A film, long, long overdue, in a decade not so far away

Swift shot: Despite a tacky soundtrack and a high-school AV club font for the credits which looked like it was ripped right from Windows Paint, this film delivered some solid memories.  Thanks to the previews, I was expecting it to have modern music for the sound, ala “A Knight’s Tale” and “Marie Antoinette”, but they went with a more traditional score.  I wish they had opted for the modern style, because the music never worked for me . . . granted I was focused on it the whole time.  I was also expecting a lot from the folks at Lucas’ Industrial Lights & Magic (ILM), and they didn’t let me down.  The gritty attention to detail paid to the P40 Warhawks with rusty bolts and hinges in contrast to sexy, mint P51 Mustangs was noteworthy.  The actors were a bit rough around the edges, but as the film progressed, I found myself more drawn to the characters and less focused on the film’s elements.

Set in 1944, Italy, we follow the “historical” adventures of the 332nd Fighter Group, comprised entirely of “negro” pilots and crewmen.  In 1944, the brass has decided to grant black soldiers the chance to prove they can stand toe-to-toe with any other Americans in the war effort.  One bold initiative creates the 332nd and, at least on paper, affords the men that chance.  Met with nothing but resistance along their path to become pilots, the men form a strong bond – probably more significant than most other soldiers who essentially take for granted that they have at least earned a grudging respect from their comrades.  Not so for the 332nd, everything they are doing is literally being scrutinized by everyone in the world, not just the military, and not just the Americans.  They are under a lot of pressure to be beyond good . . . thing is, the brass isn’t exactly giving them any real missions worth a damn.

And that is where we come in, after a routine mission of “killing traffic” (one of my favorite lines) their Colonel, Bullard (Terrence Howard) is called to Washington D.C. following some harsh words from the press that the negro pilot experiment is a failure.  One particularly nasty Colonel, Mortamus (Bryan “Breaking Bad” Cranston) has leaked the false story in the hopes of putting an end to them once and for all.  Now the pressure is higher than ever for them to show they can take on dangerous missions, and they are granted an air cover mission for an Allied Landing . . . Operation Shingle.  Not only do they accomplish their mission, they log some significant kills.   Speaking of killing . . . this film is incredibly violent, lots of strafing runs, lots of explosions and people meeting their mortal end.  For the most part these people were Nazis, so no one really minded, but in all wars even the good guys die, and Red Tails does show a few of the good guys eating dirt too.  In fact, with four words, the entire tone of the film shifts in one dramatic dogfight.

I read on imdb that George Lucas started this project in 1988 and couldn’t get any significant funding, because “an all black cast isn’t going to sell tickets”.  Interestingly, he foot most of the bill for this film himself, and stylized the leads after historical figures from black civil rights lore, Easy, or Capt Marty Julian (Nate Parker) was inspired on Martin Luther King, Jr.  Lightning, or Capt Joe Little (David Oyelowo) was inspired on Malcolm X, and considering the screenplay was co-written by the controversial “Boondocks” writer Aaron McGruder, it makes perfect sense.  His characters are always bigger than life and inspired on great men and women.

The other characters make up a fairly motley crew of pilots and mechanics which reminded me a lot of the Black Sheep Squadron that I used to watch with my dad, with clever call-signs and a bit of arrogance and flair.  There really were too many to list here, but my favorite supporting actor would have to be Ne-Yo as Smokey who delivers the most clever line of the film.

I wanted to like this one a little bit more, and it is a freakin’ crying shame that in 2012 no one stepped up to the plate and assisted George Lucas to the point where this film was on an epic scale, I wasn’t overly impressed with Terrence Blanchard when I am spoiled with John Williams doing Lucas’ other scores and some other elements felt tacked on at the end as well.  In once scene, Lightning takes on an entire Officer’s Club filled with white pilots, and he is in the stockade the next scene without a scratch on him, not so much as a hangnail.  That might fly in an amateur’s reel, but not when I see Lucas’ name attached.  Ultimately, this film was not all that it could, and should, have been.  The aerial combat sequences were tight and magnificent, and I really have not one bad thing to say about them.  The story was interesting, but I felt that a lot of the film was rushed in order to get as much “history” into the final edits and I think some things should have been cut out altogether.

As far as the historical accuracy of this film, I will let you do your own research.  But in my research it was interesting to see that even as late as this decade, controversy over the historical accuracy of the documented combat missions still hasn’t been soundly put to rest.  Perhaps this film will serve to do what it was ultimately intended to do, get Americans, black, white, red, yellow, blue, purple, green, who cares, to care about the sacrifices of these ‘colored’ men who not only had to fight a war, they had to fight to earn even a modicum of respect in their “free” country.  We all have battles, and we have all had to deal with prejudices, but I challenge anyone to say these aviators weren’t some of the most mentally tough men to ever wear wings.  The Red Tailed Angels of the sky.

