Jimmy Page? The Edge? And . . . Jack White? In a documentary?

With bleeding cuticles, fuck ya, I’m in!

Storyline

Rarely can a film penetrate the glamorous surface of rock legends. It Might Get Loud electrifies as the personal stories, in their own words, of three generations of guitar virtuosos The Edge (U2), Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin), and Jack White (The White Stripes) are leaked onto the big screen.   It Might Get Loud reveals how each developed his unique sound and style of playing favorite instruments, guitars – both found and invented. Concentrating on the artists’ musical rebellions, traveling with them to influential locations, provoking rare discussions as to how and why they write and play.  This film lets you witness intimate moments and hear new music from each artist. The movie revolves around a day when Jimmy Page, Jack White, and The Edge first met and sat down together to share their stories, teach and play.

If you’re a rock lover, how can you go wrong with these three? Some might argue Jack White is questionable in comparison, but after the film revisit your snobbery.  I know after watching I should throw on my safety plastic wrap over the mattress tonight because I might just piss myself, dreaming they’ll never be another documentary like this one in a thousand years – I’m talking royal piss-fest too, like where even the pillow is soaked the following morning! Don’t you hate when that happens? Six, nine times a month, right here.

The story opens with a touch of humor that just sets the pace for this epic tale. The tale of three kings; kings of a land were the six-string is thy body, the player is thy spirit and the amplified rhythm & harmony is thy soul. 
And the guitars they had !!! I drooled under my chair as the Les Pauls, Fender Strats, etc., etc. were strummed like harps in heaven – with double stacked Marshals of course. Like, hell’s ya, little mama!

The real treat was Page’s exploration of Stairway to Heaven. How he thinks the song came to him. What he envisioned. Where it was recorded. Many of the places these bands recorded in homes, not your typical recording studio like today; simply fascinating. Davis Guggenheim, Director, did one hell of a job lacing these stories together; three very different individuals divided by father time – yet drawn together for their love of the medium.

The Good, Bad and Indifferent

The overall production would be right up there with the March of the Penguins – thought provoking, but just imagine the penguins from Madagascar to capture my point here. The cinematography by Guillermo Navarro and Erich Roland was breathtaking—scratch that, what f’n word just came out of my head? “Where’s my Jack? **Sip** 
Ahh
 That’s better. Now, back on track.” Sneak that new 42 mega-pixel camera in, snap anywhere in the film, and you have the best damn screen saver in the office. Milly from over in accounting will stop on by more. Guaranteed. See that sweater she had on last week? Totally pitched a tent in .03 seconds.

The Bottom Line

This film is not for everyone. But if you like rock and probably the finest guitar players on this little blue planet we’re hurdling through space on, you’ll love, love, love this film. Take your children. No swearing, violence or nudity (unlike my colorful reviews). Nothing. You and mom can share a malt together afterwards until she brings up why you’re still at home while look’n at 47 next week. Seriously, children today need artistic outlets. With school budgets being cut, there goes the art classes such as music. I know this sounds like an MTV commercial, but it’s true. How many of you out there played an instrument growing up? Lower your hand, Harold, the straw-kazoo doesn’t count, you meat bag. Grow up! Your such a dickhole… I know I did. It was my escape. Even today I still fiddle around, cuts the stress and let’s the demons out as my quack says. Speaking of which, my meds shoulda come in today. Oh, God


I’d bet if more kids were involved with REAL music and not this plastic wrapped Nintendo, Atari, or PukeStation crap – violence in domestic situations would decrease. Bang out your frustrations on drums, not on little sis; script out how you really feel, not spray paint a bridge for attention; or strum along a six string just to pass the time rather than vegetate in front of Mr. Zenith, watching Friends for the millionth time.

It Might Get Loud let’s you enjoy that coveted position of the fly on the wall.  Do your soul a favor; see this puppy soon!

How do you subtitle a moan?

