(2 People gave this 3.00 out of 5)

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“Boldly go!”

Click the image above for behind the scenes pics!

Swift shot:  The next chapter of the J.J. Abrams helmed Star Trek franchise doesn’t fail to deliver on the action, sexiness, or gut-wrenching drama you have come to expect from this incredible director.  All of your favorite characters are back to boldly go where no man has gone before.  (Screw you, PC police . . . it was meant to be man, and ‘man’ it will stay in my review!)  Some things should remain intact, even in an alternate reality.

Commander Spock (Zachary Quinto) and Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) are an odd couple in this universe, with both more or less tolerating one another yet grudgingly admitting they are a fantastic team.  And from the moment the action starts, we are given a glimpse of how each views their duties.  Spock is always logical and by the book, even at great personal risk, while Kirk is always a seat-of-your-pants type leader.  This film changes those roles to a certain degree, as Kirk is betrayed by Spock and loses his command of the Enterprise.  Now, if you thought that was a spoiler – DO NOT go beyond my Red Alert line below, because there are so many things in this film that are just far too easy to spoil.

After some major convincing, Kirk is allowed back on the Enterprise under Admiral Pike, but his tenure is short-lived as a nefarious terrorist, John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch) has destroyed the Starfleet Archives in London.  No doubt a subtle tip of the bowler to Cumberbatch’s roots.  Harrison is a formidable opponent of Starfleet.

Kirk is put in charge of a top-secret mission to bring the Enterprise to the edge of Klingon space (where Harrison is believed to be in hiding) and fire a set of experimental long-range stealth torpedoes at Harrison and then go home and drink some scotch.  That’s the plan, but this is Abrams folks – you don’t really think it’s going to be that simple do you?  Kirk, Spock, Uhura and some defrocked “red shirts” manage to capture Harrison at great personal cost.  Also, they kinda blow the whole “top-secret” aspect of the mission . . . and disobey their original orders.  Kirk disobeys a lot of orders, it’s kind of his thing, in ANY universe!

Admiral Marcus, the mission’s architect is none to pleased and decides to rendezvous with Kirk to voice his displeasure, but turns out the Enterprise has a stowaway on board, Marcus’ daughter, Carol, again, not a major spoiler!  Marcus is played by RoboCop himself, Peter Weller, and his blonde daughter by Alice Eve.  You may recognize Alice from her other Sci-Fi role as the young Agent O in Men in Black III.  Her character plays a crucial role in Kirk’s destiny, but not how you might be thinking.

Things rapidly go from black and white to gray as words like morality and honor take on a double-meaning.  As the Federation stands on the precipice of a great war with the Klingon Empire, there are those vying for a glory-bound campaign and others determined to avoid war at all costs.  There are arguably some stabs at previous administrations in the film, but I didn’t find them overly annoying.  Suffice it to say that if you want to find politics in this film, you won’t have to look hard.  But, there are so many great things and greater characters, with Chekov, Bones and of course Scotty and his weird . . . “companion.”  All the one-liners you are hoping for are again thrown into the mix as the tension is built up to a 10 on the butt-pucker factor!  Or, a 10 on my patent pending Thrillometer!

Again, ILM (if I have to tell you who that is, it doesn’t mean anything to you anyway) lend their talents to this Star Trek film, and the attention to detail is again breathtaking and spectacular.  Back when those words actually meant something, ILM was shattering their definitions!  With Star Trek Into Darkness, they really outdid themselves.  I got to screen it in 3D which was a bit of aaaallllllll riiiiight!

There are some crucial things that happen in Star Trek Into Darkness that “flip the switch” on the past franchise, but to get into that, you need to delve into the Red Alert section below – because there will be major spoilers ahead!  If you don’t want to be deprived the joy of experiencing everything as it unfolds, and/or you are Dr. Sheldon Cooper, this ends your read.  For many reasons that you have to see to appreciate, Star Trek Into Darkness is a must watch film!  And, as it is a major popcorn flick, you need to see it in theaters . . . there is no excuse not to!

***RED ALERT*** – Spoilers below

Ok, you have been advised, you proceed now at your own risk . . .

This film takes a literal exploration of its sister sequel, The Wrath of Khan.  In fact, Khan is the primary villain, as he manipulates just about everyone into reckless danger.  Where The Wrath of Khan is known for many famous, often quoted, lines – Into Darkness delivers the same lines with not-so-subtle changes.  Perhaps a character you were expecting to say a famous line is uttered by another, equally important, character.  But, even my spoiler section isn’t going to divulge that.  Just know that the entire film is a dedicated parallel to The Wrath of Khan.  And just like when Ricardo (Fantasy Island) Montalban played him, Cumberbatch is vicious and unrelenting in his desire for revenge.  Perhaps his vengeance is a bit weak though, as Abrams only dabbles in the back-story of why he is so determined to see Marcus die.

Maybe letting us actually see Marcus’ betrayal would have made Khan a more sympathetic creature.  Perhaps his vengeance would have been justified?  Also, Abrams attempted to make the argument that vengeance doesn’t solve anything.  Ok, but ending the film like he did, a year after the attack where they go off on a five year mission might have made sense in our known Star Trek universe, but in this new reality . . . not so much.  As the film ends, Kirk [The Federation in other words] has led an incursion into Klingon space and killed a patrol there.  Vulcan is gone, and the enemies are very much at the gates.  So to go on a noble five year fact-finding mission makes little, if any, sense.  Maybe it is the warrior in me, but the ending was weak, and Kirk’s final moment at the podium about not seeking adventure and vengeance are all well and good until you hear these words . . . “Klingon bird of prey ahead, Captain!”  Now what?