Carano, you have arrived!

Swift shot: From the jump, let me just say I am not a Soderbergh fan, I didn’t care for Ocean’s Eleven; I am not big into the heist movies, they are always rife with double-crosses and become pretentious parodies of anything worthwhile in my earnest opinion.  But, regardless of that disclaimer, I actually liked Haywire despite its obvious attempts to stylize itself as one of those predictably unpredictable heist movies.  Haywire had one element that I couldn’t resist . . . Gina Carano.  She made Darth Vader’s choke hold look like a stilted pantomime.  In one brutally sexy scene, she dispatches a bad guy between her legs!  Wonder what that guy’s last thoughts were . . . The rest of the movie was just filler at that point, getting her from one kill to the next, so even though the journey was tedious at times, I did enjoy the payoff at the end.

I was happy to see that Channing Tatum finally took my advice and got himself some acting lessons.  They paid off.  But with the award-winning supporting cast of Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor, Michael Douglas and even a few small scenes with Bill Paxton, newcomer Gina Carano was tough-as-nails on scene and somehow didn’t come off as a fighter who plays at acting, or an actor who plays at fighting, she came across as a lethal fucking weapon, in every sense of that phrase.

[Swift aside: I blew an opportunity to interview her in South Beach, and all I can say is I hope she doesn't bear any grudges, because the thought of Gina Carano gunning for me, quite frankly, terrifies me.  Again though, depending on how she dispatched me, there are worse ways to die, I suppose.]

Because this movie was stylized as a heist film, with the requisite double-crosses and a pseudo 70′s soundtrack, I can’t give away too much about the story.  Point of fact, there wasn’t much story to be told, there was a whole hell of a lot of walking and foot-chases to sate Jason Bourne fans.  They won’t be disappointed.  I did hear one person in my row say, “What the hell, they are just showing her walking . . . and there’s no music.”  I hope Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy doesn’t translate into more of these ‘extended transition moments’ in cinema.

Haywire starts out with Marine veteran, Mallory Kane (Carano) meeting someone in an upstate New York diner.  Then things quickly go, wait for it, haywire!  (I love when the title of the film fits so perfectly into a review).  Mallory is a sub-contractor for a government agency that handles things the employers might not like traced back to their government.  She manages to escape the diner and sorta carjacks a young college kid, Scott (Michael Angarano) who, let’s face it, aint exactly trying to get away from her.  To me, Carano looks like a cross between Jolie and Spears, but she can literally hand you your ass!!  (Hey, I wanted to give you something special, so, here is your ass).  Accordingly, Scott buckles up and listens to her spill her guts about why she is on the run.

It isn’t clear if she is normally an assassin, a body guard, a goon, or what, we just know that on this particular job, she has been hired to retrieve a hostage in Barcelona, or to go along with the heist theme, the hostage, Jiang (Anthony Brandon Wong) becomes the sought after ‘package’.   Her team manages to retrieve the package, but other folks have different plans for that package, and she is caught in the middle.  Can she trust her employer, and lover, Kenneth (McGregor), the government agent (Michael Douglas) or her new MI6 contact, Paul (Magneto…I mean Michael Fassbender)?  Hell, can she trust anyone?  She soon finds out that the only person she can really trust is her dad, a Retired Marine Colonel (Semper Fi) who is a successful writer of his exploits overseas.  Paxton didn’t have his a-game in this one, but he didn’t suck either.

I recommend checking this Soderbergh film out, but not because of anything he did, other than get an incredible performance out of a neophyte actress who is sure to be all over the freakin’ place soon!  He just launched her career, she will be the most sought after ass kicking beauty this decade . . . mark my words!  She did this one thing in the film where she kept kind of biting her lip, and I don’t know if that was scripted, directed, but whoever came up with that little tick . . . keep it!  Hell, Gina, take some friendly advice, make that your “thing” – Arnold had “I’ll be back.”   You can do that lip biting thing in all of your movies and you will have at least one fan for life.  Oh, I also wanted to add she walked around with an umbrella which reminded me of Mrs. Peel from The Avengers or a lethal Marry Poppins, either way, I heard she is in talks to be the next Wonder Woman, you don’t need the lasso of truth to know I second that!

You almost never see God, but the devil makes his presence known . . . daily

Swift shot: The Vatican does not authorize the recording of any exorcisms, this was the film’s disclaimer, and at my screening they actually had priests handing out the Prayer of Saint Christopher on little slips of paper.  Right before the film started, those same priests reminded us that while the devil is real, we have free will.  Nice touch, and it added a little bit of creepy atmosphere to the whole experience.  I wasn’t scared while watching this film; it played out as a mockumentary, and it was handled well, albeit a tad predictable in places, but I would see it again if someone else paid or once it is on cable.  Running just under 91 minutes, it had a great knack of keeping my attention the entire time and never became boring.

