“Machete don’t text”

Swift shot: You like action?  You like people getting hacked, shot, stabbed and eviscerated?  Yeah?  You do?  Well, cabron – ya gonna love this mojon!  Machete is grindhouse-ethnic exploitation madness at its best, with level headed story-telling and just enough cheese to keep you chuckling throughout.  Some choices were just a little too campy to merit a full five star rating, like the random bionic man foley effects when the head honcho repeatedly draws his katana – still a fun film not afraid to take some risks.

Truth be told, this is one I would normally rent, but I would recommend you shell out some pesos to see it with your vatos at the local drive-in to get the full effect.

Machete starts with brutal violence and ends the same, like you would expect anything less?  This film had what I thought was lacking in The Expendables, an action flop for me, personally.  Machete is raw and ugly, but the action was more believable and grotesque.

The prelude, shot with deliberate film “artifacts” intact (dust, hair, emulsion scratches, with 1970s style) exposes Machete (Danny Trejo) as a vulnerably naive Mexican Federale who is confronted with brutal betrayal.  When the film really starts, after the awesome credits, the artifacts are removed and you are flashed forward three years later.  Machete is now an illegal alien in Texas, struggling just to get a meal.  The long gap never gets accounted for in the film, but the mystery adds to the story.

While Machete is trying to go about his life, he happens to gain the attention of the sinister Booth (Jeff Fahey) who hires him to kill a US Senator, McLaughlin (De Niro).  If he refuses to do the job, Booth will have him killed – naturally.  Jessica Alba holds her own playing the straight-laced ICE agent, Sartana (wasn’t that Zartan’s sister?) who enforces the law with a blind devotion – but faces a challenge of judicial faith when she crosses paths with Machete.

Combined with all of this political assassination intrigue, there exists an illegal organization known as “The Network” that may have something to do with the plot.  The network is headed by a mysterious female leader, known only as “SHE”.  (According to Amadarwin, SHE is a direct homage to CHE – nice catch, slanty).  Lucky for Machete, he attracts the attention of the lovely Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) who runs a taco truck in the city and is rumored to be SHE.

As with all great grindhouse films, hell breaks loose, shit goes wrong and Machete finds out there is more to Booth than initially feared. There are some choice cameos with Cheech Marin, Lindsay Lohan, and even Don Johnson plays a sadistic vigilante, aka “Minuteman” IRL, that relishes his job, murdering illegals to keep his grand-daddy’s land Texas and not Mexico.

While there are overtly, non-subtle points made about the current hot-topic, illegal immigration, throughout director Rodriguez’ film . . . it is extreme farce.  The characters are so vibrantly silly that you can’t help but laugh at most of them, especially Seagal as Torrez, the Mexican heffe that is pulling all the strings.

To all of those of you thinking, I don’t want to waste money just because De Niro is in it, note, his role is more than a mere cameo.  Even little miss fucked-up, Lohan, gets to fill a few cylinders, firing off multiple guns in the grand stand-off climax that is sure to please everyone.  And, yes, she uses stunt boobs during one scene, but she sheds her shyness later on.

This film is designed to be over-the-top insanity, clever dialog and pragmatic characters help drive a lot of the story, and the action is awesome.  The kills in this film will be talked about for quite some time, in fact one kill is foreshadowed quite brilliantly.  I won’t give it away, because it was brilliant – and if you aren’t paying attention, you’ll miss it!

I set my expectations pretty low for this flick, and I gotta say, I was impressed.  Not only was it a visually fun film, the message was contemporary and done tongue in cheek, so even right wing, gun-totin’ loons like me could sit back and laugh a bit.  You will enjoy this film if you take it for what it is.  If you are a film snob who looks at anything mainstream as pure popcorn crap, how miserable are you?  Just enjoy this flick for everything it is – fun, gory, madness!

out of

“I don’t like human beings”

Swift shot: People say “it’s all been done” – well, kudos to Tom Six for coming up with something original.  And, there endeth the praise.  This movie sucked so much, it earned the first  ZERO rating on iRATEfilms.  There was NOTHING redeeming about watching this movie, in fact, you will be ashamed you managed to sit through the whole thing at all.  If I were these actor’s agents, I would move to Yemen and pray for a death by stoning, lest my clients find me and do far worse.