(1 People gave this 4.00 out of 5)

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Introducing . . . The Mandarin?

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(1 People gave this 3.00 out of 5)

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A comedy of errors with a truly horrific twist – it really happened!

Click the image above for more pics!

Swift shot:  This is a true story, and yes it is also tragically funny.  It’s hard to explain how it made me feel, because as Michael Bay put it, “I want people to be conflicted.”  Well, that about sums up how I feel . . . conflicted.  One one hand you have a bizarre comedy about Americans that want it all without putting in the hard-work, and on the other hand you have a true crime that affected real people in the South Florida community.  Is this a good film, yes, is this a horrible story, yes, will you find yourself laughing several times, yes.  Is this a ground-breaking film?  Yes!  I am struggling to come up with a true story that is as dark and tragic as it is horribly funny that was made into a film.  I am drawing a blank.  There are many dark comedies that are pure fiction, and I have no problem laughing at those.  But in the case of Pain & Gain, they kept reminding us that “this is a true story.”  Real people died.

–> Check out our South Beach interviews here with the Cast and Crew! <–

Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg) is not a normal person, in his mind he is an exceptional physical specimen that demands respect and royalties from life.  To see someone making more than he does, without really putting in much effort, grates on him.  And in Miami Beach, the discrepancies over the haves and have-nots is crystal clear.  Lugo wants to live the American dream . . . to the Max!

After serving a short stint in prison for some kind of ponzi scheme on old folks, his career options are pretty limited.  He comes across the Sun Gym and notices the need of gym owner, John Mese (Rob Corddry).  His gym is filled with ‘old floaters’ and Lugo promises to not only sexy up the place but to triple membership in a month!  Mese can’t resist giving the con a shot.  Lugo simply gives free waxes to new members and gives free membership to strippers . . . voila!

Lugo’s gym-rat friend, Dorable (Anthony Mackie) is like the pup circling his boss, essentially worshiping at the Lugo altar, and he also wants more out of life.  He wants a large woman for which he can provide a house and a family.  Enter Rebel Wilson, of course.  Rebel provides most of the pure comedy in the film as juicy, penis nurse Robin, and fans of hers won’t be disappointed in the least.  She even manages to add some real depth to an otherwise character-actor role.

Victor Kershaw (Tony Shaloub) is one of the ‘haves’ of South Beach, not only does he have it, he enjoys rubbing in your face the fact that you DON’T have it . . . and probably never will, because you aren’t willing to do what it takes.  I have watched EVERY episode of Monk, and I can set your fears at Bay (as in Michael Bay) that you will NOT see Kershaw as Monk within seconds of his on screen introduction.  Credit to Director Bay for making his entrance do exactly that, break the Monk mold.  Shaloub is one of my favorite actors, since Wings even, and he deserves some kind of accolades for pulling off a credible creep in Kershaw.  He’s a character that is easy to root both for and against with mere seconds apart.

Lugo spends a lot of time thinking about self-improvement, as he puts it, “I believe in America, I believe in fitness.”  One evening he falls for self-made millionaire pitch-man, Johnny Wu’s seminar (played by the mad-Korean, Ken Jeong) and it changes his life, and many other lives . . . forever.  Once a new hire at the gym enters his circle though, fantasy becomes reality as he starts to plan something sinister and real.  Paul Doyle (The Rock) is also an ex-con with a bizarre personality as a born-again Christian teetotaler that frequents strip clubs and is easily swayed by Lugo’s charms as the master mind.  This might be one of the rare times The Rock gets to show off his acting muscles without primarily relying on his muscles . . . or his trademark eyebrow.  He manages to go from a reformed ex-con, born-again Christian, to a full-on coke fiend with a pseudo-sociopathic decline.

No true story about a gym would be complete without a gym-bunny, and Bar Paly provides the perfect “American” woman of the nineties.  Sorina Luminata is an illegal-immigrant and rebel without a clue, coming from Romania by way of Mexico.  She unwittingly, and it has to be unwittingly, because if she had half a wit, she’d be a half-wit, gets tricked into the team.  Lugo convinces her that he is “with the government” and asks her to serve her new country with him in the CIA.

With the team all assembled, they set out to kidnap Kershaw and make him sign away all his possessions to Lugo, and he will share it with the rest of his crew.  This is where Shaloub shines, as there are several botched attempts to kidnap Kershaw, and when they finally do get him, they are so sloppy and ill-prepared for just how strong-willed this half Colombian half Jew is!  His family survived the Nazis, and he is not an easy mark.  While his torture is hard to watch, it is actually hilarious at the same time, as certain toys are used on him that you might never associate with torture . . . well, some of you sick bastages might!  If you’ve ever seen Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag you’ll see what I mean how torture could be funny. The Lugo, or Sun Gym, crew gets creative, and Michael Bay let the cast do some improvisation in these scenes that is sure to leave a mark.

