Fans Bent Out of Shape

***Whether you are a loyal fan or not, you gotta see more images, click here***

The Last Airbender by M. Night Shyamalan is a HIT if you are one of the few who never saw the cartoon it was based on. As a nonviewer of the series myself, I didn’t see anything wrong with the film. The fans on the other hand were so upset by the film that when the ending credits came about and one expected the usual applause of a film well done, I heard a minor uproar. Accompanying boo’s being delivered gratuitously, there was a “What the hell was that?” and my personal favorite “…I don’t remember Ang being such a vagina.” So since the views were so different, I thought I would try something different this time around.

Anime Fan

Are you serious M Night? He wants us to accept this as an adaptation to the Avatar cartoon series? How does the director not even get the names right? “Ang” somehow becomes pronounced “Ung” and “Sokka” pronounced “Sew-ka”.  That “twist” M Night is famous for just happened to be the fact he fucking changed the ending of the story. Stupid move.

Non-Anime Viewer

I think M Night’s film was almost flawless. The acting was phenomenal and chemistry on the screen is not something you see every day. The Last Airbender is loaded with slap-stick comedy that both children and adults would find entertaining. The bending in the films was out of this world! “Bending” is the ability or power to control the elements using your flow of chi and choreographed martial arts moves to physically control the elements to pretty much do your bidding. Benders can fling formed clumps or balls of the earth, fire, air, or water at their opponents. It appears to be that air, water, fire, and earth bending each has their martial arts style representative of the given element. The bending and the fights is what made the film such a blast for me. Even Sokka, who does not have the ability, kicked serious butt with his boomerang sword thing.

Anime Fan

No don’t get me wrong, the 3D graphics rocked my fucking socks off and the elemental effects were so real it was hard to remember that it was actually just 3D and not some alien holographic technology. The ending is really what killed it for me. If you saw the shows “Book One: Water” you would be flabbergasted as to why the hell you sat through what I call “this garbage.”

Non Anime Fan

Well being that it was indeed based on a cartoon, and keep in mind, M Night changed things up to keep it more realistic, he said so himself as did Jackson Rathbone.

Anime Fan

Pah-hahaha. Why? M Night should have stuck to the show’s details if he was making an adaptation of it! I mean, story-wise the movie was pretty accurate. Some small things that bothered me just didn’t let me love the movie. In the show, the Fire Nation is feared and powerful not because they are everywhere like ants, but because they are the only types for “benders” that can summon fire out of their ass (not literally) and use it at will. I sincerely don’t think the movie would have lost any of its realism by adding this key detail at all. Trying to keep it real, he changed the schematics of the movie. It takes a special kind of genius to ruin something with such a firm outline. I was not asking for a replica of the show, but wow. I’ll just say leave it to M Night to add what one could call a “twist” to something set in stone. You are right about the acting though. Most of the characters not only looked their cartoon counterparts, but the actors almost possess their voices. Sokka and Katara’s relationship is a great parallel to the cartoon and everything was present. Another thing I don’t really feel right about was the fact that he made the different nations completely different races. I am not sure what he was playing at there; it sort of threw me off.

Non Anime Fan

Well that’s good then. Everything seems to be structurally consistent with the show except for these few major details. I observed the greatest upset more towards the end of the movie. Even never having seen the series, the ending was pretty anticlimactic . . . yet consistent with Ang’s (or Ung’s) character. For anyone who doesn’t know, “Book One: Water”, is the first in a three seasons series, suggesting this film is the first of a trilogy! I can’t wait for it. The “fans” may not be pleased but I sure as hell was.

Anime Fan

I am not watching that shit again.

Swift shot:  Emotional, superb acting and believable performances that will haunt you – sometimes the best horror films aren’t horrors at all.  Sometimes survival is its own hell.  To my brothers in harm’s way, know that you can always rely on the truth – Semper Fidelis.

Took me a long time to finally watch this one, it sat on my desk . . . daring me to open the oddly fastened Netflix sleeve for a whole week.  I was afraid it would be yet another pandering Hollywood sneer at our forward operating troops deployed in combat zones.  It’s hard to pin down if this was an out and out criticism of our efforts overseas, or if it was just a matter-of-fact – War is truly horrible – message film.