First, I heard about this one from @danieltosh, you can read his whole spoiler of the movie here.  I didn’t listen to his spoiler though, just caught the intro, which, whenever there is controversy, you are sure to find an iRATEfilms writer nearby, so, I took it upon myself to screen this disgraceful film – maybe so you won’t have to.

Tom Six directed this nightmare, adapted from the Greek myth about Procrustes, who would trick passers by to sleep on one of two beds, designed to be either too long or too short.  For the tall, he would lop off the excess, and for the short, he would stretch them out.  Considered a heinous taboo of the time, because you just didn’t betray house guests, it was the lowest of crimes.

Enter the modern, Procrustes – Dr. Heiter (Dieter Laser), a world-renown orthopedic surgeon, who specializes in successful Siamese twin separations – to him, the ultimate challenge isn’t separation, it’s conjoining.  He is hell bent, no doubt, on creating a three-dog.  But fate offers him an upgrade, when two of the stupidest girls alive, get a flat tire en-route to a nightclub in Germany.

Oh yea, the girls are American, either students or porn stars, that isn’t exactly nailed down in the First Sequence, and, yes, God help us all, there will be a sequel, already being shot.  Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) are tourists in Germany, just looking to let loose and meet up with a friend.  Then, on the way, they get a flat tire.  Being COMPLETELY incompetent, they decide to walk through creepy German woods at night (these are where Faery Tales usually ended up badly) and happen upon an old pervert and then a secluded house.  Since the rain is really coming down, they are desparate, because, shit, they are getting wet – there are FAR worse things than getting wet, remember that if you are ever stranded.

Anyway, they come upon Dr. Heiter’s home, and I use that term very loosely, when they enter his place there is all this REALLY INCREDIBLY CREEPY SHIT ALL AROUND THEM!  But, hey, he is nice looking enough, and they are wet, and he is German, so he can’t possibly be evil (No, the shirt is German, it says “The Bart, The”).  So, being completely void of any sense, they take him up on his offer for some, wait for it, WATER.  Hey, girls, you are soaked with the stuff, and your instinct, that little voice that should be focusing on more than fashion and music, is SCREAMING at you, “Get the Fuck Outta Here!”  So, yea, they drink the water and they spend the rest of the movie subjected to Doctor Nutjob’s surgical whims.

At one point, the doctor ventures out in town and grabs a Japanese guy (Akihiro Kitamura), because, well, why not, I guess?  So, he grabs this Japanese guy and, as the title implies, he joins all three together.  The movie is disgusting in the logistics of the joining, and where the special effects SHOULD have been redeeming, they cheesed out and used cloth material to cover the cool surgery.  So, like I said, there was NO redeeming value, the acting was crap, the German doctor was piss-poor as a villain, even the German cops who come to the “rescue” are inept buffoons.

Oh, and that quote above the dear ol’ doctor’s picture – he says that BEFORE they drink the water he offers them.  Need I say anymore about this film?  For a film to really be good, it has to be at least SOMEWHAT believable.  This was shit in and shit out – the only reason to see this film is to say, “Yea, I watched that, it was complete crap!”  I’ll give it that the suspense was decent, but again, it was so unbelievably delivered that it came across as silly, at best.

Swift shot: Mediocre scares, shocks more than anything else.  Confusing plot, confusing logic behind the overall moral of the story.  Acting was decent though, and the special effects were passable, but nothing really got to me.  In fact, I took two nights to screen this, because I fell asleep the first night, and I had zero nightmares.  Save this one for when you are desperate for a minor fright or two.

The plot takes a long time to get there, and the timing is so out of whack you never do figure out how long ago most of the events take place.  The director, Yam Laranas and his army of writers assume too much, typically a bad idea with American audiences.  You can follow along, but you really only find yourself following the story to make sure it ends how you think it will.  I can say, I honestly wasn’t surprised by much in this film.