As inept as they were at kidnapping Kershaw, they are WORSE at killing him!  You might think it would be easy to kill someone, and just like anything in life, you need the right tools . . . and the right operator.  In this case they had some interesting choices for how they were going to kill Kershaw, but they always managed to screw it up!  Finally convinced that Kershaw is dead, they move on.

Kershaw wakes up in a hospital and is pretty mangled but he is alive.  Because he is half Colombian, and this was the 90s, the Miami-Dade cops aren’t buying his ridiculous story.  They leave him in the hospital to rot!  The Lugo crew finds out he is alive and, yet again, they try to kill him.  But, this time he manages a miracle of what would only ever be believed in a “convenient writing” scenario as Kershaw picks up a phone book in the hospital and calls DuBois Detective Agency.

Thing is, DuBois has been retired for a long time, but he does eventually take the case.  That is what was so unbelievable, here is a detective that ends up taking a case because he is bored.  His client has no money, because he signed it all away to Lugo.  DuBois (Ed Harris) takes the case more for something to do besides golfing and fishing.  Harris is a freaking monster actor, with a tiny part he manages to become this character with a wry attitude and Miami style.

With DuBois on the case it is really only a matter of time before he puts all the pieces together.  He can’t believe it himself, and this was a guy who both retired from the police force and his own detective agency.  To put it simply, he’s not easily surprised, but this case managed to do just that.  It’s why the film should leave you conflicted.  He does try to warn the Miami-Dade police that these guys will strike again, even though they believe the gang is just a fiction of this “Colombian” who probably pissed off the cartel.

The Lugo crew are an odd bunch of players.  Sorina is convinced she is working with CIA and her partner is Doyle.  Doyle is convinced that he is protected by God and can do as much cocaine as South Beach can pump up his nose.  Dorable is convinced that he is a good provider for his girl, and they do get a small house in a nice neighborhood.  Lugo himself is convinced that he DESERVES greatness, because that is what America is all about.  Thing is, they are ALL wrong!  Their combined delusions of grandeur eventually catch up to them, and no amount of grilled evidence can keep them unscathed.

Michael Bay got his start in Miami with Bad Boys, and he has a not-so-secret love affair with the city and people.  I asked him at the Press Junket in South Beach if he would be making more films here.  Based on his answer, it is clear he will.  He may have a hard time finding a story so incredibly dark yet so terribly funny again in his career that is actually a true story.  But, as the saying goes . . . “Welcome to Miami Bitch!”

Again, if this weren’t a true story, it would be hilarious and most people would call it brilliant writing.  But, in this case, the architects of the inane events were actual inept criminals that destroyed many lives with their get-rich quick devious schemes.  How did I feel about it?  Conflicted . . . but the hell if I wasn’t laughing throughout!

This article was also shared with my friends at NerdSpan.

(2 People gave this 2.50 out of 5)

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“Is it possible to miss a place you’ve never been?  To mourn a time you’ve never known?”

Click the pic for tons more sexy images from the film!

Swift shot:  Heavy on Sci-Fi with a script that makes you care about the characters, Oblivion is my Sci-Fi sleeper pick of 2013 . . . so far.  In a future world, Earth is mining her last natural resources for a trip off world due to an alien invasion.  “We won the war, but we still have to leave the planet,” is how it is summed up by Tom Cruise’s character, Jack.  He is part of a two person team whose job it is to repair drones.  These drones would give Rand Paul fucking nightmares!  They monitor all the remaining “Scav” activity on the surface and terminate any invaders foolish enough to crawl around in plain sight.

‘Scavs’ are the remnants from the invasion that the drones take care of on a nightly basis.

Jack is living on a Skytower with his “effective” partner, Victoria (Andrea Riseborough), whom he lovingly calls Vika.  They check in with Sally (Melissa Leo) who is on the Tet, a giant pyramid shaped ship which is collecting all the water from Earth in preparation to find another planet, because the Scav invaders literally blew the Earth’s moon in two!  The devastating effects from that blow created massive earthquakes and tsunamis – leaving the Earth an uninhabitable war-ravaged nuclear wasteland.

But, there is something that keeps haunting Jack, he keeps dreaming about a strange woman that he has never met, Julia (Olga Kurylenko).  He knows that his memory was wiped for security reasons, and he is pretty sure Vika doesn’t suffer from similar nightmares about the mysterious Julia.

On a routine mission to repair Drone 166, which will make several appearances throughout the film and becomes every bit as alive as Wilson from Cast Away, he happens to be where the last Super Bowl was played in 2017.  Oh, I forgot to mention, this day is March 14, 2077.  [The next day would be . . . The Ides of March]  He gives us a brief run through of the game . . . never mentioning the teams, of course.  It is clearly a New York stadium, as there are buried reminders of the once big apple . . . now a rotten core of a proud nation.  A symbol of what was once a beautiful planet, ruined.  Credit to Director Joseph Kosinski for showing us images of the “Freedom Tower” in Jack’s dream sequences.  It was a nice touch, and he uses not so subtle nods to Classic films that really makes a good movie . . . great!

You will recognize the music as Kosinski worked with co-composer Joseph Trapanese when he directed Tron: Legacy.  And the art design is very similar in style, with the Bubbleship and drones having a familiar feel to Legacy fans.

