Surprisingly good!

Your Highness is a film, that one initially looks at and asks themselves “how the hell would that work?” Me being a part of that nay-sayers guild myself. I went with faith in Franco and the rest of the cast to push the movie in the event that everything else went downhill.  Well my fair ladies and lords this flick was great, but you have to have the right mind-set going in. First…supposedly, according to Google, the film is twice as funny if you see it as intended.  In case you don’t know this would be considered a sort of stoner medieval-comedy-fantasy-adventure …and the title’s pun is also evidence of this. Second, this is NOT a heart-felt comedy or anything of that sort. The plot is your typical border-line storybook chain of events. Prince finds love- evil wizard wants to fulfill evil prophecy- love gets kidnapped-quest ensues- heroes step in to save the day.

The element of the film that stood out the most was obviously the cast. I believe they went as far as including Natalie Portman and James Franco’s award titles and proceeded to add Danny McBride, whose greatest award to date is first grade president.  I digress, the cast was great. I really felt that everyone had a lot of fun making the film and they had great chemistry on screen. Danny McBride (See Pineapple Express or The Fist Foot Way) played the role of Thadeous. He is the younger of two princes, Fabious being the older brother.

Thadeous believes that he has his life set, and is kind of off-put that he really can’t be king…not that it’s that big of a deal to him anyway. He is an idiot and obviously a spoiled brat. He has a squire named Courtney who we will consider as his best friend. He has not done anything difficult in his life, yet. James Franco plays the previously mentioned, and so comically named, Fabious. You should recognize his from the Spider Man franchise, Milk, and from the recent 127 Hours, if not get out from under your rock! He is Thadeous’s brother and therefore first in line to be king. He has a great attitude about life and everyone in the kingdom seems to get along well with him. Of course jealousy spawns . . . but nothing dramatic.

On a quest, Fabious discovers a young woman who he immediately falls madly in love with, Belladonna. He found her imprisoned in a tower and she explained she had been there her whole life with no experience of the outside world. Think Ariel from little mermaid playing human at the dinner table to impress Eric’s family. (Yeah I referenced Disney AND WHAT?) This young lady I am going on about is the shockingly beautiful Zooey Deschanel. Star of one of my favorite movies, 500 Days of Summer.  The only role she plays in the most basic terms is that of the catalyst virgin; however, the movie would be different without her presence.

Now, enter Leezar, evil wizard of the prophecies and the fiend who imprisoned Belladonna in the first place from a very young age. He comes in and steals her into the night and into some wizard’s castle of some sort. Never did see where Leezar lived that I recall.  Fabious pretty much awakens to a quest and begs his brother Thadeous to join him. He has always wanted them to just be gay. The king demands Thadeous go on the quest or face banishment from the kingdom. Of course once word of Thadeous’s questing reached Courtney’s ear, he had already been shoved onto a carriage and the party had been on its way.

Don’t forget every knight has his squire, so Fabious brings along Julie.  Played by Toby Jones, Julie is the zaniest most hilarious character in creation.  He seems to be some kind of mini-magician in training and carries a suspicious air about him.  However, this causes Fabious’ right hand man to become quite jealous which is definitely going to lead to problems for the team. In one of their stops in the beginning of their journey, they are forced into a coliseum battle in “Martiti’s  Lair” and there they meet the fantastic Isabel (Portman), a lethal ass whooping rogue like character. From here on they venture together towards the same goal…sometimes.

The movie was slightly bizarre and actually really well done for a satirical film. I am back and forth as to whether or not the cast MADE the film…if they gave it that push that saved it from being a flop. However after much pondering, I don’t believe this to be the case. The cast has had similar roles in the past so that is one dynamic to look at in the movie. I know the movie, ebbing that it has this cast, might be expected to explore some kind of deeper meaning or a dark truth…or that it has  a major plot. Please do not expect anything like The Hangover, or Date Night or anything like that. I would categorize this particular flick among “Scary Movie, Not Another Teen Movie, Strange Wilderness, Dracula Dead and Loving it”.  It is a movie that uses the common idea and plots of the fantasy genre and balls it into one hilarious parody in which, if you are into fantasy like me, is so relateable that it literally hurts.

