“Everyone has lost something in the war.”

The H-Bomb:  Like many in my generation, I have grown up with the movies of Steven Spielberg.  Be it Indiana Jones or “Jurassic Park”, “E.T.” or “Jaws”, the man has an ability to create pure magic on film in a way that really no one else can.  Or at least he did.  To be perfectly honest, I don’t think this past decade has been Spielberg at his best.  “A.I.: Artificial Intelligence” had interesting aspects, but didn’t really work as a whole.  Ditto for “Minority Report”.  “Catch Me If You Can” went in one ear and out the other.  “The Terminal” I would argue is a genuinely bad movie, as is his remake of “War of the Worlds”.  And don’t even get me started on “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Expletive Deleted”.  For me, the only good film he’s made in the last ten years was “Munich”, which I do feel is a terrific movie that didn’t get anywhere near the recognition it deserved.  But that one aside, I can easily live without anything else he’s done.  Not to mention the man seems to have forgotten how to end a movie, filling them full of false endings and making them run at least a half hour longer than they should.

For all intents and purposes, it looked to me like the bearded one had lost his touch.  That’s why I was so pleasantly surprised by “War Horse”, a film that is harrowing and moving, and sees Spielberg back in fine form.  Based on the novel by Michael Morpurgo,  it tells the story of a down on his luck farmer (Peter Mullan, “Session 9″) who purchases a horse to work in his field just as the first World War is about to begin.  His wife (Emily Watson), thinks that the animal is useless and wants to get rid of it, but his son, Albert (Jeremy Irvine, excellent) immediately takes a liking to the gorgeous young horse and names it Joey.  When it looks as though the horse can’t be trained, Albert prevents his father from giving Joey a buckshot shampoo and sets about training the horse himself, and then defies the odds by doing exactly that.  But before long a storm rolls in and destroys the crops.  Completely broke, and with no way to pay the rent, the farmer is forced to sell Joey to a young British Army Officer, who intends to ride him into battle.

After Albert’s tearful pleas for him not to take the horse, the officer gives him his word that if he can, he will return Joey to him after the war.  But World War I was a particularly messy war in which nothing went according to plan, and over the course of four years, Joey finds himself being shuffled between many different owners and masters, on both sides of the conflict.  Each owner is very different from the last, but they all share one thing in common, they are all able to recognize that this is a very special horse that they have in their care.  Once he is old enough, Albert joins the army and goes off to fight, in hopes that he will be reunited with Joey.

“War Horse” is, a few minor flaws aside, an absolute triumph for Spielberg.  It has all the elements from Spielberg’s best films; it’s touching, if a tad sentimental, emotional, and rousing.  Fantastically crafted with stunning cinematography, it, much like “Saving Private Ryan” did, captures the visual beauty of everything, even something as ugly as war.  It’s theme of Albert’s unbreakable bond with Joey is one that will surely resonate with anyone who has ever owned and cherished a pet.  If there’s one thing Spielberg does better than anyone else, it’s being able to strike an emotional chord in the audience, and that’s very much evident here.

As the title clearly indicates, this is about a horse that goes off to war, so it’s easy to surmise that the horse is placed in jeopardy on a number of occasions.  The most grueling of which being when Joey gets himself “tangled” in the middle of no man’s land.  The sequence is difficult to watch, but plays out in a way that is rewarding and very “Spielbergian.”  It tugs on the heart strings, perhaps a little too deliberately, and if you’re one who is inclined to shed tears, then I recommend bringing tissues.  For the record, I’m not and I didn’t.  Cynics may condemn Spielberg for being emotionally manipulative, but frankly, who gives a rat’s rectum what they think?  For me, it worked, as I’m sure it will for most.

As for complaints, I would say there are times, mainly with character actions and the way certain events unfold, where the story stretched credulity almost too far.  It was never so unbelievable that it was absurd, but it did have me thinking, “Come on, would that really happen?”  Also, there were some interesting characters that I would have liked to have spent a little more time with, like the two German brothers who desert the army, as well as Joey’s German handler on the battlefield.  These were people I felt were a little short changed.  But the film’s biggest flaw, the one that most of Spielberg’s modern film’s suffer from, is that it’s too damn long.  It’s not that it had a series of false endings, but that the first act on the farm, which is kind of dreary, really should have been shortened.

But, these problems are miniscule, as “War Horse” is overall one terrific motion picture.  Joey’s journey is long and trying, but it’s one that is very much worth riding along on.  It’s not the best film I’ve seen this year, but it’s most definitely up there, and it has left me convinced that Spielberg has not lost his touch, after all.

The feel bad movie of Christmas.

The H-Bomb:  Remakes are considered by many to be an ongoing epidemic plaguing Hollywood.  Everyone bitches about them, they’re often sited as proof of how creatively bankrupt the movie industry has become, and overall they’re viewed as nothing more than cynical cash-ins.  Normally, I myself share these sentiments, viewing remakes as pointless, unoriginal, and undeserving of my time or money.  But in the case of David Fincher’s “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”, I can and must make an exception, because it is one remake that not only matches the original, but actually surpasses it.

Of course, this isn’t exactly a remake of the 2009 Swedish film, so much as it’s a new adaptation of the Stieg Larsson novel, which is the first entry in what’s known as the “Millennium Trilogy”.   The action is still set in Sweden, though everyone speaks English this time, and the plot is pretty much the same;  Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is a journalist who steps down from his magazine after being convicted of libel.  Soon after, he’s summoned out to an island owned by the rich and powerful Vanger family, where he is hired by Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) to investigate the disappearance of his niece, Harriet, who vanished 40 years ago, and who he believes was murdered by someone in the family.