All that aside, what makes this movie incredible is the authentic feel to the characters in an otherwise fantasy world.  There are more twists in this film than the Bubbleship makes in the Statue of Liberty chase sequence.  That scene drew a relieved “whew” once it was concluded by someone sitting to my left in the theater.

I won’t spoil the film, but I will tell you I predicted a few of the twists . . . but not all of them!  This is one of those fun movies that you can watch once, then get some friends who haven’t seen it yet and watch it with them, as you will want to see their reactions.

Morgan Freeman and Olga Kurylenko both turn in great performances as pivotal characters that help Jack wake up from his nightmares.  Each one of them offers something special for Jack, but you won’t know what they are until you see the film.

The director wrote this as a short 12 page graphic novel in 2005, well before Tron and Disney came calling.  What he learned in making Tron: Legacy, he obviously applied with a genius stroke of artistic sexuality that is visually incredible.  And, like I said, the story will keep you thinking and feeling for these characters.  Also there is a love scene in the pool on the Skytower that is sexy as hell, yet serene and tasteful.

If I haven’t made the case for you yet – yes, this is a great film!  It’s one of those films that Sci-Fi nerds and romance nerds can both gel over.  See it in IMAX, like I did, and prepare to be moved and impressed.  I was.  And while there are a few similarities, this is not Wall-E despite what others are saying.

(2 People gave this 5.00 out of 5)

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“Life, uh, . . . finds a way.”

Swift shot:  In 1993 I hiked with a fellow jarhead for four miles to watch this in theaters.  I wasn’t disappointed then, and I certainly wasn’t disappointed this time . . . in IMAX 3D!  Even though I have seen the film probably 15 more times since 1993, I was really excited to see it again in theaters.  I must admit though, I forgot how many butts are squarely in your face in Jurassic Park.  See if you can count them all.  It gives a whole new meaning to Samuel Jackson’s famous line, “Hold onto your butts!”

Violence introduces us to an island near Costa Rica that appears to be handling some dangerous predator as it is transferred from one cage to another larger holding area.  Things don’t go smoothly though, and from the opening shot we are already down one homosapien.  Dinosaurs 1, humans . . . nada.

From there we are immediately launched to the dusty badlands of Montana where a “dig” is revealing some pretty amazing dino-bones.  Brushes swish with excitement as Sam Neill and Laura Dern appear on the screen for the first time as Dr. Alan Grant and Dr. Ellie Sattler respectively.  They are an item, and it is quickly established that Dr. Grant doesn’t like children very much.  This is a running bit throughout the movie, and truthfully it never gets old.

Grant explains to his students that all the dinosaurs didn’t become extinct . . . they became birds. [Swift aside, I had a high school teacher who said the same thing, and I'll be honest, I didn't think she was nuts then, and after Jurassic Park I thought she was even a freakin' genius]  I’m not going to attempt to argue the ultimate fate of the dinosaurs here, but it is certainly a theory with . . . wings.   Sorry, I had to.

Grant and Sattler are quickly interrupted from their lesson-plan when a chopper lands in the middle of their dig.  They make their way to a standing trailer where an old Scottish man is already opening a bottle of Moet, wearing white from head to toe, he perfectly contrasts the dusty dig site.  He is presumptuous, but as he makes no bones about his presence fairly quickly, the dig is being financed by him, John Hammond (Richard Attenborough).  Eventually he gets to why he came and makes Alan and Ellie an offer they can’t refuse . . . if they want more dig funding.  He doesn’t do it in a harsh manner, more like an extended favor that is owed to him.

In the chopper to this new adventure, the diggers make the acquaintance of Hammond’s investor’s lawyer, Donald Gennaro (Martin Ferrero) and a Chaostician, Dr. Ian Malcolm, played by the quirkiest actor to ever exist and bring cool and quirky into the same wheel house, Jeff Goldblum.  To put it simply, Goldblum OWNS in Jurassic Park.  He has the best one-liners in decades, and his delivery . . . is . . . priceless.  He does the pauses like no other actor before or since.  He’s my favorite character in the film, easily.  Although Hammond remarks at least once in the film, “I really hate that man.”  I wish I were better at math, because I want to be a Chaostician, just because it sounds awesome!

Just as they land, in 3D, a giant butt is in your face as the guy is opening the chopper door and that leads to the famous line, “Welcome to Jurassic Park!”  See, there are butts like that throughout, but, the butts don’t really detract from anything.  You’ll just chuckle at how many there are.  Now on the island, the motley crew of scientists, a lawyer, and their host, the eccentric billionaire all head to the visitor’s center.  On their drive though, they see a living, breathing brachiosaurus.  The event literally hobbles Grant.  After that, his mind is continually blown around every corner.

Earlier we were introduced to Nedry, a not-so-subtle anagram for Nerdy, perhaps?  Nedry is played by “Hey, it’s Newman” as one blue-hair behind me shouted out in my screening.  Wayne Knight must have the best agent, because just about every film he’s been in has been a great film for one reason or another.  JFK, Basic Instinct, Toy Story 2. Jurassic Park . . . the list goes on.  His comedic-villain, Nedry is somehow the most believable, yet impatient, bad-guy in movie history.  The whole film I was like, “Damn, if Nedry could have waited just a DAY this whole chaotic chain of events would have never happened!”  But, I am getting ahead of myself.