It’s 1989, South Hartford, Connecticut, and we are led on a police CSI type video walk-through of a crime scene of pure graphic, gory horror.  In what looks like a quaint, normal, suburb home, we see up close and personal the cadavers strewn about the house . . . all with one thing immediately in common, they are members of the clergy, or more to the point, were.  The classic film-footage was excellent, I think they may have actually borrowed some from an actual multiple slaying crime from that area and time.  It had the right amount of grain to make me think I was back in 1989.  As we see the footage, the police are escorting a frail looking house-mother into the back of a police cruiser, it’s Maria Rossi (Suzan Crowley).

Now it is 2009, twenty years later, and we meet Isabella Rossi (Fernanda Andrade), who lived her life thinking her mother was deranged, but just three days before her father dies, he tells her why her mother was moved from the states to Rome, Italy.  Turns out when her mother killed all those people of the cloth, they were conducting an exorcism on Maria.  Now a young woman, Isabella is driven to find out the truth about her mother and enlists the help of a film-maker to foot the bill and capture the results of her endeavors on camera.  She hasn’t seen her mother since she was eight years old, probably just as well.

To add some substance to the documentary, film-maker, Michael (Ionut Grama) manages to get his camera in some pretty restricted areas.  Isabella and he are invited to film a session at the Vatican School for Exorcism, which was also featured in ”The Rite”.   They are permitted film access to the Centrino Hospital in Rome that now houses the disturbed Maria Rossi.  But, as her doctor explains, it has been years since her last violent outbreak, because they have a strict no religion and no excitement policy when it comes to Maria.  But, just in case, her outer cell containment area is emblazoned with several crosses.

After the class, Isabella meets two priests that are, in fact, rogue exorcists that are not sanctioned by the Vatican . . . or are they?  Father Ben (Simon Quaterman) is young and ambitious and disagrees with the Vatican’s revision to permitting exorcisms which was released in 1999, essentially it makes it impossible to exorcise anyone, because the signs needed to require an exorcism aren’t typically present until the exorcism is actually happening.  A nice little, Catch-666 if you will permit me.  His fellow rogue is Father David (Evan Helmuth) who wants to help, but he doesn’t want to sacrifice anything real to help people.  Ben wants to save the world from the devil, and Isabella just wants validation that her mom isn’t crazy, because Dissociative Identity Disorder is genetic.  So, if her mom is possessed, she won’t have to worry about being a psycho herself.

The film reminds us that there are four signs needed to declare a bona fide possession: Preternatural strength; aversion to holy relics and symbols; speaking in foreign tongues; and objects moving by themselves while near the victim.   But, while few of us know anyone who has ever been possessed, we all know of a story not too far from home where a seemingly normal person slaughters his/her whole family.  It happens especially during the holy months, so while this film didn’t scare me as I watched it, it reminded me of the real horrors people commit every day that sometimes defy science and nature.  I was reminded of the chilling Yates case, where the Texas mother violently drowned all of her children because “God told her to do it”.  Who needs Hollywood to scare you, whether the devil is real or not, people can be manipulated by all manner of forces, light and dark.  Say your prayers tonight that you don’t start hearing little voices telling you to get creative.  If you want real terror, just turn on the news for more than twenty minutes . . . you will find the devil.

The film was worth the trip, gas and ticket price, but I think it is better watched at home with some open-minded friends who scare easily, because ten minutes after the film you can roll your eyes back into your head and start speaking Latin to them . . . all the better if you have mastered climbing the walls like a cockroach.

The lifeless ‘circus’ 

Swift shot: Boring, Boring, Boring, Spy.  I had just one expectation for this film . . . to be less dull and uninspired than “The Good Shepherd”, and it was actually worse!  Everyone knows that US Intelligence is by far more sexy than the stuffy Brits, so I anticipated a lot of pensive thinking and intrigue in this film, but I thought The Good Shepherd’s poor reception by critics, essentially would set the ground work for a more imaginative script.  They blew it!  Of course, without fail, Oldman becomes his character, George Smiley, but I just didn’t know enough about any of the characters, including Smiley, to give a Tinker’s damn about them.  With such an impressive cast, shame on the writers for not giving them much with which to work.

I am no fan of torture, with some exceptions, and especially not when I am the one being tortured!  And, I willingly allowed the film-makers to torture me for over two hours, ok, I will give them about 20 minutes of film-time that didn’t suck and was even brilliant in fact, but when the majority of scenes are free of dialog and driven by sympathetic introspection, not to mention tediously boring, well, that is about how I define torture.