The Vanger clan is a peculiar one, in which everyone lives in close proximity to each other, yet they never speak.  As Blomkvist conducts his investigation, he comes to find that some of the family members are more cooperative than others, and everyone seems to have something to hide.  Eventually, he finds himself in need of a research assistant, and turns to Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara), a punk computer hacker with a look and disposition that is somewhat unconventional, to put it mildly.  She’s a girl with a painful past, a frosty demeanor, and her own unique way of dealing with people who cross her, be it a purse snatcher in the subway or her lecherous social guardian.

Reluctantly, Lisbeth agrees to help Blomkvist with the investigation, and as they dig deeper into the mystery of Harriet’s disappearance, they find evidence that she might have been the victim of a serial killer.  Soon, they realize that their lives are in danger, as someone in the Vanger family does not want them to discover the truth about Harriet.  All the while, an unlikely attraction between Blomkvist and Lisbeth starts to develop.

While I did like the Swedish film of “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”, I didn’t entirely love it.  I felt it had too many issues to make it a great film; the pacing was off, it was difficult to keep track of all the characters, it was too long, and I just didn’t feel as drawn into the story as I felt I should have been.  This new version rectifies most of these problems.  Right away, from an exhilarating, James Bond-style opening credits sequence, this thing just grabbed me tightly by the nuts and didn’t let go until its final, melancholy moment.  I can’t attest to whether this is more faithful to the novel, as I haven’t read it, but I can say, with certainty, that this new film is the version that I responded to more.  Throw bricks at me if you must, but I just flat out liked this one better.  And no, it has nothing to do with not having to read subtitles (though that certainly didn’t hurt).

Director Fincher and screenwriter Steve Zaillian not only fixed the first film’s imperfections, but actually improved on what that one got right.  The mystery is completely captivating, methodically building tension with Trent Reznor’s and Atticus Ross’ offbeat music score helping to create a feeling of unease throughout.  It moves at a deliberate pace, without ever becoming dull, and makes for a perfect companion piece to Fincher’s under-rated “Zodiac”, which this is, to me, reminiscent of, except with a lot more attitude.  As the two leads, Craig and Mara play off each other well, each giving it as good as they take it, and their chemistry is terrific.  Their rather chilly romance is perfectly believable, despite the age difference, which is brought up.

The film also doesn’t shy away from some of the uglier aspects of its Swedish counterpart, most notably the relationship between Lisbeth and her guardian.  I won’t say exactly what goes down, but things do get nasty, and it is just as potent in this version as it was in the original.  The guy sitting right next to me in the theater became visibly uncomfortable during these scenes, averting his eyes, squirming in his seat, and afterwards saying out loud, “This is too graphic for me.”  It does indeed get pretty rough, and if you’re of the squeamish variety, you may just want to avoid this altogether.  You may also want to pass on this if you’re a cat person, since something very bad happens to a certain feline at one point.

Much like Fincher’s previous film, “The Social Network”, this is very much an actor’s piece, and this time, he has brought some top level talent to the table.  As Blomkvist, Craig gives what I would say is his best performance outside of Bond.  I think he’s a tremendous improvement over the original Blomkvist, Michael Nyqvist.  Don’t get me wrong, Nyqvist was good, but Craig is sympathetic and charismatic in a way that he wasn’t.  Plummer, the veteran that he is, brings real gravitas to the role of the ailing Vanger patriarch.  He perfectly conveys the sadness of a man whose great wealth has brought him very little happiness and who has been tormented over the years by not knowing the fate of his beloved niece.  Stellan Skarsgard is just creepy as Martin Vanger, Henrik’s nephew.  Even when he’s being nice, he’s still just creepy, and that’s why I fucking love him.

Of the entire cast, the one I initially had doubts about, the one potential weak link, was the girl with the dragon tattoo herself, Rooney Mara.  It’s not just that Noomi Rapace, the original Lisbeth, seemed irreplaceable, it’s also that Mara seemed unlikely to be able to fill her Ass Kicker boots.  She was good in her bit in “The Social Network”, but if she had been anymore lifeless in the “Nightmare on Elm Street” re-dud, she would have been playing a corpse.  But, my concerns were misplaced, as she turned out to be every bit as amazing as Rapace ever was.  She’s tough, brilliant, sexy, and disturbed.  Her Lisbeth seemed to me to have a bit more warmth than Rapace’s, and by a bit, I mean a bit, as  the character still is emotionally cold and distant. At one point she dons a t-shirt that reads “Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck.”  Truly a chick after my own heart.  Mara has made the role of Lisbeth Salander entirely her own, and I do see some award nominations in her near future.

I would say she steals the film, except that the rest of the film is almost just as good.  Fincher, one of the best directors working today, has crafted a near masterpiece, marred only by over-length (the one flaw of the original they didn’t fix).  People who haven’t read the book or seen the Swedish film may get a little lost in spots, and the Lisbeth/guardian subplot may seem extraneous to those not familiar with the entire “Millennium Trilogy”.  I am a little nervous that they spent $100 million to make this thing, as this isn’t exactly a film that’s going to appeal to everyone, and if it fails to make its money back, it could prevent the rest of the trilogy from being made into films.  And that would be too bad, as “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a dark, gripping mystery that is, while tough to take at times, intelligently written and flawlessly acted.  Take it from the H, the feel bad movie of Christmas is one you do not want to miss!

Funny thing about trust . . . it melts in the presence of real terror.

Swift shot:  Terror is back!  Everything you ever wanted in a sci-fi horror flick . . . plus Norwegians! Fear and paranoia grips everyone; you’ll be guessing who “The Thing” is the whole film!  There are some grandiose shots, excellent special effects, but nothing is so over the top that it dwarfs the sequel’s efforts.  (The sequel shot in 1982)

Set in the early 80′s, like John Carpenter’s classic, this new film serves as a direct, seamless prequel to that incredibly fascinating, yet disturbing, feature. Based on a pulp novella written in 1938 by John W. Campbell, Jr., “Who Goes There” has now inspired three films.  I must confess, I have yet to see the 1951 film “The Thing From Another World” – which focused more on the Cold War according to my production notes.

