages and groups and I don’t think a single person disliked it. They laughed, screamed, and stared at the screen in disbelief. What more could you want in a film?

Here’s the story plain and simple, five friends go to a remote cabin in the woods. Bad things happen and don’t stop. Why? What’s going on here? Will it ever stop? Will any survive? Typical huh? Not on your life, not this time, this one’s twisted and fun. If I tell you more it’ll subverted any of the expectations and surprises that accompany the film to such wicked effect. Suffice it to say, whatever you think this is about, surrender it as you enter the theater. And please, for your own sake and to insure that you’ll get maximum impact from the film, don’t watch the trailers or listen if someone wants to tell you about it.

Written by Joss Whedon & Drew Goddard, and directed with bravura style by Mr. Goddard, the movie is a strange and wonderful amalgam of genres. Here’s what they did to achieve it. They got a blender and put equal parts of Buffy, Angel, Lost, and Alias into it, because that’s pretty much what they’d been working on for several years, then they added the set from Evil Dead II, a lot of misdirecting off-the-wall twists, the requisite college students to torment, a pinch of sci-fi, some disgruntled employees, a little humor, and then they poured in the gore. Hit the button and they got an absolutely brilliant movie that renders all past and future examples of this genre nothing more than superfluous. It’s amusing, ingenious and unexpected.

I’m not a big horror genre fan, I was once, but frankly nowadays I just find the films repetitive and stale. However, this film changed that for me, it turns the form on its head and showed me how exciting and entertaining it can be in the hands of talented people with fresh ideas.

“The Cabin In The Woods” is a definite must-see for horror film fans and for the rest of us. So I’m telling you straight out, go see this movie!

Time: 1 hour 45 minutes
Rated “R” – Strong, bloody horror violence and gore, language, drug use and some sexuality/nudity

“Paradise can go fuck itself.”

The H-Bomb:  Lately, the life of Hawaiian lawyer Matt King (George Clooney) has been looking a lot like a tsunami.  He’s being pressured by his many cousins to sign off on a deal to sell a large chunk of land on Kauai, land they all inherited from their ancestors.  The deal would make millions for all of them, but would also lead to the destruction of this beautiful land to make way for condos and resorts.

In addition to that, Matt also has to contend with his two daughters; ten year old Scottie (Amara Miller), who has been making waves with her photography and certain comments about female puberty, and seventeen year old Alex (Shailene Woodley), a prototypical wild child who is off at a reform school for boozing, drugs, and boys.  Matt has never really been that comfortable in his role as a father, and thinks of himself as being “the understudy…  the back-up parent.”

But where is his wife?  Well, that is probably the most destabilizing factor in Matt’s life right now.  His wife was involved in a boating accident that has left her in a coma.  And even though Matt has been holding out hope while holding her hand and cleaning out her bedpan, one day her doctor sits him down to deliver the bad news, that her condition has worsened and she won’t be waking up.

Now Matt has to figure out how to break the news of his wife’s imminent death to all of their friends and family, including his two daughters and his temperamental father-in-law, Scott (Robert Forester).  The older daughter, Alex, has been estranged from her mother for a few months, and when Matt finally confronts her about it, she reveals a secret about her mother that hits him like an A-Bomb.  Something that will forever affect the way Matt feels about his dying wife.  I won’t give away what it is, though the trailer already did so for me, as did some of the Oscar clips.

It’s this revelation that sends Matt on a journey, both an actual physical journey to discover the truth about his wife, and an internal one, in which he reflects on his own life as a husband and a father, and how he could have done a better job at being both.

The Descendants is the latest dramedy from Alexander Payne, the director who also brought us such bitter-sweet films as About Schmidt and Sideways.  I happen to be an enormous fan of Sideways.  It was actually my favorite film of 2004, and I actually had the opportunity to tell Payne so in person when I, by chance, ran into him in Cannes in 2005, mere months after winning the Academy Award for adapting the screenplay for that film.  (H-Man Aside: He couldn’t have been nicer)

He has now taken home his second Oscar for co-writing the script for this one, based on a book by Kaui Hart Hemmings.  Like with Sideways, the award was richly deserved, but is The Descendants as good as Sideways?  Not quite.  It’s about as close to it as I could’ve expected it to be, but being a struggling writer myself, I was able to relate to the protagonist of Sideways more, and, for me, it‘s just a funnier movie.  With The Descendants, Payne has toned down the scathing humor in an attempt to tell a more sincere story.  That’s not to say it isn’t there, since, as usual, Payne finds ways of finding amusement in otherwise serious situations; like the dumbass kid making fun of Matt’s senile mother-in-law, or Matt giving his seventeen year old daughter a spanking in his wife’s hospital room.  The film is laced with this kind of muted humor, placed in just the right spots, to keep the drama from turning it into a Lifetime movie of the week.

Like with his previous films, Payne gives us characters who feel like people plucked right out of real life.  This isn’t the tourist view of Hawaii, though there is some lovely Hawaiian scenery on display, this is Hawaii from the people who actually live there.  As Matt lays out in his opening narration, just because they live in “paradise” doesn’t mean there lives are just one long vacation, they still have to work, pay taxes, and die, just like the rest of us.  Payne has a talent for making us care about flawed, but fundamentally, good people, and here he has worked his magic again.  At the beginning, I wasn’t liking any of these characters, but they change subtly through the story, and by the end, I found myself actually moved by what they had been through.

