THE READER opens in post-WWII Germany when teenager Michael Berg (David Cross & Ralph Fiennes) becomes ill with scarlet fever and is helped home by Hanna Schmitz (Kate Winslett), a stranger twice his age.  When Michael recovers and seeks out Hanna to thank her, the two are quickly drawn into a passionate but secretive affair that only lasts one summer.

This movie probably touches on many young boy’s fantasies of being seduced by an attractive older woman and being taught all manner of unspeakable sexual acts. The only difference is their fantasies probably wouldn’t include them reading an inordinate amount of books while doing so. The books were the only caveat to Michael’s affair with Hanna. It isn’t until much later, while he’s attending law school and witness to a trial that includes Hanna, does he realize why.

THE READER spends most of the duration in flashbacks, drawing you in with the younger Michael’s affair with Hanna, and the time he spent in law school. It starts to bog down when we are treated to present day glimpses of the older Michael (Fiennes) reliving the mistakes he’s made regarding Hanna. I was rather impressed with the authentic sounding German accents the actors embraced. Unlike The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, the Germans sounded German, not British. Unfortunately, that was the most redeeming quality of the film, as the audience really didn’t have any one to root for. I certainly didn’t care for Hanna’s fate, though I appreciated the turmoil running through Michael’s mind. In the end, I didnt’ care for Michael, who came off more as a coward in the face of doing what is right. While many would believe that he redeemed himself in the end, it was really more of a token gesture than anything.

Unless you want to drool over Winslett’s naked body, I wouldn’t advise watching this anywhere else but from the comfort of your couch.

Read the Director and Studio’s rebuttal to “fringe critics” below:

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If there’s one thing everyone can agree on, it’s that family time isn’t always a walk in the park. Nothing Like the Holidays takes a peek at the Rodriguez family, bringing the wayward siblings to converge at their parent’s home in Chicago to celebrate Christmas as well as rejoice in their youngest brother’s safe return from a military tour overseas.

Nothing Like the Holidays was a fairly straightforward Christmas movie revolving around the family dynamic. Unfortunately, the story fell victim to the typical family subplots that are continuously regurgitated in these types of films. A family member covering up a debilitating illness? Check. A problem that drives a wedge between various members of the family? Check. Jealous siblings sharing a bonding moment? Check. Varying degrees of animosity toward the non-family member? Check.

While there’s really nothing wrong with the film, there really wasn’t anything to make it stand out from the rest of its ilk. Taking The Family Stone and painting a Hispanic coat over it hardly makes a movie worthwhile. Rent it at best, but save your money at the theaters.

Third time’s a charm.

It took Marvel Entertainment three tries – two with Lionsgate – but I think they finally got it right.  Director Lexi Alexander (Hooligans) takes a page from Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight” and gives Punisher: War Zone a darkened setting. Fitting, especially for a grim and gritty character based on Garth Ennis’s Punisher Max comic book series through Marvel Comics.

Thankfully, Alexander avoided a detailed retelling of the origin of Frank Castle (the Punisher), instead opting to use the opening credits and brief flashbacks to inform the uninitiated. Ray Stevenson brings a certain gravity to the role of the Punisher, giving the character more life than its previous incarnations (I’m looking at you, Dolph). Dominic West (Jigsaw) does a pretty good job as the villain, being as equally brutal and ruthless as his anti-heroic counterpart.

Surprisingly, I didn’t notice the serious lack of explosions that usually accompany a solid dick flick until afterwords. This version of the Punisher prefers brute force and total annhiliation with bullets and fisticuffs, resorting to boom tactics where necessary and for comedic affect. Hell, even some of the brutality was hilarious. Followers of the comic book series will no doubt appreciate a nod to one of the more popular Punisher cover artists, Tim Bradstreet, when the stage for the final scene gets set.

If you love brutality in your movies, this ones for you. It’s up there with the new Rambo.

“The lion falls in love with the lamb.”

Director Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen, Lords of Dogtown)  helps bring Twilight to the big screen with Best-selling author Stephenie Meyer, attracting her legion of fans for the best-selling books of the Twilight series. Not having read the books, I felt at slight disadvantage when viewing the film, and consequently, did not enjoy it as much as the rest of my fellow viewers apparently did.

At its root, Twilight is a typical teenage love story. Before you stop there, it gets more interesting as the lovers are a human and a vampire. Like most teen romances, Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) finds herself irrevocably attracted to the exotic and elusive Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson). That’s where the similarity to the genre ends. Bella doesn’t jump through hoops trying to profess her love throughout the film, culminating with one final bid on Edward’s affection at the end. Instead, while trying to confront his odd behavior early on, Edward essentially let’s Bella know that the attraction is mutual, but if she was smart, to leave him alone.