Believe it or not, for many complicated reasons, I had never seen John Carpenter’s “The Thing” until this year!  Some film lover, right?  But, I am glad I waited, because I was primed for the prequel and intrigued with how a Dutch commercial director, Matthijs van Heijningen, was going to take a film set in the 80′s, release it in 2011, and make it all make sense without creating special effects that would be considered over the top by 1982′s standards.

The plot is basic, but the story is not.  Plot – alien crashes on Earth and chills out for a few hundred thousand years, wakes up with a mean hangover and an ability to mimic foes.  The story though is about the characters slowly, or rapidly in some instances, devolving into creatures of fear themselves.  Abject paranoia ultimately leads to carnage and lots of crispy critters.

Mary Elizabeth Winstead (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World) led the cast with a startling performance as Kate Lloyd, a paleontologist who is offered the adventure of several lifetimes.  Initially, she is told only that she needs to make up her mind immediately and that the assignment is in Antarctica. Her invitation comes from one snarky, pompous Dr. Sander Halvorson who is played perfectly by Ulrich Thomsen, as you want to punch him square in the face several times throughout the film.  That’s all you need out of an actor, make the audience either love, loathe, or otherwise believe they are their character.  To whit, Thomsen deserves my respect – because I hated the man!

With a lot of these horror films, you get the typical walking cord-wood characters, lacking depth, little exposition and really only around so the leads don’t “get it” too early.  That is probably my only real fault with the film, many of the characters were exactly as I just described, pointless bags of flesh just waiting to die and/or become the Thing.  Still, some of them had more personality than others.  I’m no great fan of Eric Christian Olsen, but he was decent as the facilitator to put Kate in the story, after that not much is ever revealed about him.

With all these Norwegians running around you might think this film was subtitled throughout – yes, and no.  I really liked the clever use of Norwegian when it was convenient to hold secret council in front of other non-Norsk characters.  It was well deployed without being over used and gave more of that “trust no one” sense in those scenes. To make sure the whole film wasn’t just a bunch of drunk Norwegians running around starting fires, there were two American pilots in the camp.  Braxton Carter, played by Australian actor Joel (Owen Lars, anyone?) Edgerton [currently starring in "Warrior"] and Jameson played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (Lost, Oz) who serves as Carter’s co-pilot.

The camp is headed by a turtle-neck clad Edvard Wolner, played by Norwegian actor Trond Espen Seim.  Odds are you haven’t seen him in anything, mindre du er Norsk?  Yea, I didn’t think so.

Everyone is afraid of something, maybe this Thing will keep you up at night . . . I know it would if I lived in Antarctica, for sure!  The effects are terrifying, on the same scale of purely horrifying creature sequences from Carpenter’s work.  You will not be disappointed; nothing looks overtly CGI, and the scenes where the Thing is pursuing its victims might just have your butt puckering ever so slightly.  Case in point, some deficient assbag in front of me (wearing a NY Jets hat, no less) kept talking out loud to his friend when shit started getting just a little too intense . . . pussy.  He was trying to remove himself from the film, I mean, need I say anymore?  A film that demands you separate from it so you don’t get too damaged . . . that’s a solid film!

Like all the other Things out there, this film focuses on paranoia – I read a quote from producer Eric Newman that I wanted to share here, “More than ever, we live in a time where if there is an enemy, it’s very likely that the enemy’s not someone you would suspect. The bad guys don’t wear uniforms anymore.”  This is the purest message about paranoia vs. trust and while the Cold War may be over, we are in a new war . . . a war on Terror, so fitting that “The Thing” is a metaphor for the old adage, trust no one and carry a large flame-thrower!

“The Thing” is definitely not for everyone, it’s scary, because . . . shit, it could be true, you don’t know!  How many of you have explored every square inch of our planet and aren’t we learning about new undiscovered species on a daily basis . . . still, in 2011?  I think what I overheard while leaving the theater sums it up beautifully, when a woman, probably in her mid-seventies, turned to her husband, “We need a flame-thrower now!”  This film is best viewed in theaters, because the effects and professional attention to detail simply demand it!

— Like “The Thing”? Then you’ll love the range of horror films on offer at LOVEFiLM, one of Europe’s largest DVD & video on demand services with over 70,000 titles and counting and plenty of free movies online without downloading.

Shut up, crime!

The H-Bomb: Frank D’Arbo (Rainn Wilson) is a schlubby everyman who lives an utterly unremarkable, and even slightly depressing life. He works as a short order cook in a dingy, disgusting, greasy spoon shit pit of a diner, and is married to Sarah (Liv Tyler), an ex-drug addict who doesn’t seem to be all that interested in him these days. One day he comes home to find that she has moved out. If that’s not bad enough, he then learns that she left him for local drug kingpin Jacques (Kevin Bacon), a walking, talking oil slick with a spine made of jello.

After confronting Sarah and unsuccessfully begging her to come home, Jacques’ men (including Henry himself, Michael Rooker) kick the shit out of Frank and leave him bleeding in the gutter. Later that night, after praying intensely, Frank has a dream (or is it a vision?), in which he’s touched by the “fingertip” of God. Inspired by this, and by an uber-lame Christian Superhero show he’s been watching, Frank realizes what he must do in order to win back his wife… become a real-life costumed vigilante and take on all the city‘s criminals.