Another thing Payne has a talent for is casting the perfect actors from top to bottom.  Everyone, from Clooney all the way down to Beau Bridges and his little bit, is just fantastic.  Twin Peaks fans will have fun spotting Michael Ontkean as one of Matt’s cousins, and Matthew Lillard turns up in a crucial role as a man who has both business and personal ties to Matt.  Holy shit, I didn’t even know that guy was still alive!

All kidding aside, Clooney is really at his best as this Hawaiian “everyman,” and I’m going to go ahead and say it, he should have won the Best Actor Oscar for this.  As good as Jean Dujardin was in The Artist, I feel Clooney’s performance was the better of the two.  Woodley, who I’ve never seen before, was just a revelation as Matt’s older daughter Alex.  At the start, she’s a shallow, self-absorbed bitch, but once her father delivers the news about her mother, there’s a great moment where she instantly turns into an actual human being.  Miller is also excellent as the younger daughter who Matt tries to shelter the news about his wife from.

Again, this is a perfect cast in a near perfect film.  Why near perfect?  Well, it is kind of languidly paced in spots, which will have the A.D.D. crowd picking their butts and crying boredom, and the characters, though ultimately sympathetic, are a little off-putting when we first meet them.  But those minors things aside, I don’t think I’m overstating anything when I say The Descendents is another masterpiece of suburban dysfunction from Payne.  It’s a film that’s both heartfelt and hilarious, and one that everybody should see.

“If you’re not willing to give up everything, you’ve already lost.”

Swift shot:  How many times have you run into people claiming to be SEALs?  Odds are, they were lying.  With rare exceptions, the silent operators of the deep will emerge from the frosty surf long enough to do their duty and then sink back to the darkest depths.  That is why I was shocked to hear active-duty SEALs were cast in this film, and (for our screening at least) the Bandito Brothers explained why before the film began in a short tribute to the elite warriors.  These are not actors, but they sure as hell deliver the action!!  Act of Valor is an exceptional military action film, which should be required viewing for anyone looking to join the service, any military service, during a time of conflict . . . i.e. WAR!  The above image was a live action sequence that the Bandito Brothers had one chance to capture, of an actual SEAL team embarking to a sub.  While this shot is epic, the next shot in this sequence is something you have to see on the big screen!

A lot of controversy has surrounded the access to the Teams for this film, and casting active duty personnel must be giving someone in the Naval Special Warfare headquarters a friggin’ ulcer, but, somehow, this film hit the can.  My opinion on it is this, no real sources were revealed, names were changed and hopefully if the bad guys are taking notes, it will just flush them out into some well-devised trap wherein the actors will get a chance to face their . . . critics . . . toe to toe.  I could live with that.

Much like a Law & Order episode, the film’s plot is ripped right from mission files of the Navy SEALs, and I won’t give away too much here.  Essentially, a duo of really bad school friends decide they want to strike inside America and make a larger statement than 9/11.  They both have their special skills, and when they reunite after years being apart, their union is something that we can’t allow . . . send in the SEALs!

The film’s narrative is read throughout as a letter to a son, as lessons are to be learned, morals taught, right and wrong determined, values earned in a perceived world where words mean nothing without action.  Each time pieces of the letter are read, it will sink in more and more their overall impact . . . leading to a dramatic final closing signature.  The film captures the hearth and hearts of these, often mis-portrayed, deadly men.  My favorite line from the letter is, “The worst part about getting older is that other men no longer see you as dangerous.”  No doubt, these men are incredibly dangerous, and more than a few times you will find yourself thinking . . . damn, I am glad they are on our side!

If you have ever seen Navy Seals, you have an icon, a stereotype, about what these men should be like.  But, the most chilling aspect of the film shows how ‘normal’ they are, there are no idiotic scenes akin to Charlie Sheen jumping from a moving jeep on a bridge just to avoid a wedding, crap like that is not even a thought to these men.  They are lethal, when necessary, and live life on the edge, at work, but at home they try to be the best providers for their families and balance their mortality with morality.  The only verified SEAL that I ever met was the most down to earth person.  It was refreshing to see Hollywood go to the ‘source’, for a change.

After I just got done reading my Drill Instructor’s EBook, Friends from Damascus, it was awesome to see some of the same types of action-sequences play out in the theater.  When the live-rounds are being peppered into a Quick Reaction Force vehicle, and it almost turns into dust as the SWCC bubbas light it up from the river, it’s like a symphony of precise destruction.  One thing I found interesting, given the current political seascape, was the use of female pilots used for the insertion craft sequences – personally, I couldn’t care less, if they can do the job, and the SEALs can live with it – - – who can argue with that?

This film is just one bad-ass ride at the movies; little dialog is necessary when the action takes the center stage.  And, every critic’s favorite action-flick lament, “But where was the character development?’ goes nowhere here, because these weren’t characters, it was more like watching the actual troops reenact a previous engagement for our viewing pleasure.

Ok, Rick, you LOVED it, we get it, then why not five stars?  Well, this is where I found myself puzzled.  I expected the SEALs to not be able to act, and with the exception of a few scenes with Senior Chief, that held true.  Still, I am not about to say they sucked . . . they can find me fairly easily, heh.  The folks who were supposed to be the actors, didn’t bring their A-game, or maybe they did, but it wasn’t good enough.  Perhaps that is understandable, because they may have been incredibly intimidated.  But, in one scene, that was supposed to be emotionally riveting, the Christo actor (Alex Veadov) dropped so painfully in and out of his accent that I was actually expecting to hear – “CUT!”

