(1 People gave this 3.00 out of 5)

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“I can’t wait for Parcheesi, the movie!” – - – Aceman

Swift shot:  Join the Navy, they said, kill some aliens, they said, and then get the girl.   This film is what sailors fantasize about when they are bored on watch.  This movie was basically ID4 meets Pearl Harbor, but while it was complete Unbelievable Bull Shit, or UBBS as a friend of mine likes to say, it was still a lot of fun to watch.  Launched by @Hasbro, Battleship plays out as a straight-forward naval action film, where they even manage a not entirely cheesy as expected nod to the board game inspiring the film’s title.  You’ll either love that part or your eyes will roll so hard they will pop out and end up stuck to the theater floor with some Milk Duds and God knows what else.

Stone Hopper (Alexander Skarsgård) is helping his punk brother, Alex (Taylor Kitsch) celebrate his birthday at a local dive in Hawaii, and takes the opportunity to get Alex to turn his life around and get some direction.  In the midst of his pep-talk, a stunning blonde walks into the bar and catches Alex’s, let’s say attention.  All she wants is a chicken burrito, but the “kitchen” is closed for the night.  In a move that is all brawn and no brains, Alex breaks into a convenience store across the street to get her the burrito.  If you are an avid viewer of those “America’s Dumbest Criminal” shows, you will see they took a frame by frame re-enactment of an actual break-in caught on tape.  It was a funny bit.  And, to his credit, Alex does deliver the burrito to said beauty, Samantha Shane (Brooklyn Decker), but winds up with shocking results for his trouble.

This is Stone’s breaking point, and he gives his wayward brother an ultimatum, either join the Navy, like him, or move the hell out and grow up.  Some time passes, not sure how much, but when we next see Alex, he is a Lieutenant on the John Paul Jones DDG-53, and is about to participate in RIMPAC 2012.  Essentially a Pacific Rim International Naval Exercise, which actually exists.  Lieutenant Hopper is a hot-head, and he lets his bravado still dictate his actions, only now he is responsible for more than just his own butt.  He reminded me a lot of Jim Tiberius Kirk in his early days, actually.  His reckless disregard for common-sense borders on retarded though (unlike Kirk), because he does something in the RIMPAC opening formation that could cause him to lose his naval career.  Not to mention he pisses off Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson) who is also Samantha’s dear old dad.

But, no worries, the alien invasion takes precedent over shipping him out of the Navy. As ultimately his destroyer is the only thing that can save . . . well, the whole planet.  And, here is where even the UBBS factor can’t be ignored.  When the aliens approach, first Hong Kong is devastated, and our gov’t is aware there are extra-terrestrial vessels that caused the destruction.  [Swift aside:  There is even a cameo by a certain famous Hawaiian that some cheered for and some jeered for.  If you follow me on twitter @rickswift, you'll know what noise I made]

And, oh yea, there is a total Godzilla under-tone, as the aliens are ultimately compared to lizards, and the fact that the Japanese Navy is working in tandem with the US to thwart the invasion, well, I kept thinking . . . Gohrzira, whenever the Japanese and aliens were on screen.

What sucked was that here the earth is, at the very least, accidentally hit by a large formation of objects from space, yet, the whole of Pearl Harbor is out doing stuipid crap like playing baseball, going about their normal routine etc.  The film-makers wanted it to seem like the attack was out-of-the-blue, but this was not the Imperial Naval surprise attack launched in 1941, at least a day has passed since first contact, and Marines at Kaneohe Bay looked like their only concern was wiping the wings on their aircraft, and the RIMPAC exercises were going on as scheduled, in other words, it was an SOP/BAU type of day, with no one even the slightest bit concerned by the fact that 25,000 people just got vaporized in Hong Kong . . . . hardly.   I can overlook special-effects and twisting science, but I can’t overlook that kind of storyline gaffe.

But, once you overlook the things like the fact that someone from the bridge would be sent out to investigate a giant monolith in the ocean . . . and NOT a SEAL team (just so they can consistently show Rihanna looking like a bad-ass), or the fact that a PT boat could just mosey on up to that same monolith and go unscathed when it decides to unleash hell, or the fact that . . . actually, let’s just throw facts right the hell out the porthole and enjoy the film.  Because if facts is what you are after, steer clear of this movie.  Let me say again, if facts are what you are after, steer clear . . . you may have a heart attack otherwise.

Now that those pesky facts are gone, here is what I did enjoy very much.  One of the standout heroes of the film, Colonel Canales was portrayed by an actual Wounded Warrior, Gregory D. Gadson, who is out hiking, you know, a day after the earth is invaded, with Alex’s girl, she is his physical therapist.  The film-makers did a nice job using him in a way that was credible, for the most part, but during his big face-off with one of the aliens, I heard the guy next to me say . . . “Oh, come on!”  But, it was already established, this movie was merely a sailor’s wet-dream, a fantasy in every sense of the word.  So, I just laughed, because by this point I was interested to see just how insanely creative Director Peter Berg and writers, the brothers Hoeber, could get.