So Frank transforms himself into the Crimson Bolt, a masked avenger who stalks the streets looking for crime. His costume is a crude, homemade red suit, his weapon of choice is a pipe wrench, and his credo is simple: You don’t steal! You don’t deal drugs! You don’t molest little children! You don’t butt in line! You break any of his rules, and he’ll break your fuckin’ head, just ask the poor fool who tried to cut in front of him in line at the movie theater. Needless to say, this “hero” is more Travis Bickle than Bruce Wayne.

Along the way, he meets Libby (Ellen Page), a comic store clerk who declares herself his sidekick and christens herself “Boltie.“ Her enthusiasm for crime fighting gives the word “overzealous” a whole new meaning. If anyone so much as keys a car, this rabid little Chihuahua will grab the heaviest bronze horse she can find and beat their bitch ass to death with it. Even Frank is put off by her bloodthirsty vitriol.

Together, they make criminals crap their pants and the public cheer their names, but Frank has not forgotten about his true mission; to rescue his wife from the clutches of Jacques, who has turned her into an addict all over again. Unfortunately, it won’t be that easy, because Jacques has discovered the Crimson Bolt’s true identity, and dispatches his thugs to take him out. Will the Crimson Bolt be able to bring down the drug gang and win back his bride? Or has Frank bitten off more than he can chew by trying to take a bite out of crime?

If some of this sounds familiar to you, don’t fret, you’re not the only one. Yes, “Super” sounds an awful lot like “Kick Ass“ on the cheap, and they do share superficial similarities. Both have “Average Joe” protagonists who become vigilantes without having any real clue what they’re doing. Both attempt to satirize the superhero genre. Both are subversive and audaciously violent. But that’s about where the similarities end, and when all is said and done, I say “Super” flat out kicks the ass of “Kick Ass”’ (and mind you, I liked “Kick Ass“ quite a bit).

So what makes “Super” the superior film in my view? A little thing called heart. “Super” has one, and “Kick Ass” doesn’t really. “Super”, while laced with darkly comic humor that weaves throughout the film, isn’t afraid to turn dramatic and sincere when the time is right. There are many introspective moments with Frank that are sincere and moving. One scene, in which Frank loses someone close to him, and another, in which he passionately espouses his philosophy, show that genuine emotions do exist in the world of “Super”, with the heroes’ motivations coming from a real, human place, where as in “Kick Ass”, with the exception of Big Daddy’s back story and fate, things are pretty much glib from start to finish.

That’s not to imply that “Super” is ever that dramatically weighty. This is, after all, a film from writer/director James Gunn, who got his start writing “Tromeo & Juliet”, for crying out loud. The way he blends the violence and humor in the film is pitch black and almost perversely funny. When Crimson Bolt drops a cinder block on the head of a tranny drug dealer, I was completely in stitches. Many of the laughs found within are of a “Oh my fucking God, I can’t believe they just went there” variety. You may feel guilty, even a tad creepy, for laughing at a lot of what goes on in this flick, but believe you me, you won’t be able to help yourself.

Gunn also takes a few choice swipes at religion, like the cheesy Christian superhero show which, among its many problems, shows what are supposed to be High School kids dressed in very inappropriately provocative clothing. Also, Frank’s own religious views are the catalyst of his many violent actions, things that Jesus most definitely would not do. Some will surely take particular offense to this, but me… I couldn’t fuckin’ get enough of it!

Another aspect I loved was how Gunn played on a number of superhero conventions. Batman won’t kill people, but the Crimson Bolt ultimately comes to believe that killing is the only way to shut crime up. Also, in an amusing running joke, people are always recognizing the Crimson Bolt as Frank, despite him being in mask and costume. I always thought it was a stretch how heroes were never recognized because parts of their faces were covered, so this was definitely a clever touch.

Themes and content aside, a film is only as strong as the actors who populate it, and in this case, Gunn has cast just about every role to perfection. It may be difficult to imagine Dwight Schrute as a head busting vigilante, but Wilson pulls it off marvelously. He especially impressed me with his handling of the more dramatic material, which I had never seen him do before. There’s a charm, sadness, and clumsiness mixed in with the darker, violent aspects of Frank/Crimson Bolt, and Wilson fuses them all flawlessly, making Frank one of the more interesting characters, not to mention superheroes, to come along in a while.

Page as Libby/Boltie… what is there to be said? She almost steals the whole fucking show. Think Juno dropped in a blender with her sick-as-fuck character from “Hard Candy”, and you only begin to get a picture of her in this. Watching this jacked up, over-caffeinated, pint-sized crime stopper doling out justice is downright disturbing. I have never seen Page like this, and if she and Wilson don’t at least receive Independent Spirit nods for this, then I’ll just as soon say fuck the ISA’s!

Tyler doesn’t really get much to do as Frank’s wife, but truth be told, I’ve never been her biggest fan, so for that I’m grateful. Bacon does a nicely slimy turn as Jacques, the big, bad villain of the picture, who’s neither all that big nor bad, but is enough to give the Crimson Bolt a run for his money. With his sleazy smile and cowardly demeanor, Bacon almost makes the guy likeable, in a weird way.

Gunn gives the movie a gritty, realistic look and does a fine job of handling the film’s various tones. While it’s mainly a black comedy, the serious and heartfelt moments don’t feel out of place. One could argue that things get off to a slow start, but I don’t agree. I think just the right amount of time was taken to establish Frank as a character, as well as his motivations.

In a time when it seems all superhero films must be 100% dark and somber, “Super” is a very welcome break from the pack. It’s an offbeat, eccentric comic book yarn (that’s not based on a comic) that’s brutally violent, shamelessly subversive, and wickedly funny… for those with a wicked sense of humor and a strong stomach. The prudish and squeamish, on the other hand, should probably seek their entertainment elsewhere.

“I don’t know if I should help you or euthanize you.”

