Hardly “Carroll’s” Alice!

Swift shot:  Colorful and dark, a new twist on the Alice tales of “Lewis Carroll”.  My exposure to Alice in Wonderland is pretty slim, I saw the original Disney film when I was a kid and loved the Cheshire Cat and remember thinking Alice was a bit of a spoiled brat.  But, legends change with time – Burton does a good job keeping the primary elements intact.  The dynamic world of Underland, as it is supposed to be called, feels more alive than ever – but sadly the 3D effect had little to do with that phenomena and more with the powerful use of colors and characters.

Alice in Wonderland reminds us all what it is like to be yourself, reckless and free of the prohibitions placed on us by society – in a time when women were to be seen and not heard, and certainly never trusted, Alice soon finds herself torn in both reality and in Wonderland faced with the dilemma of not meeting up to everyone’s expectations of her.  What is a girl to do?  Even in her fantasy world she is falling short, as everyone keeps reminding her she is “the wrong Alice”.

What is it about?

The soon-to-be-twenty, Alice Kingsleigh (Mia Wasikowska) is bound for a garden party, a surprise affair set up so her secret admirer, Lord Hamish, may propose to her in front of all of their peers.  Hamish, whose foppish appearance screams of Alfred E. Newman all grown up essentially commands Alice to meet him under the gazebo so that he may claim her hand.  Asking isn’t something lords are accustomed to, especially not during Carroll’s day.   Alice, in a panic, darts off claiming she has seen a white rabbit and must find out where it is going.

Alice is quickly brought to a rabbit hole and, despite terrible nightmares wherein she falls down into a rabbit hole, peers into it and, wouldn’t ya know it – she falls into the hole.  Not too bright, this Alice.  When she falls through the hole, what you should get is an amazing 3D experience, but because everything is happening so fast, you will get special effects soup, as I call it.

The human eye can only focus on so many things at once, and with her dizzying descent into the hole, objects swish by her, and you, so fast – they get lost to the eye.  I imagine shedding the 3D specs might have helped. And, unless you need to see spears thrust at you later on in the movie, in a cheesy attempt to warrant 3D, just pass on the 3D stuff – I can’t emphasize that enough, as I wish I had NOT seen it in 3D at all.  If anything, it will detract from your overall immersion with the story – hardly the director’s intent.

Alice is soon encountering all manner of odd creature and, of course, just about everything can talk to her – and does.  She is not exactly welcomed with warmth, more apathy and suspicion that the white rabbit snagged the “wrong Alice”.  Alice doesn’t really think any of this is real, so she decides she might as well enjoy her stay in this odd dream land, constantly reminding her new “friends” that they don’t exist anyway.  She soon finds out how very real all of these characters are as she is relentlessly pursued by the Red Queen’s evil Knave, Stayne (played by an actor who is a blast from the past – so I won’t reveal it here).

Alice must battle with inner doubts about her principles outweighing the safety of her new friends, and she must prove to everyone that she is the right Alice.  She is to be a champion for a task so impossible, that not even her deceased father, the dreamer, could have imagined it for her.  But, as he used to tell her each night she woke from her little nightmares, nothing is impossible . . . certainly nothing is impossible in this Burton re-telling of Alice in Wonderland.

Why do I care?

So, why go see another Alice tale?  What makes this any different or any better than the countless other Wonderlands out there?  Quite simply, Tim Burton – he manages to create a masterful rendition of Alice in Wonderland using darker tones and subtle hints of the old classic Disney cartoon. The characters in Alice in Wonderland come alive due to the almost seamless special effects, whilst all the characters have something a tad “off” about them, they don’t seem unreal – more dreamlike.  A lucid dream that you wake up from knowing that the characters are real and you can call them up on some sort of imagination rolodex at your leisure.

Depp and Carter both become their respective other selves in a haunting fashion, it’s what I would expect from both of them – and they don’t disappoint.  Newcomer, Mia Wasikowska is simply the perfect choice for this new Alice, a bit bratty yet practical and determined to settle things her way, regardless of the expectations of others.  All of the characters will leave a little something in your heart before you slip off to sleep, and you will find yourself wondering what kind of magical characters are waiting for you, in your own personal Wonderland.   After all, impossible is just a word, and a dream is simply the way we defeat the impossible.