Storyline

Sokol and Lorna, two Albanian emigrants in Belgium, dream of leaving their dreary jobs to set up a snack bar.  They need money and a permanent resident status. Claudy is a junkie – he needs money to satisfy his addiction. Andrei, the cigarette smuggler, must hole up for a while outside Russia; he has loads of money. Fabio, the Italian taxi driver and aspiring gang boss, elaborates a clever scheme: he will pay Claudy to marry Lorna so that she acquires a Belgian citizenship. Then she is to re-marry Andrei, who will in this way obtain the coveted EU passport – and pay a hefty price to Fabio and Lorna for the service. Did I lose you yet?  Did I mention it’s subtitled?

If you like twisty plots, you can’t go wrong with this film. It will keep you guessing and guessing. Now, you have to like foreign films, the look and feel, to really sink your teeth into this one. I was very, very entertained with the overall storyline. Nice job!

The Cast and Crew

Art Dobroshi, Jeremie Renier, Fabrizio Rongione, Alban Ukaj and Morgan Marinee were the leading cast of this wonderful film. If you gander at this title especially the cast section at imdb.com, you’ll see all of them were very limited as far as experience in feature films; however, all of their performances were noting but delightful in this movie. With a curvy storyline often leading us down the wrong path, full of surprises, the cast gave us more with feeling their joy and pain. I can see why this film won several festivals.

Production Designer, Igor Gabriel, should be very proud. Every scene was delivered with dramatic authenticity.  Also, Marie-Helene Dozo needs to be mentioned as the Editor on this film. Excellent cut-work, spot-on delivery while seamlessly creating raw emotion for the audience to ‘enjoy’.  Bravo!

The Good, Bad and Indifferent

If you like films like Run Lola Run and You, Me and Everyone We Know, you’ll like this one. It has an intense story, so its hard not to like it. You really become involved and committed with everything too: the story, the characters, and the unique plots. A good foreign film needs to be recognized for its art. That’s the case here. This film is also thought provoking, so if you’re looking for an easy watch—don’t—you’ll end up spilling your Skittles, which by the way I about killed myself last week stepping on them – they’re like f’n little ball bearings, I tell ya!

“Nothing but a complete Hershey’s squirt
”

Ye ‘ol Storyline

This ‘comedy’ tells us the story of Marc Pease (Jason Schwartzman); grown man living life vicariously through recollections of youthful glory. Eight years out of high school, he’s still living in yester year—high school delusions. He even dates a 17 year-old –like, yuck! Over the course of a day, events come to a head. While watching from the sidelines as his former teacher/mentor, Mr. Gribble (Ben Stiller) oversees the opening night of a high school musical, Pease has an epiphany. Through a cathartic, hilarious process, he finally exorcises his demons and realizes there’s more to life than the roar of greasepaint and the smell of a Broadway crowd or is there
zzzzzz, I long for the sweet, sweet release of death.

The storyline is what killed the video star here. So good, this flick should have gone straight to braille!

The Cast and Crew

Ben Stiller, Anna Kendrick and Jason Schwartzman put their best foot forward, but there lies the problem. Once you become a ‘star’ the audience starts expect what kind of role you’ll be playing in the film they’re about to watcg –I know, I know, not always true, but it’s tough to breakout of this unless you’re a champion actor and you really, really know your craft. I would say Schwartzman is the only one that comes close. Stiller is good for comedy, but that’s about it – never go fully retarded. I’m going to say all the talent brought their “a-game,” but the script was just too light. No major conflict. No major love affair. Nothing really gained nor lost. Borefest ’09, right here people.

For set design, Bryony Foster needs a big Ck “hats off.” All the shots were setup nice with the colors and scenery chosen. I’m curious what they paid the poor soul because this looked like a cheap overall production.

The Good, Bad and Indifferent

The good thing here is another independent was made. On that note, the bad thing is
another independent was made. This type of movie tends to lock in the notion independent movies just aren’t worth the risk to watch, so why bother? If you were told Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction could be made for $8M and gross $250M world wide – would you risk investing in it? Now, after reading the script, if you were a suit running a studio, you probably would give the green light. Probably laugh at someone telling you $250M would be made, but give the go ahead to shoot the darn thing – just to shut up that assistant bucking for the scraps at your teat.  Now, I would be willing to bet my ’82 civic, Star Wars collection of yellowed bed sheets and my pig named Little Rat that the script for this movie sucked right outta the gate. You can make a bad movie from a good script, but you can’t make a good movie from a bad script.