The Berggren Bottom Line: Crazy, Stupid, Love is sweet, smart, and moving. It is not carefree and lighthearted. Instead, it humorously brings the viewer through the monotony and difficulties of relationships. The story weaves through this maze of the grey areas of life with intelligence and depth. It made me laugh, reflect, and want to be a better person. Truth be told, it even threw dust in my eyes a couple times. This is a great film and you should see it.

Crazy. That’s what life is.

Stupid. That’s what we can become if we aren’t vigilant in the most important areas of our lives.

Love. It all seems to converge here. If we say we love, but our actions and words do not perpetually represent this, it dies.

Crazy, Stupid, Love is not just a movie. It is a very entertaining and worthwhile message about marriage and family. Yes, this is a great date movie. But you will carry it with you home as you process your own life in light of the circumstances and outcomes it presented.

“I want a divorce.”

It begins with these words. Let’s be honest. If you aren’t a heartless robot, those are hard words to hear. Most of us today are affected by divorce on some level, and it isn’t a pleasant memory. And although it seems a heavy place to begin a story, it effectively hooks the viewer immediately. With that, the maze begins. And don’t worry, it is filled with plenty of hilarity.

Steve Carell is likeable. Is there any question of that? He is the main character in this film. Sure, I am sad he is leaving The Office, but I think it’s the right call—especially considering roles like this. He can play the sarcastic and senseless jester bringing guiltless laughs flawlessly, but he can do so much more. Somewhat similar to Dan In Real Life, Carell once again plays a lost and dull aging man that desperately needs to rediscover a passion for life. And he does it splendidly, in a different context, in a way that is both fresh and heartrending.

It was both painful and hysterical to watch Carell clumsily thrust into the singles scene as a middle-aged man trying to blend in. He resembled a bull in a China shop wearing New Balance sneakers. This is all new to him since he married his High School Sweetheart. But these are the kinds of scenes you can watch over and over and laugh like it’s new each time.

Supported by a great cast including Julianne Moore, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Marisa Tomei, and even Kevin Bacon. This film is a freight train of charm, insight, and wisdom traveling together with humorous momentum toward positive resolutions. And it was not predictable. In fact, there is a big reveal that I totally didn’t see coming.

Crazy, Stupid, Love was deep, moving, and refreshing and thank you Hollywood for putting a high value on marriage in this movie.

Parents: Not for kids. This is for couples. That’s it.

Have you ever wondered the reaction Conan O’Brien had after NBC yanked him from the Tonight Show or what he really wanted to do about it? “Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop” delivers the goods!  The exact moment the decision is made to get around the whole “legally prohibited from being funny on TV” is revealed in this excellent documentary. 

Director Rodman Flender (yes, that is his real name) starts the tell-all with Conan explaining on the day of his last show that he was already planning a tour to keep himself fresh.  Conan just can’t stop entertaining people – EVER! Capturing the initial reaction to NBC’s decision to replace Conan with Jay Leno and the upheaval that followed, Flender gives an earnest backstage view of the tedious machinations that go into producing a seamless delivery for Conan’s millions of fans.  There are countless meetings with his writers to get everything set up: dates have to be realized; jokes have to be written; songs have to be prepared; and an order for everything has to be determined.

In an attempt to see if people will take to the dream, Conan decides to announce his tour dates and locations while the tour is still only a reality in his incredible imagination. Less than 30 minutes into the first day of ticket sales, venues in the East and Midwest already start selling out. (I admit I was at the first of two Chicago performances.)

Conan quickly learns how vast his nation spreads as their loyalty and dedication to him has, seemingly, no end.  They are willing to pay any price to let him know how much they appreciate the consummate entertainer.  They also make sure to let him know how much he would be missed on the Tonight Show.

We learn as the production is coming together, jokes are being written, and the first show is rapidly approaching; Conan has to tell his children that he is going on the road for a while, but he will do all he can to chat with them every day. Flender manages to capture a rare glimpse into the softer side of Conan, and the audience really feels how much this funny man loves his family.  And, while he feels the need to tour, it doesn’t mean he won’t miss his wife and kids.  It was something that I always assumed was the case, but seeing it first-hand had an amazing impact on me, and it only served to strengthen my admiration for him and seal my place as one of his followers.

While it is no secret that a lot of work goes into these tours, the film does a great job of showcasing that as we follow Conan and see how much he personally puts into each show every night. A person never goes without an autograph when asked, and he even has V.I.P. meet and greets at EVERY one of his shows. Conan gives back to his fans, and you can tell that it isn’t because there is a film crew present, it’s because he appreciates the support. Yet, as the tour continues on, Conan grows more and more frustrated and tired. He still does what he can to appease his flock, but it takes a toll on his body and it really comes across in this documentary.

The tour winds down, and Conan still does all he can to make his fans happy. His performance at the Bonaroo Music Festival in Tennessee becomes more than just putting on a show, as he is booked to start introducing performers, which leads to one of the more humorous goings on in the movie. The tour finally wraps up, and there is a lot of talk about how much fun it was regardless of the physical tolls paid.

Conan O’Brien truly can’t stop! This film brilliantly shows how much he loves to entertain and how it’s become the only thing he knows how to do anymore. The time he spends on the road and everything that is documented in the movie really shows that Conan cares about everyone around him.  His audience is the real reason he continues to do what he has done for the past 26 years now, and I hope he has at least that many years ahead of him.

I was fortunate enough to see this at the Peoria Theater, and I openly support local independent theaters. Places like the Peoria Theater, easily found at www.peoriatheater.com, show independent and foreign films that most times get overlooked. If you want to see young directors and movies that you will hear about later; get out and support your local independent theater while you can. . . let’s keep the screens dreaming.

You can get to the official site and see if any theaters are lucky enough to be showing this right now in your area, just click on Conan’s mug above.  I highly recommend you see this film; even Conan detractors will find it hard to dislike him after this backstage pass into the Conan O’Brien machine.