But, if you live for hardcore action, you can’t do much better than this, because it is the real deal, the covert, presented in overt glory just so you can understand what true sacrifice these men live with everyday, the threat of death is something they face . . . everyday . . . so that you don’t have to come toe to toe with the enemy.  Oddly enough, when the final credits rolled, I turned to Amadarwin and said, “I think we are going to war soon,” because the film has that feel, much like Pearl Harbor was released right before we were hit in 2001.  It feels like a readiness drill.

I would like to take a few lines here to remember these brave warriors of the night who met their deaths while we all worried about petty things like bills, social networking and gas-prices . . . we are already at war, these Damn Few already know it!  Semper Fi Team Six-  “. . . the dead included 25 Navy SEALs from SEAL Team Six.”

“House Keeping”

Swift shot: I N T E N S I T Y – Intensity, Intensity, Intensity!

Ever have one of those “boring” jobs where you wish something would happen . . . anything, just to kill the monotony of your daily existence?  Well, Matt Weston, of the Central Intelligence Agency has one of those jobs.  He is a safe house keeper, meaning he provides an off the grid location for the Agency to put up friendly, and not so friendly, guests as the situation demands.  He has been the sole proprietor at his safe house in Cape Town, South Africa for 12 months.  Poor Matt hasn’t even had one guest stop on by.  Think your job sucks?  Director Daniel Espinoza does an excellent job in the opening sequence of developing the boredom so we can all relate, using a little Steve McQueen nod as well, right out of The Great Escape I should add.  And, escape is exactly what Matt Weston is seeking . . . escape from this most uninteresting assignment, ever.  Thing is, as the old adage goes, be careful what you wish for, especially when you work for the CIA, because excitement can come in many forms!  And in “Safe House” it comes in the form of CIA spook, legend, boogeyman (insert other cliched titles here) Tobin Frost.

I heard NBC’s Matt Lauer said this one is “non-stop action”, and the hell if he wasn’t dead on!  Other than the opening sequence where we feel for Matt (Reynolds) to have even one guest, something, anything significant happen, when the shit hits the fan, it really is non-stop, in your face close quarters battles, gunfights on the streets of South Africa, car chases, foot chases, explosions, snipers, knives, broken glass and whatever the hell can deliver violence.

Matt quickly learns he may, or may not, be on the wrong side of the equation when he first gets introduced to his house guest, Frost (Denzel).  Frost literally re-wrote the book on psychological manipulation for the Agency (AKA mind-fucking), and now he is a victim of his own design.  Frost has been a rogue agent for over nine years and specializes in selling secrets to the highest bidder, at this point he is not interested in being a patriot, he just wants his money and understands that eventually everyone betrays everyone.  But Frost has one rule . . . he only kills professionals.

Not since “Training Day” have I been pinned to my seat just waiting for the next sequence to shock me.  Some lady sitting next to me must have said “shit!” twenty times as things kept going blam, splat, or boom and caught her unaware each time.  Much like real violence, it is brutal and comes seemingly out of nowhere, because that is when it is the most effective.  I mean, how many idiots call out, “Hey, you!” before opening fire?  The action sequences were incredibly well shot, crashes were believable, characters actually get dirty, beaten and bloody.  Continuity in this film was tight!  Overall it was a full-throttle spy thriller with plenty of bad guys, bullets and bravado.

So, why not five stars?  Well, to reveal that might be to include a spoiler as I didn’t much care for how the whole thing finally played out in the end.  Also, there should be a rule for modern cinema, we can tolerate bare-assed Ryan Reynolds if we get a likewise bare-assed beauty in Nora Arnezeder (come on, she is French, so we know she isn’t prudish).  A glancing side boob shot is not gonna cut it, what happened to women’s lib?  Where is the equality!?!  Other than those two things though (pun intended), this movie has no flaws!  See it at the theater if you can, and if you have a kick ass system at home, more power to you, because this will be fun wherever you watch it.  I wish all “spy” movies were this good!

“I don’t sit in while you’re running it down.  I don’t carry a gun.  I drive.”

The H-Bomb:  A movie stunt driver/mechanic (Ryan Gosling) moonlights as a getaway driver for various underworld characters as they do their various underworld things (usually robberies).  He gives them exactly five minutes to do whatever they’re there to do, and if they’re even one second late, he’ll take off and leave them on their own.  We never learn much about this driver, not even his actual name, just that he’s very good at what he does, and he’s a strict believer in minding his own business.  He’s a loner by choice and only speaks when he has something to say, which isn’t very often, and the closest thing he has to a friend is his boss, garage owner Shannon (Bryan Cranston).

Shannon has a lofty plan of putting the driver on the racing circuit, where he believes, not unreasonably, that his driver will excel.  He goes to his old gangster friend, Bernie (Albert Brooks), to borrow four hundred grand for a stock car, and after Bernie gets a gander of what the driver can do on the racetrack, he agrees.  It seems that things are looking up for Shannon and the Driver, but then something happens… the Driver meets a girl (Carey Mulligan).