Certain elements in the film brought me back to an abandoned rail-station in Albania, where we were debriefing prisoners of the Kosovo conflict and I was reminded of soulless eyes, shells of men, broken hearts and minds – desperate to embrace normalcy. To endure all manner of torture, you must have something to live for, some “other” that keeps you moving when the easiest thing is to just shut down and die.

I have often wondered about those souls, the “survivors” what were their lives like after the war?  Were they able to embrace that normalcy again?  Were their minds so twisted that even the slightest nuance of happiness was robbed from them?  Do they sleep?

This film brought the war home, but the sadness and hostility were underground, buried in some chasm of moral apnea.  Watching Captain Cahill interact with his family before “breaking” and afterward was expertly portrayed by the dedicated Tobey Maguire.  For his dedication to the role, I applaud him; at no time did he disappoint.

Brothers will have you struggling to fathom your own mortality.  Choices we make to survive remind us we are all gonna end up in the dirt.  It is what we live for outside of ourselves that dares us to stand up to death and say with baneful conviction, “Fuck you, death, not today!”

While the juxtaposed sequences danced back and forth between the war and the family, the overall transitions were somehow diluted and less powerful than the rest of the film.  Perhaps some stronger scoring was in order, but overall the film intellectually was stimulating.  The acting, as mentioned earlier, was precise – even the youngest actors were amazing – well disciplined (if you will permit a little jarhead inside joke).

It isn’t easy to talk about the wars, it isn’t something that should be taken lightly.  War is hell; Brothers does a decent job exploring this theme, but it doesn’t have enough balance to be a really incredible film.

Three reviews to choose from!

For an up and coming critic from the Windy City – just click Limacher or on Jacob’s pic.

Or a no-nonsense mom about town –  just click Starshine or Bella’s pic. 

Finally, for an uber cynic - just click H-Man or on Edward’s

Who got it right?  Let the battle commence!

***Need more Knight and Day images?  Click here.***

Knight and Day was a great action movie directed by James Mangold whose credits include: Girl Interrupted, 3:10 to Yuma, and Walk the Line. It was well balanced.  There were times were I was on the edge of my seat, cringing as every second rode out on the various action romps littered throughout the film. On the other hand, this movie had a great sense of humor to it that I really enjoyed.  I am not going to lie though, it was pretty much your average Indiana Jones kind of comedic feature, along the lines of chatting through a mine cart ride or a joke or two snuck in right before a death defying slow-motion “explosion evasion dive”.

Except for the occasional corny childhood dreams and sand frolicking moments and a specifically horribly done villain, the movie was fantastic. The action sequences were spectacular and I just wanted more and more of them. The locales were fantastic with Spain, Austria, USA and Jamaica on the dream vacation list.

Cameron Diaz plays June Havens, a woman who is just going through the airport process, trying to make it to her sister’s wedding. Through the tedious scanners and check-ins she has constant run-ins with a mystery man she can’t help but think is her prince charming. After a few comedic encounters, the man introduces himself as Roy Miller (Tom Cruise).  The pulse picks up as soon as June makes it onto a plane with him that, according to Miller, “wasn’t meant to be”.  The dialogue in the film is refreshing and the on screen chemistry between Cruise and Diaz shines through like the first sunshine after a rainstorm.

FBI Agent Fitzgerald played by Peter Sarsgaard was a pretty bland character but lent enough to the film to be considered the villain. He is after Miller and has the whole FBI to back him up…fools. Then there is the stupid, awkward stereotype Latin gangster, arms dealer, Antonio (Jordi Molla) who was probably as annoying as Jar Jar Binks. Truly it doesn’t get more generic and fake than him, and because of that he becomes more a distraction than a supplement to the film. I would get a sour-lame taste in my mouth every time he showed up, regardless which scene it was. I cannot go on without saying Cruise and Diaz both had minor moments within the film that were too cliché for words.

June and Roy must protect oddball Simon Feck (Paul Dune from Little Miss Sunshine) from Fitz and Antonio.  Think of the Indiana, Marion ,and Mutt trio from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull when June, Roy, and Simon are hauling ass, jumping, fighting, kicking, shooting, etc.  Except Simon is approximately eighty-five percent less helpful in everything he attempts.  But, this feeb has a super genius, young mind that developed a never ending power source and, duh, everyone wants it.