I am not saying the film has no plot, but it mostly is just there to call it a movie. The best way to describe it, and I hope this registers in your minds the way I intend it to. This movie is somewhat like pornography for your funny bone. No substance really, hell-uh funny. One thing I do promise you is pages of one liners that really hit home for me. Isabel is explaining about why she is on a  quest for revenge and mentions something about wanting it so bad.  She proclaims “revenage has been burning in her beaver ever since…” and just other small things like that push the movie to comedic greatness. They break the olde English dialogue for a “fuck” here and “fuck shit up/bitch” there. Though it turned me off and broke the whole “presence of fantasy” I thought it was odd enough to be funny and was a good addition.

So let me just break it down simply for everyone wondering if they should just see the movie or not. Ask yourself these questions. Have you ever played fantasty based games or read a book of the genre? Have you played any RPG games of the sort? Do you love James Franco/Natalie Portman? Tired of caring during a comedy movie? Is your idea of a good time a band of warriors battling a giant mystic snake monster together only to have to fight off the village that summoned it? Then this is definitely your film to watch!

Caught between a rock and… another rock.

The H-Bomb: Let me start off this review by offering a bit of advice. If you’re prone to taking outdoor excursions in unpopulated places, be it mountain climbing, camping, whatever, make sure you tell someone where you’re going and when they can expect you back. That way, if you fall and break your leg or something, you can be fairly sure that someone will come looking for you. Now, I know I sound like Captain Obvious spouting mere common sense, but there are people who somehow fail to take these most simple of precautions, like Aron Ralston (James Franco), the real life subject of Danny Boyle’s Oscar Nominated “127 Hours”, now freshly arrived on DVD.

Ralston is an energetic outdoorsman who goes for a biking/hiking/rock climbing expedition in the Utah desert, bringing along with him a day’s worth supply of food and water, as well as a video camera. After hanging out with a couple of hotties that he meets along the way (Kate Mara and Amber Tamblyn), he scales the inside of a narrow canyon, where with a wrong move and some bad luck, he falls and his right arm gets stuck between a boulder and the canyon wall.

Completely isolated, and, as said, without anyone knowing where he is, Aron spends more than five days trying to figure a way out of his predicament, all the while dealing with hunger, dehydration, and the immense amount of physical pain that he is in. He tries chipping away at the boulder with his cheap knife and making a pulley to dislodge the boulder. All to no avail. Finally he comes to the realization that in order to get out of this, he is going to have to choose between life and limb.

For me, this film served as a sobering reminder as to why I’m strictly an indoors kind of guy. As much as I would enjoy taking free spirited adventures like the ones our protagonist indulges in, I know that it is absolutely not worth the risk of irreversible disaster that could come of it. And if I was ever stuck in a situation like Aron’s, if I had to choose between my life or one of my limbs, I don’t know if I’d have the will or the pain threshold to do what needs to be done.

Much like another film I checked out recently, “Buried”, “127 Hours” involves a character who is trapped in a confined space for most of the movie. And also like “Buried”, this film is engrossing and never at any point becomes boring, thanks to some slick direction, brisk pacing, and a solid, engaging performance by the lead actor. Unlike the previous film, which never left its very claustrophobic setting, this one does leave the trapped space, showing flashbacks of Aron reflecting on past events of his life, such as; quality time with his father (Treat Williams, seen in a few fleeting moments), wild college parties, and an intimate encounter with his former girlfriend.

These scenes, along with the natural sense of humor of the main character, make this somewhat easier to take than “Buried”, which is relentlessly bleak from beginning to end. However, while that might make “127 Hours” lighter going, it doesn’t at all make it light going. Thanks mainly to Franco’s performance, we are made to feel Aron’s inner panic and despair. There are many points where we, had the resolution of the story not been common knowledge, would feel the hopelessness of this decent, life loving man being defeated by nature and being dealt a fate he didn’t deserve.