Meyer’s vampires aren’t your run-of-the-mill variety. For starters, they don’t have fangs. They can be active during the day, and direct sunlight does not kill them, making their skin sparkle instead.

It took awhile to get used to the acting in the film. While the humans were normal, the vampires were a little odd, and stiff. If I hadn’t had the opportunity to sit with Laurent (Edi Gathegi) and Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) earlier this week, I would have just chalked it up to poor acting. According to Edi Gathegi, the Cullens had to study humans in order to know what to do, how to think, how to act…all in order to fit in. Twilight took its time to get to the action, but I can’t exactly say it was a horrid wait. It kept my interest, even if just barely. The whole time, the film had the feel of constant preparation, as if this wasn’t the story, but just the introduction. I’m assuming that there will be a sequel or more based on Meyer’s books, so hopefully, like Harry Potter, it just gets better each go round.

I’ve heard from people that Twilight is the Lost Boys of this generation. I don’t know if I agree with that. Surely this film will resonate deeply with many of the readers, but to people that haven’t read Meyer’s books, this movie will have about as much impact as Serenity did for non-Firefly fans. You’re mileage may vary.

And if the Cullens ever break from their non-human diet, Alice is welcome to my blood anytime.

BEYAWESOME!

Disney animation has come a long way from Steamboat Willy, and it’s definately taken another bold step since Toy Story. 3-D animated features have been attempted before, but Bolt in 3-D leaves those red and blue lense days in the dust. The last animated movie I watched in 3-D was Beowulf, and it reminded me of the one thing I hate in 3-D movie…the animator’s desire – no – unquenchable NEED to remind you that the film you are watching isn’t a normal animated movie. It’s as if there’s an unwritten rule in the studio that pleads for them to take the viewer out of the story by making the characters point and jab things at the audience incessantly. Newsflash: We get it. Except for a minor and unintrusive faux pas involving a packing peanut, and one good-natured-tongue-in-cheek jab at the end, Disney gets it too.

Speaking of 3-D animation, Bolt was nothing short of fantastic. The depth of field was shown beautifully. At times, I felt that if I could just squint a little bit harder, I would be able to see deeper into the horizon than what was shown.

The voice acting was well casted. John Travolta voices Bolt who, much like Truman from the Truman Show, is unaware that the life he leads is all part of a hit television series. He lives his life to protect his person, Penny (Miley Cyrus), from the evil Dr. Calico (Malcolm McDowell) and his evil cat (Diedrich Bader) . The difference between Bolt and The Truman Show, however, is that the story happens when he escapes and has to save Penny from the clutches of his arch enemies. Susie Essman lends her voice beautifully as Mittens to help pepper a healthy dose of cynicism throughout as she tries to make Bolt realize he’s just a normal dog, and then there’s Rhino. Mark Walton voices Rhino the hamster, Bolt’s biggest and most excitable fan. Without question, he exuberantly steals each and every scene he is in.

If you only see one animated film this year, skip Madagascar 2 and see Bolt. In 3-D if you can.

Paul Rudd takes on just the right wry comic tone as Danny, a disenchanted corporate mouthpiece who believes he’s flushing his life away working with mascot/partner, Wheeler (Seann William Scott) , peddling Minotaur Energy Drinks from school to school under the guise of anti-drug PSA’s. When Danny’s life takes a turn for the worse, he drowns his sorrows and disappointment in an energy drink binge which clouds his judgement, causing them both to land on the wrong side of the law. With a choice between jail time and community service, the duo goes with the obvious choice: community service at Sturdy WIngs, acting as “Bigs” for underpriviledged “Littles.”

The two get more than they bargain for – well, maybe Wheeler did, anyhow – when they get paired up with their Littles. Danny takes on an introverted, live-action role player by the name of Augie Farks (Christopher Mintz-Plasse – who’ll always be immortalized to many of us as McLovin’). Wheeler gets the fortune of taking on a miniature version of himself, except quite a bit cruder, in the form of Ronnie Shields (Bobb’e J. Thompson).

The beginning was a little slow as the audience was being introduced to Danny and Wheeler. Once the pleasantries are out of the way and the Littles get on the scene, the movie notches up the hilarity immediately. Scott and Rudd may have gotten top billing, but both were upstaged by their miniature counterparts, with Thompson stealing most of the guffaws.  As with most comedic formulas, the tempo slows down as the characters all start getting serious with each other after the predictable let down from older duo surely comes. However, unlike most comedies, Role Models was able to crank it back up to finish telling a pretty damn good story overall.