Set in 1972-73, Control (John Hurt) has gained wind of a possible mole within the circus (AKA, the leading echelon of British Secret Intelligence) and the only person on his payroll whom he can trust, Jim Prideaux (Mark Strong) is sent to Hungary for a meeting with one of his assets to help identify the villainous traitor.  But, as Control slips off to death, which is handled in such a bizarre, did you catch that fashion, that I almost didn’t catch it, so I am doing you the courtesy of providing that exposition free of charge.  Anyway, Control dies and a new Control assumes the position, and his greatest desire is to bring the Yanks on board to share intelligence.  Apparently, at some point in time, (at least it was implied) the Yanks found British Intelligence suspect and a “leaky ship” so the Americans have been avoiding sharing, well anything significant, with their British friends. 

Control manages to bring his trusted compatriot and former member of the circus, George Smiley into the hunt for the mole, all the while a mysterious figure from the circus’ past, a double-agent, code-named Karla is somehow involved and is believed to be the puppet-master of the mole.  George recruits the stalwart Peter Guillam (Benedict Cumberbatch) who risks career, and more, to discover if there is a mole within the circus.  Personally, I thought Cumberbatch stole the whole film, because I actually believed he was his character, he and Tom Hardy, as his ‘scalp-hunter’ Ricky Tarr were the most interesting characters in the film.

Mark Strong gives a great performance as Jim Prideaux, but again, I am only guessing what his character is really all about, because the story-tellers leave so much left to the imagination that it becomes downright annoying and even condescending at times.  I understand that the action and violence was used very little to ratchet up the effect when it finally happens, I get that, but just because you don’t want to oversaturate the film with violence and action, doesn’t excuse you from using other tools at your disposal . . . say an amazing cast who could put out some excellent dialog work and build these characters!  Shame, shame, for shame!

A lot of the story-telling is left for you to guess at, which I can appreciate to a point, but when half of the audience is comatose or snoring that says a lot.  I am in favor of using my imagination, and in some cases that is preferred, but not the whole bloody film!  The story was told as if it were a true story and the film-maker was afraid to reveal anything solid about any of the characters for fear of exposing them to the enemy.  Newsflash, we are an audience, we want to be entertained, we want to know about these characters so when anything compelling happens to them we will care.  The only time I excuse that is in a balls-to-the-walls action flick, which this was so incredibly . . . not.

Look, some critics are going to say, it dazzled me with its subtlety, it was so underwhelming that it was overwhelming, to which I say, and THAT is why you are a “critic” and I am not; I am a movie lover.  I did not love this movie, in fact I couldn’t wait to get home and share with my thousands of followers and friends how much I did not like this movie.

At best this is one you should watch alone, at home, when you have some time to dissect it and not be distracted by your friends falling asleep.  It was the most un-thrilling thriller I have ever seen, even less so than “The Good Shepherd”, which is really saying something.  With this award-winning cast: Colin Firth; Gary Oldman; John Hurt; Ciaran Hinds; Mark Strong, and even Tom Hardy, I challenge you to tell me anything significant about their characters after seeing this film.  You can’t, because you never actually learn anything real about them . . . some things are revealed, but nothing of merit.  So, why would you care what happens to any of them, it’s just a story, and a poorly told story at that!

“Next time I seduce the rich guy.”

Swift shot: Mission Improbable is a better title, or maybe Mission Incredible – as in has no credence.  I go into these types of films with a high suspension of disbelief tolerance, but when the very element that MAKES this not just a “spy film” but rather an IMF film is so poorly executed, where even one of the lead characters has the line “it was all dumb luck” – yea, dumb luck is what critics call convenient writing.  If you walk out of the film thinking anything other than “how convenient” – I challenge your level of intellectual imagination.

Whenever I watch a film where I repeat that throughout, in my head, odds are I am not impressed with the story or the writing, and Ghost Protocol is no exception.  Apparently being disavowed agents means squat to Interpol, CIA, Mossad, MI6, anyone who matters, because these jokers were flitting from country to country with nary a care in the world, all whilst being declared the greatest threat to global security since Bin Laden.  They tried to account for everything, but overall it was that dreaded convenient writing rearing its ugly head all too many times.

Still, I didn’t feel like I wasted my money, there was plenty of action and international intrigue with a bit of sex appeal to season the script.  The film was visually superb with even the opening credits offering a glimpse of what was to come. While this was produced by my favorite production studio and the Bad Robot team with many of J. J. Abrams loyal actors used throughout, the whole thing felt flat and contrived, like the whole point in making this film was to allow Tom Cruise a literal platform to scale .  . . this time the world’s tallest building.