Because most of us know the outcome of the story, one would think it would dilute the impact of its drama. But it doesn’t, because Franco and the storytelling are so strong. Scenes like the one where he’s amusing himself with his camcorder in order to keep his spirits up and sanity intact, and where he addresses his mother and father when he feels all hope is lost are undeniably powerful. And the sequence where he finally goes through with what he knew all along he had to do to free himself is absolutely grueling.

Franco has proven himself to be a skilled and versatile thespian in past performances, but here he truly gives it his all like he never has before, and I think he really deserved his Oscar nomination. That’s not to say he deserved to win, but he definitely did deserve the nod, and I think he’ll be collecting his own little golden bald man before much longer, anyway.

British filmmaker Boyle is an interesting case in that his style is unique and distinctive, yet he’s very versatile when it comes to the projects that he chooses. He’s done druggie dramas, he’s done horror, he’s done sci-fi, he’s done underdog (or slumdog) stories, and now he tackles a survival movie. It’s a new genre for him, yet he brings that same vibrant, hyperkinetic style he uses in all his films, and again, it works completely to the movie’s advantage. Using split screen, montages, and his typical visual flair, he keeps us invested in Aron’s dilemma and on the edge of our seats. I believe Boyle simply is incapable of making a dull film, his aesthetic simply won’t allow it, no matter what kind of restraints the material may put on him. To me, this movie is proof of that. And, as with every Danny Boyle film, the soundtrack kicks ass.

Thinking about it, I really regret not catching this one in theaters, as I think that I would have found it, with Boyle’s amazing visuals and Franco’s wrenching performance, even more powerful on the big screen (though it does look bitchin‘ on Blu-Ray). Trust me, folks, “127 Hours” got a Best Picture nomination for a reason. It’s a terrific, riveting film about a man’s will to survive, and I can‘t recommend it enough.

Full of action and wit, Rango delights with western-movie nostalgia with a modern day twist. A chameleon that aspires to be a swashbuckling hero finds himself in a Western town plagued by bandits and is forced to literally play the role in order to protect it.

Written by John Logan
Directed by Gore Verbinski

The film opens with a mariachi band of owls as the narrators, which immediately made me nervous that this could be similar to the awful Legend of the Guardian’s film. Fortunately, there is only one comparison- the gritty animation.

Rango is a fascinating tale of a small chameleon unexpectedly tossed from his small theatrical glass box into the dessert. This is no ordinary lizard- for he is an aspiring thespian. Once thrust upon a small town in the desert “Dirt,” Rango is now free to become the character of his choosing. He decides to dazzle his new found desert friends with tales of danger and adventure, and reinvents himself to be the rough riding cowboy from the far west.

There’s a hilarious scene where Rango accidentally sets fire to the town’s bully by the name of Bad Bill, and somehow manages to pull off the tough guy image. He lies his way into becoming the Town’s new hero and Sheriff. Things go well for a short time- but when someone steals the town’s water supply, his true heroism is put to the test. Rango tangles with a hawk, a terrifying rattler, and a battalion of bat riding mole-rats. The story is surprising, and the writing is incredibly creative, with inventive dialogue and witty humor. Johnny Depp’s personality shines through the little lizard in a way that parallels the eccentric Jack Sparrow. The movie posters tout “Johnny Depp IS Rango.” And they’re right.  This colorful character was playful and childlike- and he accomplishes this purely through his voice.

Isla Fisher voices the strong-willed lizard named Beans, who is determined to keep her father’s ranch, currently sought after by the Town’s mayor for his own financial gain. Beans suffers from an overactive spastic lizard “freeze”, which is a defense mechanism all lizards have, however Bean’s seems to occur randomly and in mid-sentence. This lovable lizard speaks with a southern drawl and piques Rango’s interest as they work together to solve the town’s water supply mystery.

I couldn’t honestly tell you that the characters were charming in this animated tale – in fact the astonishing realness of some of the creatures was at times very distracting. The close up shots of the hair on the mole, and the character’s rotting teeth sets this animated film far apart from Pixar or Disney animations with sparkling canines. The town is full of dusty dessert creatures; reptiles, rodents, and birds giving the animation a gritty sheen. The voices of Ned Beatty, Alfred Molina, Bill Nighy, Stephen Root, and Ray Winstone among others add depth to the solid animation and development of the characters.