To say what I didn’t like about Alice in Wonderland would be a bit of a spoiler, so, let’s just say the end left a lot to be desired for how quickly things were assumed and wrapped up as though everyone was in Wonderland with Alice.  Still, I enjoyed the story and it was a more grown-up version of the Alice I remember from all those years ago.  I would highly recommend you venture down the rabbit hole and enjoy Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, today.

Swift note:  We managed to steal a new writer from across the pond who already screened Alice in Wonderland for our UK audience, but I wanted to reveal them both at the same time, to give you a chance to see a Yank’s perspective vs. a Brit’s.  So, please have a look at our newest member of the team, Krystal Sim’s offering of Burton’s Alice.

Isvand i blodet! – Ice to your blood! “Peer Gynt”

Swift shot: Demented and hilarious, surreal and somehow believable – Dead Snow shocks and demands a viewing.  You won’t be amazed, but you will not soon forget Dead Snow.  Simple concept from start to finish but the cinematography is unbelievably choice.  The pure white snow provides the perfect contrast to the carnage and carnal evil of the thick red darkness haunting Øksfjord.  I am going to follow all of director Tommy Wirkola’s stuff from now on, I am impressed!

Like many typical zombie Nazi flicks, this one starts off with a group of horny friends going to a secluded cabin in the middle of nowhere – but, unlike America, this is REALLY the middle of nowhere – I googled it, because I couldn’t remember if I hit Øksfjord on my NATO tour of Norway.  Turns out, I did, but that is all classified and shit.

Yes, you can hack this script at places as so cliched you will be looking for the Nazi zombies, or zombie Nazis (take your pick) to don hockey masks.  Still, where it isn’t cliche, it really serves up some hefty portions of meaty goodness.  In fact, the director pokes fun of this right off the bat, with this line,  “How many movies start with a group of friends on a trip to a cabin with no cell phone signal?” I loved that, because I don’t consider myself a real critic, just a lucky SOB who gets to share his thoughts with my overwhelming network of friends.  Also, I love when characters reference pop culture, because, hey that is the way real people talk all the time.

What is it about?

Eight friends have arranged to meet in the middle of nowhere at a family cabin way up near the border of Russia. (That isn’t classified, because such as the Iraq, and such as, people who have maps such as can find it)  If these crazy pop-ins of pop-culture are making you want to pop your eyes out with a cheese knife, I apologize – but the screenwriters used pop-culture throughout the film to help flesh out the characters a bit.  I mean, you want to see authentic Norwegian dialog, here it be.  And, goofy sweaters aside, they could be your friends down the road.

These particular friends are all medical students, and they have decided to take a breather from their studies and basically hang out, drink beer, reminisce and maybe get laid a few times – I love Norway.  But, each character has their own little quirks that make them stand out, and because this film is subtitled sometimes it is hard to really immerse yourself in a foreign film.

You have the two movie geeks, one is hot, Chris (Jenny Skavlan), and one is not, Erlend (Jeppe Laursen).  They quickly get reprimanded for movie quoting early on, which I loved – because I have had several friends say, Jesus, can’t you have a thought WITHOUT referencing a damned movie?  Martin (Vegar Hoel)  is a squeamish leader of the pack, a medical student who nearly faints at the sight of a drop of blood.   Hanna (Charlotte Frogner) is his girlfriend, and she has issues with tight spaces.  Liv (Evy Kasseth Røsten) is not Maria Bello, but damn she looks like her to me, and I couldn’t focus on her character much more beyond that – because the resemblance was weirding me out, watching Maria Bello speak Norwegian.

Co-screenwriter Stig Frode Henriksen rounds out the main group of characters with Roy.  Roy is your basic dude, doesn’t stand out much, except that you can tell he is a writer and not an actor.  Sorry man, but you know it too, ikke sant?  Vegard (Lasse Valdal) and Sara (Ana Dahl Torp) are the couple that put the whole trip into motion, the cabin belongs to Sara’s family and she insists in going through the woods cross-country skiing, literally.  Vegard is more practical, he has a badass snowmobile, which only becomes more badass throughout – and you will love his character.

When they get to the cabin, they soon encounter a creepy old guy who tells them about the Nazis at Øksfjord who unlike other places “didn’t get along well with the local population” – you know, because Nazis are always confused with playing well with others – so he had to clarify that point.  Turns out the Nazis stole a bunch of gold and silver from the locals before razing the entire area in a scorched earth campaign, but the locals didn’t go down without a fight – Viking blood and all that.  That is all you really need to know about what is it about, as you can guess the rest from there.