The overall production was fine. Again, big talent needs a big script to execute great acting or the film will go down in flames. Imagine a major ball player at your local batting cages. How weird would that be, huh? I’m not saying you need a $40M budget either. I’m the biggest fan of $5M and under projects; it shows ya “what ya really got.” Strong scripts + strong performers = strong box office returns and/or overall returns i.e. Sideways and Little Miss. Sunshine once everyone takes a chance to see what the Oscars are talking about.

The Bottom Line

Don’t waste your time. It just stunk.

“ . . . about as creative as the average stomach flu.”

The Storyline

A teen’s premonition of a deadly car crash helps save the lives of his friends—except—death sets out to collect those who missed the escalator to their final destination.   Dun, dun, da-dunnnn
.   *insert load power heave here.

First, before you race out to see this humdinger, watch the original(s); they’ve been running it/them for the past two/three weekends on many of the networks. It was shot in the late 90s and finally made it out of the can in 2000; since there’s been two others to crawl out of Canada. The original was made when the Gods were highlighting Seann William Scott after his first major success (American Pie, Stifler character – he’s been in a thousand films since, but on imdb.com they actually credit him playing himself in Pie!!! – too funny!)  After you watch the first one, you can better judge this remake. The story and characters are different . . . but not by much.

The Cast and Crew

Lindsey Hayes Kroeger and David Rapaport deserve open-ended, black-card credit for their casting on this one. Bobby Campo, Shantel VanSanten, Nick Zano, Haley Webb, Mykelti Williamson, Krista Allen, Andrew Fiscella and Justin Welborn—just to name a few—pulled off one hell of a performance. What I like about this cast is the energy everyone brought, but when you’re in your young 20s and you don’t bring it—go home. You suck and must die! But first we’ll harvest your organs, defile your corpse, then send you to District 9, so the talking shrimp have something to eat. A prawn can only eat so much f’ng purina, ya know?

Hats off to David Ellis, Director, for having a blockbuster on his hands. Pull this guy up and you’ll find he’s been a stunt coordinator for most of his career. This looks to be his debut on the ol’ director’s chair –well done, David!  Eric Bress (WGA Writer, Kyle XY) and Jeffery Reddick (WGA, Final Destination 2&3 – out of Canada) scribed out a real thriller here. Wasn’t too impressed with the dialogue, but this flick was aimed to make big money from horror seekers not dazzle them with brilliant subtlety. With the first three raking in close to half a billion, I don’t see this pup falling short.

Brian Tyler (Fast & Furious) composed the music. *He’s a big dog in the film world as a composer. At first when I was looking at the budget (est. $40M), I couldn’t figure out where all the money went. You can have a huge CG (computer graphics) tab; huge cast tab (but these guys are pretty cheap) and stunts, etc., but where you spend your money is with who you choose to manage the various departments or compose original music. Another clue is see who is listed within the first seven – ten credits on IMDB – Brian is right there, and he’s worth every penny. In a great sound environment, your ears will ring like your first Motley Crue concert, OH SHUTUP, District 9 people! Everyone knows about your secret stash of Crue posters you have stashed in the garage under all that crap your mom – notice I didn’t say wife – wants you to toss!

Cinematographer, Glen MacPherson (Rambo and a gazillion other films he shot) needs to be mentioned; beautiful shots, Glen. The entire piece was easy on the eyes.  Also, Scott Plauche, Art Director (Ray) set the scenery up for great shots to be captured – way to prep bro!