While the laughs weren’t exactly rapid fire, the movie was still engaging and charming enough while mired in bouts of crudeness. Do yourself a favor and watch it at the theatres now.

From left: Elizabeth Banks, Justin Long, Seth Rogen

Ah…unrequited love. Not many have had the misfortune to bed that demon. Those who have, however, are sure to appreciate the tale of Zack and Miri.

Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) are platonic roommates and long time friends wallowing in financial distress. It all comes to a head when the electricity, last in a succession of unpaid utilities, is shut off. To top that off, they further depress themselves after attending their high school reunion. Inspiration hits when Zack decides the answer to their financial woes is to make a pornographic film.

I don’t know what all the hubbub was about with the MPAA initially charging Zack and Miri with the “NC-17″ kiss of death. Granted, Kevin Smith had to do some additional editing to coax them down to an “R,” but the sex scenes were goofy sleaze – and quite a bit tamer than what you would see in a softcore film at Holiday Inn.

Delaney, the producer of Zack’s endeavor, was played by Craig Robinson (Pineapple Express, The Office). Perhaps not one of his funnier roles, but he still brings the laughs with his giddy desire to see new titties.

Rogen (40 Year Old Virgin, Pineapple Express) and Banks (40 Year Old Virgin, W.) have a great chemistry on the set, and the movie was as blunt as the title implies. There’s no great M. Night Shyamalan twist at the end, but if you’re a Kevin Smith fan, you know base humor is the order for the day, even if it is just a blanket for an underlying story that allows Smith’s soft spot to show. If you prefer cerebral humor, this film isn’t for you, heck, why’d you even interested in a Smith film to begin with? Jason Mewes fans will no doubt see a side of him they haven’t seen before, and if you don’t walk out with at least a smile on your face, then you were watching the wrong movie

Surprisingly Tolerable, but no Grease 2.

Walking into the theater with my excited niece in tow, I was amazed at what I was perceiving to be the demographic for High School Musical 3. Children, ages six through twelve, were all eagerly awaiting the new arrival from the HSM franchise with baited breath. Baited, no doubt, with the promise of endless requests to their parents for the avalanche of HSM3 merchandise sure to come this holiday season. It made me wonder – are children REALLY this eager to be in High School? This eager to be a few short years free from the tyranny of their parents? This eager to start paying bills?

Keeping in tune with the HSM series, the songs were catchy and entertaining, and the choreography was in line with any professional stage musical. This, no doubt, is to distract viewers from the story, which took a side seat to the agonizingly plentiful musical numbers. In a nutshell, we find our lead, Troy Bolton (Zac Efron), undecided as to what college he’d like to attend next year, not eager to go to his father’s alma mater which he thinks is expected of him. Cue music.

Ashley Tisdale, who plays Sharpay Evans, is presumably the driven antagonist who will stop at nothing to crush the rest under her heel in her climb to stardom. Yet, her one and only dastardly plan is thwarted so easily that it’s almost unnecessary to even have it in the movie altogether. Cue music.

The acting was sub par. It was professional enough, but only for stage acting at a college, or semi-professional level, where the dialogue is not entirely natural enough to translate on film. Instead of having conversation, the actors were just waiting their turn to say their lines. The lack of drama and story really killed it for me, not that I’m a High School Musical fan. Still, it was entertaining enough when you shut off your mind and let the movie numb your senses. Cue music.

After watching the film, I can see why kids enjoy it. It paints a lovely picture of highschool. One that’s free from bullies, from angst, from the growing pains of adolescence. Coupled with the “even losers are winners” attitude prevalent today, I’m a little leery that Disney’s not enabling the growing lack of accountability and responsibility in our youth, even if the movie contains a good message about making your own decisions in life. I miss the days when they weren’t afraid to shoot Bambi’s mother. Cue music.

Cue music.

To save humanity from an epidemic, an elite fighting unit must battle to find a cure in a post-apocalyptic zone controlled by a society of murderous renegades. That pretty much sums it up.

Rhona Mitra does her best Kate Beckinsale impression as Major Eden Sinclair, the leader of a special operations unit tasked to find a cure among the quarantined survivors of a lethal virus contained on the British Isles. Unfortunately, that’s where the interesting part ends. This movie had a hard time deciding what it wanted to be, and ended up being a hodgepodge of ideas loosely thrown together to fit into a surprisingly coherent story. It viewed almost as bad as an Uwe Boll video game theatrical masterpiece.

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