Colonel Herzog (Ørjan Gamst), leads the Nazi zombies, or zombie Nazi horde with a chilling demeanor.  I found out Ørjan Gamst shared a beer in Alta with a friend of mine from Stavanger.  I wish it had been me, because I would have asked Ørjan, wait, were you the leader of the zombie Nazis or Nazi zombies?  And, then I would have laughed as he caught the reference to the South Park episode, Pirate Ghosts or Ghost Pirates – right before he fed me my entrails and played with my eyeballs – just so I could watch him eat the rest of me – yea, on second thought – not so sure I would want to have a beer with that guy.

Why do I care?

The transformation of the key characters is fun to watch, as each faces their own little personal demons whilst battling and fleeing from the Nazi zombies.  Come on, don’t we ALL have Nazi zombie issues?  Isn’t there something eating at you?

The gore is wonderful to behold, it is very much like the Norwegian version of Shaun of the Dead . . . yet twice as fun.  The creative way people are killed was masterful in uniqueness.

The soundtrack was pure Norwegian, even the opening sequence booms Grieg’s In the Hall of the Mountain King, you Americans will recognize it immediately – and now you have some culture thanks to Rick Swift.  It isn’t just for Needful Things anymore.

I liked that the violence wasn’t quick and simple, people and zombies take a long time to die, no cheesy sequences of people hearing a blast, clutching their chest and dropping like all of Lieutenant Dan’s dead relatives.   All the brutality in this film reminded me just how much violence the human body can take before it finally gives up and accepts death.  Not one of these characters died well.  One cliff hanging scene in particular left me holding my gut and exclaiming, Holy Shit!

I want to watch this one with all my friends, drinking pils and talking about the Simpsons and simpler times. It is a fun, fuck-it-all film for the audience to cringe with and laugh with and there is even a little twist thrown in to make things more fun for horror movie buffs.  So, if you have Netflix, watch it on instant view now, if you don’t, rent it – tonight!

It’s where we create the ghosts

Swift shot: Mentally intriguing suspense mystery worthy of Hitchcock.  Coming off the success with The Departed and flexing his mental muscles a bit more, dabbling in subtle tones of darkness and despair, Marty delivers a fine film for those that miss the classic thrillers.  Shutter Island has a lot going on, and you need to pay attention to pry out the nuances of brilliance throughout.

The film opens with a rocky ferry ride to Ashecliffe Hospital, a kind of mental hospital with armed guards, a prison for the criminally insane – think Arkham Asylum meets The Rock.  U.S. Marshall Teddy Daniels (DiCaprio), witness to the most despicable scenes of World War II, is sent to the island in 1954 to locate a missing patient who seemingly vanished from her cell without a trace.  He is paired with a new partner, Chuck Aule (Mark Ruffalo) who never leaves his side throughout the investigation.  The escaped mental patient, Rachel is cunning and deadly, but how did she manage to leave her cell?  Did she have help escaping?  Is there someone on the inside working against the investigation?

There are so many different themes in Shutter Island, and the intrigue and suspense are strangely believable, clues are given to the investigators and the audience as more pieces of the puzzle are revealed  – but these pieces just seem to add to the frustration.  Something dark and sinister is going on at Ashecliffe Hospital, with so many secrets, so many ghosts, too many lies and dark whispers creating traumatic nightmares making it impossible to discover the truth.

Why are the OSS (current CIA) and other federal agencies consulting with the staff?  What could macabre, diabolical geniuses do with limitless power?  What kind of traps could they set, and are they on the side of evil?  These are the questions you will continually find yourself churning in your head – just what is going on at Ashecliffe Hospital?

Incredibly well acted film, as you would expect from Marty Scorsese.  Cameos abounded in Shutter Island, and one in particular brought back some guttural personal feelings I haven’t had watching a film since Silence of the Lambs.  Shutter Island is full of ghosts, actors I thought had passed on, if not from the Earth, then clearly from the public arena.  Of course, for Scorsese, they were more than willing to make a dramatic return – much to my dark delight.

You will be entertained and you will be discussing this movie for months with your friends.  Why doesn’t this get five stars?  While the concept and delivery of the film were brilliant, I can’t say I didn’t find loopholes that left me mentally agitated afterward.  Most stories are like this, of course, because they are works of fiction, and I would have liked to see some more character impact from some of the cameos and a little less from other characters.  Can’t call this one flawless for that reason, and that reason alone – otherwise, an amazing piece of film that you must treat yourself to.