While this film is fun for adults, I would strongly advise getting a babysitter for any kids younger than 10. The action and grit could be a bit much for younger children, and the scenes with the menacing rattlesnake are intense and could be scary to even an 8 year old.

Go see Rango- you’ll be wildly entertained!

Limacher Low Down: I saw the previews for Cedar Rapids and thought it would be the quirky, independent comedy that I tend to really enjoy; I wasn’t let down by this at all! Though it may seem from the print ads and commercials that this is Ed Helms next step into the leading man role, it was John C. Reilly who provided most of the comedy and once again shows how funny he is. I find that being from a small Midwestern town also helped my enjoyment of this movie, but it has laughs for everyone and tells a good story as well.

Cedar Rapids is a movie about a Midwest Insurance Convention that takes place annually in, you guessed it, Cedar Rapids, Iowa. The movie starts off with mild mannered insurance salesperson Tim Lippe (Ed Helms), looking into his love life with his old teacher Macy Vanderhei (Sigourney Weaver), his boss Bill Krogstad (Stephen Root), and the people he represents. After a tragic accident to a fellow insurance salesperson, Bill chooses Tim to represent the firm at the insurance convention.

Tim arrives in Cedar Rapids and the first person he meets is Bree (Alia Shawkat) who asks him if he wants to “party” and Tim politely, not knowing the meaning of party, declines the invitation. Once inside Tim goes over his list of people to talk to and those to avoid. The hotel where the convention is becomes overbooked and Tim shares a room with one person Bill told him to associate himself with, Ronald Wilkes (Isiah Whitlock Jr.). Ronald lets Tim know, to save some money, he took on an additional rommie, a person on Bill’s avoid list Dean “Ziggy” Ziegler (John C. Reilly). Tim is hesitant of his newest acquaintance and Ronald and Tim make their way to the “Welcome Meeting”.

The meeting is over and Tim is working out in the gym when he eyes a woman working out as well, Joan Ostrowski-Fox (Anne Heche). After some good-natured ribbing by Joan, Tim meets the Head of the Convention, Orin Helgesson (Kurtwood Smith) in the locker room in one of the most awkward greetings ever seen! Tim, trying to keep up appearances, meets his new acquaintances at the local bar and as they consume shot after shot, Tim orders a shot of Cream Sherry! CREAM F’NG SHERRY! This is where the humor starts coming fresh in every scene.

Tim and Joan team up for the scavenger hunt and begin to bond. In one of the more heartfelt moments of the movie, Tim explains to Joan why he wanted to be an insurance salesperson his entire life. This leads us to the time where Tim truly bonds with Joan and his new found friends Ron and Ziggy. Ziggy pulls no punches about his feelings for Orin and tries to show Tim “the Path of Righteousness”. Tim later on makes what can be described as poor choices in hanging out with his new friends and may have lost more than just his dignity in doing so.

Tim gets an early morning call from Bill alerting him of how he is messing up his own life in just a few short hours and to do whatever it takes to re-earn the reputation of the insurance company. Tim, using some information he acquired, does the job necessary to restore the reputation of the company, but at what price? Feeling bad about what he has done, Tim decides to go to a party with Bree. This isn’t your typical “party” in any sense of the word. Tim finds himself out of his element yet tries to fit in. He calls his friends and they’re on their way to his rescue!

In one scene that was hilarious, Ziggy is making his way around the house to see if he can find Tim and in asking the girls sitting out back if they had seen him their response was “Fuck you Cop!” Ziggy delivers the classic line of “Watch it, Joan Jett! I’m not afraid to Fuck You Up!” The movie takes an unexpected turn here which could leave a bad taste in some people’s mouths, but being from an area similar to Cedar Rapids, it was actually honest in its portrayal as well.

Cedar Rapids has a heart and tells a great story using humorous one liners from the entire cast, especially Reilly, to really tie this movie together. Some may shy away from the style of humor used in the movie, but it is independent and a fresh take on something that never has really been tackled before. If you have the opportunity to see it in your area I say GO SEE IT! Unfortunately there is such a limited release of the movie most may be shit out of luck until it’s released on DVD. If you’re in the mood for somewhat raunchy comedy with heart, Cedar Rapids will fill the need!