Suffice to say, when a mighty old friend from our past has to join the fray, I was amused, amazed and moved.  That is exactly how the film played out for me all night actually, it was just entertaining badassery salted with complete UBBS – but still a great film to just plug-in to some six year old’s imagination, as you realize Peter Berg essentially just turned the Pacific Ocean into his own personal bathtub, and we got to watch him play with some incredible bath toys. It was another one of these films that was bad-ass and shouldn’t be dissected by nit-wits like me.  Just enjoy it!  I hope Hasbro does get inspired to create some other titles in the future, I mean, wouldn’t Battle Beasts the movie be freakin’ sweet?!?  Also, stick around after the credits . . . I smell a sequel.

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“If a man can become a monster, then a monster can become a man.”

Swift shot:  Freaky, weird, romantic, it’s all Burton and Depp.  A tragic love story set across time, where all magical and maniacal things are possible.  Where I found it lacking was in the ensemble concept, a lot of the characters got dashed away, like storylines hurled from the craggy rocks to the terrible tides below.  But because this two hour film is based on a series that ran for five years in the 60′s  and 70′s, I was expecting a bit of the characters to be lost.  A full running series rarely, if ever, translates into a brilliant film.

The series was a kind of campy, melodrama, soap-opera with dark creatures.  I saw it playing on Sci-Fi (back when it was still called that) about twenty years ago, but it never really got more than a few minutes of my time.  So, I am no authority on Dark Shadows, but I did hear that the original Barnabas Collins actor, Jonathon Frid passed away last month, Friday the 13th – which that in itself is creepy.  I’ll be kind and not draw on any comparisons to Depp here.

It’s 1750, Liverpool, a few hundred years before a little rock band would grace our delicate shores.  The Collins family, fish mongers, decide to set up a whole town in America.  Barnabas is only a boy when they leave England behind forever on a great ship heading to Maine.  He is a decent lad, and he has already caught the eye of a little girl who is of lower class and also sets sail on the great ship to America.  His life is charmed, to say the least, he is essentially royalty, as his family’s glorious Collinwood is constructed as he becomes a young man.  Now a young woman, his admirer, Angelique (Eva Green) has developed into a beauty, but she has some dark thoughts when Barnabas (Depp) falls in love with the stunning Josette (Bella Heathcote).  In fact she decides to punish him in the worst way possible, reminding us there are fates worse than death . . . when you are in love, life itself can be a tragedy.

Angelique has trapped him in his own body, never to know the release of death and to endure the pain of losing the one he loves . . . endlessly.  After he is shut in a coffin, fate intervenes and in 1972, he is released in his name’s sake Collinsport, Maine.  Collinwood, the majestic domicile to the Collins clan that he watched his parents construct has been reduced to a veritable ruins.  But, after he makes himself known to the lady of the manor, Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer) and she discovers his secret, she decides to let him stay . . . provided he never harms anyone in the house, or in the family.

The family consists of Elizabeth’s half-witted brother, Roger Collins, played quite well by the full-witted Johnny Lee Miller.  Roger is a widower, and barely tolerates his son’s existence.  His son, David (Gulliver McGrath) keeps letting on that he sees his dead mother, and the family has hired (at this point) the live in psychiatrist Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter).  The wonderfully spoiled pup of the family, Carolyn (Chloe Grace Moretz) keeps us in a constant state of reminder that this is the 1970′s.  In her entrance, she even plays Season of the Witch, which is a prelude of dark things to come.  So, here is where I say everything gets lost, you also have the mysterious new addition, other than Barnabas, to the manor in Victoria Winters (Heathcote again).  On the music, it and Collinwood are characters of the film as well.

So, with all these characters running around, the story of each character gets underdone at best.  The focus, rightfully so, is on Barnabas and his adjusting to the modern world, and the hilarity ensues.  Sure, you will laugh at the antics and the odd choices Barnabas makes.  But, never forget, he is a monster, and Burton and screen-writer Seth Grahame-Smith make sure that isn’t lost on the audience several times.

Barnabas has hidden treasures that he uses to finance his fishing empire anew, and he employs some of his bag of tricks to ensure that the townsfolk are his willing staff.  This royally pisses off the rival fish tycoon, Angie who bears a striking resemblance to Angelique.  No spoiler here, it is her, she is a witch and she is still in love with Barnabas.  She allows him to play at fish monger again, but she always reminds him he is a monster and she really, really wants to get physical.  In one of the best scenes of the movie, there is a sure to be talked about “love” scene between the two.  Eventually the two fish figure out they can’t co-exist in the same pond, and the inevitable big showdown comes out.

If you loved 70′s music, like a little retro vampire action and are a huge fan of the quirky combo of Burton/Depp required staples, i.e. always wearing a ton of face makeup and with very deliberate physical acting, where Depp is really almost dancing in every scene . . . and of course steals every scene, this is your film.  It is part love story, part horror and all quirky fun.  I just wish I knew a lot more about the characters, other than Depp and Green, I very much felt like I wasn’t connecting to the other characters.  Gulliver, as David did have a few powerful scenes, but we learned so little about the boy that those parts felt tacked on ultimately.