A dynamic dirge for the weary soul, for the travelers who live in violence and who understand its brutal, yet efficient, applications.  Things are never quite what they seem, and the music and memories of the past will remind you of a dark episode in your own lives perhaps – when justice and vengeance met at a cross-roads, and where the truth set you free.

Waste of a soul

Swift shot: I don’t care.  It was boring, full of cliches and hack writing.  Jeff Bridges can act, and clearly taking on a terrible script and making it “shine” is what passes for Academy gold these days.  Based on that caveat alone, Bridges should get the Oscar, but to quote Metallica, “So Fucking What?”  Yes, Metallica is more my speed, but I can appreciate a good film regardless of genre.  Crazy Heart is one of those movies that everyone is telling you that you are supposed to like, so, if you don’t what the hell is your problem?

It’s about a loser, a sell-out, a drunk and an overall boring washed up country music singer (and I use that term loosely).  It starts off with little promise and only gets worse from there.  Tepid, like the piss he transports with him in his Silverado, or was it a Suburban, yea, who cares?  Nothing remotely interesting happens in this film!  And, if you think it does, god-damned, you are an incredibly boring person, go live a little.

No one is really ever challenged in any significant (believable) way, and when there are challenges, all the characters conveniently solve them within one montage – if only life were so damned simple.  Hey, I have fucked my my whole life, guess I just need to fish with Robert Duvall and join the happy tree friends for an AA meeting and voila, no more problems – AWESOME!

This character has the soul of a sociopath sans the whimsy and cutting up of coeds.  Yes, again, I wanted a lot more out of this script.  It was like being God and randomly flipping through your rollodex to check on one of your creations, and instead of having mercy on him and dropping a stage-light on his head, you keep him alive for some sick amusement – which even you don’t understand.  In fact, it was very much like watching bad Mexican TV in a dilapidated hotel room, so damned uninteresting it becomes like a laxative for your mind.  So, you are God, and just sitting there watching this loser’s life and thinking, man I should turn this off, but then I would have to get up and readjust my nads.

I get this a lot, but, Rick, you didn’t tell me what the movie was about . . .  so, go read a synopsis!  Fine, it was about a washed up has been, who sells out his integrity and is so selfish he can’t do one thing without regard to his immediate gratification.  He meets a young philly who happens to be smitten with him for some reason that I will never understand.  He has some cliche lines about being on the road, living the life of a traveler, regrets not seeing his son for twenty-four years (sound familiar, The Wrestler) returns home, fishes, and does the one thing his love-interest (Maggie Gyllenhaal) asks him not to do.

Let’s talk about “demographic” here, shall we?  My detractors will say, “well, that just wasn’t Rick Swift’s scene daddy-o” (because that is how I imagine my detractors talk, like hepcats).  Bullshit, I find myself watching all manner of film in my life, and appreciating a vast variety of the cornucopia of the industry.  In Norway I taught myself how to leser Norsk (read Norwegian) by watching Swedish movies with Norwegian subtitles, after several hours of Major Dad marathons with Norwegian subtitles, whilst hearing  English.  I love Swedish films, Danish films, German, French, you name it, I like films about angst, drama, passion, deceit, conflict, you know INTERESTING themes.

But, dear reader, Crazy Heart was vapidly exhausting and mind-numbing rubbish, void of anything worthwhile, except that Bridges really does (dry heave) BECOME Bad Blake – and . . . who cares?

I am starting to sound like H-Man when he rips into a Bin Bilger here, but, my level of detestation for this film knows no bounds.  See, that was kind of a cliche, you could make a whiskey shot drinking game out of every cliche in Crazy Heart – in fact, DO IT, maybe something REMOTELY interesting will happen to you during the game.! You know that Navy commercial, “If someone wrote a story about your life . . . would anybody read it?”   Life is short, please don’t waste 112 minutes watching this crap.

Sound the trumpet!

Swift shot:  Didn’t suck, was fun and I liked the overall premise.  What I could have lived without is seeing an Angel do battle with a machine gun, but, it was a fresh approach on biblical combat. This is the kind of film you just sit back and enjoy, don’t rip it to shreds and you will have a good experience.  If you want to shred it though, it would be easier than the Holy Divinity sending a legion of angels and his archangel, Gabriel (Kevin Durand) to smite an unborn infant – oh, wait, that isn’t so easy, apparently.