The movie moved at the perfect pace…to me. Of course everyone is going to have their own opinions on the matter. Throughout, the two heroes June and Roy are hunted down in plenty of eye popping  scenes one can only describe as visual  bliss. The story is straight, clear, and surprisingly, not sappy! I am weary of all the meaningful movies out with morals and values and cries with hugs.

It’s definitely worth watching, and I believe you will find it more refreshing than you think. Though it sounds like you have heard it done before in regards to the story or the characters, you may find yourself surprised.  Major props to James Mangold and writer Patrick O’Neil for creating such an amped-up-laugh-your-ass-off thrill fest!

Hex hears dead-people, and who gives a Horton?

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The H-Bomb: There seems to be some kind of consensus that thus far this summer movie season has, for the most part, been dull, dreary, and lackluster. Sadly, the release of “Jonah Hex” is going to do very little to buck that trend. As a comic book action western, it’s about as dull, dreary, and lackluster as they come. All this despite the impressive cast (well… impressive on paper, anyway), loud action, and flashy direction.

The last time, at least that I can think of, that Hollywood tried to make a summer blockbuster out of the western genre, they ended up with the truly abominable Will Smith turd sucker “Wild Wild West”. “Jonah Hex” is marginally better, but that’s kind of like saying that drinking cat piss is preferable to eating dog shit… neither is very appetizing.

What’s it about? Please, stop me when this sounds clichéd (no, seriously, please do stop me). “Jonah Hex” tells the oh so original story of a scarred Civil War vet named… you guessed it, Jonah Hex, who has made it his mission to track down the dastardly Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich), the man who murdered his wife and son. But, unfortunately for our hero, fate steps in reins in his revenge.

So, now a man without a mission, Hex becomes a fearsome, famed bounty hunter who can speak to the dead (don’t ask). But unbeknownst to Hex, a new cretin is plotting to get a hold of some super cannon dubbed a “Nation Killer” that he plans to level Washington D.C. with during the celebration of the U.S.’s Centennial. Now it’s up to our charred faced, ghost whispering anti-hero to try and stop the plan.  Do I really need to tell you where it goes from there?

From beginning to end, this is the epitome of “been there, done that.” Despite all the over the top gun-play, violence (the PG-13, spatter-free variety, naturally), and shit blowing up in every direction, the movie is just a plodding, predictable 80 minutes of sheer boredom. It was one of those rare films where I found myself glancing at my watch periodically just to see how much longer it would drag on. It’s not a slow movie, it’s just curiously devoid of any kind of a pulse.

Jimmy Hayward (whose previous directing credit was “Horton Hears a Who”) over does it behind the camera and directs the thing like a music video, throwing in all sorts of wild visuals, including animation, in a desperate attempt to breathe some sort of life, any sort of life, into this D.O.A., flatter than a pancake script. He failed.  If Horton heard this who, he’d hang himself with his own trunk.

In fact, not only was the director short changed by the script, but so was the cast. This is particularly true of Josh Brolin. As we’ve seen in recent years, he’s a helluva good actor, and even though he’s no Clint Eastwood, he’s got the grizzled look and the gruff voice, and he could’ve been great in this role, if only he had the material to back him up.

Malkovich, one of modern cinema’s best go to bad guys, is a real disappointment here. He wears his boredom on his sleeve and phones in his performance completely. He looks like he’d rather be stuck in a traffic jam on a hot summer afternoon in a car with no A/C than be anywhere near this movie set.

Megan Fox, as the whore with the heart of gold (for Jonah, at least), is shown prominently on the posters and in the TV spots, but in reality she’s barely in the film at all! If I added up every single moment of her screen time, it would probably only amount to about ten minutes, if that much. I must admit, though, I can think of worse things to stare at than her sweaty, working girl cleavage, which the movie did display in generous amounts. For that I am grateful.

Other somewhat familiar faces (Wes Bentley, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Michael Shannon) pop up briefly throughout the picture, but they’re given so little to do that I wonder why they even bothered to show up.  In fact, I wonder why anybody who worked on this movie in any capacity bothered to show up, given the limp dick results of their labor.