It’s weird writing a review for a film that has been around 20 years, and I am pretty sure EVERYONE reading this review has seen the film at least once.

At the visitor’s center, the group is on one of those studio rides where the theater seats move throughout the ride.  It was neat, because at one point I really thought the actors were in our audience with an over the shoulder shot that played a mental trick on my eyes.  They remove themselves from the ride, and see an incubation nest where a live dinosaur is being hatched.  On Hammond’s orders, he must be present for each birth.  Yes, in case you haven’t figured it out by now, there is a not so subtle God-metaphor with the Hammond character.  In this scene, I had one minor beef with the story.  When Grant is holding the dino-baby, he doesn’t immediately recognize it for a Raptor.  Raptors are like his obsession, he even carries around a claw he dug up previously.  I think he should have immediately noticed, oh crap, they bred Raptors!  Still, it was a minor point and easily explained away with his wanting to not recognize what he was holding.

Finally, after an incredible tour and a neat little theme park show that felt as authentic as any I’ve ever been to, the guests sit down to dinner and discuss the magnitude of the creator’s little experiment.  The Chaostician and the doctors are against the whole idea, and only the lawyer is on board once he sees how much money they can charge for the attraction.  Then, we meet them.  This crazy old man’s daughter is going through a divorce, so he says to his daughter, hey, I’ll watch the kids, I will bring them to my new park, they’ll love it.  Uhm, gramps didn’t mention the dinos I guess?  Yes, the creator, as I will now call him, has invited his own grandchildren to ride the first test run of the auto-mated safari tour of the grounds.

Here is another point where you practically scream at the screen, “Are you mad, old man?!?”

The introduction of the kids is great though, because it affords for comedy in the running joke that Grant hates kids.  And when he meets Timmy (who manages to do everything in this film EXCEPT fall down a well) he is instantly irked at his presence.  The kid (Joseph Mazzello) pesters him on his foolish notion that dinosaurs became birds.  And Timmy’s sister, Lex (Ariana Richards) is stoked when she sees the, wait for it, “interactive CD Rom!”  We all chuckled thinking how that used to be state of the art technology, and not that long ago, really in the grand scheme of things.

The Ford Explorers start off on their pre-programmed, tracked journey.  And, I really LOVED this part of the film, because (just like in real life), they couldn’t see squat.  They were taken from sign to sign saying “over here you’ll see the” and they never saw anything.  It’s like when you go to the zoo and the animals are all in the cave way in the back.  This experience leads to another classic one-liner from Goldblum.  But, the impatience grows too much for Grant who hops out of the vehicle and explores on his own.

Now everyone knows how the rest of the film plays out, with Samuel Jackson as Arnold, the guy trying to piece together the maniacal trap that Nedry has seemingly, unwittingly sprung on everyone in his attempt to steal dino embryos.  All the dinosaurs break free and a tremendous storm keeps the tension ratcheted to a nine on the Thrillometer!  The kids grow to trust Dr. Grant, and he in turn grows to not necessarily despise children.

There are foot chases with six-feet lizards with razor sharp claws.  The T-Rex swallows the lawyer, YAY, and we are reminded of the potential for destruction when a creator doesn’t ask the important question, not how can I create this . . . but rather, should I create this?

Normally I am not a big 3D lover, I can take it or leave it, but there were certain classic scenes, like “the goat,” “the T-Rex chowing on the Explorer,” “the lawyer being swallowed up on the crapper,” and of course “the kitchen chase” that all were incredibly IN YOUR FACE with the IMAX 3D experience.

So, while you may not get any new footage, or any surprises, this is a film worth exploring again if you’ve already seen it in theaters, and for the first time, if you haven’t had a chance yet.  You really should let Universal know what you thought and thank them for the opportunity to re-live one of their classic cinema masterpieces!

The Interactive CD Rom is a dinosaur now and it evolved all the way to a bird . . . twitter.  So, if you like, you can let Universal know all about how thankful you are to them with this hashtag #JP3D.  And, tell them Rick Swift sent you!

(Give us your rating!!)

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QUESTION AUTHORITY!

Question Authority!

Swift shot:  In the 70′s, Yale University (where else?) conducted a now infamous experiment on obedience, you can read all about the Milgram Experiment here.  Essentially, it proved that people were all too willing, given the slightest bit of authority, to punish or otherwise control their fellow man.  I heard about the McDonald’s “prank call” event a few years ago, where a caller pretended to be an officer and manipulated a store manager into performing a strip-search on one of her female employees. Compliance, directed by Craig Zobel gives you a chilling behind-the-scenes look at this American tragedy.  Why is it a tragedy? Because it illustrates how easily controlled, and stupid, we have become as a nation.

Ann Dowd plays ChickWich (AKA McDonald’s) store manager, Sandra, who has the spine of a flatworm!  In the audience’s introduction to her, we see how she lets a subservient humiliate her . . . and she doesn’t stand up to her bully.  She is the perfect patsy for what happens next.  And, mind you, the entire film you will be practically screaming at the screen . . . oh, COME ON, no one is that stupid, that easily fooled, that so willing to . . . comply.  But, stick around for the final credits for a chilling surprise of just how many people are in fact incredibly . . . compliant.