Enter Michael, and he isn’t John Travolta, smashing heads with a bull in some field, puffing feathers like some kind of lame twittering bird.  This Michael, Paul Bettany, slams to the Earth and in a dramatic self-flagellation scene, literally rends his wings from his back . . . and stitches them up using a mirror. You get an immediate understanding that God is the bad-guy in this film, so if you have no flexibility in your faith, you might want to check out 10Things I Hate About Christianity, it helps put things in perspective.

I held a contest for free movie passes wherein I asked people to explain why humanity should be spared from God’s wrath, someone suggested www.cuteoverload.com and even Cheeseburgers as reasons for letting us live – I am sure the PETA people would beg to differ, but . . . I digest. (That’s from Family Guy you knuckleheads)

I really enjoy movies about theology, even bad ones can be mildly amusing if handled in a fresh way.  And when you meet the sympathetic character in Legion, Charlie (Adrianne Palicki) doesn’t even have compassion for herself.  Charlie is a pregnant woman who smokes – I mean, she might as well be Hitler!  But, in order to show her transformation, she needs to start somewhere, and really the gutter is as good a place as any, right?

The other characters are quickly under siege by weak-minded people who allow themselves to be possessed by angels – critical aside, apparently everyone in the diner in Paradise Falls is immune somehow, or are they?  There were a lot of poor dialog choices in Legion.  The kind that make you want to to scream at the screen, come on, you can do so much better than that line, especially famous last words.

Still, this film had one gem I enjoyed tremendously.  When Bob (Dennis Quaid) is asked why he keeps carrying around an old zippo lighter now that he doesn’t smoke anymore, he replies, “I’m sentimental, my ex-wife gave it to me, and I want to remember how much I hate her.”  Nicely put!  But moments that could have been downright scary came across as lame, no Lame (with a capital L) – when you see it you will know right away which sequence I am speaking of, I think it was a nod to Chucky, but it just sucked, truly abysmal.

Keep an open mind, have fun with it, don’t be so damned critical and you will enjoy it.  Remember what it was like to just sit back and enjoy a film?  That is what this film was like for me, I just sat back and casually enjoyed it.  It had kind of a Demon Night meets Diner feel to it, but, if you take it for what it is, it ‘aint too shabby.

“It’s classified.”

Swift shot:  Left me wanting more on every level, too much was shoved into the script – nothing really powerful ever happens, it was like firing hollow-points at a watermelon, sure it’s fun, but if you aren’t taking out bad-guys, so what?  The exposition never really happened, and I understand this is a film based on a TV series, that explains why so much plot is cut out – just not enough time.

Edge of Darkness tells the highly complex story about a Boston detective who witnesses his daughter murdered on his front stoop.  Was he the target, was she, is there international intrigue involved, is it the typical Hollywood cliche crap where the US government are evil manipulators of the masses?  Guess which one it is?  I won’t spoil it for you.

Mel Gibson is still one of my favorite actors, because I have yet to see him phone one in, the same is true with Edge of Darkness.  I am sure after seeing the final cut he was disappointed in the overall product, but he has nothing to feel ashamed about – it was just too much crammed into such a short run time – much of the drama takes place in your imagination – and when you can’t dramatically connect with the characters (because all the good stuff is classified) your imagination isn’t enough.

The supporting cast all performed well; no one was firing blanks, but it just wasn’t something I would recommend to my friends – which really is what we always get asked “So, how was it?”  Well, Edge of Darkness wasn’t great, and it wasn’t garbage – but it was convoluted and imprecise film-making.  And, sadly, it was quite predictable, even though it presumed it wasn’t.  The writers probably thought they were being interesting, but it came across as confusing more than anything else.  Several characters were barely explained, and the overall package was overstuffed with nonsense instead of good juicy plot.

Rent this one when you are jonesin’ to watch Mel Gibson kick some ass and take names, but not if you are looking to be inspired, intrigued, or even remotely stirred.  I wanted to like this one more; I just couldn’t connect – maybe you will have better luck.

Rick Swift

“Wolverines”

Swift shot: Classic Milius! If you read my bio, you know this was one of my favorite films growing up, it put things at the time into a perspective I appreciated.  Today I have heard it described as silly and frivolous story-telling, bullshit, it was a great film and I will tell you why below…

Teddy Roosevelt 1899 – “Far better it is to dare mighty things . . . than to take rank with those poor timid spirits who know neither victory nor defeat.”