To be sure, every actor brought their best work, and Green did this really creepy thing with her voice that sent a chill up my spine.  She was the best witch I have seen on screen in a long time.  And, yes, I am over sparkling vampires and bare-chested werewolves, it was refreshing to see a completely horrific and believable daughter-of-Lucifer on the silver screen again.

(2 People gave this 4.50 out of 5)

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“Freedom is life’s great lie.” — Loki of Asgard.

Swift shot:  This was the best film I have reviewed since claiming the Rick Swift title!  When you were a little kid dreaming of making a film, The Avengers is the film you were dreaming about making.  Joss Whedon has again done the incredible on film, bringing together some of the strongest, or remarkable people in Hollywood to create a film that will stand the test of time and will be measured as the finest action film ever put on screen!  I am calling it the Gone With the Wind of comic-book movies.

The trickster, demi-god, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) is in a void in the darkest regions of space, and to capture the throne of humanity, he has made a deal with a dark force of aliens to obtain the mysterious tesseract cube.  It is this mysterious cube that ties in the other Marvel films, Captain America and Thor specifically.  But, if you missed either film, you won’t be lost much, as they manage to bring everyone up to speed as the Avengers . . . assemble.

Loki teleports to Earth using the tesseract cube and quickly “recruits” S.H.I.E.L.D. agents into his devious fold.  One of the Avengers is “un-made” and then “re-made” to serve Loki.  Remember, he is a god, so he has all manner of tricks up his sleeve for dealing with puny human minds.  Even the strongest of hearts are susceptible to his mind-control.  Loki wants to essentially free humans from their one true fault, free-will.  See, he figures that only a strong leader can unite humanity under his rule, only then will they find peace.  But, really, he just wants to subjugate humanity, or Earth, because his ‘brother’ Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is sworn to protect it and us.  It was interesting, at one point you saw brother fighting brother to determine if slavery was acceptable . . . like our U.S. Civil War.  Not sure if that was intentional, but it was a nice touch for history nerds like me to appreciate either way.

After Loki makes his grand appearance, Nick Fury (Samuel Jackson) realizes that the planet is very much at war with a force they are embarrassingly under-prepared to deal with.  As the leader of S.H.I.E.L.D., with his plucky, ALWAYS polite, Agent Phil Coulson (Clark Gregg) and his lethally sexy, lady in leather, Agent Hill (Cobie Smulders), Fury determines it is time to count on heroes . . . what he calls the Avengers initiative.  Left with little options, he tries to bring them all together under the S.H.I.E.L.D. banner.  As I mentioned, one of the heroes was brain-washed to serve Loki, so he is out of the picture.  Fury recruits Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson) also known as The Widow, or more specifically, Black Widow to gather up a gamma radiation specialist, Dr. Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo), who has some slight anger issues but immediately understands the capacity for power the tesseract holds.  But, as the team soon learns, maybe clean energy isn’t the only thing holding S.H.I.E.L.D.’s interest with the cube.

Reluctantly, Captain Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) who has just been sleeping for 70 years, also gets pulled into another war.  The one real stand-out would have been Tony Stark, Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.) but even he has to pull away from the gorgeously jean-shorted Pepper (Gwneyth Paltrow) to assist S.H.I.E.L.D. when he sees how high the stakes are, from his recently created Stark Tower, using an arc-reactor to run on pure, clean energy.  [Swift aside, Pepper and her shorts may be the only reason I would give to see this one in 3D, as I did.  3D is just not a big draw for me, I can live with it or without it, either way - so don't ask me about that]

How each member is recruited is right out of the comic panels, lots of character nods to the classic books are in there, with some new funny twists to tie into the recent Marvel films mentioned above.  There are so many quick one-liners and so much attention to detail that you will miss things on the first screening, so you have to see this film at least twice.  And, really, this is one of the few films I would pay money to see in theaters more than once.  The recruitment sequences lead up to the required hero vs. hero battles that I am not overly fond of in comic books, but watching them via Whedon-vision ala ILM, well, even I had to appreciate the green on green combat.  By my take, you had Thor vs. Iron Man, Thor vs. Hulk, Captain America vs. Iron Man/Thor, Black Widow vs. Hulk, and well, pretty much they are the worst team ever assembled and I am sure I missed one or two battles there.  But it isn’t until one of the heroes falls that they finally stand up to become THE AVENGERS!

The plot is simple, aliens are invading the Earth, led by a twisted misguided god, but even he isn’t the ultimate puppet-master.  There is one revealed during the film, but another sinister influence is behind the real test of humanity, and that doesn’t get revealed til AFTER the end credits, so, yes, stick around.  And, if you took the time to read my whole review, right here is where I tell you to stick around til the FINAL credits for one little amusing scene for the die-hards who do stick around.  I just hope Marvel and all these great team-members assemble again to give us another Avengers film in the near future, featuring some new faces, new enemies, and the same old awesomeness that we have come to expect from this glorious franchise!