Hell hath no fury like Nicolas Cage…

The H-Bomb: A mysterious, gun toting stranger named Milton (Nicolas Cage), is on the trail of an infant that’s been abducted by a shady religious cult, the leader of which, Jonah King (Billy Burke), has wronged someone near and dear to Milton in the past. Along the way, he meets Piper (Amber Heard) a feisty, takes-no-shit-from-no one waitress who joins him on his quest. But, unfortunately for Milton, he’s got somebody tailing him, too. A man in a dark suit who calls himself The Accountant (William Fichtner), a cool, calm, collected cat looking to gum up the works and cut short Milton’s shot at retribution. All this paves the way for a pumped up, tuned up, and totally fucked up shotgun blast of pure B-Movie awesomeness!

Holy titty-cocks, I was not expecting this! From the very first scene, this no-holds-barred drive-in send up grabbed me by the sack and kept a big, fat smile on my face for an hour and forty minutes of sheer chaos. “Drive Angry 3D” is the kind of flick where limbs being severed and sent flying is a common sight, where a naked chick gets knocked the fuck out by another chick on a front lawn, where vintage cars are being used, abused, and blown up left and right, and where Nic Cage can blow away a whole room full of attacking baddies without even having to pull his thing out of the cocktail waitress he was banging. It’s that kind of flick, folks. A flick with blood, boobs, twisted metal, and attitude to spare.

Normally this kind of movie would be considered a “guilty pleasure,” with its over-the-top insane characters, and its ridiculous storyline, but… I don’t feel the least bit guilty about taking pleasure from this movie, and neither should anyone else. It’s got no inhibitions, no pretensions, it’s just a wickedly funny as fuck all thrill ride, and spank me like a whore, I loved it! In fact, I’ll come right out and say it, this is what Tarantino’s half of “Grindhouse” should have been like.

Now, all that out of the way, I should re-iterate that the story gets pretty silly… but in a good way. I was deliberately light on the details in my plot set-up, because seeing how it unfolds is half the fun (I went in to the pre-screening cold, knowing nothing about the actual story). Let’s just say things take a supernatural route, which threw me a little because I wasn’t expecting it, but I re-adjusted and was able to groove to it for the most part (my sub-heading is a big clue as to the movie‘s supernatural element).

A major asset “Drive Angry” has that makes it a success, aside from its crazy-ass tone, is the cast. Everybody here knows exactly what kind of movie they’re in, and exactly how to play it. There isn’t anyone in the picture who doesn’t get at least a few laughs out of the audience. Cage, displaying his latest in a long line of bad haircuts, is perfect as our bad-ass antihero, Milton. The character is a mean motherfucker on the page, but Cage brings that certain oddball-ness that only he can bring, and I honestly can’t imagine any other major actor in the role.

As the female sidekick, Piper, Heard makes for the ballsiest babe I’ve seen in a movie in a long, long time. Just how she reacts when she catches her deadbeat boyfriend screwing another woman tells us immediately what this lady is all about. She does have a softer side, we find out, and she does give the film its few genuinely human moments. Fichtner and Burke, and Milton’s chaser and chasee, respectively, almost completely steal the movie. Burke is cartoonishly creepy as the Evangelical-like Satanist cult leader, and Fichtner brings on the dry, sardonic humor as an “FBI Agent” who doesn’t quite seem to be of this world, and they both have a devilishly good time with their roles.

David Morse adds some gravitas as an old buddy of Milton’s. He’s the only character in the movie who’s played completely straight, that I can recall, and despite that, he doesn’t feel out of place in this freak show. I just wish he had more to do. And being the devout “Night of the Creeps” fan that I am, there’s no way I can’t mention the appearance of none of than Tom motherfuckin’ Atkins, bitches! Like in “Creeps”, he’s playing another hardnosed cop, and damn if he doesn’t look almost exactly the same as he did 25 years ago. Like with Morse, I wish there was more of him, but it was still great to see him doing his thing.