Her name is Irene, she lives on the same floor of his apartment building, and she’s taking care of her young son on her own while her husband is in prison.  They don‘t exchange many words, but there clearly is a connection between them, and as the Driver spends more time with Irene, he even becomes a kind of surrogate father to her son.  This makes things a little awkward at first when Irene’s husband, Standard (Oscar Isaac), is released from prison.

But before Standard gets the chance to really grill the Driver about the affair he may or may not have had with his wife, his old prison buddies, who he owes protection money to, come calling, wanting him to hold up a pawn shop.  As a favor, the Driver agrees to sit behind the wheel of the getaway car.  It looks like a typical in and out job that he’s done a hundred times before, and nothing could go wrong…  famous last words.

Unfortunately for the Driver, nothing goes according to plan, and the fallout could have very violent repercussions for not only him, but for Irene, her son, and Shannon, as well.

I don’t think I’m overstating a thing when I say that “Drive” is quite possibly the best film of 2011 that you haven’t seen.  I myself was a little hesitant to sit down and watch it, because after all the positive buzz I’ve heard about it on the Internet, I was afraid that it might have been over-hyped for me.  I was dead fucking wrong.  It absolutely, for me, lived up to the hype, and now I couldn’t be more happy to join the chorus in singing its praises.

Based on the novel by James Sallis, “Drive” is a tense, slow burner where the dialogue is sparse and the violence is fast and brutal.  I’m talking point blank shotgun blast to the side of the head, fork jammed in the eyeball kind of brutality.  It’s a hard R-rated movie with a stiff dick and a hefty set of testies, with real brains and a sense of artistry behind it, the likes of which we don’t see nearly enough of these days.

Danish director Nicolas Winding Refn (“Bronson”, another bad ass motherfucker of a flick I highly recommend) does an excellent job creating the bleak, unforgiving world these people inhabit.  It’s a world where the shit is stacked so high that no one can stay completely above it, no matter how hard they try.  Refn gives the film a stark, modern Noir visual style, especially during the nighttime driving scenes, which is complemented perfectly by Cliff Martinez’s evocative score and his use of 80’s pop tracks at the beginning and end of the film.  It has the look and feel of a Michael Mann film, except on a significantly lower budget.

Refn also manages to pull some tremendous performances out of his top notch cast.  This isn’t really an Oscar movie, but the Academy shall forever live in shame for not recognizing Gosling’s turn for the award caliber performance that it is.  What he does in “Drive” is the epitome of an actor doing a whole lot with very little.  As stated, he has precious few lines in the movie, but he has a face that says so much that he really doesn’t need much dialogue.  His relationship with Mulligan’s Irene has the richest chemistry of any I’ve seen in recent memory, and it’s one that’s built mainly on silent gazes.  You can tell from his face whether or not he likes someone, and he does it in a way that is totally natural.  Gosling is the poo, shame on you, Academy!  Shame on you!

Also, shame on you for overlooking Albert Brooks’ terrific work in this.  Bernie the gangster is the kind of character you would never even think to cast Brooks as, but he’s brilliant. The guy plays a bad ass… and he’s completely, one hundred percent believable.  When he jams a knife into some poor schmuck’s throat, you will believe that he is the last person on the planet you would ever want to fuck with.

Bryan Cranston is also great as the gimp-legged Shannon, who provides a few laughs throughout.  Even when he’s bragging about how he shamelessly takes advantage of the Driver, he’s still likeable.  Ron Perlman gets a little hammy as Nino, a trash talkin’ Jewish gangster and Bernie’s partner in crime, but it’s still good to see him in there.

Now if all that isn’t enough to make you want to see “Drive”, then you obviously haven’t been paying any fucking attention.  This is one instance where the hype got it right.  It is one amazing, wild ass ride of a motion picture running on all cylinders.  It may sound like a B-movie from the plot description, but the A-list talent both in front of and behind the camera help raise it to a whole new level of awesome.  Don’t let this one leave you in the dust, check it out today!

“Everyone has lost something in the war.”

The H-Bomb:  Like many in my generation, I have grown up with the movies of Steven Spielberg.  Be it Indiana Jones or “Jurassic Park”, “E.T.” or “Jaws”, the man has an ability to create pure magic on film in a way that really no one else can.  Or at least he did.  To be perfectly honest, I don’t think this past decade has been Spielberg at his best.  “A.I.: Artificial Intelligence” had interesting aspects, but didn’t really work as a whole.  Ditto for “Minority Report”.  “Catch Me If You Can” went in one ear and out the other.  “The Terminal” I would argue is a genuinely bad movie, as is his remake of “War of the Worlds”.  And don’t even get me started on “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Expletive Deleted”.  For me, the only good film he’s made in the last ten years was “Munich”, which I do feel is a terrific movie that didn’t get anywhere near the recognition it deserved.  But that one aside, I can easily live without anything else he’s done.  Not to mention the man seems to have forgotten how to end a movie, filling them full of false endings and making them run at least a half hour longer than they should.