To explain why this film resonated with me is to reveal inner darkness, and perhaps why I have so hesitated to review this film.  As we dissect that which we love, we learn much about ourselves – and sometimes the truth is not pretty, but it is honest.

To say I have an intimate relationship with this film would be the understatement of the eighties, it would be like saying Gary Hart made some poor choices, who?  Yes, I see I need to set the tone here – go back with me to 1984, when we invaded Nicaragua and the Russians were occupying Afghanistan, boycotting the Olympics and CIA station-chief, William Buckley was kidnapped and eventually died at the hand’s of his captors in Iran. . . to a time when “Just Say No” was focused on the war on drugs and not trans-fats.

I was ten, and just starting to understand what it was to be an “American”.  Red Dawn wasn’t only socially relevant, it was a warning of what to expect if things didn’t change! As a re-hash of Red Dawn is now in the works, I hear people on blogs saying, how can they make that movie now?  Maybe we need to look at the last decade and the new Sino-Russian threat which may seem far-fetched to you.  But, I digress, that is the new film, let’s focus on the original.

Red Dawn centers around the fictional small-town of Calumet, Colorado, where one small skirmish of World War III takes place.  Russian-Cuban military units paratroop into the town and quickly seize it, rounding up people like me and seeing to it we don’t become partisans and insurgents.  Sounds like an easy plan, right?  WRONG COMMIE!  You don’t just drop into small-town America and expect to walk around unscathed, not if the Wolverines have anything to say about it.

Comprised of a few teenagers who manage to flee the initial assault and hide out successfully in the mountainous woods of “Colorado”, these Wolverines (their high school mascot) put up a tenacious resistance and become a ravenous nuisance for the occupying armies.  They are mostly naive, yet strong-willed youths who only want to survive and return to normalcy, but they soon realize that normal is a dream.  They stand up, willing to die, willing to kill, fighting for their homeland . . . til the death.

What so inspires me about Red Dawn is the way I seem to identify with all the characters – now more than ever even.  All of the characters deserve that scrutiny in Red Dawn, because Milius shows us the dramatic impact of violence, whether it be from the allies or the invaders perspective, death comes to everyone – and death is personal and painful in Red Dawn.

Characters are shot, tortured, humiliated, betrayed, and all manner of angst is printed on their hearts.  Some are led to a firing squad, some are forced to dig their own grave, put yourself in that guy’s shoes.  It’s easy to watch as a spectator, this work of fiction, but I know from my service (in Albania), people who were forced to do just that . . . and worse.   What would you do, tough guy?

We all want to believe we would be fighting the occupiers and holding our own – destroying as much enemy materiel and morale as possible – but, could you, if the shit hit the fan, right now, today, would you be ready?  Go on, laugh, pretend there isn’t evil in the world, pull your covers over your head and bury your fears in the sweet fiction of Hollywood.  It wasn’t too long ago that a man had explosives stitched into his underwear to kill Americans, that sounded pretty damned far-fetched to me . . . until it actually happened.  Think of the level of dedication for that “character” – starting to get my point now?

This film had a cast of relatively unknowns that went on to become somebodies.  The late Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Gray, Lea Thompson, and Charlie Sheen and my favorite character in the film, C. Thomas Howell, as Robert.  At the beginning, Robert dons a Star Wars cap with the bill turned up – until he learns of his father’s death and he drinks the blood of his first deer, after that, he is a different character altogether.

Robert embodies the uber-realist in war, and metes out justice without emotion.  His lust for revenge is never sated.  These characters always interest me the most, because their transformation is so immersing.  Robert has lost everything, and his hate keeps him warm at night, it is why he wakes up every morning and what he dreams about before closing his eyes – and I always wondered, what would Robert have been like if not for the war?

Red Dawn is easy to over-look as “just a cheesy, red-scare movie from the eighties” . . . until it becomes reality.  I lived in Norway, in a house that was seized by a Gestapo officer in World War II, a resistance fighter was killed down the street by having his mouth shoved on a tailpipe, tanks used to roll down the E39, fear and despair was everywhere.  To this day, Norwegians decorate their Christmas trees with little Norwegian flags, and I asked my friend why, he looked at me with no emotion and said matter-of-factly, “because the Germans wouldn’t let us fly our flags – you got killed for that”.  Tell a Norwegian that Red Dawn is just a scare-film, I dare you.