I could literally write a book about why I loved this film so much, so let me attempt some brevity for your sake.  From the minute you see the Paramount scroll, there is a tingle in your spine, it is finally here, that moment almost five years in the making . . . The Avengers.  The opening sequence starts right out with the action, as Loki introduces himself to S.H.I.E.L.D. and pretty much destroys everything in the process.  The explosions and implosions are seamlessly painted onto the silver canvass as only Industrial Light & Magic (ILM) can pull off.  From that moment on, you are, pardon the cliche, blown away by the special effects.  The action is almost non-stop, with just enough spacing in between to let you catch your breath and take in all the lightning paced one-liners from Stark or others.  The colors and sounds and miracle of movie making are used to such an incredible balance that is like watching a living work of violent art play out seemingly just for you.  The only time you even become aware of the fact you are in a theater is when the crowd busts out in applause, which happened seven times at my screening.  You know a film is good when people are very interactive yet shutting the hell up because they don’t want to miss anything on screen.

Where other action films failed, The Avengers fills in the gap for a team story, which is hard to balance, because all of the characters could (and obviously some did) have their own films.  Much like any great franchise, Marvel’s Avengers is the gift that keeps giving to expand our imaginations and push the limits of what a film can deliver.  We are all very lucky to be able to see this one in theaters, again it is the Gone With the Wind of comic-book films.  It was bad-ass!  Yes that’s it . . . remember being a kid and saying that about some great action film?  That is how I felt walking out . . . MAN THAT WAS BAD-ASS!!!!  If you don’t see this one in theaters . . . dude (or dudette), just, what the hell is your excuse!?!  Assemble your team and see it today!!

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Sometimes you just gotta take a bite.

Swift shot: Predictably silly, romantic comedy, heavier on the romance than the comedy – but still worth a halfhearted bite or two.  Jason Segel co-wrote the screenplay with his The Muppets friend Nicholas Stoller.  Starring his favorite actor, himself, Segel works opposite the incredibly sophisticated, classy yet charmingly goofy Emily Blunt.

Tom (Segel) is a very successful sous-chef at a swank restaurant in San Francisco, and he is madly in love with Violet (Blunt) whom he met at a create your own super-hero costume party.  He was the giant “Super Bunny” she was Princess Diana.  And, yes, the film explains why that counted at a create your own super-hero party.  He is all set to propose to Violet, life is good, things are about to settle where they need to, it’s New Year’s Eve, he has an elaborate proposal dinner planned.  And, of course, no spoiler here, Violet accepts.

Violet is a true-blue Brit, and she has her family from London come to the Drunken Pig for a comical engagement dinner with some toasts that should pull a few laughs . . . I laughed anyway.  Violet’s sister, Suzie (Alison Brie) is a complete wreck, yet one of my favorite characters in the film.  Again, no spoiler here, she hooks up with Tom’s friend, Alex (Chris Pratt) at the engagement party.

All is just wonderful, as Violet hopes she will get picked up by Berkley [Ptooey] to begin her psychology graduate work.  Ah, life, she is a cruel, heartless bitch, and much to everyone’s chagrin, Violet gets accepted to . . . Slime University, oh, I mean Michigan.  It is only for two years, tops, so Tom “happily” moves to Michigan with his fiancee.  Suzie is soon under the odd tutelage of Professor Winton Childs (Rhys Ifans) the wacky Welshman who is eager to test the patience of adults, using a test similar to one where children are told they can have one marshmallow now or wait 20 minutes and get two marshmallows.  Suzie devises an interesting experiment using stale doughnuts.  Soon the movie becomes an analogy for the experiment.

You get your requisite fish-out-of-water tomfoolery, as Tom tries to get hired at several restaurants, to no avail.  But, fans of some adult-swim shows will be treated to a few cameos.  I guess I shouldn’t ruin it, but you may miss it, so pay attention during the job-hunting scenes.  Anyway, Tim, I mean, Tom never lands anything prestigious like he had in San Francisco, and soon he embraces all that, must be, Michigan life.  He becomes a living Sasquatch, which were some of the scenes I found the funniest.

Ultimately, Suzie’s stint in Michigan is prolonged, again, no spoiler there, I did mention it was a predictable story.  Tom and Suzie finally have a falling out and maybe this whole engagement idea was just a dream.  Maybe love isn’t enough to be with someone, maybe geography and careers, and all the other bullshit in life gets in the way.  Or, maybe, somehow Tom and Suzie manage to somehow make it despite all the obstacles.  I won’t give that away either, but in the end, will Tom, or Suzie, choose the stale doughnut or wait til something better, something perfect comes along?

If you like quirky, romantic comedies I would say this one definitely had me laughing, or at least grinning, throughout most of its run time, but it plays heavy on character comedy.  With a ton of NBC cast-members, the whole thing should feel funny and familiar.  There are some pretty shocking adult themes in this film, so leave the kids at home.  While Segel remained clothed throughout The Muppets, not so much in this film.  And, it is HEAVY on the raunchy and deliberately gross many times.

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“The world is watching.”

Swift shot: Tragic, compelling and sensually intense.  This is Angelina Jolie’s directorial debut; she wrote, directed and produced In the Land of Blood and Honey as a wake-up call for all of us to remember the horrors of war and to never be complacent with atrocities.  Real people suffered in the 90′s in war-torn Eastern Europe, and there was no glory, there was only death and misery.  Her film captures the sadness, despair and over-powering terror that surrounded the populace of Bosnia as they watched their men marched off and slaughtered, their women raped, their children . . . systematically destroyed.  This is not a film for the easily upset, and unlike some comic book film, the heroes don’t swoop in out of the sky to save the day.  That was our job . . . the world’s job . . . and we were tragically late.