The Good, Bad and Indifferent

Just for the record, I did NOT like this movie. First, go get some original material. Is Wollywood truly out of ideas!? Have the balls been removed from everyone in Tinseltown?!! Man
 If so, here’s to defib’ing Wollywood’s ol’ heart. A film critic, we’ll name him “ck” for good measure, grabs his hand scribbled notebooks, tosses ‘em into his trusty ’82 civic and roars out to the land of opportunity and an occasional drive-by shooting – Los Angles. Hey, the scored pot sucked, so I had to do something; when in Rome do as the
whatever, right? Anyhoo, when he arrives he waltzes right through the front doors of WB, hitches a ride up to the top floor and to the first suit he finds he pitches this gem, “Think District 9 meets Fast and the Furious!  The shrimp dudes are stuck here! Like really, stuck here – on Earth.” *Suits are so stupid they usually don’t even know what planet they live on, so it helps to remind them (visuals work nicely too – you are here, dumbass).  “The one dude that got away started a new colony and completely forgot about everyone back here. fuck ’em, right? Anyhoo, Nascar has been sitting in the number one spot now for nine years, so we’re going that angle.

The shrimps are taking over everything – even NASCAR—oh, HELL NO, belts Will Ferrell in the trailer we’ll shoot—already have the financing from Taco Bell for it too. They’re fly’n around all the big tracks, Brick Yard 400, Indy 500, even Bob’s put-put and go-cart frenzy, grabbing the checkered flags! They’ve won the hearts of many Americans now. One is dating a movie star. Another is riding on the special float in a gay pride parade. The last is dating a muppet! Yes. Miss piggy. After all, she was dating a frog. Kermit finally got nailed trying to cross the road—poor soul
 ”

BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH bellows Tom Cruise; have him looking at the script as we speak, seems very interested. “Now, Bobby-Boo (Cruise) will jump back in the saddle to race against the shrimps! But along the way falls in love with their lead driver!!! Miss. Sexy Shrimp (haven’t worked out a name yet, but Katie is favorable). Will he be able to keep focused and take back all the championships one by one or run off to have little sea monkeys
? Real nail bitter if you ask me!”  The execs will say, too edgy, we need to appeal to the kids – but I like the cut of your jib son!

Back to Reality—The Final Destination was well made. Its story is weak, but action and thrilling scenes keep your attention all the way through. The music plants your ass back in the sweat stained seat from the previous ass of Johnny no-socks fresh from a Walmart buffet, and the graphics make you wanna keep your eyes shut. All good. But the “shocker scenes” have already been done in many, many other films, so this film lacks originality in every sense – even comparing to their own franchise.

The Bottom Line

If you’re jonez’n for a thriller/horror you can’t go wrong. But if you’re looking for something original you’ll be disappointed.

Please pass the crack, these people aren’t funny!

Storyline

When seasoned comedian, George Simmons (Adam Sandler) learns of his terminal health condition, his desire to form a genuine friendship causes him to take a not-so-funny performer under his wing. But he ends up learning some things about life from his new hatchling.

Cast

Judd Apatow, thinking out load: “Gee, I want to make another movie, but keep the money within my family
 **tapping fingers** I GOT IT! I’ll cast my whole family in a movie! My wife – everyone loves her. My daughters – they’re so cute folks will just want to eat ‘em up – and MYSELF—wait. That’ll mean I’ll have to trim my beard, maybe shave it off—Oh, hell no. Not in this lifetime. But wait, I’ll be the writer AND director! Yeah, baby! Me and a sack-o-cash just  L O V E  this plan!

That’s exactly what happened with this slow motion train wreck. I’m not a huge fan of Adam Sandler to begin with, but Seth Rogen, Jason Schwartzman and Jonah Hill, I am. “Hats off” to Leslie Mann and Eric Bana for an outstanding performance. Seth and Adam deserve a “hats off” as well for playing two different characters – of which I have yet to see either or them pull off and they did it well.

The cast was okay; pretty powerful ensemble for such a weak script…

The Good, Bad and Indifferent

Just a non-compelling story. The character arc for Adam’s character should have been more powerful. I really felt somewhere between a could-of-been good indie and mainstream commercial film; not enough in either direction which made me feel lost at the end. I was disgusted to learn the budget was $70M !!! Give me a break. All that money was spent on the cast and director and the script most likely sucked because these folks can act. In my opinion, the only funny thing about this film was the lumpy character Seth played and Jonah’s rants and penis jokes which made him famous in Superbad, but is now becoming old . . . like him.