For all intents and purposes, it looked to me like the bearded one had lost his touch.  That’s why I was so pleasantly surprised by “War Horse”, a film that is harrowing and moving, and sees Spielberg back in fine form.  Based on the novel by Michael Morpurgo,  it tells the story of a down on his luck farmer (Peter Mullan, “Session 9″) who purchases a horse to work in his field just as the first World War is about to begin.  His wife (Emily Watson), thinks that the animal is useless and wants to get rid of it, but his son, Albert (Jeremy Irvine, excellent) immediately takes a liking to the gorgeous young horse and names it Joey.  When it looks as though the horse can’t be trained, Albert prevents his father from giving Joey a buckshot shampoo and sets about training the horse himself, and then defies the odds by doing exactly that.  But before long a storm rolls in and destroys the crops.  Completely broke, and with no way to pay the rent, the farmer is forced to sell Joey to a young British Army Officer, who intends to ride him into battle.

After Albert’s tearful pleas for him not to take the horse, the officer gives him his word that if he can, he will return Joey to him after the war.  But World War I was a particularly messy war in which nothing went according to plan, and over the course of four years, Joey finds himself being shuffled between many different owners and masters, on both sides of the conflict.  Each owner is very different from the last, but they all share one thing in common, they are all able to recognize that this is a very special horse that they have in their care.  Once he is old enough, Albert joins the army and goes off to fight, in hopes that he will be reunited with Joey.

“War Horse” is, a few minor flaws aside, an absolute triumph for Spielberg.  It has all the elements from Spielberg’s best films; it’s touching, if a tad sentimental, emotional, and rousing.  Fantastically crafted with stunning cinematography, it, much like “Saving Private Ryan” did, captures the visual beauty of everything, even something as ugly as war.  It’s theme of Albert’s unbreakable bond with Joey is one that will surely resonate with anyone who has ever owned and cherished a pet.  If there’s one thing Spielberg does better than anyone else, it’s being able to strike an emotional chord in the audience, and that’s very much evident here.

As the title clearly indicates, this is about a horse that goes off to war, so it’s easy to surmise that the horse is placed in jeopardy on a number of occasions.  The most grueling of which being when Joey gets himself “tangled” in the middle of no man’s land.  The sequence is difficult to watch, but plays out in a way that is rewarding and very “Spielbergian.”  It tugs on the heart strings, perhaps a little too deliberately, and if you’re one who is inclined to shed tears, then I recommend bringing tissues.  For the record, I’m not and I didn’t.  Cynics may condemn Spielberg for being emotionally manipulative, but frankly, who gives a rat’s rectum what they think?  For me, it worked, as I’m sure it will for most.

As for complaints, I would say there are times, mainly with character actions and the way certain events unfold, where the story stretched credulity almost too far.  It was never so unbelievable that it was absurd, but it did have me thinking, “Come on, would that really happen?”  Also, there were some interesting characters that I would have liked to have spent a little more time with, like the two German brothers who desert the army, as well as Joey’s German handler on the battlefield.  These were people I felt were a little short changed.  But the film’s biggest flaw, the one that most of Spielberg’s modern film’s suffer from, is that it’s too damn long.  It’s not that it had a series of false endings, but that the first act on the farm, which is kind of dreary, really should have been shortened.

But, these problems are miniscule, as “War Horse” is overall one terrific motion picture.  Joey’s journey is long and trying, but it’s one that is very much worth riding along on.  It’s not the best film I’ve seen this year, but it’s most definitely up there, and it has left me convinced that Spielberg has not lost his touch, after all.

The feel bad movie of Christmas.

The H-Bomb:  Remakes are considered by many to be an ongoing epidemic plaguing Hollywood.  Everyone bitches about them, they’re often sited as proof of how creatively bankrupt the movie industry has become, and overall they’re viewed as nothing more than cynical cash-ins.  Normally, I myself share these sentiments, viewing remakes as pointless, unoriginal, and undeserving of my time or money.  But in the case of David Fincher’s “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”, I can and must make an exception, because it is one remake that not only matches the original, but actually surpasses it.

Of course, this isn’t exactly a remake of the 2009 Swedish film, so much as it’s a new adaptation of the Stieg Larsson novel, which is the first entry in what’s known as the “Millennium Trilogy”.   The action is still set in Sweden, though everyone speaks English this time, and the plot is pretty much the same;  Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is a journalist who steps down from his magazine after being convicted of libel.  Soon after, he’s summoned out to an island owned by the rich and powerful Vanger family, where he is hired by Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) to investigate the disappearance of his niece, Harriet, who vanished 40 years ago, and who he believes was murdered by someone in the family.

The Vanger clan is a peculiar one, in which everyone lives in close proximity to each other, yet they never speak.  As Blomkvist conducts his investigation, he comes to find that some of the family members are more cooperative than others, and everyone seems to have something to hide.  Eventually, he finds himself in need of a research assistant, and turns to Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara), a punk computer hacker with a look and disposition that is somewhat unconventional, to put it mildly.  She’s a girl with a painful past, a frosty demeanor, and her own unique way of dealing with people who cross her, be it a purse snatcher in the subway or her lecherous social guardian.

Reluctantly, Lisbeth agrees to help Blomkvist with the investigation, and as they dig deeper into the mystery of Harriet’s disappearance, they find evidence that she might have been the victim of a serial killer.  Soon, they realize that their lives are in danger, as someone in the Vanger family does not want them to discover the truth about Harriet.  All the while, an unlikely attraction between Blomkvist and Lisbeth starts to develop.