Ajla (Zana Marjanovic) is a young Muslim artist, living in Bosnia in 1992, she is a typical doting aunt to her little nephew, Adi.  Her sister, Lejla (Vanessa Glodjo) is excited for her to go out on a date with a nice young man for some dancing at the local club.  That would be Danijel (Goran Kostic) – a local police-officer.  Life is pretty normal . . . until the war begins.  Then life, and the film, never return to normal for any of them.

Once the war starts, Danijel has a new job as Serb commander of a new kind of war-horror, a rape camp, where single childless women are repeatedly raped, and while the film never gets into this, it wasn’t just so the soldiers could get their jollies, it was designed to taint the Muslim blood-line for a generation, or forever by creating war bastards . . . any parents out there know the joy and miracle of creating life, yet these perverse, evil men twisted it as a weapon.  Life becomes anguish.

The suspense never abates, as we see the war through the eyes of the different players on the different sides of the conflict.  And while Danijel is a monster, through the orders he gives because his father is a Serb general, Jolie allows him some catharsis through Ajla, whom Danijel spares from the rapes as he transforms her into his personal pet.  Danijel is convinced Ajla is in love with him, and Jolie doesn’t divulge whether or not that is true until the very end.  She plays with that question, is Ajla feigning love to receive protection from Danijel, or is she actually falling in love with the monster that, albeit reluctantly, is a war criminal?

Jolie tries to show the Serb side, justifying the horrors, where they claim, “It isn’t murder, it’s politics.”  And in one of the most powerfully acted scenes in the film, Rade Serbedzija as Danijel’s father, General Nebojsa delivers a sad soliloquy where he pathetically tries to convince his audience, us, that the Serb revenge is more than justified.  But it failed to move me, when the Serbs finally started getting killed, I was glad, because until that point the violence was pretty one-sided . . . and against essentially hapless victims.

The war advances in years, Ajla and Danijel both end up in Sarajevo, and the film reaches its dramatic conclusion there.  With almost no respite, this film had my blood boiling most of its run-time, and I watched it in the original Bosnian with English subtitles.  Jolie was so determined that American audiences not simply overlook this film as a “reader”, she actually had each scene shot in both Bosnian and English, every actor shot both scenes TWICE!

The emotional toll this film must have taken on the people involved, all the way down to the gaffs, must have been incredible.  If you get the Blu-ray, I highly suggest you check out the interview Jolie did.  Although she is a little giddy, because it is her first film as writer or director, when she speaks about the shooting of the film, the way it impacted everyone, well I hope she moves audiences to remember more than just a time when the only thing on most American’s minds was this new band from Seattle that launched something called “Grunge.”  In my question to her, I asked, “What do you want American audiences to take from the film?”  Her answer can be found on the Blu-ray interview . . . it wasn’t what I was really expecting.

[Swift aside: In 1999, the region was again under siege by a genocidal wave of terror, this time in Kosovo - and this time I was a United States Marine, assigned to NATO and stationed in Norway, I was ironing my cammies one day and watching CNN, I heard about Arkan's Tigers and their rape-squads . . . I spoke to my commanding officer the next day and told him I wanted to be at the tip of the spear, so that is where I grew up, I went to Albania, I saw first-hand the horrors of war.  Did I go for glory?  No, I went because I was ashamed at how poorly we handled Bosnia, and I was not going to see that happen again, not without at least trying to do something about it.  And even though I served there, I still felt shame after watching this film, because we stood by as the keepers of peace and allowed this to happen.  What is our grand city upon a hill if not a beacon of hope for the hopeless?]

If you watch this film, thank you, because not many will.  It doesn’t promise them sexy action stars nor CGI special-effects, it’s about a bunch of people you have never heard of in a country you can’t pronounce that really suffered, and really should be required viewing for anyone eager for war.  Ever.

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“The entire universe is a symphony.”

Swift shot:  Another quirky little flight-of-fancy from Writer/Director Valerie Breiman, stacked with some life-lessons and philosophical questions on faith, love and all that lies in between.  I wasn’t laughing the whole flight, but there were certainly enough carefully crafted scenes that earned a chuckle or two and one scene, although I saw it coming from a mile, was still pretty dog-gone hilarious!

Our lead characters are both neurotic to the extreme; successful in their careers but incredibly insecure about love.  Jenny (Rachel Blanchard) is a copywriter whose latest claim to fame is a little jingle for a vegan kitty chow company.  Opposite Jenny is Tom (James D’Arcy) who is a highly-intelligent string-theory physicist professor that travels around giving lectures.  The two meet while grabbing the same self-help book at an LAX book store.  It’s always interesting to me that Breiman’s characters never struggle with other aspects of their lives but are always utter failures at love.