The Bottomline

This is a netflaxseed film. Watch it at home. Save your gas. No one likes you farting in the theater anyways . . . yeah, I am looking at you Teddy Blair.

Aliens – go home!

Storyline

An extraterrestrial race is forced to live within “the projects” (Yo, homie !) located in central Africa, striving to meek out their existence in hopes of returning to their home planet which they’ve been away from now for oh,
twenty f’n years! A spirited government agent who is exposed to their unique biotechnology may be their final hope or pull their air all together. Think: “Going Postal” meets “E.T.” . . . on crack.

The Cast and Crew

Hats off to Neill Blomkamp for not writing and directing what seems to be his first flick, but convincing folks to lend him tens of millions to make a sci-fi movie which appears written during some serious whippit sessions; which I’m sure he thought, “it’ll knock those tasty Reese’s Pieces right outta cute little E.T.’s, glow-stick hand” – Dum, dum, ta’daa
 Oh, so sorry Neill, with two “ls” for good measure, but you’ve just lost in
Let’s Make a Movie! But turn that frown upside down you freaky little Spielberg leg-humper ‘cause we’re sending you away with: A YEAR’S SUPPLY OF CO2 CANISTERS 
.to help with your next train wreck.

I wasn’t crazy about any of the cast members. A couple of the military guys were okay, but the rest could just have been wallpaper as far as I care – give me the aliens; I am your leader! I’ll tell you who needs a big, hats off is the art department, visual and special effects girls and boys. Yo, Michael Bay, learn a thing or two here for your next Transform-lamers. Michael, did you have to run your name twice within the first 20 lines of credits?! What a looser
 Poser.

Good, Bad and Indifferent

The first 40 minutes – look out. If your have narcolepsy make sure your buddy/husband/wife/elicit lover has a cattle prod next to ya at all times. Once those minutes are over though, you’re in for a treat; great visuals and somewhat ethical think-age you may experience, so pop a vitamin before hand, okay. The story becomes quick and really refreshing after those long forty.

There’s a real spin in this story and beautiful character arcs when I look back. Also, just when you think you’ve seen it all regarding blood and guts being sprayed about and even on ya, District 9, gives us a little more. Think, 300 – Blomkamp made this flick in that vain. Made you feel right in the mix; however, the documentary style approach in the first 40 severely clashed with the “authentic” approach (as if you are there) during the remainder of the movie – no balance and amateurish. Left some room for a sequel though. Good call, Blom. Who knows? Maybe. Just maybe.

Loved the take on aliens and humans living on the same planet with the ethical dilemmas unleashed here; really fresh, if you cut the first forty I’d gladly bump you up a star or two.

Bottom Line

If you’re into sci-fi you really can’t go wrong – a truly unique storyline; however, wait until that rainy day and catch it at home – and fast forward the first forty, in case I forgot to mention that.

“Oh, let me squirt some of my coco butter on your — ”

“This is not a love story; this is a story about love.” This offbeat romantic comedy is about a woman (Zooey Deschanel) who doesn’t believe true love exists, and the young man (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) who falls for her.  *insert nurturing clip here*

Storyline

One of the best, original storylines in years. Remember ” Stranger Than Fiction”, the overall quirkiness? Well, 500 Days is right about there, but less Hollywood. It starts out with narration similar to Big Fish, giving us a sense of understanding—where and how to set our bearings—because we’re about to follow a non-linear timeline of Tom’s (Gordon-Levitt) visual diary pertaining to his relationship with Summer (Deschanel).  I was pleased with the creativity of storytelling here; however, half way through the film it starts to run out of speed, bringing us to question if we can go on. It allows for a quick peek where you can feel where things are going . . . and, you’re right—very predictable.