Bobby (Jesse Bradford) was recently released from prison for man-slaughter, after he killed another guy in a bar, while the low life piece of filth was trying to rape Bobby’s girlfriend.  Of course, I would have given Bobby a medal, but, no, he had to go to prison, and when he gets out, he has nowhere to go except his, now deceased (and possibly mentally deranged) mother’s apartment, Room 519.  The first night he is there, Bobby starts to hear voices from the other room, 517.  Seems the man in 517, a cop, doesn’t play well with his family, and Bobby tries to ignore the voices coming from the crack in the wall.

As the film takes off, we meet Bobby’s new boss, Hector (Carlos Leon) and his ex girlfriend, the one he saved, Alyssa (Amelia Warner).  They are both eager to help Bobby adjust back to the civilized world, but Bobby is starting to think the noises and strange encounters with the folks in 517 might have had something to do with his mother’s early departure.  Other tenants seem to be concerned about 517 as well, but in the end, it is Bobby’s cross to bear, yet again, as he confronts the evil head on where others fear to tread.

There isn’t much that really stands out with “The Echo”, it is decent, it can hold its own, but just barely.  The characters are interesting, but where they could have made better choices I think, was in the overall buildup of the final confrontation with room 517.  Granted, the final conflict was brutal enough, however unbelievable, to warrant the 3,000 RPMs on the Thrillometer.  Don’t rent this one, wait til it is on SciFi, or SyFy, or whatever the hell they call it this week!  Save some dollars and thank me for saving you some, that’s what I am here for.

“Suck it up, piss pants!”

Swift shot: Every once in awhile I will find a straight to DVD flick that I have never heard about that really should have been in theaters. This flick didn’t even make my radar when it released in 2006, but damn it was good. The acting in this was amazing, considering it starred virtual unknowns, these artists really committed to their characters.  The special effects were creepy and authentic, scoring was perfect and helped set the tone immediately and was effective to keep that heightened anxiety throughout the film.

At any rate, I read the brief Netflix synopsis and was immediately intrigued:  “Five high school buddies are abducted by aliens from a farm in Florida — but only four of them survive. Fifteen years later, the friends — whose lives have been altered ever since — return to the farm to face their enemy and seek revenge.”  That is true, but what they don’t tell you is that the film takes place fifteen years later, you never see scene one, not in a flashback or anything, with the actual encounter fifteen years prior.  In this way, it reminded me a lot of Resevoir Dogs, the actors were speaking to a crucial event that never makes it on screen.

They did a tremendous job making that event real, and kudos to the casting director, I genuinely felt for these characters, even the one you are supposed to detest, sorta – a mark of great directing too.  In my research tonight, I see Eduardo Sanchez directed “The Blair Witch Project”.  He always seems to get that from his actors, it’s like the lines of fantasy and truth are gone, and they become their characters, mind, body and soul.  If you come out of the movie caring about these characters or loathing them, the film-makers did their jobs.  Great job to all involved, special “skins off” to Cody, err, Paul McCarthy-Boyington who really gave 100%.

“Altered” shows diverging opinions on dealing with the pesky anal probes and abductions by our little green friends.  And, did I mention there were harpoons?  Yessiree – last harpoon I saw in a decent film was being fired by Axl Rose in The Deadpool!  It was like someone was sitting around the Universal Studios lot in Mouse-town and said, hey, we got this harpoon lying around here, can we use this thing?  Let’s not just use it, lets use the fuck out of it!

The film reaches several tense crescendos where you are like, Holy Shit, I can’t believe this is happening!  Screenwriter Jamie Nash added some gut-wrenching pain to the dialogue, and I still can’t get that scene out of my head.  Effective!

You have four friends who try to get revenge on one alien, but the more, shall we say, in tune leader of the proverbial pack, Wyatt (Adam Kaufman) keeps urging cooler heads to prevail.  It isn’t because he has pity or empathy for the alien being tortured, it’s because he fears the complete extermination of the human race if they kill the alien.  Typically, I side against the pacifists in these types of films, the apologists or mamby pambys who keep pleading with the “psycho” character to not kill the alien.  By the end of this film, if you still want to let the alien live, or you give a rat’s ass about it’s “pain” please don’t visit my site – you are too soft to read any of these reviews, especially H-Man’s!  In case you are wondering, I sided with the female lead, Hope, played by Catherine Mangan, whose character, like me, is a pragmatist.