Tom is sitting in first-class when a, supposedly, super-famous rapper, TMJ (Gbenga Akinnagbe) reluctantly sits next to him . . . with a small white puppy in his lap in a carrier-cage.  See, it’s Valentine’s Day, and TMJ’s girl in New York is forcing him to fly commercial to reconnect with her and to join the real people.  Thing is, first-class is too good for her, TMJ needs to really slum and sit with the losers in coach.  As luck would have it, and because Jenny caught his eye, Tom offers that TMJ should trade seats with Jenny.  Of course, it wouldn’t be a comedy if Jenny weren’t sitting next to two very non-stereotypical Muslim men . . . who were randomly selected for enhanced pat-downs prior to boarding the plane.

Amir (Maz Jobrani) and Mohammed (Mousa Kraish) were such dastardly types they were playing Go-Fish when we first see them.  I must confess, I think that is the first time I have seen Go-Fish in a movie with an R-rating, so that alone deserves cool points, plus Breiman managed to show a game of Asteroids and used that device to abruptly shift the tone of the story.  I call that effective writing that closely mirrors reality – which is another thing I love about Breiman scripts.

While all the tom-foolery is happening in the cabin, some pretty serious shit is going down in the cockpit.  The atheist pilot, Captain Brody (Anthony LaPaglia) is forced to endure an Overnight flight with an incredibly naive, yet theologically zealous co-pilot, Derek.  Josh Braaten proved the old adage, there are no small parts, only small actors, as he really stole his scenes as the super good-natured co-pilot.  And while his character didn’t have much dialog, he used what he was given with professional aplomb.  For some reason, he was the character who, when the film ended, I wanted to know the most about.

Using the time-frame of one Overnight flight from LAX to JFK, Breiman covers the love-life arc of a full-length relationship between Tom and Jenny.  As they learn about one another, we learn a little about ourselves, our misconceptions and expectations.  But, overall we learn what love is and how it is defined at 33,000 feet.  You won’t know what I mean unless you get yourself a seat on-board and check this little rom-com out.  It is releasing April 20, 2012 in select theaters in South Florida, Seattle, and Kansas.

The Trouble With Laurence Miller . . .

Swift shot: A complex, challenging to follow film about an insurance claim with too many players and one very fortunate beneficiary. This is a real street film, Brooklyn style, raw, gritty, and all shot under 10k, the way an indie should be, a bunch of hipsters sitting around the proverbial campfire and saying, shit, we could make a film, it might not be the best thing to hit the market, but we’re putting it out there, people need to see the way things really are!  If people don’t like it – fuck ‘em, it’s guerrilla shit!  I respect that kind of attitude, and I love getting films like this, totally out of the blue from a film-maker that has more passion than scratch, typically they have to get more creative.  This film’s creator (in every sense), Pascal Santschi, sent me an email, and five days later I was trying to get my limited brain-power around the jig-saw that is The Arriviste.  Hell, I had to look that word up, because I was too busy ogling my ingenue French élève-enseignant, (the lovely Mademoiselle Leger) the day she was telling us what the hell arriviste meant back in high school.

Starting right out with violence, score one for that alone, The Arriviste focuses on two brothers, a body, or a few, an old dying man, a killer, a nurse, a street-freak (bottle of Windex and all) and one would-be author trying to get a big break blowing the lid off the whole thing.  The story was knitted together well, but I must confess it took me two viewings to really connect all the dots and understand all the players’ motives.  The story was interesting enough to keep me wondering how it was all going to play out in the end, and I could watch it twice without it getting tedious, and in fact I enjoyed it more the second time around.

Our “hero,” Nick is a real dirt-bag, the kind of guy who would punch a toddler to steal his candy money, he is on parole, or probation, for something, it isn’t ever explained, but it really doesn’t need to be . . . it’s clear right away that he isn’t a saint.  Because he only has a few days left on his parole, he is staying close to home, trying to stay out of trouble and then he gets an odd note from his brother, something about hanging low for a bit and that some people are going to be looking for him.  Sure enough, a lot of people do – they are looking for his body!  Nick is no genius, but he manages to outwit a few half-wits and even dispatches one clown with that ancient Chinese martial-art, WonDomShit – translation, man who stab self with own knife.

As Nick follows the trail and gets more deep into the puzzle, more peril pursues him, and while you aren’t ever really rooting for him, you just want to see what the hell is so important to everyone about this body and all the trouble it is causing.

At iRATEfilms we are a lot like Pascal, we run the site out of love for films, and because we got tired of listening to so-called “critics” spout pompous remarks about foreign films we just OH so have to see so that we can grow as a society.  Bag that, sometimes you just want to be entertained, and The Arriviste is like that too, an unruly mob of film-makers that might not always give you the refined quality you expect from Hollyweird, but they don’t really give a shit if you like it or not, to them it is about getting it out there, creating something that is a part of their scene.  And, I get it, when I watched the night exterior shots, done by a hand-held that looked like a dark pointillist piece, it hit me, it’s all street, all the time, and it’s a story that could easily be right out of the Brooklyn Paper!