Now, this isn’t a terrible film. It’s not, “Oh my God, this horrid shit bomb is gonna make me slit my fucking wrists” bad, it’s just really not that good, and there are certainly better ways to put your ten bucks to use, such as; donating it to the Salvation Army, or using it as toilet paper, or giving it to an alcoholic vagrant so he can go get tanked up… anything. Because despite all the bangs and booms and bams that this flick provides, it’s ultimately nothing but a tired action yarn that is never even remotely exciting nor suspenseful. It could probably make a decent rental someday… maybe. But only if you’re really, really bored.

The Best “Toy Story”, hands down.

***Need more toys?, click here or on the image above.***

The gang returns with the classic favorites, Woody (voiced by Tom Hanks), Buzz Lightyear (Tim Allen), the Potato Heads, Jessie, Bullseye, Rex, Hamm, and we meet a few new toys as well. We FINALLY get to see Barbie and Ken (sorry, but Little Bo Peep, while Woody’s romantic interest, just didn’t cut it for me!), and a few other classics, like the chatter telephone on a string and an over sized baby doll named Big Baby, who was a little more than creepy…more on that later.

Its been 15 years since the first Toy Story adventure and Andy has grown up and is heading off to college. As he packs his room up, he needs to decide what to do with all of his toys, which he has not played with in years. His mom gives him several boxes, some to be taken to college, others for the attic, and a trash bag. She also suggests that his younger sister should start cleaning up her room, but her toys are destined for Sunnyside, the local day care center.

Andy selects Woody as the only toy to accompany him to college and puts all of the others in a bag to be stored in the attic.The bag of toys is mistakenly taken out to the trash and after being rescued by Woody, the toys decide that it would be better to go to the day care center where they’ll be played with by other children instead of collecting dust in the attic. Woody inadvertently ends up in the box with them and they all find themselves being donated to Sunnyside.

Sunnyside appears to be a toy’s paradise for the gang. They are greeted by the day care’s leader, Lots-o-Huggin’ Bear (voice of Ned Beatty), an over sized purple bear who smells like strawberries.  (I was reminded of my Strawberry Shortcake doll who also smelled of strawberries – of course I couldn’t smell Lots-o-Huggin).  But there is more to the fragrant bear than first impressions would have you believe, he is a tyrant, dictator of the center who has created a pyramid of control over Sunnyside.

The toys prepare for a great escape with Woody leading the caper. The purple bear finds out about the plot and sentences the toys to the “Catepillar” room  – with children too young to appreciate the gang’s playing ability. Jessie is used as a paintbrush, Rex is pulled apart, and the toys are tossed about like sand in the sandbox. Buzz requests a transfer to the “Butterfly” room with Lots-O and the other, more tenured toys, only to find out that the gang must “pay their dues.”  Lots-O allows Buzz into the fold, but there is a terrible price to pay, and even Barbie is kicked out of Ken’s Dream House.

Meanwhile, on the way to Andy’s house to arrange for the escape, Woody is swooped up by a little girl who brings him home with her.  She has toys of her own, Trixie, a vivacious triceratops, Buttercup, a friendly unicorn, and Mr. Pricklepants, a thespian hedgehog (voice of Timothy Dalton). But when Woody’s new friends find out that Woody escaped from Sunnyside, they are shocked…no one escapes from Sunnyside! Woody realizes his friends are in trouble and sneaks in the little girl’s backpack to get back to Sunnyside. Plans for the great escape get underway and the gang pulls together to outsmart Lots-O and his gang of toy thugs.

The comedy in this movie is inventive and balances out the mischievous action. Buzz expands his role as a Latin lover, speaking Spanish and dancing around while trying to woo Barbie, and the ascot sporting Ken (voiced by Michael Keaton) stole the show with his “Ken Dream House” and large collection of authentic vintage clothing. (As the daughter of an avid Barbie collector, I actually remembered some of the outfits that are worth a pretty penny in the collector’s arena, and it was fun to see some of the real life outfits on Ken in the fashion show scene!)