Swift shot: This one isn’t for the really young’uns – mature themes throughout, and I counted five deaths and one rather vicious torture scene leading to the demise of Bruce Campbell – that dude is everywhere!  Cars 2 is not a toddler friendly film, it is a spy thriller played out with cars.  It was incredibly ingenious, mind you, with spectacular style and beyond-comparison cinematography.  The grandiose feeling never got old, but what cost this a perfect five stars was that many of the Tow Mater jokes just didn’t cross the finish line.  McQueen’s story takes second place to Mater’s big international adventure.

The film flashes on screen with a top secret message to one Finn McMissile (Michael Caine) to rendezvous with his contact in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  From the first shots in the sea, the detail (in Disney 3D) was near impossible to believe – and sets the pace for the rest of the film.  These guys really spent some loving quality care to ensure the digital world was as real as possible.  Much like a James Bond film, Finn’s first encounter with the bad-guys is over-the-top as he uses all manner of devices to escape his demise.  And, as mentioned above, at least one death happens in the opening scene.  Words like death and kill were used with stark frankness, I hardly remembered this wasn’t Daniel Craig at times.  In short, there was violence and cars died.

A famous thrill-seeking billionaire, Sir Miles Axelrod (Eddie Izzard) has found a natural alternative to oil, called Allinol and wants to showcase his discovery to the world with a series of races across the globe – the World Grand Prix.  Back in Radiator Springs, Tow Mater is vying for time with McQueen who is back in town, briefly, and it seems he never took Tow Mater to any of his Piston Cup races.  More on that later.  Mater manages to get McQueen involved in the World Grand Prix, but being Mater, he manages to get himself in trouble at the first location, Tokyo.

There, Mater (Larry the Cable Guy) meets both Finn and his partner, Holley Shiftwell (Emily Mortimer) as a desperate American agent stows vital intelligence with Mater.  But, Mater keeps doing really stupid crap that starts to grate on McQueen (Owen Wilson).  When Mater costs McQueen one of the races though, he finally lays into his friend about always causing trouble.  He explains that’s why he never wanted him there at any of his Piston Cup races.  Mater, though devastated, hardly has the time to think as he is swept into a whirlwind spy thriller.  Very similar to “The Man Who Knew Too Little” or “The Man With One Red Shoe”, his British cohorts are convinced his stupidity is just a brilliant cover.

You have to pay attention while watching this film.  I know a lot of parents are expecting to take their kids to this and think they can shut off their mental engines and just enjoy the film – not so.  Your kid will not get the subtle, mature-themed intrigue – so get ready to do a lot of explaining, which will no doubt piss your neighbors off in the theater.  But, don’t worry, I imagine a steady chorus of kids pestering their parents about why Mater is shooting bullets or has to defuse a bomb.  It’s an interesting statement of the times I think, as we are in three theaters of combat as I write this review.  Maybe I am just old-fashioned, but I expect a tamer, kid-friendly experience when I see a Disney film.  Not sure how Walt would have felt about this one.  Still, the film was highly entertaining!

This film doesn’t come close to a “G” rating.  Sure, there is a moral message squeezed into the spy-thriller story as well, where McQueen reminds himself that he loves Mater because of his care-free, albeit foolish attitude . . . and at the end he encourages Mater to just be himself.

It was a lot of fun and the level of detail throughout was professional as you would expect from the Pixar team – and even the “Toy Story, Hawaiian Vacation” didn’t cut corners in production.  This is a film you should probably check out in theaters, much like “Super 8″, it deserves a vast screen so your eyes can take in all the fine points.  One thing I know for sure, this film will require several screenings to completely capture all the subtle nuances that add to the capacity to really immerse yourself in a completely fictional world, where there are no humans, just motor-craft.  Made me wonder, after seeing this movie, what might a Rick Swift car look like?  Heck, I wager you will be asking yourselves the same question.

You know his name. You know his number.

[ Rick Swift disclaimer - one of our old writers really was a pompous "critic type" - he's been shown the door, so I asked H-Man to replace his review - a review he didn't even sign I might add.  So you tell me, who got it right? ]

The H-Bomb: Back before “Casino Royale” was released in 2006, I was pretty much done with James Bond. I had been a fan of 007 since I was about 007 years old, but over the course of the Pierce Brosnan films, my interest in the series started to wane. Yes, Brosnan seemed like an ideal Bond, but let’s face it, his films (“Goldeneye” aside) were truly mediocre at best. After Pierce’s final outing, the campy crapfest that had him driving around an ice palace in an invisible car, dodging space lasers and Super Nintendo quality CGI, I had pretty much given up all hope for this series.

Then “Casino Royale” came along, and after its two and a half hours of ass kicking awesomeness, my faith was restored. Excising much of the silliness of the more recent films, it was darker, grittier, with a strong story based on Ian Fleming‘s first Bond novel, and a believably menacing, yet surprisingly human new Bond in the form of Daniel Craig. This was the James Bond film I had been wanting for years, and it did not disappoint. I was completely jazzed by the time the credits rolled on this baby, and I couldn’t wait to see it again. It instantly became my favorite Bond movie of all time. That was how I felt back in November of 2006. Now the question is, does it hold up some 4 ½ years later? Straight up answer: yes, it does.

The film, unlike other Fleming Bond adaptations, actually follows the plot of the book pretty closely, though granted, the story has been updated from the Cold War era to the post-9/11 world. Being that this is a reboot of the series, the film starts off with James Bond as a newly minted 00-Agent. It’s important to bear in mind that this is the beginning of 007’s career, because the James Bond on display here is often hotheaded, reckless, and at times overly cocky. His boss M (Judi Dench) considers him “a blunt instrument” and constantly frets over his bull-in-a-china-shop methods, but she can’t deny his effectiveness.