Eamon Speer as the lead role of Nick deserves the only real acting nod, no one else stood out much.  Speer has a lot of scenes where he has no dialog, his motives are hidden, but that actually adds to his performance.  Actors will tell you, it’s easy to act when you are speaking and doing, but acting like you are thinking is the hardest trick to pull off.  I think, and this is more a style note than anything else, but I think that having a narrator give us a few clues as to what Nick was thinking in each scene, even just as a little head’s up here and there, might have helped a lot.  Something like Goodfellas meets Bogey, but with a Brooklyn edge, maybe having no “other” was by design, and I must admit, it was a unique element for me, so on that level it was gutsy.

Like it or hate it, The Arriviste is a good, dark crime film with a slight edge you won’t find in the theaters.  What impressed me the most though, is that Pascal has no formal training, yet he grasped concepts like framing, point of view, weaving everything together and some really interesting camera angles – and if this is what he can do with less than 10k and no training, if he sticks with film, I will have the rare honor to say, “Yea, I knew Pascal before he went all Hollywood . . . shit, he even mailed me a copy of The Arriviste before it went world-wide.”  Yes, I think I very much look forward to his next work.  Two words, Pascal – Hell Yes!

The Arriviste hits the streets world-wide today, March 28, you won’t be able to get a slick copy with your name on it, but if you know where to look, on the street, you just may be able to grab it up.

(4 People gave this 3.00 out of 5)

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“The only thing stronger than fear is hope.” – President Coriolanus Snow

Swift shot: Suspenseful, thought-provoking, primal, saga that will have no end, and I am dying to know more about the beginning. Not since 1977′s Star Wars has a saga captivated me in this way, where I wanted to know everything that led up to the small chapter that I just watched.  The Hunger Games is exactly like that, and when the film reveals how many “happy hunger games” there have been – my imagination was overloaded by the possibilities.  I knew almost nothing about this series other than it was set in the future and that districts would send children to fight to the death for some reason.  Once I heard that much, I put a moratorium on my friends from mentioning anything that might spoil the slightest essence of why this series is so popular.  And while the target audience is teenagers, unlike Twilight – this film was nothing short of EPIC!  Pay attention, or be the first martyred for your district.

Suzanne Collins came up with the idea for The Hunger Games, because she was fascinated with the Greek myth of Theseus and also noted the rampant up-rise of our reality TV and war coverage, wondering where the end might come, having found none, she created Katniss Everdeen. Most good writers put themselves in their protagonist’s shoes, and I can imagine she envisioned herself, or her daughter, as Katniss, pitted in a brutal lethal game for survival and penance.  And much like the boys and girls, sent every nine years, to fight the hideous Minotaur, her Tributes faced mortality for the amusement of others.

Jennifer Lawrence is going to have a problem, she is going to forever be Katniss Everdeen – she will go on to do other things, she will excel, because she is beyond incredible, all of 22 now though, her future is marked.  Maybe she will turn to Carrie Fisher for some advice, because she managed to avoid type-casting, but still, she will always be Princess Leia.  The casting department deserves to be, forgive the obvious nod, placed on a pedestal for recognizing Lawrence as the perfect fit for Katniss.  She damned near simply reprises her role from Winter’s Bone, where she plays the poor, destitute, starving care-giver for her siblings.  Katniss is no different, she sacrifices her life to protect her sister, Primrose, whom she lovingly calls little duck.  She is also handy enough with a bow that her family doesn’t starve, despite their coal mining district’s low place.  Apparently, the higher your number, the lower your status in Panem.  With 12 districts, and Katniss being from the 12th, she is the ultimate under-dog.

But, thankfully, each district is allowed two tributes, and her partner, chosen in a surreal lottery, known as Reaping Day, is Peeta Mellark who is played by Josh Hutcherson, oddly enough, he was in a little movie called Zathura: A Space Adventure, where a game approaches lethal risks.  So, casting Josh as Peeta was another no-brainer for the film-makers.  Josh impressed me, because he always had this air of attitude about him on screen that I never quite appreciated before.  He seemed to wear it as Peeta, but it wasn’t as overt and in your face, and he managed to add a real empathy to his character that I wasn’t expecting.  I am not sure if he will forever be labelled as Peeta, like Lawrence as Katniss, but I know he has a huge teen-scene following that is sure to endure.

The real show stealer has to be Amandla Stenberg, who takes so little screen time and creates a wonderful character, on screen, in District 11′s Rue – and in one touching scene, we see the world through her little eyes, a very powerful moment that Director Gary Ross handled beautifully.  Finally, Stanley Tucci as Caesar Flickerman, Woody Harrelson as Haymitch Abernathy and Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket all come to life because of Oscar-nominated costume designer Judianna Makovsky who magnificently captured the various conflict of society with her brilliant costume work.  Each district had a personality, a conflict could be immediately surmised and a comparison, felt, in a manner that hits you right in the gut.

The cinematography was stylized and balanced well to create the future – I didn’t notice any cartoonish effects either, even when what I am calling the Man-Bear-Pigs make their appearance, they felt very real!  The violence was brutal, but mostly takes place off screen, but you don’t have to use much imagination to know how people are dispatched.