Co-Writer/Director Patrick Lussier gives the film a grungy, gritty look and actually manages to pull off some sweet 3D shots. They were nothing astounding, but they added to the sadistic fun. He also gets credit for keeping the dark humorous feel and never letting the film take itself too seriously. If there’s anything I would mark him down for, it would be for letting the pace drag just a little in certain spots. A little trimming in the mid-section of the movie could’ve helped. And while I’m bitching, I’ll point out that the CGI was a bit too fake looking in places. No biggie, really, but obvious CG always bugs the shit out of me when I see it.

But those minor annoyances aside, “Drive Angry 3D” is that kind of trigger happy, body stacking, pedal-to-the-metal 70’s grindhouse style flick that we’re seeing more and more of these days, but that we rarely see done this well. The cast had a blast making it, I had a blast watching it, and I think you will, too.

Limacher Low Down: I wanted to start by thanking the Academy for enlightening me to a movie that I hadn’t heard about until the nominations came out. Winter’s Bone was well acted and told a great story. I felt a real connection to the characters, and the story told was beyond what I was expecting. Winter’s Bone introduced me to an environment I had no real previous knowledge of, and it opened my eyes to the way things are outside my realm of understanding. Everything about the film was depressing, dark, and yet down-right amazing. I am proud to say I actually watched this movie, and it’s something I won’t soon forget.

Winter’s Bone is the story of Ree (Jennifer Lawrence) a 17 year old girl taking care of her younger siblings and somewhat catatonic mother. Ree finds out early on that her father, Jessup, was released on bond from prison and when Sherriff Baskin (Garrett Dillahunt) tells her how he was able to bond out, Ree takes it upon herself to find Jessup. Though this takes place in a modern setting, these people are poor and rely on cooking meth and meager farming to afford what they have: thus Ree actually walks from place to place in search of her father.

Ree’s journey to find Jessup leads her to several supporting characters, Gail (Lauren Sweester) who attempts to help, but does not have the means. Ree even seeks out someone she has avoided for years, Teardrop (John Hawkes). Teardrop is a gritty man who has no wanton need or desire to help Ree find her father and he rapidly sends her on her way. She finally makes her way to the “head” of the community, Merab (Dale Dickey) who tells Ree that she best move along and leave things alone, or she will regret her choices.

Every road turns up the same result, nothing. People start to get upset that Ree is asking so many questions about Jessup, and they tell Ree to give up. But Ree soon realizes that the only way to help her family, and herself, is by continuing her search for Jessup.

Ree gets a visit from Teardrop who attempts to console Ree and do what he feels is best for the family as well. Ree, still not happy with her progress, seeks out Thump Milton (Ronnie Hall) and sees if she can get some answers out of him. Ree learns the hard way to listen when people say stop, but Teardrop ensures that she remain safe. Teardrop then takes it upon himself to tell Ree the story of Jessup and what he believes may be going on in the community. Teardrop and Ree search for answers, but will they ever get the answers they are looking for?

Winter’s Bone does a great job of expressing emotion and giving a greater understanding of people and the lives that they live. This movie takes you into these people’s lives and portrays a community that most people don’t care to know exists. I was amazed by the acting skills that Jennifer Lawrence portrayed, being in every scene. John Hawkes makes the most of his limited screen time, and shows that he has grown from his time in Deadwood. Everything about this film is just depressing, but when the credits roll it gives a sense of amazement of what you just witnessed.

Limacher Low Down: I gained GREAT interest about seeing this movie after Paul Giamatti won the Golden Globe for Best Actor in Comedy or Musical. I must say there were some humorous lines and moments in the movie, but this was far from a Comedy. . . or Musical for that matter. The movie does a great job at taking the look of a unique man and telling his story through his eyes only; hence the title, it’s Barney’s Version! The movie plays on more than one emotion and at the end you might find yourself evaluating your own life and how things might be different and if it is ever too late to make a change. There are parts where you wonder what the (expletive deleted) is going on, but at the end a special story is revealed.