VERSUS

H-Man

“America! Fuck Yeah!”

The H-Bomb: I was checking out the DVD section of my local Wal-Mart when I chanced upon a DVD Double Pack of “Navy Seals” & “Red Dawn” for five bucks.  Knowing that “Red Dawn” is an old favorite of our esteemed editor Rick Swift, I decided “what the hell” and tossed it into the shopping cart. So, how does this personal fave of Mr. Swift’s rate with the H? Read and find out.

It’s the early mid-eighties in America, and the worst thing imaginable has just happened to us, we’ve been invaded by the Ruskies (With the help of Cuba and Mexico. If this movie were made today, you could throw in Iran and Venezuela as well)! The Soviets parachute into our country, and all but completely take it over in what seems to be the span of a day. However, there’s one thing those rat commie bastards didn’t count on… a pack of High Schoolers hiding in the mountains, armed to the teeth and determined to take their country back, guerrilla style! Yeah, take that you freedom hating Pinko fucks!

On the surface, this film seems to tell a purely patriotic, flag waving, nobody fucks with the U. S. of A. type story. However, to look into it a little more deeply, you could argue that the film’s real message is that occupation of one country by another will never work because the natives will always resist. And that could be applied to us in our adventures into Vietnam and Iraq just as much as it could to the Soviets invading Afghanistan. But seriously, who wants to look at it from that angle? I mean, this flick was co-written and directed by all American gun nut John Milius, one of the most macho, bad ass filmmakers in Hollyweird. He had a hand in writing the first two Dirty Harry movies and directed “Conan the Barbarian”. He makes movies for guys who like movies! He ain’t no candy ass!

As for the film itself, I enjoyed it and can definitely see why it’s achieved its cult status among action buffs. The action scenes were well-staged (if a bit redundant) and the film is surprisingly violent for PG-13 (yes, I’m aware this is the first PG-13 movie). Something that caught me off guard is how serious the tone of “Red Dawn” is. Not that I was expecting anything campy, but I was expecting it to be more… rousing, for lack of a better word, but it’s actually quite dark and a little bleak.

Another part where the movie falters is with the characterizations of teen rebels (led by Patrick Swayze. Why? Because he’s Patrick fuckin’ Swayze, bitch!). They all felt underdeveloped and therefore I never quite felt attached to them the way I should have. The young cast of now familiar faces, including Charlie Sheen, Lea Thompson (the Mom from “Back to the Future”), and Jennifer Grey (who went on to star with Swayze in “Dirty Dancing”), all do fine, but sadly the script doesn’t give them much to work with. Powers Booth drops in as a shot down fighter pilot and completely owns for about twenty minutes or so. He really brings a sense of gravitas to the cast, and I almost wish he was the star.

Also, there were moments of what I think were unintentional silliness, like when Harry Dean Stanton shouts “AVENGE ME!!!” to his sons. That part just made me laugh out loud.

But why am I even complaining, it’s “Red Dawn”, for Christ’s sakes. Odds are your minds are already made up on this one. If you’re nostalgic for the 80’s, or enjoy good, old fashioned 80’s shoot em ups (80’s action movies… nothing quite like them), then you probably have a special place for it right in your cinematic carnage loving heart. I know boss man Swift does.

As for what I thought of the other half of this DVD Double Header, “Navy Seals”, I think Kevin Smith was spot on in referring to it as one of the most “intellectually devoid movies on the rack”. But I kind of had fun with that one, too.

“Murder changes everything”

Swift shot:  Magically disturbing and imaginative, The Lovely Bones redefines justice.  The emotions are palpable, the suspense is terrifyingly effective, and you will be screaming at the screen.  Immersion with this film is seamless, as you find yourself pulling for the characters on a gut level.  It was similar to What Dreams May Come and The Lady in White – both incredibly powerful movies in their dealing with death and the people who really suffer – the living. 

The effervescent Saoirse Ronan dons the knit-wool cap of Susie Salmon, a simple, yet passionate teen full of life whose curiosity is her ultimate demise.  Susie is stuck in a bubble of the in-between, with her love of family and growing desire for revenge keeping her trapped in her perfect world. 