Overall, this is a great gore flick with excellent characters, believable situations and enough tension to keep you on the edge of your lazy-boy.  And, to anyone who suffers from alien abduction phobia, this film may have two effects, one, it will scare the living shit out of you and make your fear MUCH worse, or two, it will serve to dampen your fear, because it is a little too extreme.  Arachnophobia helped me deal with an irrational fear of all spiders.  But, living in Florida, spiders can be lethal, and they are everywhere, can’t say the same about “greens”.

Unlike the “Signs” aliens who, one: invaded a planet that is 75% water, which is a deadly toxin to them, and two: can’t break down a basement door – yet have mastered interstellar travel.  The “altered” aliens (Foki) may look a little similar to the Signs brood, but the Foki aliens of “Altered” are just mean and vicious bastages, let me reiterate VICIOUS!

You heard it from me, you are gonna enjoy this film, rent it or buy it tonight!  Watch it with someone you enjoy watching squirm! I’ve been walking around all day telling my friends about this one, so it definitely left a mark.  In fact, one scene will be with me forever, I can’t get it out of my head – brutally effective film!  Incidentally, this is my 100th review, I hope I don’t make the Foki’s radar!

Get out your tokens!

***Insert Tokens here for more images***

Swift shot:  It’s a movie, no, it’s a graphic novel, no, it’s a video game?  Wait, what the hell is this thing?  Really, who cares, you want a label – get some duct tape and stick it to your forehead – now put a Sharpie to it “Old”.  Yea, that’s you, so, anyway, like I was saying, this film, err whatever, was just awesome!  It has this low-class, Canadian – in your face – attitude.  It’s like Degrassi Junior High meets Crank!  The acting is solid, the direction is stellar, the fun is non-stop, and you’ll have a great time – I know the cast did.

Scott Pilgrim is dating a high-schooler!  Enter Player 1, Scott Pilgrim, whose latest antics unfold for the audience as he toys around with dating a seventeen year old Chinese girl, named . . . wait for it, Knives Chau!  Right away I knew I was going to freakin’ LOVE this film.  One of the major love interests is named after a weapon.  (I bet Action Flick Chick knows every female lead named after weapons, if not, she’ll have it up soon).  Ellen Wong owns the character, she’ll be Knives eternally, and she stole every scene with her commitment and impeccable comedic timing – to say nothing of her ability to kick major ass.

Anyway, Pilgrim is sorta dating this high-schooler, and she is a fire-ball of hyper active geekiness, but she is really young and his band, Sex Bob-Omb (1 -2 -3 -4) think maybe he is a bit of a creep for dating a high schooler.  Couple that with the fact that Pilgrim is some kind of dorky version of Cassanova or something, and you instantly find yourself suspended in disbelief. But, the whole film, err whatever, is like this, so it’s just fun.  It’s not as zany as Airplane, but it teeters on the edge of ridiculous.  Still, people were eating the shit up at the screening, laughing hysterically at the dry deliveries and odd subtitles, akin to Zombieland (Don’t worry, Madison, you don’t have to read this movie).

As mentioned above, Scott Pilgrim is in a band, Sex Bob-Omb (1-2-3-4), and he plays guitar, and they suck.  He lives with a gay dude who owns everything and basically lets Scott crash indefinetely, the gay dude is played by the better Culkin.  So, his life is pretty interesting, he’s a twenty-something slacker whose only ambition is to get over his broken heart, courtesy of one Envy Adams (Brie Larson) who used to play in the shitty band, Sex Bob-Omb (1-2-3-4) but found fame and left Scott and the others behind without a care.