However there is a darker side to the film, as expected. Instead of Zorg, or an evil Toy Collector, there is Lots-O. We learn that the once friendly and cuddly bear turned sour after being forgotten, along with Big Baby and a clown, at a picnic by his former owner. Hungry for power and control of Sunnyside, he has created a prison for all of the toys inside, complete with a high tech security system, guards, and an all seeing monkey who monitors the security cameras. All of which create the challenges to the great escape for our gang of toys.

And then there is Big Baby. Big Baby is an over sized damaged infant doll with a droopy eye who is the muscle of the gang. While the film did a decent job of trying to keep this toy as a fairly Disney-friendly villain…it border-lined something you’d see in Chucky or some kind of horror film. Even the clown wasn’t as scary looking as Big Baby.

The 3D film surpassed its 2D counterparts and I would highly recommend it to the kid inside of everyone. Directed by Lee Unkrich (co-director of “Toy Story 2” and “Finding Nemo”), produced by Pixar, and written by Academy-Award winning screenwriter Michael Arndt, Toy Story 3 is hysterical adventure the whole family will enjoy (preferably in 3D).

Why not share some wonderful toys?

Monday, June 14th-June 30th from 9:30AM-6:30PM at
Miami Seaquarium
4400 Rickenbacker Causeway
Miami, Fl 33149

The H-Bomb: The entire planet has been devastated by some unspecified catastrophic event. All of the animal life and most of the plant life has been completely destroyed. Society has collapsed and human beings have, for the most part, regressed back to a savage state, often resorting to cannibalism in order to survive.

Wandering through this ugly, barren, post-apocalyptic world are a Father (Viggo Mortensen) and his young Son (Kodi Smit-McPhee) who struggle to get by any way they can, while trying to maintain their own humanity in this literal Hell-on-Earth.

From the above synopsis, it’s pretty fair to say that this is not a candidate for “Feel Good Movie of the Year.” In fact, if anything, it’s a shoo-in for “Most Depressing Movie of the Decade,” right alongside “Children of Men”, “Million Dollar Baby”, and “Sex and the City 2”. Based on the Pulitzer Prize winning novel by Cormac McCarthy (“No Country For Old Men”),  “The Road” is dark, grim, and relentlessly downbeat, with practically no moments of levity to be found anywhere.

That said, it’s a beautifully made, thought provoking film that examines two key aspects of human nature: hope and survival. The Father and Son struggle so hard to survive in this brutal, frightening, desolate world. A world that is devoid of any hope for any kind of a positive future, that I had to ask myself, “Why? Why are they even bothering?” The Father even carries around an old revolver, loaded with only two bullets, one for him, and one for his Son. Yet we get the sense that no matter how dire things get, he will never be able to bring himself to use it.

It’s the undefined hope, the vague notion that there is something better out there, that motivates these two to forge ahead. That, to me, is the ultimate point of this story; even in the worst situations imaginable, ones that would cause many to revert back to barbaric savagery, there are good people who will always retain hope, and the will to survive.

As directed by John Hillcoat- who made the equally bleak Aussie western “The Proposition”- the film has an appropriately cold, dreary, colorless look to it. It’s the look of a cruel, dying world, and was perfect in selling the shear desperation of its inhabitants. As the Father, Viggo Mortensen is excellent, as he is in everything, even in shit like the “Psycho” remake. Here he is perfect as a calloused, hardened man who is only driven on by his love for his Son.

Young Australian actor Kodi Smit-McPhee is also terrific as a boy who has grown up in this shit hole of a world, which has forced him to mature beyond his years. Charlize Theron appears in flashbacks as Mortensen’s practical, but not exactly sympathetic wife, and Robert Duvall has a poignant cameo as an old loner who the Father and Son meet on the road. But for most of the film, the Father and Son are alone on screen, as they scrounge around for food, seek out safe places to sleep and stay warm, and of course, avoid those nasty, unpleasant cannibal gangs.

Again, this ain’t no date movie. This is an incredibly dark, depressing film that is not for everyone. It’s a very difficult movie to enjoy and many will come out of it feeling like they’ve just been to a funeral (or like they’ve just spent a weekend with their in-laws). However, for those of you who look for more in a film than just two hours of car chases, explosions, and fart jokes, I would say that “The Road” is a journey that is very much worth your time.