Sandra has a busy Friday ahead of her, and someone left the cooler open the night before and all the bacon was ruined.  There is a secret-shopper expected at the store, and with no pickles and no bacon, Friday is not going to be a fun night.  She barely manages to control her young workers, chiefly Becky, Kevin and Connie.  Lucky she has Marti (Ashlie Atkinson) as a kind of go-between, but even Marti doesn’t possess enough backbone to say what everyone should be saying throughout the film.  “NO!”  And, this isn’t just a film, it is a dramatic re-enactment of actual events.

An “Officer Daniels” is on the phone asking to speak to the store manager.  Sandra speaks to him as he explains that one of her employees stole from a customer’s purse and is describing one of her employees to him.  The description matches Becky (Dreama Walker) a thin, blonde 19 year old who is working the register.  He asks Sandra to go get Becky and bring her to the backroom.  Sandra . . . complies.

Officer Daniels explains that Sandra needs to search Becky for the missing money, and Becky at first says no, but then the Officer asks to speak to Becky.  Using the threat of jail time on Becky, he convinces her that if she has nothing to hide she won’t mind, and if she did do it, she’ll be behind bars longer as he will make sure to note that she didn’t cooperate.  Becky . . . complies.  Sandra searches Becky’s apron and her pockets.  Of course, there is nothing.  Not convinced, the Officer instructs Sandra to escort Becky to her employee locker and confiscate her cellphone and search her purse for the money.  Becky and Sandra . . . comply.  So far, Becky’s civil rights have been violated twice, and she is nervous, but afraid this Officer holds some power over her, she doesn’t raise that much of a fuss.

Sandra, being a perfect sap, follows the next instruction which is to have Becky wait for him to arrive. But, there is one more thing he needs before he can show up.  He needs Sandra to strip-search Becky. Instead of consulting the store manual, Sandra (who thinks the Officer is also speaking to her Regional Manager on the other line) . . . complies.  Becky wants NO part of this, this has gone on long enough, but like a church-mouse, she only manages a feeble defense when Sandra puts her on the phone with Officer Daniels.  Sandra and Becky . . . comply.

She is down to her skivvies now, humiliated and frightened . . . at this point, the film shifts to where you always knew it was going.  A Sub-Dom fantasy is being created before your eyes, as Officer Daniels is controlling not just Sandra, and not just Becky, but everyone who gets sent to the backroom.

Ultimately, what happens next should only ever happen in those fantasies, where reality should kick in and everyone should say . . . “NO!”  But, Officer Daniels chose the perfect target, and even he can’t believe his luck as by the film’s end, “bad things” surpassing a mere strip-search happen to Becky.

Dreama Walker is spectacular under Zobel’s direction.  She literally looks like a scared, scarred fawn, with large eyes and a frail frame.  She is terrified, and she gives herself to the role in a way that is completely off-putting.

The tension in this film is real, backed by the fact that this event actually happened, it is a chilling commentary on how easy it is to manipulate the meek.

I was really impressed with Craig Zobel’s direction, it was strangely akin to Refn in execution.  The music was almost like a dirge to common sense, which was sadly lacking in most of the characters in the film. Zobel used a lot of close-up work, and each actor really delivered a credible performance, maybe with the exception of Kevin (Phillip Ettinger).  His performance was not as genuine as the other cast members.

For obvious reasons, this is a film not intended for younger audiences, but it serves as a reminder to that most sacred of American ideals . . . freedom is not just some buzz word.  It is only real if you understand that it applies to you.  You are allowed to question authority – in fact, you should question how those people even GOT authority in the first place!

If you don’t watch this film, at least brush off the Bill of Rights and realize that you have them.  You have a right to deny illegal detainment, illegal search and seizure and you sure as hell have a right to keep your private parts, private.  The day we let compliance over-rule freedom is the day we’re trapped in not a fantasy, but a nightmare!

(1 People gave this 4.00 out of 5)

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Swift shot: A story that evolved from a conversation with John Cleese, developed into a great find at the theaters almost a decade later.  The Croods stars some of the most sought-after talent in Hollywood’s voices, Nic Cage, Emma Stone, Ryan Reynolds, Catherine Keener, Clark Duke and rounded out by the ever popular, Cloris Leachman.  You are almost immediately immersed in the Croods’ world from opening title sequence to final credits, as the Looney Tunes style of cartoonish laughs pervades your experience, you still really care about this family on the world’s first road trip!

At its heart, The Croods is that, a road-trip flick, but not by choice, as the father of the group Grug (Cage) has to finally leave the eternal safety of his beloved cave.  His cave, his sanctuary, his back-drop for many stories that always have the same theme, explore outside the cave after the sun “leaves” and you die.  Pretty simple rule to remember, until his teenage daughter, Eep (Stone) reaches that troublesome age of exploration . . . where curiosity killed the cat is not just an outdated saying, it’s reality.

Her dim-witted brother, appropriately named Thunk (Duke) worships his dad and follows his instructions to the T-bone.  Well, actually, because Grug doesn’t have very many bright ideas, they don’t feast on T-bone too often, in fact, one drop of egg-yolk per family member per week sustains them!  Grug’s family is rounded out by a toddler named Sandy who is more like a wild animal than a human, even a neanderthal, his wife Ugga (Keener) and his mother-in-law, Gran (Leachman).  No word on why they gave Gran a tail, yea, I can’t imagine why they did that!