So, Scott is pretty jaded about relationships, plus, he has a phobia about his hair.  But, when this American girl, Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) appears at a friend’s party, Scott is instantly attracted to her.  She is different than the normal Toronto herd, she has purple hair, and oh yea, he saw her in a dream the night before – so he is pretty sure she is the one – or was it just bad gas?

As he works up the nerve to ask her out, using his coveted Pac-Man pick up line, he gets what he assumes is junk mail from someone claiming they must fight to the death now that Scott is dating Ramona. This is where shit starts to get all Nintendo 64!

Scott is ruthlessly pursued by Ramona’s evil exes throughout the film, err whatever, and he must vanquish each in unique, challenging ways.  Calling on skills he picked up from playing something that looks like Dance Dance Revolution with Ninjas (Hey, I am old, I don’t know what the hell that was) Scott must defeat each to truly start “dating” Ramona.  Ramona’s evilist (it’s not a word, neither is douchebaggery) ex, Gideon (Jason Schwartzman) has founded the League of Evil Exes to vanquish Scott, because he is a threat to the strange hold Gideon possesses over Ramona.

The cameos in this film were perfect, when you realize at one point, Scott has to defeat both Superman AND Human Torch, he’s boned!  Luckily he has an amazing cast of supporting characters and actors who really flesh out the film beautifully.  The gay dude, Young Neil, Linda Blair (no, she REALLY looks like the demon with that makeup – check it out), and two surprise un-credited cameos who swoop in to save the day.  The film’s pace is amazing, I never found myself bored or fidgety.  One nod to Bollywood caused me pause, but the rest of the audience wanted more curry with their Canada I guess – cause they loved it all!

You will love this film if you ever played Nintendo, if not, save yourself some tokens and stay home.  The only thing I didn’t like was, one, I am not a huge Cera fan, I prefer the poor man’s version, Eisenberg (Zombieland).  Two, Ramona and Scott were not my favorite characters, I think you know who I was pulling for the whole film, err whatever, give you a hint, her name rhymes with chives.  Yea, this is one of those rare films where the title character doesn’t interest me as much as his band of merry idiots and geeks galore. Still, the film is too much fun to get all worked up over crap like that, just see this one – and, hell, if you want to, see it twice,  just need to find that extra life!!

“It’s halothane.”

Swift shot:  A Swedish vampire film, complete with awkward attire, dated dialog and a touch of the surreal.  If you are sick of the melodramatic crap America is forcing you to endure – romantic, gift-wrapped vampires – add this to your Netflix instant-play and grab some Absolut, you’ll need it.  Lina Leandersson portrays the wretched creature in a commanding on-screen performance that all aspiring actresses should follow.  Her character, Eli, simply . . . IS – and this little Swedish actress will terrify you with her pragmatic delivery.  At times, you’ll forget she is just wearing a mask for your entertainment.  It’s one of those roles you are pretty sure still stares back at her in the mirror long after director Tomas Alfredson called a wrap.

“Låt den Rätte Komma In” is based on a 2004 novel written by John Ajvide Lindqvist of Sweden.  The novel gained international attention and was finally realized as a film in 2008.  I saw some screen captures of this film via a Facebook acquaintance and decided it deserved a screening, despite the lame title.  Glad I opted in on this one, because it didn’t disappoint . . . mostly.

Immediately, I was drawn to the almost albino teen, Oskar (Kåre Hedebrant) who essentially reminded me a lot of myself at that age . . . brooding and twisted. Living with his mother most of the time and seeing his father occasionally, Oskar lives in the periphery of life.  He has a voyeuristic nature and is a curious spectator to his surroundings.  Oskar is constantly bullied at school by a group of kids not much bigger than him and not much different than him ultimately.

But with one interesting utterance “Squeal like a pig” Oskar attracts a spectre, Eli.  From her first line, she makes it clear that she can’t be friends with Oskar, to which Oskar replies, “What makes you think I want to be friends with you?”  Perhaps it was this small act of defiance that ultimately draws Eli to Oskar – or maybe there is a more sinister desire behind her attraction.  To the outside world, she is all of twelve years old, but inside she is an ancient force, a monster in every sense of the word.  The creature your grandparents warned you about in the woods or the creep up your spine when you think you are alone in some desolate place.