I didn’t see MI3, and I can’t even remember much about MI2, but I did enjoy the “original” MI film when it first ran in theaters.  I guess if I had seen MI3 I would know the significance of Ethan Hunt’s wife’s untimely demise.  That seemed to be a pivotal plot point in this film, but I really didn’t care about these characters that much, even with Simon Pegg affording us a few laughs.  Jeremy Renner stood up well in his scenes with Cruise as Chief Analyst Brandt, actually playing the role of film-critic within the film.  I appreciate when film makers incorporate that element, because they are trying to answer their critics, and Brandt’s constant questions were indeed the same ones jiffy popping in my head, minus the butter, of course.

Paula Patton didn’t suck as Agent Jane, and I didn’t really find out much about Pegg’s character, Benji, if he had a back-story, it wasn’t developed at all in the theatrical release. Michael Nyqvist steps into this international cast as the evil genius, as his Millenium role is being played by the current James Bond.  It would all be surreal, if the rest of the film’s incredulity didn’t demand more attention.  In one climactic scene, Hunt is fighting with Nyqvist’s character, Hendricks, who is reported to have an IQ over 190, but they neglected to mention that this scientist also was trained in some form of martial art that Hunt can’t seem to best . . . how convenient!  And, in one of those “mask reveal” moments, they had someone pretending to be someone else that made absolutely no sense . . . period.  See if you catch it.

I am always asked, that’s great Rick, we know how you felt about the film, but what was it about?  Simply put, international genius, nutball, wants to do global damage and only the exposed and disavowed IMF “team” can stop it.  What, like you need anything else?  If you are a fan of the original series, skip this one, if you like your popcorn flicks with lots of fatty butter and want to just enjoy the action, see it!

“Be careful what you fish for!”

Swift shot: Frantically paced, clever, fun, with an imaginative script.  Holmes and Watson find themselves married to their work, in more ways than one, as they match wits with the fiendishly calculating Professor James Moriarty (Jared Harris) across Europe.  Guy Ritchie turns in another winner this time with witty scribes Keiran and Michele Mulroney delivering an action-packed story.

The year is 1891, Europe is on the brink of a global war, anarchists and nationalists are juxtaposed as the nations amass their forces preparing for a dreadful, technological slaughter. Everyone else sees the rampant bombings of the occupiers, oops, I mean anarchists as solely anti-government loons hell bent on tearing down the establishment, but Holmes (Downey Jr.) knows better.  It doesn’t take him long to convince his astute mate, Watson (Law) that someone, a well-connected character, Moriarty may be pulling all the spiders webs, but to what end?

It isn’t like Watson wants to run around on another potentially perilous adventure with Holmes, especially considering he is finally going to wear the shackles of horrible matrimony, get married, rather.  Kelly Reilly reprises her role as Mary, soon to be Mrs. Mary Watson, unless Holmes manages to massacre her wedded bliss. On a wonderfully shot  train sequence, with close-quarters combat and all manner of ingenuity to escape death, she gets her chance to show she is worthy to marry a veteran of the Afghanistan campaign.

Mary is dispatched to let another feisty feminine join the game, Noomi Rapace (fresh off her fiery performance as Libeth Salander) assumes the role of gypsy Madam Simza, who is just as much a badass as Salander . . . she was well cast!  When we first meet her character, she is dealing with a pesky Cossack who must have cockroach DNA!  She is concerned because her brother, a dedicated anarchist, has gone missing and sent her a mysterious note.  That is how she makes Holmes’ acquaintance.

Meanwhile, Holmes’ older brother, Mycroft (clearly the Holmes parents were sadists) unveiled by the wonderfully talented Stephen Fry, is working behind the scenes to determine if his troubled kid brother is onto something real, can all these bombings across the globe somehow be connected?

Well, here is where the film fell a bit, for someone as genius as the Professor, and for someone who never leaves loose ends, he sure left enough to have Holmes very quickly surmise he was the Soros, I mean, puppet-master behind the violence and protests.

It was all a little too convenient, really.  But, I didn’t mind, because this film was every bit as much an action flick as it’s older brother from last Christmas.  Getting to the good bits might have been less cerebral than most people preferred, but I heard a few people say that the original film was “boring” – so maybe the writers decided to trim some fat to get to the action.  I won’t fault them for that, but remember, this is a Holmes film – it needs to be incredibly clever . . . it needs to dazzle with brilliance, not baffle with the typical Hollywood bullshit.  I don’t know if it was a puzzler per say.

Still, there will be surprises, you do have to pay attention, and there are things for you to try and unravel – you may find yourself wanting to watch it again, right away, just to see if you missed anything, but in the end, the great reason for Moriarty’s game left me wanting something a bit less derivative.