This film, and this series, no doubt, will be dissected politically for years.  It is part Running Man, Logan’s Run, and The Lottery all with one rather disgusting twist, it’s the kids who must be sacrificed, and what is their crime?  Nothing, many, many years before they were born, their ancestors fomented some kind of revolution.  As a cruel reminder, the victorious controlling government, led now by President Snow (Sutherland) selects two 12-18 year old citizens from each of 12 districts to compete in a viscous battle where only one will survive.  One of the better lines of the film comes when Snow reminds his game-master Seneca Crane (the always creepy, Wes Bentley) that a little hope is why they allow a winner, but a lot of hope is dangerous.  This series is a political scientist professor’s wet-dream.  Power, control, sacrifice, revolution, penance, all the makings of a great debate!

What I find incredible about the film, and the novels (apparently) is that much like a Rorschach test, people are seeing different messages – yet they are all raising the same banner of appreciation.  Oddly enough, the Tea Party sees the fear of big government, whilst the Occupy Movement finds the disparaging juxtaposition between The Capitol and the Districts as reminders of the class struggle they so desperately want to maintain.  To true Patriots, might the subtle mention of 13 districts be a calling to revolution to battle tyranny, like the original 13 colonies?  Hell, even teenagers will take from it the perils of blind-obedience . . . to parents that would serve them up to slaughter.  This is why I give the film my patented Swift Six Stars, if you leave the theater and aren’t thinking all day and night about The Hunger Games – newsflash, you would be the first to die when they raise the pedestals, because everyone else is thinking about it.  I have even seen people on Pinterest posting work-out motivational images saying, “I don’t want to be the first to die in The Hunger Games!”

Better yet, listen to what another popular “young-adult” author Stephanie Myer had to say, “The story kept me up for several nights in a row, because even after I was finished, I just lay in bed wide awake thinking about it.”   That’s pretty much how I felt when I left the theater too, and while this was purported to be sci-fi, much like Star Wars, that wasn’t what interested me at all, it is the entire universe, the characters, the plight of the heroines and heroes, the mythology and wanting to know EVERYTHING about this fascinating saga – which is exactly how I felt in 1977.  I have to go now, I need to add The Hunger Games to my eBooks – you know, so I can sleep!

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The “Signs” are everywhere . . .

I had seen literally no previews for this film, which is the way I like it, so I had no idea what to expect.  There was a bit of a delay getting the movie started, so I was listening to other conversations in the press section, and someone said this film was done by the same team that did Cyrus.  I hated Cyrus, I didn’t even post a review, because I felt like I had wasted enough time and energy, just watching that crap.  Now, I was worried, but my expectations were low – just don’t suck as bad as Cyrus, I thought, and I will be happy.  I was happy, in fact, I felt this film was better than you think it is going to be, but not the best it could be, but still pretty damned good . . . plus, it has Rae Dawn Chong!

It begins with a character, Jeff (Jason Segal), who lives at home with his widowed mother, Sharon (Susan Sarandon) who wants one simple thing from her thirty-something louse of a son . . . go to Home Depot, buy some wood glue and fix the one broken slat on their closet door.  She is hard at work, and wants him to aspire to more than smoking pot and other unmentionable things down in her basement.  Her other son, Pat (Ed Helms) is the quintessential douche bag.  Oh, he has gone places, he is married, has a modest home and a good job, but he is a complete asshole . . . and here Ed Helms steps away from his comfort zone a bit to play a completely unsympathetic character.

His wife, Linda (Judy Greer) just wants their marriage to work, she wants him to communicate, but mostly she just wants the love back.  But, back to Jeff, he has seen Signs more than six times, and is convinced that everything happens for a reason.  I will spare you his synopsis, but Segal delivers the Jeff character in an odd throwback version of the deluded Joaquin Phoenix.  In short, Jeff just REALLY ‘gets’ Signs, he thinks even the film was meant to plot out his own personal destiny.  So, when he gets a wrong number, hang up call from someone looking for Kevin, he decides this is it, this is his moment for destiny.  Did I mention he smokes A LOT of pot?

Now you just get to sit back and watch this adult idiot follow all the signs that lead up to his destiny.  But, as the film progresses, is it really his destiny, or is it his brother’s, or his mother’s?  Or is he just completely stoned off his ass and winds up in Sri Lanka selling souvenir cups to tourists at the duty-free shop?  I’m not spoiling that bit.

Jeff, Who Lives at Home is a nice visit to the theater, it is highly interactive and an enjoyable journey, that actually has a great message whilst seemingly having no message at all.  On a side note, Cyrus was also about a single mother dealing with an odd son – are the brothers Duplass dealing with some angst here?  But, where Cyrus went wrong, was the oomph factor, I kept waiting for it to just get a little bit better, and it never really did.  On the other hand, Jeff, Who Lives at Home has the same pulse throughout, and I found myself constantly chuckling, never laughing so hard it hurt mind you, and when Jeff realizes his destiny at the end, I would have made that scene more intense, but it would have changed the whole feeling of the film.  Go see, this little nothing film, hanging out the week before The Hunger Games, it will get you thinking and the script has enough color to keep you  chuckling to the end.

Oh, and Jeff, don’t get me started on Signs, these aliens travel across the universe to invade a planet COVERED in the one substance that is lethal to them . . . water, I mean, come on alien dudes, do some damned research!