The story starts out with Bond tracking the source of funding of a vast terrorist group. A couple of chase scenes and a few dead bodies later, Bond finds himself on the trail a rather shady fellow known only as Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen). Le Chiffre acts as sort of a banker/money launderer for many terrorists the world over. However, unbeknownst to his clients, he has been playing the stock market with their money. After a major bet of his goes south, thanks to Bond, Le Chiffre is forced into a high stakes poker game in order to recoup the lost money so his “clients” won’t replace it with his blood. Unfortunately for him, James Bond happens to be the best poker player working for MI6, and he aims to clean Le Chiffre out so he’ll have no choice but to seek asylum and cough up any information he has on the terrorist network.

Since Bond is not fully trusted by the upper management, they send an accountant from the Treasury, a lovely young lady named Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), along to more or less keep tabs on Bond. Their relationship starts out strained, but eventually a mutual respect and attraction forms between them. This is about as far as I can go without crapping out spoilers (for the ten of you who haven‘t seen the movie at this late date), so I’ll sum it up with these questions: Can Bond keep his cool and beat Le Chiffre at his own game? Does Le Chiffre, literally or figuratively, have any tricks up his sleeve? Can Bond trust those around him? And, last but not least, how many hits with a thick, knotted rope can his testicles take?

Now, like I said earlier, having recently re-watched “Casino Royale”, I think it’s still pretty much as badass now as it was back in ‘06. Not only is this my favorite Bond film, it’s high up on my list of favorite action movies of all time. This is the first 007 adventure to come along in ages that felt fresh and energized and that wasn’t just going through the motions with generic villains planning generic, take over the world schemes.

The action scenes, from the amazingly staged Parkour chase, to the brutal, dirty stairwell fight, had a visceral feeling that the action from past movies didn’t have. They’re violent (by PG-13 standards), ugly, and genuinely exciting in a way that they have never been. It also helps that these scenes, unlike other modern action flicks, were shot and edited in a way that we, the audience, could actually tell what the hell was going on, instead of relying on shaky cam and super quick editing (if only “Quantum of Solace” had done the same).

Another thing I like is the real suspense that the film manages to build throughout. It would seem impossible to have suspense in a Bond movie, since we know that Bond won’t die. But this film figures a way around this. Yes, Bond won’t die, but, unlike in the past, this is a Bond who is not an indestructible superhero. This is a Bond who sweats, bleeds, makes mistakes, and could potentially fail a mission.

To me, this is what sets Daniel Craig apart from the other Bonds, aside from his blond hair. He has a human quality that the others lacked. He is one tough motherfucker, but there’s also a vulnerability to him. As his relationship with Vesper develops, we find that there is a heart under the muscular exterior… a heart that can be broken. His Bond also doesn’t make jokey quips after killing someone. He is all business and no bullshit when it comes to this aspect of his work, as demonstrated when, after a particularly messy kill, he runs straight to a bottle of bourbon to calm his nerves.

What also makes this one stand out from the rest is that there is no Moneypenny for him to banter with, and no Q giving him any high-tech gizmos to get him through a mission. Some fans have bitched about this, but I’m glad they’re not there. The scenes with Moneypenny just wasted screen time in the later films, and I prefer Bond having to use his brains to get out of a jam, rather than relying on some Sci-Fi what-have-you from Q branch. I also like that they held off on using the famous Bond theme music, saving it for the very end after Bond utters his legendary introductory line. It made me appreciate it all the more.

Many people pitched a fit when Craig was initially cast, but I was not one of them, and now I sit back and smile at how vindicated I feel. He truly makes this iconic character his own, and I can’t get enough of his two-fisted take on the role. I take one look at his intense, blue eyed stare, and I have zero doubt that this guy is a trained killer who could seriously fuck people up. I would definitely not want to get on his bad side.

Craig’s Bond is matched perfectly by Eva Green’s Vesper. She has a mysterious, almost ethereal air to her, and she plays the role with both heart and intelligence. She is far more interesting than the average Bond Girl, and when the two characters fall for each other, I believe it, despite the fact that Green is given a truly awful line of dialogue to deliver at one point during their romance (Hint: It has to do with smiles and little fingers). Overall, Vesper is a very welcome break from the many vapid women that 007 has bedded over the years.

Mads Mikkelsen is terrifically slimy as Le Chiffre, a cowardly little weasel with a bleeding eye whose goal is not world domination, but simply to save his own bacon. He’s not the cackling, over-the-top megalomaniac that we’ve come to expect from this series, and I love him for it. Jeffrey Wright has a few great moments as Bond’s CIA ally Felix Leiter, I just wish he was given more to do, and Judi Dench makes a welcome return as Bond’s boss, M. The scenes where she goes toe-to-toe with Craig are dynamic, and she gives bar none her best performance as this character.

Director Martin Campbell, who helmed Brosnan’s debut, “Goldeneye”, completely tops himself here. He gives the film a classy, sophisticated look that recalls the early Connery films. Not only does he manage to make the lengthy poker scenes not boring, but actually wrings some real tension out of them. And did I mention that his handling of the action scenes is absolutely amazing. And if it was his idea to tweak the iconic gun barrel shot in the ingenious way that it has been tweaked, then bravo!

Is there anything for me to whine about? Sure. I could complain about how most of the movie’s action is loaded into the first act, and that it takes a little too long for the actual story to get going, and that the theme song by Chris Cornell kind of sucks… but I won’t. Those things don’t take away from my enjoyment of the film at all. “Casino Royale” is the defibrillator shock to the heart that this aging franchise desperately needed, and it made me into a 007 fan all over again. I’m really intrigued by the direction the series is taking with Craig, and all I have left to say is, bring on Bond 23 already!