While I did like the Swedish film of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”, I didn’t entirely love it.  I felt it had too many issues to make it a great film; the pacing was off, it was difficult to keep track of all the characters, it was too long, and I just didn’t feel as drawn into the story as I felt I should have been.  This new version rectifies most of these problems.  Right away, from an exhilarating, James Bond-style opening credits sequence, this thing just grabbed me tightly by the nuts and didn’t let go until its final, melancholy moment.  I can’t attest to whether this is more faithful to the novel, as I haven’t read it, but I can say, with certainty, that this new film is the version that I responded to more.  Throw bricks at me if you must, but I just flat out liked this one better.  And no, it has nothing to do with not having to read subtitles (though that certainly didn’t hurt).

Director Fincher and screenwriter Steve Zaillian not only fixed the first film’s imperfections, but actually improved on what that one got right.  The mystery is completely captivating, methodically building tension with Trent Reznor’s and Atticus Ross’ offbeat music score helping to create a feeling of unease throughout.  It moves at a deliberate pace, without ever becoming dull, and makes for a perfect companion piece to Fincher’s under-rated “Zodiac”, which this is, to me, reminiscent of, except with a lot more attitude.  As the two leads, Craig and Mara play off each other well, each giving it as good as they take it, and their chemistry is terrific.  Their rather chilly romance is perfectly believable, despite the age difference, which is brought up.

The film also doesn’t shy away from some of the uglier aspects of its Swedish counterpart, most notably the relationship between Lisbeth and her guardian.  I won’t say exactly what goes down, but things do get nasty, and it is just as potent in this version as it was in the original.  The guy sitting right next to me in the theater became visibly uncomfortable during these scenes, averting his eyes, squirming in his seat, and afterwards saying out loud, “This is too graphic for me.”  It does indeed get pretty rough, and if you’re of the squeamish variety, you may just want to avoid this altogether.  You may also want to pass on this if you’re a cat person, since something very bad happens to a certain feline at one point.

Much like Fincher’s previous film, “The Social Network”, this is very much an actor’s piece, and this time, he has brought some top level talent to the table.  As Blomkvist, Craig gives what I would say is his best performance outside of Bond.  I think he’s a tremendous improvement over the original Blomkvist, Michael Nyqvist.  Don’t get me wrong, Nyqvist was good, but Craig is sympathetic and charismatic in a way that he wasn’t.  Plummer, the veteran that he is, brings real gravitas to the role of the ailing Vanger patriarch.  He perfectly conveys the sadness of a man whose great wealth has brought him very little happiness and who has been tormented over the years by not knowing the fate of his beloved niece.  Stellan Skarsgard is just creepy as Martin Vanger, Henrik’s nephew.  Even when he’s being nice, he’s still just creepy, and that’s why I fucking love him.

Of the entire cast, the one I initially had doubts about, the one potential weak link, was the girl with the dragon tattoo herself, Rooney Mara.  It’s not just that Noomi Rapace, the original Lisbeth, seemed irreplaceable, it’s also that Mara seemed unlikely to be able to fill her Ass Kicker boots.  She was good in her bit in “The Social Network”, but if she had been anymore lifeless in the “Nightmare on Elm Street” re-dud, she would have been playing a corpse.  But, my concerns were misplaced, as she turned out to be every bit as amazing as Rapace ever was.  She’s tough, brilliant, sexy, and disturbed.  Her Lisbeth seemed to me to have a bit more warmth than Rapace’s, and by a bit, I mean a bit, as  the character still is emotionally cold and distant. At one point she dons a t-shirt that reads “Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck.”  Truly a chick after my own heart.  Mara has made the role of Lisbeth Salander entirely her own, and I do see some award nominations in her near future.

I would say she steals the film, except that the rest of the film is almost just as good.  Fincher, one of the best directors working today, has crafted a near masterpiece, marred only by over-length (the one flaw of the original they didn’t fix).  People who haven’t read the book or seen the Swedish film may get a little lost in spots, and the Lisbeth/guardian subplot may seem extraneous to those not familiar with the entire “Millennium Trilogy”.  I am a little nervous that they spent $100 million to make this thing, as this isn’t exactly a film that’s going to appeal to everyone, and if it fails to make its money back, it could prevent the rest of the trilogy from being made into films.  And that would be too bad, as “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a dark, gripping mystery that is, while tough to take at times, intelligently written and flawlessly acted.  Take it from the H, the feel bad movie of Christmas is one you do not want to miss!

Funny thing about trust . . . it melts in the presence of real terror.

Swift shot:  Terror is back!  Everything you ever wanted in a sci-fi horror flick . . . plus Norwegians! Fear and paranoia grips everyone; you’ll be guessing who “The Thing” is the whole film!  There are some grandiose shots, excellent special effects, but nothing is so over the top that it dwarfs the sequel’s efforts.  (The sequel shot in 1982)

Set in the early 80′s, like John Carpenter’s classic, this new film serves as a direct, seamless prequel to that incredibly fascinating, yet disturbing, feature. Based on a pulp novella written in 1938 by John W. Campbell, Jr., “Who Goes There” has now inspired three films.  I must confess, I have yet to see the 1951 film “The Thing From Another World” – which focused more on the Cold War according to my production notes.

Believe it or not, for many complicated reasons, I had never seen John Carpenter’s “The Thing” until this year!  Some film lover, right?  But, I am glad I waited, because I was primed for the prequel and intrigued with how a Dutch commercial director, Matthijs van Heijningen, was going to take a film set in the 80′s, release it in 2011, and make it all make sense without creating special effects that would be considered over the top by 1982′s standards.