Eep is a rebellious teenager, of course; she manages to sneak a peek outside the cave one night, and learns about many new things . . . chiefly though, she meets a boy!  A boy named Guy (Reynolds) who is filled with imaginative ideas, he has harnessed fire and has discovered the first pet . . . Belt.  Belt is a scene-stealing sloth, voiced by co-director Chris Sanders.  Sanders incidentally voiced Stitch, and Madison and I interviewed both directors, Kirk De Micco and Sanders prior to release in South Beach.

We got to meet Stitch/Belt!  Kirk De Micco was great too! Read the interview here!

After Guy and Belt make the acquaintance of The Croods, he pretty much informs them the world is ending and the Earth is swallowing itself with fire.  Ya know, kinda a damper on the whole, who are you, why are you hitting on my daughter conversation Grug would much rather be having with this interloper.  Fairly shortly after meeting Guy, he is proved accurate in his wild prediction, and Grug has to reluctantly accept his cave is no longer inhabitable.  See, Grug has a great motto, “Never not be afraid.”  It has served him well in life, and he assumes just being big and strong and hiding behind rocks is enough to survive.  He’s not too bright, but his heart is the size of a Macawnivore.  A what, Rick?

Oh, I forgot to mention, the story-tellers used some incredible creative licensing by incorporating a kind of evolutionary phase that is the mad scientist era.  Where evolution is still testing out new mutations, if you will, of various creatures.  I can list them all for you here, but it might be more fun for you to name (and spot) them on your own.  My favorite were the flying sea-turtles . . . I wish evolution left those alone, of course it would make flights a lot more . . . interesting.  “Sorry folks, we are about to hit a flying turtle, smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.”

As Guy and the family travel the wild plains, they discover new creatures and new challenges, all while forming an emerging bond with Guy’s help.  Yes, Grug is none too happy about being one-upped by this little genius who has designs on his daughter, but he grows to no longer fear change but to accept that change breeds growth and stagnation leads to living in constant fear.  That’s no way to live.  Thankfully, De Micco and Sanders spared us the annoying cave-man speak, Me Grug, Me No Like, etc.  They do have their own appropriately novice language, but it isn’t buffoonish.  It simply uses their, VERY limited, experiences to develop their idea on words and the world.  It’s kinda fascinating, actually.

So, as the Earth splits from Pangea to the new continents, The Croods make for high ground to . . . “jump on the sun and ride it to tomorrow.”  Sure, that sounds legit.  I know their fate, but you won’t unless you give this family friendly adventure a chance.  Personally I wasn’t expecting to be laughing near as much as I found myself, but when I heard Cleese’s name associated with the story I thought – - – well, there you have it!

With not so slight nods to Looney Tunes (where De Micco cut his teeth) and some really funny physical humor, The Croods is sure to please the kids and the kid in you.  Don’t look for any really thought-provoking drama though, and remember this is a kid’s movie, so expect the expected.

Now, get out of your cave and take a road-trip to watch The Croods, it’s a journey of ideas where your imagination is free to fly.  Oh, and Chris Sanders learned a lot about 3D when he directed How to Train Your Dragon, and what he learned there he did a wonderful job incorporating into the envelope-pushing 3D in The Croods!  In short (too late), see it in 3D!!!!

We shared our interview on NerdSpan.com as well, check it out!

It was a chilly day in South Beach, unseasonably so, when Madison Monroe and a few other local journalists and I sat down with Chris Sanders and Kirk De Micco, co-directors of The Croods, starring the voice talents of Nicolas Cage, Emma Stone, Clark Duke, Catherine Keener, Ryan Reynolds and Cloris Leachman (the mother-in-law with a tail).

The interview was for their work on The Croods, so we resisted the urge to ask Chris about being the voice of Stitch.  Madison was pretty thrilled to be meeting one of her favorite Disney characters.  But, I have a feeling after families check out The Croods, more kids will want to have their very own Belt.  Chris Sanders voiced Belt, the world’s first pet.

After some pleasantries and caffeine pouring, the questions began.

Where did you guys get the idea to make a movie like The Croods?

Kirk De Micco: I originally started writing the story with John Cleese in 2004, and it was going to be a different movie, it was going to be stop-motion and was called Crude Awakenings at the time.

It still has that same concept of the fear of change, and John was really into it at that time, because he has a deathly fear of technology.  And in 2007 I started talking to Chris about it and Grug and what it was, the fear of change, and from that it evolved into a story of a family.  And what’s really relatable is the fear of the change going on inside your own family.  And for a father the most scary change is when his daughter starts to fall in love with a boy.  So that’s the arc of the evolution.

What message do you hope that people take from this film?

Chris Sanders:  The message of this film, there are many different levels that are going on at the same time in this film.  One of the ones I like to talk about is just the idea of change and risk.  At the beginning of this film, Grug the dad, is trying to keep everyone together inside this cave.  Just hide them away from danger, and he’s also trying to hide them away from change.  Nothing frightens The Croods like something new.