“Barney’s Version”, based on the novel of the same name by Mordecai Richler, is the story of Barney Panofsky (Paul Giamatti) who is a hockey loving, scotch drinking, producer of a successful soap opera in Canada. Barney has had some troubles in the past, and we quickly learn that part of his past has been written about and then the flashbacks commence. The first flashback is in Rome, 1975 where Barney is seated at a Café awaiting the arrival of his best friend Boogie (Scott Speedman). Shortly after Boogie arrives he hears the news of Barney being engaged to Clara Chambers (Rachel Lefevre) who is pregnant with Barney’s child. During the ceremony Barney finds out his bride-to-be is really named Clara Charnovsky, and Barney begins to question what else she has possibly lied about. Tragedy strikes and it leaves Barney questioning the relationship all together and leaves Barney lost and confused.

Barney next gets a call from his father that his Uncle wants him to be a Producer at his studio, Totally Useless Productions, and after a while of working his producing magic Barney meets a beautiful woman soon to be known simply as the 2nd Mrs. Panofsky (Minnie Driver). When Barney first meets her parents he asks his father to dinner with them and this is our introduction to Izzy Panofsky (Dustin Hoffman). Izzy is a retired beat cop who has a laid back attitude and a love for his son and wife to be. At the wedding, Barney realizes after being hoisted up on the chair that maybe he once again rushed into things. Barney’s Father-in-Law decides that Barney and Izzy have had enough to drink, and as Barney goes to tell off his new “dad” he eyes a beautiful woman outside the hall, and realizes he just has to talk to her. They share some friendly chit chat and he asks her to accompany him to Rome, of course she declines and leaves. Later in the evening Barney sits down at a table with Boogie and together they watch the new love of his life leave. Boogie agrees she’s a fascinating woman and shows Barney a note she had written with her name on it, Miriam (Rosamund Pike). Barney chases Miriam down and she rejects him so he has to make his way back home dejected that he married the WRONG WOMAN!

Barney and his new wife Honeymoon in Rome where Barney starts to question who some of the guests were. He casually asks who Miriam was, and his wife states her name is Miriam Grant and has no kind words about her. His new wife and Barney start their lives together and Barney seemingly cannot say a kind thing to her, but she talks down to him all the time. (This is Barney’s Version so we hear what he hears!) Barney lets his wife know that he’s going to the cabin he owns up north of Montreal to get away with Boogie for the weekend. Barney and Boogie arrive at the cabin when who else should be there BUT the 2nd Mrs. P. Barney leaves for the city the next day to meet Izzy and talk a few things out, mainly that he married the wrong woman. Barney arrives back at the cabin and discovers he isn’t the only one with angst.

Barney finally gets divorce papers and as soon as he signs them, of course his first call is to his lovely Miriam. Barney and Miriam start their new relationship and Barney could not be happier. Not much time goes by before the two are joined in wedded bliss. Everyone seems happy and Barney and Miriam start a family. They have a son and a daughter and we watch as they quickly grow up. As the kids grow up Miriam decides that she wants to go back to work and a friend of theirs, Blair (Bruce Greenwood), offers her a job to work with him. Barney grows concerned over this fact because he always had the sense that Blair was interested in Miriam and vice-versa. Years go by and Barney and Miriam continue their relationship and love for each other to the point where their children have moved away. Barney and Izzy go for a walk to visit the grave of Barney’s mother where Izzy talks straight to Barney about how he will understand how important it is to spend eternity with one you love, then goes on to say “I need to get laid!” Barney takes this advice and doesn’t know what to do with it because he still doesn’t understand.  Barney gets a call later that night and his father had gotten his wish, but with a catch.

Barney makes a few bad choices and suffers from the consequences of his choices. Barney starts to analyze his life and melts down analyzing what his life used to be. Barney ages quickly due to his heavy drinking and other choices he made early in life. Barney sinks down into a shell of the person he once was, and this translates really well on screen. All the questions that might be asked throughout the movie all get answered at the end, and it leaves you with a sense of completion. The performances are well acted and really connect with the audience. The movie was wonderfully done, and you can really feel a connection at the end as well. While it isn’t the brightest movie ever made, “Barney’s Version” tells a story that most movies don’t. And the fact the movie follows one character without branching out to see other points of view makes it even more special to witness on screen. You may wonder just what in the hell Barney was thinking in parts, but you also have to remember that it is his story, and he has nothing to hide.