Some of the acting by supporting cast really sucked, even with the subtitles, I can tell a forced delivery when I see and hear it.  The townspeople, notably failed to impress me and cost this one a higher rating – calling you out Peter Carlberg and Ika Nord.  The special effects will underwhelm most American audiences, but it’s clear director Alfredson wanted a subtle, believable approach to the super-natural.  And, really, American audiences are spoiled with the stuff we see nowadays – it was refreshing to see toned down special effects, which turned out to be the creepiest scenes anyway.  I already see the American version, “Let Me In” is going with a more fantastic approach, shame really.

Overall, this film will crawl up your spine and force you to think, is it love that drives Eli, or is it sinister survival.  If nothing else, this film will get you talking with all your horror-film loving friends about what they took from it.  And, oh, be warned, there is some very inappropriate content towards the end that you will NEVER find in an American film.  Don’t say you haven’t been prepared.  Watch this one, then let me hear your comments, was it love or something else?

Magic is science!

***Yen Sid says, click here!***

Read our youngest writer, Taylor’s review – here!

Swift Shot:  Based incredibly loosely on Goethe’s 1797 ballad, Der Zauberlehrling, “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” will keep you entertained throughout its run time.  Though the story-line differs incredibly, and some peons will argue, in their puerile voices, “But it wasn’t REALLY the SORCERER’S APPRENTICE.”  True, it was better!!  Granted, it was all fluff and fantastic cinematography, with an incredibly unbelievable plot, but if you want to enjoy a film this summer, you can’t go wrong.  Or, listen to the other stuffy critics who still shill their mindless crap via something called a “newspaper”.  I am a movie lover, and I loved this movie!!

The saga of three powerful sorcerers unfolds in Britain, 740 AD, as a power vacuum looms when the legendary Merlin finally meets his demise at the hands of the vile Morgana.  As the narrator points out, Merlin entrusted his vast knowledge of sorcery to three pupils – he should have trusted two.  Merlin is ultimately betrayed by Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina), and a fight for control of the entire planet ensues.  Balthazar and his dedicated lover, Veronica (Monica Bellucci) manage to subdue Morgana in a cascading doll known as the Grimhold.  But, to trap her, Veronica has to join her.

Before Merlin is betrayed, he tells his pupils of a student that will be born, the Prime Merlinian, who can finally defeat the wretched Morgana and her dark followers.  To this end, he grants his pupils immortality, of course, the old buzzard never tells them it will take a century for the Prime Merlinian to appear.

Balthazar finally finds him, tucked away in the obscurity of our modern world, in Manhattan.  Enter, the apprentice, the incredibly reluctant apprentice – I might add – Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel), whose name alone conjures images of a nebbish dork destined for not much.  Still, the Prime Merlinian, he is, and Balthazar recruits him through relentless pragmatism to help defeat Horvath – of course, Dave had no small part in releasing Horvath – who was also trapped in the Grimhold . . . along with some other nefarious Morganians.  (One of these Morganians is ripped from a modern classic – I won’t say who here.  But, I will say, it brought a twisted grin to my mind).

The reluctant apprentice (come to think of it, that would have been a better title) is a physics student at NYU trying to win the affection of the beautiful “one who floated away” Becky Barnes (Teresa Palmer). The alliteration with her name made me think Stan Lee was somehow involved in creating her character.  Becky was pivotal to the plot, and I really enjoyed watching her on screen, plus, it was a nice nod to all the geeks out there who let their harts get away.

This film was exactly as labeled, an epic, comedy, action film.  Ok, maybe the epic part was a bit much, because it was a great film, but epic, it fell just shy of epic.  The acting was solid, the comedy was perfect, little nods here and there to geeks of the universe were handled in a way that allows the nerd to develop into a somewhat believable hero.

The special effects, well, what can I say, they were solid, but kudos to the whole crew for making that dragon scene in Chinatown so much fun to watch.  Now that scene . . . was EPIC.  Still, a scene does not a film make.