***Click HERE for more movie images -  Click HERE for South Beach Premiere images***

It’s a sign of the times for Hollywood to remake “The Karate Kid” the way it did: overlong and sentimental. It runs almost two and a half hours long, but while it’s up on the big screen, it’s hard to notice. For anyone who has seen the original, this version of “The Karate Kid” is going to bring back memories as it recounts the story almost blow by blow.

When it opened in 1984, “The Karate Kid” became one of the best films to release that year, and it birthed three sequels down the road. This modern version doesn’t have the same appeal or feel, but it does stand as a solid film on its own, which is more than I can say about other recent remakes (“A Nightmare on Elm Street”, let’s say). The lush scenery that comes out of filming mostly on location in China adds just the right amount of exoticism, too, to help draw audiences into the film’s world.

Jaden Smith, son of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, has a natural presence that one expects from the offspring of an A-lister. He plays Dre Parker, a young kid who is uprooted by his mother (Taraji P. Henson) to Beijing, where he is forced to start a new life. It isn’t long before he runs into a pretty girl (Wenwen Han), the school bully (Zhenwei Wang), and his troupe of thugs. There’s a lot to say about the effects of being transplanted to a foreign country at an early age and how cultures sometimes have a natural tendency to clash. Director Harald Zwart doesn’t explore this nearly as much as he could have, but there is still a feeling of empathy for Parker’s homesickness.

The story soon drops Mr. Han, the apartment’s maintenance man, into Parker’s lap. Jackie Chan is a natural choice for this role and it’s refreshing to see him play a more serious man, not prone to the same jokes that, incidentally, made the “Rush Hour”  sequel so popular. Mr. Han, of course, is also a secret kung fu master. The two challenge Parker’s bullies and their kung fu sensei to an upcoming tournament, and quickly go to work training the young boy.

The relationships between Parker and Mr. Han, as well as Parker and his violin-toting love interest, Meiying, develop quickly, but naturally. The kids are cute together, but when Lady Gaga is played, Meiying shows the unfortunate way twelve year old girls dance today, and it’s both strange and hilarious. Call me old-fashioned.

Ultimately, the film leads to the final tournament, where Parker, presented in heroic white cloth, faces off against his tormentors. It’s a well-paced, action-packed end to a film that has concentrated on building the emotional intensity mostly between Parker and Mr. Han. It would have been nice to follow the change in Parker and his mother’s relationship, but then again if the movie was any longer it would be too much to take.

“The Karate Kid” is a familiar, cookie-cutter kid’s movie that appeals just as much to adults, thankfully. It’s as playful as it is, at times, mature. It is not without its downfalls, though. Some characters that could have been important and compelling are axed before the film really gets underway. The convenience of so many people in China speaking near perfect English also lends to the film’s slight fantastic nature. Still, if anything, the film can be used as a starting point for discussions on American’s in foreign countries (Parker, humorously, drops a bit of Spanish when faced with a language barrier).

Go see “The Karate Kid” if you’re looking for a good time with the family or if you’re a huge fan of the original. Don’t go if you’re expecting the same impact the original had when it first came out. “The Karate Kid” is a fun movie, overall, but where it could have hosted exceptional performances with dignity in its own right, it instead presents itself merely as an above average carbon copy.

Batshit Insane!

***Alpha Mike Foxtrot***

Swift shot: DUN DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN!   It’s like with Jaws’ theme, the minute you hear that tune, you are keyed up, ready to meet “The A-Team”.  This film was a terrific action flick, but don’t go into the theater looking for an intriguing plot.  As a standalone action flick though, this baby was high speed, bullets and brimstone balls to the wall . . . awesome.  But a confused plot and some poor character flaws were distracting and pointless.  But, Mr. T needs to check it out and stop being a fool; I pity him for opting out of this modern nod to a series long since dead.  He should be thanking them, and if you stick around past the credits you’ll see some old faces who appreciated the new A-Team.

Director Joe Carnahan’s style comes out in the opening sequence which provides for all the exposition he thinks you need.  Each character is introduced in a hokey fashion; but the folks who grew up watching the series will find their inner kid thoroughly stoked and I challenge you not to grin as old friends return to your imagination.

Colonel Hannibal Smith (Liam Neeson) puts loyalty and team-work above anything else, his plans always come together, but his cockiness could be his undoing . . . or his team’s.