If you want to see a movie that makes you laugh, touches you, and runs the gamut of emotions, go see “Barney’s Version”.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus takes you on a ride into a world of imagination and mystery inside the mind of Doctor Parnassus (Christopher Plummer).  His side show act in London takes its customers into a world controlled by the ancient doctor where their wildest dreams come true…or so they think.  A deal with the devil making bets against people’s souls, makes Doctor Parnassus give the customer a choice between good and evil.

The deal is even more intriguing because Doctor Parnassus has a side deal with the devil about his beautiful daughter, Valentina (Lily Cole) who is also part of the act.  It is her life and soul against the souls of others who must choose the right path.  Also in the act are Percy (Verne Troy), a funny little guy who keeps Doctor Parnassus in check and Anton (Andrew Garfield) who is desperately in love with Valentina.

Along the way, a mysterious stranger appears and joins the act.  Tony (Heath Ledger) brings in more customers in an exciting way but he also brings nothing but his troubled past which is filled with selfishness and horrible acts.  Surprisingly when Tony enters the Imginarium, his looks transform and we see him as Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and finally Colin Farrell.  In the end it is up Tony to choose the right path after being on the path of evil for so long.  Will he be able to save Valentina on his own?  Or will he choose to save himself and continue living a life of lies?

What I liked about this movie was the beautiful images in the Imaginarium.  Because I love to play pretend and have a vivid imagination, it was great to see it on the screen in front of me played out in full color.  The Imaginarium world was bright and vivid while the real world of London was dark and gloomy – it reminded me of Oz and Kansas.  I also really liked how Tony changed into another person in the Imaginarium but his character remained the same.  Having four actors play the same person was funny and interesting.  Personally, I enjoyed watching Johnny Depp play Tony because he was so confused but tried to play like he knew what was going on.

What didn’t I like?  I didn’t like the way the story ended but that’s just me.  And just who am I?  I am ZOOMER – nice to meet ya!

Limacher Low Down: Grown Ups on the surface seemed like it might be a sophomoric comedy that you would expect from this cast of merry-men – and it was!   It was evident throughout that all of the stars were genuinely having fun, and it made the movie that much more enjoyable.

Grown Ups is about the reunion of five friends who grew up in the same small town.  Lenny Feder (Adam Sandler) is married and successful with a beautiful wife, Roxanne (Salma Hayek) and has three kids who have been pampered their whole lives. Eric Lamonsoff (Kevin James) is a good family man who really cares about his family and it shows. Kurt McKenzie (Chris Rock) is a stay at home husband and father while his wife, Deanne (Maya Rudolph) works and supports her family  – including her mother Mama Ronzoni (Ebony Jo-Ann) who loves to make fun of her son-in-law. Marcus Higgins (David Spade) is the ladies man and womanizer of the group.  On the other end of the spectrum is Rob Hilliard (Rob Schneider) who is married to a woman twice his age, Gloria (Joyce Van Patten).

When the group first gets together the sparks fly with all the quips and the different ways they find to rip into one another.  Most of these burns happen so fast, you’ll be begging for TiVo.  It’s the way comedy should be.  The story develops quickly, showing everyone getting to know each other and everyone’s kids doing their best to get along as well.  The father’s share experiences of their childhood and the kids don’t seem to know how to take it in this day of technology. The story stays on course and flows throughout the movie. The jokes and insults amongst friends keep coming, and without any one joke being told twice, I continued to laugh throughout the whole movie.

There wasn’t really a plot line, but it didn’t need one.  It’s just about making people laugh and having a good time at the movies.  It was enjoyable from beginning to end!  And, don’t worry, the previews don’t give away the best material, in fact the “pool pissing scene” with the blue dye was the LEAST funny part of the movie.

I enjoyed this one from the opening credits till the very end.  People may frown at some of the off-color nature of the jokes, but it’s comedy amongst friends and it comes across as a good time had by all. No one actor stole the show, and each character added something special to the movie – yes, even Rob Schneider!