A New Muppets Film For Old Fans

Swift shot:  The Muppets are back with all their singing and dancing and of course lightning quick cameos . . . it’s a family film that will probably mean more to the aged but it was still a lot of fun for the littlest (and newest) Muppet lover in my family.  Jason Segel deserves credit for making The Muppets cool again and for giving me new Muppet memories to share with my son, as my father and I shared many Muppet memories together.

I am not a Muppet fanatic by any means, but I have always had a soft place in my heart for anything that Jim Henson created, and when he died, it devastated me, a little piece of magic, hope, and imagination died that day, so anytime a new Muppet film comes out, I am reluctant to accept it as part of the canon.  When I saw Jason Segel created a puppet opera for his aggressively funny Forgetting Sarah Marshall film, I wondered if he was a closeted Muppet fanatic – folks, the man IS a Muppet, granted a giant Muppet, but a Muppet nonetheless.  I think Jim Henson would be proud of this film.

The Muppets starts out in Smalltown, USA, a place where everyone is carefree, happy and randomly breaks out into song and dance.  This film is stuffed with plenty of frivolity, so if this is your first Muppet movie, get on board immediately or you will just sit there grousing the whole time.  Gary (Jason Segel) and Walter (Walter the Muppet) are inseparable brothers who like to do just about everything together, but as Gary grows up, Walter . . .  well, he is a Muppet, you do the math.  One thing they always do together is sit in front of the TV and watch VHS tapes of the original “The Muppet Show”.  Both giant fans, when Gary decides to take his girlfriend, Mary (Amy Adams) who is far from a bad teacher, to Los Angeles, he invites Walter to join them in the hopes they can visit the Muppet studio together.

Once they arrive though, the studio is in ruins, the tour amounts to basically viewing the outside and paying a fee – Walter is devastated, but he manages to sneak into Kermit’s old office (which is one of the most nostalgic scenes of the film, excellent job by designer Steve Saklad for that nice touch throughout the film).  While there he overhears a business deal between the sinister Tex Richman and Statler and Waldorf who are finalizing the selling of the studio to Richman.  As far as they know, the studio is being purchased to create a museum.  They don’t know much, always too busy pitching one-liner put-downs to read the fine print.  Still, Walter realizes all is not lost, as long as the Muppets can raise ten million dollars in a week – sure, simple enough . . . enter, the scream!

Desperate to save their beloved Muppets, Walter and Gary seek out Kermit the Frog, who is constantly referred to as “Mr. the Frog” – a bit that never gets old for some reason.  The dramatic, and funny, first encounter is classic Muppet comedy, heavy on the absurd and quite punny.  Kermit is quickly on board once he realizes the fine print spells the end of all things Muppet.  The whole team, including the oft overlooked yet plucky Mary, gathers the old gang.

They manage to gather every Muppet with one piggish exception . . . yeah, Miss Piggy, who is working in Paris at Vogue – see if you can recognize her devilish secretary.  They even convince one network, due to the cancellation of Punch Teacher, to let them air a telethon to raise the money needed to save Muppet studios.  Now all they are missing is an A-list celeb, something that the original Muppet show would never have to worry about, but on such short notice, even in LA, the celebs aren’t lining up to help . . . which, if you read the production notes was the exact opposite – so many people were dying to be in this film.  Giving away the A-lister would be mean-spirited and thus, un-Muppet behavior.

Reuniting the old friends is wonderful and Walter even manages to become a bona fide Muppet, but poor Mary is never quite sure where she stands with Gary, is he a man or a Muppet?  Gary, and even Walter, struggle with that question towards the film’s finale and I’d wager America’s ‘biggest’ cameo will have you grinning and dying to tell your friends who you saw – but, again, that wouldn’t be very Muppet of you.

With original music scores by Bret McKenzie and choreography by Michael Rooney, son of Mickey Rooney, who is still ticking by the way, if Muppets movies are your thing, you won’t come out disappointed.  I don’t know if people will rush out to by the album before Christmas, but I do imagine a ton of downloads for “Man or Muppet”, by far one of the best, personally home-hitting, sequences in the film.  Heck, it may even be on par with “Rainbow Connection”.

At the end of this film, I hope you find yourself asking that same question, are you a man/woman or a Muppet, because we all need to channel our inner-Muppet from time to time, even if for only a few moments then we begin to realize that life is a happy song.  Enjoy the Muppets, you will, even if Miss Piggy isn’t Frank Oz.

Paging Dr. Harris . . .

Swift shot: Another Liam Neeson action flick . . . but with a surreal, cerebral edge.  If you are paying strict attention, you may figure out the twist, plus it helps if you have a warped imagination.  Shot, on location, in Berlin, “Unknown” is a plausible thriller which is engaging to watch and solve.  Strong German casting complements Neeson well.  Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra (Orphan), “Unknown” has a fast pulse and delivers action and intrigue.