With a passion for photography and life, Susie is a typical seventies teen, trying to gain attention and affections of her Moor, Ray (Reece Ritchie).  But, on the day she is given a poem by him, she is murdered by Mr. Harvey (Stanley Tucci) – such a  benign name for so terribly maleficent a character.  Harvey is a perfectionist, a savant who excels at two things, carpentry and murder – using his best tools, manipulation and misdirection to subdue his prey.

Stalking his victims is almost as much fun as killing for him, in fact, killing is the climax of a great passionate romance played out in his twisted mind’s eye where misery and torment keep him warm at night.  Tucci doesn’t need any special effects or a billion dollar budget to scare the hell out of you, just some blond hair and creepy contact-lenses transform him in a way not familiar in decades on film.

Susie is cleverly lured into his trap and after a painfully drawn-out sequence, where the loving family is juxtaposed with the snare set for her, she is destroyed, snuffed out, youth extinguished, in her prime.  Only thoughtless, evil, bane creatures terminate the pure.  Harvey will go down as one of the most reviled villains of the year.  There is a bathtub scene that will give several audience members chilling nightmares.  Well done, Jackson, I haven’t had an image burned into my psyche like that since Gollum - capturing darkness like that takes perverse desire, contrasting the darkness with the white light, remarkable.

The imagination of ideas to create Susie’s heaven and how it was portrayed on screen were defining moments for this film.  Some critics might find this was overdrawn and cheesy, but at times that is exactly what a story needs, a little fromage, n’est pas?  I particularly got emotionally invested when her father was destroying something that reminded him of his daughter in his world, and how that event played out in her heaven.  Anyone who thinks that was too cheesy isn’t a parent – I can tell you that.

I found the characters meshed well, but it was clear to me that the film probably had to trim several characters down to mere plot-movers because of time constraints.  Disclaimer: I haven’t read the book, nor did I know it even existed – as I have stated countless times, I am a viewer, not a reader, typically.  So, I can’t stand up and claim it was lacking in any way against the written form of the story.  But, really, that is the beauty of when a novel becomes a film – it is exposed to a whole new audience who might never have imagined such a creative way of exploring both justice and grief through the eyes of the murdered girl.

This one is going to raise some eyebrows, going to launch some careers and will be talked about for a long time for the pragmatic way it deals with justice versus revenge.  I would highly recommend seeing this film in theaters too, be warned though, the darkness from this film will follow you home – pray that Mr. Harvey doesn’t follow you home too!

Welcome to a world where KFC moist-wipes can get you anything!

Swift shot: Decent post-apocalyptic journey with some rapid-slash fight scenes and an intriguing twist.  Mila and Denzel manage well, and Oldman comes across as a believable villain – not so much a monster as an uber-realist.  With harsh, gritty paneling this is definitely a must see for graphic novel fans. 

After “the Flash” and ”the War”, a walker, Eli (Denzel Washington) sets out on a thirty year journey to deliver a special package of knowledge and hope.  What he carries west with him is a weapon, a book, lethal in its application.  Eli is wary to veer from his path and tries to shed himself of company.  But, he becomes inextricably linked with Solara (Mila Kunis), the “daughter” of his most dedicated foe, Carnegie (Gary Oldman), who runs a make-shift town where water is doled out to maintain control of his twisted flock.

Like you, I wanted to know why I should treat this post-nuclear survival film any differently than the countless offerings of the eighties.  Countless times, armor-clad station wagons and modified motorcycles transported droves of menacing neanderthal packs of wolves driven by savage urges.   

So, what makes The Book of Eli any different?  Not much, really, except the overall message of hope throughout the film, a chance for some form of redemption and enlightenment in a world plagued by hopelessness, where survival is purely instinctual.  There are interesting characters strewn throughout and even a cat manages to survive the carnage somehow.  There is some shameless product placement too – but it actually is designed more to gain authenticity than dollars – so it is forgivable.

You could wait to rent this one, even though the action is pretty intense at times, with limbs being hacked and tossed about like some grotesque human salad – you don’t need to see it on the big screen and odds are the behind the scenes stuff will be as fun to watch as the film itself.  On a personal aside, as I walked out of the theater an old blue-hair Boca bitty remarked to the usher, “That was the worst film I have EVER seen!”  I couldn’t help thinking, what the hell was she expecting, Ben Hur?  Funny how free movies bring out the harshest critics.  I enjoyed it, because I wasn’t expecting to be blown away, but I was expecting to be intrigued . . . and I was.