The plot is basic, but the story is not.  Plot – alien crashes on Earth and chills out for a few hundred thousand years, wakes up with a mean hangover and an ability to mimic foes.  The story though is about the characters slowly, or rapidly in some instances, devolving into creatures of fear themselves.  Abject paranoia ultimately leads to carnage and lots of crispy critters.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World) led the cast with a startling performance as Kate Lloyd, a paleontologist who is offered the adventure of several lifetimes.  Initially, she is told only that she needs to make up her mind immediately and that the assignment is in Antarctica. Her invitation comes from one snarky, pompous Dr. Sander Halvorson who is played perfectly by Ulrich Thomsen, as you want to punch him square in the face several times throughout the film.  That’s all you need out of an actor, make the audience either love, loathe, or otherwise believe they are their character.  To whit, Thomsen deserves my respect – because I hated the man!

With a lot of these horror films, you get the typical walking cord-wood characters, lacking depth, little exposition and really only around so the leads don’t “get it” too early.  That is probably my only real fault with the film, many of the characters were exactly as I just described, pointless bags of flesh just waiting to die and/or become the Thing.  Still, some of them had more personality than others.  I’m no great fan of Eric Christian Olsen, but he was decent as the facilitator to put Kate in the story, after that not much is ever revealed about him.

With all these Norwegians running around you might think this film was subtitled throughout – yes, and no.  I really liked the clever use of Norwegian when it was convenient to hold secret council in front of other non-Norsk characters.  It was well deployed without being over used and gave more of that “trust no one” sense in those scenes. To make sure the whole film wasn’t just a bunch of drunk Norwegians running around starting fires, there were two American pilots in the camp.  Braxton Carter, played by Australian actor Joel (Owen Lars, anyone?) Edgerton [currently starring in "Warrior"] and Jameson played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Lost, Oz) who serves as Carter’s co-pilot.

The camp is headed by a turtle-neck clad Edvard Wolner, played by Norwegian actor Trond Espen Seim.  Odds are you haven’t seen him in anything, mindre du er Norsk?  Yea, I didn’t think so.

Everyone is afraid of something, maybe this Thing will keep you up at night . . . I know it would if I lived in Antarctica, for sure!  The effects are terrifying, on the same scale of purely horrifying creature sequences from Carpenter’s work.  You will not be disappointed; nothing looks overtly CGI, and the scenes where the Thing is pursuing its victims might just have your butt puckering ever so slightly.  Case in point, some deficient assbag in front of me (wearing a NY Jets hat, no less) kept talking out loud to his friend when shit started getting just a little too intense . . . pussy.  He was trying to remove himself from the film, I mean, need I say anymore?  A film that demands you separate from it so you don’t get too damaged . . . that’s a solid film!

Like all the other Things out there, this film focuses on paranoia – I read a quote from producer Eric Newman that I wanted to share here, “More than ever, we live in a time where if there is an enemy, it’s very likely that the enemy’s not someone you would suspect. The bad guys don’t wear uniforms anymore.”  This is the purest message about paranoia vs. trust and while the Cold War may be over, we are in a new war . . . a war on Terror, so fitting that “The Thing” is a metaphor for the old adage, trust no one and carry a large flame-thrower!

“The Thing” is definitely not for everyone, it’s scary, because . . . shit, it could be true, you don’t know!  How many of you have explored every square inch of our planet and aren’t we learning about new undiscovered species on a daily basis . . . still, in 2011?  I think what I overheard while leaving the theater sums it up beautifully, when a woman, probably in her mid-seventies, turned to her husband, “We need a flame-thrower now!”  This film is best viewed in theaters, because the effects and professional attention to detail simply demand it!

— Like “The Thing”? Then you’ll love the range of horror films on offer at LOVEFiLM, one of Europe’s largest DVD & video on demand services with over 70,000 titles and counting and plenty of free movies online without downloading.

Shut up, crime!

The H-Bomb: Frank D’Arbo (Rainn Wilson) is a schlubby everyman who lives an utterly unremarkable, and even slightly depressing life. He works as a short order cook in a dingy, disgusting, greasy spoon shit pit of a diner, and is married to Sarah (Liv Tyler), an ex-drug addict who doesn’t seem to be all that interested in him these days. One day he comes home to find that she has moved out. If that’s not bad enough, he then learns that she left him for local drug kingpin Jacques (Kevin Bacon), a walking, talking oil slick with a spine made of jello.

After confronting Sarah and unsuccessfully begging her to come home, Jacques’ men (including Henry himself, Michael Rooker) kick the shit out of Frank and leave him bleeding in the gutter. Later that night, after praying intensely, Frank has a dream (or is it a vision?), in which he’s touched by the “fingertip” of God. Inspired by this, and by an uber-lame Christian Superhero show he’s been watching, Frank realizes what he must do in order to win back his wife… become a real-life costumed vigilante and take on all the city‘s criminals.

So Frank transforms himself into the Crimson Bolt, a masked avenger who stalks the streets looking for crime. His costume is a crude, homemade red suit, his weapon of choice is a pipe wrench, and his credo is simple: You don’t steal! You don’t deal drugs! You don’t molest little children! You don’t butt in line! You break any of his rules, and he’ll break your fuckin’ head, just ask the poor fool who tried to cut in front of him in line at the movie theater. Needless to say, this “hero” is more Travis Bickle than Bruce Wayne.