Neeson plays a scientist (Dr. Martin Harris) who is going to speak at an International Bio-Tech summit in Berlin, but in a rush, he leaves behind his briefcase with all his research and needs to leave the hotel and get back to the airport where he left it.  January Jones plays his wife, Elizabeth, who is experiencing some drama checking into the hotel, so she hardly notices him leaving.  While in the cab heading back to the airport, he crashes and wakes up in a hospital telling people he is Dr. Harris, but there is a guy who apparently already has his identity, played by Aidan Quinn, and Quinn and Elizabeth think Neeson is some shitballs, insane nut trying to convince others he is the good doctor.  Will the real Dr. Martin Harris please stand up?

Paranoia creeps up on him, as he is being hunted, and the only person he can turn to is his ill-fated cab driver, Gina (Diane Kruger) who is a bit reluctant to come out and play cabbie, now that hers is in the bottom of a lake; her boss is not pleased with her performance.  Bruno Ganz does a fabulous job as the proud former Stasi (East German Police) officer, Ernst, you all know him from the “Hitler Reacts videos” which was ripped from his work in “Downfall”.  Neeson hires Ernst to suss out his identity and to confirm the other Dr. is bending reality, or is Neeson the one who doesn’t quite have a firm grip on reality?  That is the unknown element of “Unknown”.

This film is great to rent and watch alone, without the peanut gallery (hey, we all have them) constantly blurting out-loud what they think is really going on or about to happen next.  In my crew, that role usually falls on me, so, when it comes to a thinking film, I prefer to view them solo.  Also, if I am wrong, no one can point and laugh.

If you liked “Taken”, you’ll like this one, but it isn’t (most-likely) what you are expecting.  Still, it was solid entertainment and with January Jones and Diane Kruger, it’s got some choice eye-candy in case you missed trick or treating this year.

“It’s a Code Blue-Black!”

Swift Shot: If you have been dying to have the REAL Eddie Murphy back, this one is a good jump-start to hopefully more adult features in the near future.  He doesn’t talk to animals, marry a dragon, nor cavort with an ogre [although Shrek does make a cameo], Murphy isn’t throwing his weight around in a fat suit and he doesn’t drop one F-Bomb, but still he manages to steal every scene.  But, this was a film with a pretty impressive cast even without Murphy.  Save for a few terrible accents and not quite enough raunchiness for my liking, this film handled the curves like a ’63 Lusso at Riverview!

Tower Heist is a little bit Oceans Eleven meets Horrible Bosses – you have a revenge take-down heist caper in the works, but unlike Oceans Eleven, these are hardly the Usual Suspects you would want as accomplices.  In that way, it’s a lot like Horrible Bosses, where the average Joe gets stirred up enough to commit a felony, or two, or three, I lost count – see if any of my cop friends can tally the rap sheets.

Alan Alda plays the slimy Madoff-like Arthur Shaw, or is Shaw being setup by the Feds as a corporate fall-guy?  I don’t want to give anything away, but Shaw is simply in love with himself, considers himself the master of all things business and when the time for reckoning comes, he moves his pieces around enough to confuse the best white-collar agents.  Shaw’s slave is Josh Kovacs (Stiller), a building manager completely immersed in providing perfection to the tenants of his beloved Tower. A familiar phrase of the Tower employees, “We don’t accept tips at the Tower.”  As with Towering Inferno, the Tower develops into a de facto character of the film along with one other inorganic character that helps put wheels on the script.

Josh has come to believe that Shaw has embezzled from everyone, including some people he cares very much for, so he enlists the help of a few like-minded victims of Shaw and sets out to steal about twenty million dollars, no big whoop.  Thing is, while they all have motives, they lack any criminal skills, so Josh turns to the only real criminal he knows, Slide (Murphy).  All the buildup to this eventual, erratic, full throttle “interview” with Slide is necessary to tease the audience hoping for a more Axel Foley type Murphy.  I wasn’t disappointed.

The crew of criminals is cast by Matthew Broderick, Casey Affleck, Michael Pena, and eventually Gabourey Sidibe, and while they all bring a special element to the heist, some were better on screen than others.  I love freakin’ Matthew Broderick, but I kept thinking, why is he in this film, what is he really contributing?  Then, HIS scene happened and the audience was loving it!

With buddy films, a lot of character wash takes place, and no one really stands out.  Still, the chemistry was just good enough to chip away at my cynical shell and reveal some golden moments of comedy.  I particularly enjoyed the Snoopy factor and the gauntlet of lesbians.  Sorry, to get that reference you’ll have to see the film; I know most of you will eventually see it if you are pining for some old-school Mr. Robinson’s neighborhood humor.