The Cast and Crew

This was Marc Webb’s directorial debut and he deserves a little nod for not stinking up the joint.   Side note – Marc is a music video director having worked with Three Doors Down and Green Day. Another hats off to Alan Bell for casting this pup – wow, “you nailed it” (one of my favorite lines right outta Hot Rod). One last needful mention before I get into the cast goes to Charles Varga, Art Director; the entire picture was gorgeous; beautiful color pallets; every scene was text book picturesque or “just plain good look’n” as Billy Bob would say. Joseph Gordon-Levitt – come on down. Boy, where have you been? Ever since you left Third Rock, I’d thought you’d never surface—great job! Believable. Admiring. Spot-on acting. Zooey Deschanel played her usual self with a few new surprises here and there. The real treats in this cast were Geoffrey Arend and Matthew Gubler. Both of these guys “owned it,” bringing forth their acting skills, making the film much more enjoyable.  I also like the quirky supporting cast and even extras that were added into the mix. This gave it an “Office” feel. I always enjoy seeing common folk land the roles rather than the “pretty ones” – GO TO HELL! Okay, I’ll take my meds now. Enough said– BUT GO TO HELL, PRETTY ONES ! I lost all those damn beauty pageants when I was little
 not enough hugs either.

The Good, Bad, and Indifferent

Great premise, but the storyline needed more conflict to help it flow more smoothly. As mentioned above, there were slow periods that would cause someone to walk out. Indies such as this 500 Days of Summer will only capture a certain audience member’s heart, so if you liked Napoleon Dynamite, Little Miss Sunshine, Stranger Than Fiction, Broken Flowers, A Mighty Wind, or any Wes Anderson film there’s a good chance you’ll like this one, if not, it’s all Tom Cruise’s fault—fucker. Go wax your ass and sand your teeth—Tom.

Bottom Line

Go see it. Support an indie. I won’t tell anyone you voted for McCain even though your Camry sports an Obama sticker, you poser . . .

Wanna bring down my slumber party? Bring it on, Bitch!

Storyline

A married couple who recently lost their baby decides to adopt a nine-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she first appears.  *Insert evil foreboding laugh here* Those with weak guts, who need to nibble on laxatives or have tossed out all their stuffed Elmos because they know deep inside that at any minute the red shit is going to spring to life in the middle of the night and rip out their larynx, need to take this warning – DON’T EVEN TRY TO WATCH THIS PICTURE – not even on Blu-Ray on a Saturday afternoon.

If you’re into thrillers/horrors, this is your movie; real nail bitter! This one will put you on the edge of your seat right from the beginning. Hats off to John Ottman who composed the music score – added more thrills and excitement than ever imagined.  I always keep an ear out when immersing myself in a screening, but the scoring and effects in Orphan made such a difference  – you really have to enjoy this picture in a theater to experience all the sound effects (unless your neighbors don’t care if you crack their grandmother’s World War II china). Director Jaume Collet-Serra pulled off one hell of a job (paid his Hollywhore dues by directing House of Wax).  This story keeps you suspended in disbelief until the very end; you won’t be disappointed.

The Cast & Crew

Ronnie Yeskel, Casting Director, nailed this one. Each performer was boldly cast and never detracted from the impact of the work.  I would like to give another big hats off to the make-up department for giving us stunning looks and unforgettable appearances. The art department deserves mentioning as well – wow. The smallest details in this film were not overlooked.  (Vera Farmiga) as Kate Coleman gave a magnificent performance, with John Coleman (Peter Sarsgaard) putting everything out there as well. Loved, loved, loved the children’s performances.  (Issabelle Fuhrman) as Esther, the Orphan, (Jimmy Bennett III) as Daniel Coleman and (Aryana Engineer) as Max Coleman who really made the audience believe she was deaf – bravo!