Lieutenant Templeton, Faceman, Peck (Bradley Cooper) is the suave, con-artist and ladies man of the squad – who sometimes thinks with the wrong brain and has a tendency to be shirtless.

B.A. Baracus (Rampage) fills out the squad’s roster as the muscle and mechanic, but his character flaws left me wanting to puke throughout [Strike One].  Everytime they addressed it, I rolled my eyes, thinking to myself, “Is NOTHING sacred anymore?”  Let’s just say, in real life, a team of operators might not be so keen to suit up with Baracus.

Finally, my favorite character from the series, Howling Mad Murdock, played by the foppish South African Sharlto Copley.  If you don’t recognize him right away, you will when he lets that South African accent loose.  I was most concerned I wouldn’t like this new Murdock.  He isn’t anywhere near as crazy as Dwight Schultz, and most of madness is eluded to off-screen . . . still, he has nothing to be ashamed of – kudos Wikus.

Once you meet each character and you get a feel for the pulse of the A-Team, you get flashed forward eight years – into Baghdad.  The U.S. troops are pulling out, and in what can only be construed as an homage to Kelly’s Heroes, there is a black op to obtain some illegal $100 mint plates that Saddam managed to pilfer years before – yet was unable to make use of because our forces destroyed the original mint.  The badguys are well aware of the existence of both the plates and the A-Team’s mission to get them back.  Taking a political jab at Blackwater Security Forces, we are introduced to the Black Forest Security company, men that Hannibal refers to as “Assassins in Polos”.  Hannibal finds their lack of allegiance to anything but the almighty dollar quite disturbing, as loyalty is what keeps him warm at night.  Leading the assassins is the lethally practical Pike (Brian Bloom).

The A-Team is framed for stealing the plates and for murdering a high ranking officer at the base.  But, wait, here is where the film really starts to be fun, they are aided in breaking out of prison to recover the plates from the real culprits.  And what happens as each character is busted out is more fun to watch than the opening sequence.  The writers allowed for each character’s quirks to be more defined as they stewed in prison, again, framed for a crime they didn’t commit.  CIA agent, Lynch (Patrick Wilson) assures them he will clear their names if they just get the plates back.  I almost forgot to mention Jessica Biel’s Character, former Captain Sosa.  She is forgettable, and at times her motives felt weak and unbelievable, her character was tacked on to entice male audiences, period.  Yea, I am a sexist pig, but I am right, and you know it.  Gladly, she doesn’t play a typical damsel in distress like the Team used to encounter on a regular basis in the series.  But, her character was so annoying to me, I felt she got in the way of the shit I wanted to see, action and more action!

What I loved

The action!! There are scenes in this movie that will make you scream out loud . . . bullshit!!!  Still, you won’t care, because it is just too much fun to watch – it’s called entertainment after all.  Never you mind the fact that one split second later and Faceman would have been a splatter on the road or that you can’t loop a helicopter, who cares?  Just sit back and enjoy the craziness.  Don’t tell me you really thought the old series crew could build a tank out of a washing machine, yet you can’t swallow a flying tank in 2010?  Suspend that disbelief, gentle viewer.  Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, this film is in 3-D too, sorta, you’ll see.

What irked me

They made one of my favorite characters carry around a burden I found annoying, only because a real A-Team would have said, hey buddy, you can sit this one out til ya get over that shit.  No one wants a pacifist in a fighting hole.  When the convoluted plot is unraveled, it is weak and lacking imagination.  I wanted more from Carnahan, considering how wacky his plot was for Smokin’ Aces.  [Strike Two] Hollywood’s go-to badguys filled the slot, please, someone write a script where the badguy is a little old lady with a penchant for drag-racing and RPGs or something novel.

One thing I can guarantee is that the next time you are logged in playing any kind of XBox Live game, when that 12 year old pops you in the head with a sniper rifle, the last thing you will hear is AMF!   It’s gonna be THE phrase of 2010, politically, at work, hell, maybe even at church, but I will wager you will get sick of hearing it soon enough.

Oh, and think this is all just Hollywood BS?  Think again, check out this interesting article about a real A-Team, or Operational Detachments Alpha in action right now!  Either way, check out The A-Team!!