I was impressed to see Brett Ratner directed this and Brian Grazer produced, two of my favorite film-makers, because I actually like pop-corn flicks, if I want a cerebral cinematic experience, I prefer that at home on Blu Ray where I don’t have to contend with the masses constantly pissing me off.  But, with this film, one poor bastage in the back row was laughing so uncontrollably that it sounded like a horse and a pig were makin’ bacon, which made all of us laugh even more.  So, Tower Heist had some solid laughs, albeit some poor timing by the less worthy cast-members.  If you are a film snob, you’ll catch the scenes that were just a little off.

I recommend checking out Tower Heist in theaters, it doesn’t have a lot of over-the-top action, but it does have some good cinematography that will be lost at home.  But, if you must wait til it hits stores, watch it with a friend who really loves Eddie Murphy!

“This isn’t Casper!”

Swift Shot:  I guarantee you at least three screams.  Using that same, what I call, the “Where’s Waldo” effect, where you have to keep looking at seemingly mundane footage and trying to essentially figure out what, if anything, is off, missing, or wasn’t there before.  This was the scariest, and probably most interesting, of the films to date.  And, they left room for even more story-telling.  Somehow this stuff never gets old, and the creators manage to deliver more surprises!  Perhaps the biggest surprise was that Michael Landon’s kid, Christopher B. Landon wrote this thing – and that it was pretty terrifying!!

[Swift note, spoke to Aceman today and asked him if he had seen any of the films, "Yea, and at first I wasn't impressed, nor scared, but then, much later, it was with me, and I couldn't get it out of my head."  I told him, "Well, this one is scary AS you watch it AND it stays with you well after you see it."]

PA3 – as the cool kids are calling it – is set primarily in 1988, in September, where we see old VHS tapes of young Katie having a birthday then things start to go all Paranormal Activity!  Well, it isn’t quite that simple, things need time to develop.  Katie and Kristi are just little munchkins, living with their mother Julie and her boyfriend, Dennis, a struggling wedding videographer.

Julie and Dennis are likable characters, in fact, they reminded me a lot of Micah and Katie from the first Paranormal Activity – their dialogue was genuine, funny and helped the audience connect with them on several levels.  Plus, this was set in the 80′s, so if you are a fan of Family Guy, and few aren’t, you’ll love seeing some old “friends” and 80′s nostalgia nods on screen.  Heck, I want to see the film again just to see how many old toys I recognize.

Kristi is the younger kid, so she is still more apt to have a wild imagination, and she claims to have a friend, Toby that only she can see and hear.  It’s frustrating having this friend, because no one really believes he is real . . . or maybe no one wants to admit he is real.  Dennis is intrigued, and much like Micah, can’t leave well enough alone.  One night when he experiences an incredibly rude (you’ll see what I mean) earthquake, he notices something in reviewing the footage that he has to share with his co-worker and friend, Randy.

Even Randy thinks there is something to this that can’t be explained, and he encourages Dennis to try and record more strange phenomena.  Dennis, like a dumb-ass, does.  He manages to convince Julie to let him place some cameras around the house, and there we have the set-up we all expect with these films.  Because this was a videographer using his own equipment, at home, I was more immersed than the stilted, security camera footage from the previous film.  The second Paranormal Activity was good, but this was so much better!

Do you remember Gramma Lois?  No?  She is in this film, front and center, and while she liked Dennis, she reminds Julie that he has no real job or prospects and is just using her for her money.  It is never made clear what Julie does for a living, if anything, but Gramma Lois supports her daughter’s decision to stay with Dennis.

Using classic horror film elements, like the teeny-bopper babysitter, Lisa, who looked like she was Debbie Gibson’s biggest fan, this film even managed to be clever without being cheesy.  That’s hard to do.  Her scenes contain at least one of your “guaranteed screams”.  Then, Dennis’ friend Randy manages to pull out a classic Halloween game that you should really never toy around with.  In fact, if there are any lessons from the Paranormal Activity films, probably the best lesson is “Don’t meddle with things you don’t understand, nor know how to vanquish!”  Anyone who has ever had a paranormal encounter of their own probably already learned this lesson the hard way!  Randy certainly did!

[I just heard a noise in my closet, and I am fairly certain it wasn't Tom Cruise]

You’ll love this film like a roller-coaster, it will scare you, and at times you will laugh at yourself for being scared, but ultimately . . . scared is what you will be, particularly if you have a keen imagination.

Finally, when the credits roll, you’ll wonder just whom, or what, was watching this footage.  If you paid attention, the answer is eerily obvious.  If you are a fan of the other two films, you needn’t hear from me that you will like this one as well, it delivers to its fan base . . . and then some!  In fact, some people that I knew didn’t care for the other two actually said this one was the best of the three.  I only hope they have at least one, or two, more films to release.  I will be there, assuming I heed the film’s warnings and steer clear of the “intriguing”.  Where did I put that tripod?