Nicolas Cage brings it as Balthazar, the thousand year old master pupil of Merlin, seeking out Merlin’s heir.  Cage has been accused, yes, by me, of phoning in performances to collect a paycheck, but he really must have loved the original Fantasia, because he did the old man, Walt “Yen Sid” proud!  His character is fun to watch on screen.

Magic is used a lot in the film, and while we are led to believe most people are too dimwitted to catch on that objects are catching on fire or moving about this way and that, it doesn’t really detract from the overall film, in fact, mere mortal gumption comes in handy a few times.  So, I was happy to see that with all the fantastic magic being used, human ingenuity shared a part with the super-natural, in fact, science and magic are not only able to co-exist, you wonder how many weak-minded fools out there still think magic isn’t “real”.  After this film, you might not be converted, but you won’t be disappointed.

I liked how quickly the bad guy adapted to his new world, using modern items in a very lethal sense – you won’t look at that Far Side desk calendar the same way after this film.

What didn’t I like?  I can’t really tell you here without giving away too much.  The ending left a stale taste in my mouth, and you can see most things in the film coming from a mile away.  The villains were inept, because they spent too much time being ostentatious .  You wait this long to attain something, obtain it, don’t cater to the invisible audience so much.  Still, they were lethal and interesting . . . at times.  To get more than four stars though, I want my villains to be more villainous and less showy.

Overall, this is one of those that you gotta see at the box office, waiting for DVD will cheapen the efforts put into this fun film.  I mean, it’s Disney at its best.

Go on, challenge this one? Let’s see how many people can do a nose dive off a 40 ton whale! I know ONE guy who does this off of Orcas for a living, and even he aint crazy enough to pull that stunt off a 40 ton beast. Of course, I haven’t spoken to him in a few days, maybe he got himself a Mazda MX-5. Last time I spoke to him he was kayaking out the back of a C-130, so, who knows?

(more…)

Swift shot:  Emotional, superb acting and believable performances that will haunt you – sometimes the best horror films aren’t horrors at all.  Sometimes survival is its own hell.  To my brothers in harm’s way, know that you can always rely on the truth – Semper Fidelis.

Took me a long time to finally watch this one, it sat on my desk . . . daring me to open the oddly fastened Netflix sleeve for a whole week.  I was afraid it would be yet another pandering Hollywood sneer at our forward operating troops deployed in combat zones.  It’s hard to pin down if this was an out and out criticism of our efforts overseas, or if it was just a matter-of-fact – War is truly horrible – message film.

Certain elements in the film brought me back to an abandoned rail-station in Albania, where we were debriefing prisoners of the Kosovo conflict and I was reminded of soulless eyes, shells of men, broken hearts and minds – desperate to embrace normalcy. To endure all manner of torture, you must have something to live for, some “other” that keeps you moving when the easiest thing is to just shut down and die.

I have often wondered about those souls, the “survivors” what were their lives like after the war?  Were they able to embrace that normalcy again?  Were their minds so twisted that even the slightest nuance of happiness was robbed from them?  Do they sleep?

This film brought the war home, but the sadness and hostility were underground, buried in some chasm of moral apnea.  Watching Captain Cahill interact with his family before “breaking” and afterward was expertly portrayed by the dedicated Tobey Maguire.  For his dedication to the role, I applaud him; at no time did he disappoint.

Brothers will have you struggling to fathom your own mortality.  Choices we make to survive remind us we are all gonna end up in the dirt.  It is what we live for outside of ourselves that dares us to stand up to death and say with baneful conviction, “Fuck you, death, not today!”

While the juxtaposed sequences danced back and forth between the war and the family, the overall transitions were somehow diluted and less powerful than the rest of the film.  Perhaps some stronger scoring was in order, but overall the film intellectually was stimulating.  The acting, as mentioned earlier, was precise – even the youngest actors were amazing – well disciplined (if you will permit a little jarhead inside joke).

It isn’t easy to talk about the wars, it isn’t something that should be taken lightly.  War is hell; Brothers does a decent job exploring this theme, but it doesn’t have enough balance to be a really incredible film.