Good, Bad and Indifferent

There are some areas which makes you wanna say, “are we really going there,” with the story, but digging deeper, I’m not sure how it could have been changed without ruining the overall effect of the movie. This low-budget flick will earn top-dollar once it goes world wide. I’m going to put myself out there and say the first weekend will bring in between $20 – 35 Million. After the film many people were saying, “I’m going see that again.” I haven’t heard that in a long time. This movie was gritty in every sense, it was cold, mysterious, and mind-blowing! From a production stand point, you just couldn’t top what was done here; outstanding execution with editing too – good job by Editor Tim Alverson.

Bottom Line

This is a great thriller. Orphan brought back many memories of the old-school thinking about thrillers, “ . . . what’s going to happen next?”   See this one in theaters, again, unless you have a home theater that you can crank up, your Zenith just won’t cut it.  Sorry . . .

Let ‘em take it, matter-of-fact, demand it doesn’t return!

Storyline

A New York City subway is hijacked, holding passengers hostage and turns an ordinary dispatcher into a mandatory hero by default who must out wit the mastermind behind this soon to be deadly situation, but is the more going on behind the scenes?

The Cast

Wow.  I’d love to see the budget for the cast on this one. You have: Thee Denzel Washington, John Travolta, Luis Guzman, Victor Gojcaj, John Turturro, and the now infamous James Gandolfini – who probably banked a cold $30+ million for the last season of the Sopranos – Bada Bing, baby. Everyone did a great job and Denise Chamian really pulled together some all time fav’s in most people’s book.   God, Travolta plays a mean son-of-a-bitch, huh? Loved him playing the bad guy
and Denzel, baby, stick to these types of roles! You’re so believable; makes me wanna tip the average Government worker a buck or two—NOT!

The Good, Bad and Indifferent

First, the original was a great story worth watching, so this picture was up against some tough odds. The story starts off smooth, laying out the characters, then the day goes to hell—not a bad start, BUT then the story starts to hit some flat, boring scenes, which could have been spiked, making this a non-stop thinker. Thus, my interest was lost; started jonesin’ to crank on the phone and place pizza orders to my neighbor. However, my attention was grabbed once again, following the story once more. This happened three or four times throughout the flick—not good. I felt with even the talent gathered, this movie lacked something; maybe a tighter storyline; less foreseen drama; something along those lines.

The Bottom Line

Wait for NetFlexseed or Blockhubber-or-something-or-other to ship this pup out to ya. It’s just not worth the ticket prices these days.

Better wait for year two

Storyline

An ‘enchanted’ story about two hunter, gatherer’s attempts to rescue the women they love, during the year 1 A.D . . .  *insert loud power heave here.

The Cast

Jack Black.  Michael Cera.  Oliver Platt. David Cross.  Hank Azaria.  Bill Hader . . . the list goes on and on.  Okay, Jack Black—you either love him or hate him, right?  Michael Cera—the same.  Oliver Platt: who can hate Oliver Platt?  I mean, c’mon people.  He’s practically a substitute God when one’s on vacation or goes in for surgery.  And Bill Hader? Why hasn’t a statue been erected of him at our nation’s capitol or a new designer narcotic named after him to be passed out at Floyd concerts?  “Dude, pass the Hader, man!  Right-right.  Sorry
 It’s just once you hit the Hader, nothing else matters. I know what you mean, bro.  I know what you mean
”  Anyhoo, back to reality since my Hader just wore off . . . the cast just didn’t have any dialogue to work with.  They did what they could, but this should have been seen a mile away before shooting.  

The Good, Bad and Indifferent

Again, it’s like going to a reunion: you see all your old buds.  You stay in good cheer waiting to see or hear something to really catch your attention, but it never happens.  You leave knowing, “hey, at least I saw Jack Black and didn’t get suckered into seeing, “Jackasses of Christmas Past” 
or something like that, but you just blew some hard earned cash that could of scored you that new kittens floating in bubbles screen saver or three-degree burns chewing gum you wanted to so badly give to your father-in-law on the fourth – damn!  Poor dialogue and weak story arc will crush a movie anytime, especially with predictable comedic cast-typing.  Pretty much wrecked Chevy Chase’s career.

The Bottom Line

Wait until they figure something out for the sequel – if there is one.  The film was made for around $75M, dollars, if you can believe that.