Along the way, he meets Libby (Ellen Page), a comic store clerk who declares herself his sidekick and christens herself “Boltie.“ Her enthusiasm for crime fighting gives the word “overzealous” a whole new meaning. If anyone so much as keys a car, this rabid little Chihuahua will grab the heaviest bronze horse she can find and beat their bitch ass to death with it. Even Frank is put off by her bloodthirsty vitriol.

Together, they make criminals crap their pants and the public cheer their names, but Frank has not forgotten about his true mission; to rescue his wife from the clutches of Jacques, who has turned her into an addict all over again. Unfortunately, it won’t be that easy, because Jacques has discovered the Crimson Bolt’s true identity, and dispatches his thugs to take him out. Will the Crimson Bolt be able to bring down the drug gang and win back his bride? Or has Frank bitten off more than he can chew by trying to take a bite out of crime?

If some of this sounds familiar to you, don’t fret, you’re not the only one. Yes, “Super” sounds an awful lot like “Kick Ass“ on the cheap, and they do share superficial similarities. Both have “Average Joe” protagonists who become vigilantes without having any real clue what they’re doing. Both attempt to satirize the superhero genre. Both are subversive and audaciously violent. But that’s about where the similarities end, and when all is said and done, I say “Super” flat out kicks the ass of “Kick Ass”’ (and mind you, I liked “Kick Ass“ quite a bit).

So what makes “Super” the superior film in my view? A little thing called heart. “Super” has one, and “Kick Ass” doesn’t really. “Super”, while laced with darkly comic humor that weaves throughout the film, isn’t afraid to turn dramatic and sincere when the time is right. There are many introspective moments with Frank that are sincere and moving. One scene, in which Frank loses someone close to him, and another, in which he passionately espouses his philosophy, show that genuine emotions do exist in the world of “Super”, with the heroes’ motivations coming from a real, human place, where as in “Kick Ass”, with the exception of Big Daddy’s back story and fate, things are pretty much glib from start to finish.

That’s not to imply that “Super” is ever that dramatically weighty. This is, after all, a film from writer/director James Gunn, who got his start writing “Tromeo & Juliet”, for crying out loud. The way he blends the violence and humor in the film is pitch black and almost perversely funny. When Crimson Bolt drops a cinder block on the head of a tranny drug dealer, I was completely in stitches. Many of the laughs found within are of a “Oh my fucking God, I can’t believe they just went there” variety. You may feel guilty, even a tad creepy, for laughing at a lot of what goes on in this flick, but believe you me, you won’t be able to help yourself.

Gunn also takes a few choice swipes at religion, like the cheesy Christian superhero show which, among its many problems, shows what are supposed to be High School kids dressed in very inappropriately provocative clothing. Also, Frank’s own religious views are the catalyst of his many violent actions, things that Jesus most definitely would not do. Some will surely take particular offense to this, but me… I couldn’t fuckin’ get enough of it!

Another aspect I loved was how Gunn played on a number of superhero conventions. Batman won’t kill people, but the Crimson Bolt ultimately comes to believe that killing is the only way to shut crime up. Also, in an amusing running joke, people are always recognizing the Crimson Bolt as Frank, despite him being in mask and costume. I always thought it was a stretch how heroes were never recognized because parts of their faces were covered, so this was definitely a clever touch.

Themes and content aside, a film is only as strong as the actors who populate it, and in this case, Gunn has cast just about every role to perfection. It may be difficult to imagine Dwight Schrute as a head busting vigilante, but Wilson pulls it off marvelously. He especially impressed me with his handling of the more dramatic material, which I had never seen him do before. There’s a charm, sadness, and clumsiness mixed in with the darker, violent aspects of Frank/Crimson Bolt, and Wilson fuses them all flawlessly, making Frank one of the more interesting characters, not to mention superheroes, to come along in a while.

Page as Libby/Boltie… what is there to be said? She almost steals the whole fucking show. Think Juno dropped in a blender with her sick-as-fuck character from “Hard Candy”, and you only begin to get a picture of her in this. Watching this jacked up, over-caffeinated, pint-sized crime stopper doling out justice is downright disturbing. I have never seen Page like this, and if she and Wilson don’t at least receive Independent Spirit nods for this, then I’ll just as soon say fuck the ISA’s!

Tyler doesn’t really get much to do as Frank’s wife, but truth be told, I’ve never been her biggest fan, so for that I’m grateful. Bacon does a nicely slimy turn as Jacques, the big, bad villain of the picture, who’s neither all that big nor bad, but is enough to give the Crimson Bolt a run for his money. With his sleazy smile and cowardly demeanor, Bacon almost makes the guy likeable, in a weird way.

Gunn gives the movie a gritty, realistic look and does a fine job of handling the film’s various tones. While it’s mainly a black comedy, the serious and heartfelt moments don’t feel out of place. One could argue that things get off to a slow start, but I don’t agree. I think just the right amount of time was taken to establish Frank as a character, as well as his motivations.

In a time when it seems all superhero films must be 100% dark and somber, “Super” is a very welcome break from the pack. It’s an offbeat, eccentric comic book yarn (that’s not based on a comic) that’s brutally violent, shamelessly subversive, and wickedly funny… for those with a wicked sense of humor and a strong stomach. The prudish and squeamish, on the other hand, should probably seek their entertainment elsewhere.