Limacher Low Down: Source Code is a well told story full of WHAT THE F^!K moments that will keep you on the edge of your seat trying to figure out not only what happens next, but also what just happened! I rarely find myself sitting in a movie not questioning the reality of what is going on, but also to be so drawn into what is going on that makes every scene more intense and fulfilling than the last. Rest assured that this movie packs more punch in a PG-13 rating than many of its R Rated counterparts in this day. If you want to go for a ride that as soon as the credits roll, you’re ready to go again; then I suggest you enter the Source Code.

Source Code is an intriguing story which takes a soldier and uses him to enter the mind of someone else. Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) is the first person to test a unique and new system of doing this very science called “the Source Code”. He is asked to have his mind “transported” into the body of a passenger on a train that has been blown up outside of Chicago, which is an apparent terrorist attack. Colter has eight minutes to seek and find the person or persons responsible for the attack, and do what he can to thwart the attempt.

Colter has distorted visual and audio contact with the people overseeing the project, Colleen Goodwin (Vera Farmiga) and Dr. Rutledge (Jeffrey Wright). These two are the only contact he has to give him the greater understanding of his mission, and to also fill him in on any possible background information. He observes everything that happens around him and starts looking for suspicious people any way he can. The only person who knows the person he is in the body of on the train is Christina Warren (Michelle Monaghan), whom Colter starts to feel closer to each time he enters the train once again.

Colter has multiple attempts to figure out who might be the terrorist or terrorists and has difficulty pin-pointing the culprit. The only fortunate thing for him is that people don’t remember what he did the last time before his time “ended”. Colter, working against the clock, and with the help of Colleen and Dr. Rutledge, starts to get more information about how to make the mission successful. While trying to figure out who may be behind the attack, he also attempts to figure out why he was chosen to be the first person to attempt this new science. This doesn’t skew away from the plot, in fact it adds a whole new dimension of holy shit!

The closer Colter comes at times, the further he gets away from something else which makes this more than just a mission for him, but a set of missions that he only has eight minutes at a time to piece together. Every piece of the puzzle that is this movie fits together nicely, and right when you think you may know what is going on, you realize DAMMIT I was wrong AGAIN! The movie does an excellent job of telling a unique story of vision and heroics, while also having something for everyone to enjoy. Well timed humor, drama, and more explosions than Michael Bay would employ makes Source Code not only a movie, but an unforgettable experience!

Unlike Halloween and Christmas, there aren’t many movies about Easter.  Well hold on to your bunny ears ladies and gentlemen, because here comes “Hop”!!

The Easter Bunny (voiced by Hugh Laurie) is about to retire.  His son E.B. (voiced by Russell Brand) is set to take over.  However, E.B. has no desire to take over for his father.  See, E.B. has a dream…he wants to be a drummer!!  He practices drumming in his room on Easter Island, which is where Easter treats are made (think of it like Santa’s toy shop, only instead of toys, there is candy, and instead of elves, there are chicks.  They even have a flying sleigh, pulled by chicks!!).

To follow his dream, E.B. runs away from Easter Island and straight to Hollywood.  His first stop??  After consulting his Map to the Stars and Crime Scenes, he heads for the Playboy Mansion (bunnies, get it??).  Unfortunately, he’s not allowed past the gates, and he begins to get a little discouraged.

Now, let’s meet Fred O’Hare (James Marsden).  Fred is unemployed and living back at his family’s house.  His parents (Gary Cole and Elizabeth Perkins) and sisters Sam (Kaley Cuoco) and Alex (Tiffany Espensen) (who claims that she was adopted by Fred’s parents because Fred was such a disappointment) stage an intervention, where they tell Fred he has to get a job and his own apartment.  Fred is depressed and leaves to go sleep in his car.  Sam takes pity on him, and offers him the keys to the house where she is supposed to house-sit, because she is afraid of the big dogs that live there.  She also gives him a lead on a possible job.  So Fred heads to the house, oh excuse me, ginormous mansion.  Once he gets on the property though, he accidentally hits a bunny with his car.  Guess who that might be??  Yes, E.B.!!

After the unfortunate bunny-hitting incident, Fred flashes back to when he was younger, when he saw the Easter Bunny delivering Easter baskets and chocolates to his house.  That’s when he realizes, the Easter Bunny is real, and this is him!!  Once E.B. shares his dream with Fred, Fred agrees to help E.B. audition for a talent show.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Carlos (voiced by Hank Azaria) is the Easter Bunny’s most trusted advisor.  However, he is tired of bunnies ruling Easter.  He plots to overthrow the Easter Bunny and hopes that E.B. never comes back.  Then the world will meet The Easter Chick!!  Unaware of the treachery, the Easter Bunny has dispatched the Pink Berets, a trio of fierce (mostly, two were fierce, one was a little slow) female bunnies tasked with finding E.B..  They have lots of fancy gadgets and mad ninja skills.

Will Easter be saved??  Will E.B. return to Easter Island??  Will Fred ever make his parents proud??  Go see “Hop” and find out!!!

One thing I did notice that I found strange was that nobody (except for Fred) found a talking bunny unusual.  But hey, they WERE in Hollywood.
I was pleased that not all of the funny parts of “Hop” were in the previews.  I was also glad that it escaped the dreaded current “Everything Must Be in 3-D” fad.  The animation was seamlessly blended with the live-action, and the story was well-written and flowed well.  For the “Despicable Me” fans, minions do make a brief appearance.  Also, don’t leave when the credits begin to roll because there is a scene after the credits.
“Hop” is a great family flick, appropriate for the kids with enough humor, pop culture references and cameo appearances for the grown-ups (or those masquerading as grown-ups).  A very funny, egg-cellent movie.