Anything new is bad, right, it can’t be good, because new is risk and new is bad.  But change finds them, their cave is destroyed, and it’s nothing that they could have ever stopped.  And the interesting thing about this film is that the villain in this film is really change itself.  In this film it’s a collapsing continent that pursues The Croods through the entire film.  The idea that Grug is going to have to accept is that if this family is going to survive is that change is going to happen and they’re going to have to accept some level of risk and that’s the lesson that Grug learns at the end of the film . . . that, life is risk.

Rick Swift:  What are some of the biggest risks that you have personally taken, Kirk and Chris?  

CS:  Career wise?

RS:  Yea, nothing personal, just what you had to risk to make The Croods.

KD:  One thing I think is relatable, you know, everyone has that fear of change, choosing a new school or getting a new job, or deciding you are going to go into a relationship.  There’s always that fear that something is going to go wrong.  But if you don’t try anything, it’s, you know . . . I don’t know if there’s any one personal one that I have; I live in constant fear – “Never not be afraid” is kinda my model as much as the line.  I don’t know where to start with that, you’d probably be with me in therapy for many many years.

Madison Monroe:  I wanted to talk about one of the voices from the movie, Emma Stone, she has a very distinctive voice, kinda raspy, but it’s really nice, so why did you think it would be good for the voice of Eep?

CS:  You know, Kirk and I, she was our very first choice for the voice of Eep.  And, a lot of the different things you’re looking for, one of them is that they inhabit their voice . . . very fully.  I think it was the overall quality that Emma Stone had that drew us to her, we thought she was very very appealing.  She inhabits that voice.  Uhm, we do shoot the videos of the recordings so we can bring them to the animators later so that they can capture a little facial expression, gesture, timing, things like that, but most of what we come away with is a recording.  And everything needs to be in that recording.  So, uhm, there’s a warmth, there’s appeal, there’s a quirkiness.

KD:  The quirkiness is what, you know, we actually, you know, kinda fell in love with her watching House Bunny.  That was before we started, before like, everything, Easy A, But, you know how that character was . . .

MM:   Natallllieee

KD:  Exactly, yea, that’s what we wanted.  We both felt like that was something we wanted.  You know, Eep needs to have a bit of awkwardness, she’s a cave girl, she’s not so polished off, you know, and that’s what she does so well, and her timing is so impeccable.

Which characters were you most drawn to?

CS:  Well, I have my human favorites and I have my animal favorites.  My animal favorite is the giant tiger.  I think that’s one of my very favorite characters I’ve ever worked on.  The human characters, I think Eep, because that scene in the very beginning when she’s seeking light, and the idea that she passes that thing on to her dad, I think is one of my favorite things in the film.

KD:  Well mine is Grug, obviously, because that’s like I said, I live in fear, and for animals . . . it’s kinda a toss up, but I grew over time to be falling in love with Douglas.  Because I’m a dog guy, and I just felt like that, that, there’s the one shot where Grug is running for his life and he sees Douglas and Douglas is sitting there with this look on his face, and he’s just a sweet dog, you know.

What was the hardest part of making this movie?

CS:  This has a very unusual story, it’s a road trip, and so for this movie the changes in the characters are internal, so because of that the physical journey the characters take in that was variable.  We, again, we didn’t have a traditional villain that was going to pop out and confront the characters.  So really all these changes are internal changes, and that was probably the hardest thing about this film.

Writing it and story-boarding it to finding the actual path that they took. We made a lot of changes, they went to a lot of places that you’ll never see in this film.  But, it’s all about triggering the correct responses inside the characters.  That was the quest.

KD:  Another one I think was the, you know, it’s completely a fantasy world. There’s nothing that we could rely on.  You go, oh well, that’s a building, we could just make a building.  We know how to make that.  Oh, they walk into a room, ok, that’s got four . . . . you have something to start with.  Here we had nothing to start with, so all the artists at DreamWorks were like . . . WOW, we can do anything we want . . . and after about six months they’re like, uh, where do we start?  So everything you see there is from their imaginations, you know, it’s their fantasy world.

Rick Swift:  Whose decision was it to cross a Macaw and a Sabretooth?  I know you said that was your favorite character, so.

CS:  Yes, I did design that one character.  We were trying to do combination animals, it was an idea that one of our developing artists came up with, named Shane Prigmore, and very early on in the design process, he did a single drawing of an animal that was a combination of two different creatures that we know.  And we thought, that’s a great way to go.  So we imagined if you rolled backwards in time that maybe all these animals that we know today may have been fused together and they separated at some point.  And the tiger was an interesting one, because he’s a staple. 

I felt very strongly that we should have a couple of staples of our prehistoric world that we are all very familiar with.  So we have a mammoth and we have a Sabre-tooth tiger, he’s our sabre-tooth tiger.  So, the best combination we could think of was maybe the coloration.  He has a green macaw coloration to him that I think is just stunning.

RS:  It really is visually exciting, yea.

Did you learn anything new about yourselves during the filming?

CS:  That’s a good question, that’s a very good question.  I think for myself, and it’s coming for Kirk, . . . it’s coming.  I have a daughter, and she’s seven now, and the dad daughter relationship in the film was something that was very new, because I’ve been on this film for about five years.  And that was a very new relationship for me when I began the film, so I think that just learning about that type of relationship while I was home and then bringing that to work and putting some of that into the movie I think was probably the thing that was evolving as we were making this film.

KD:  I would say pretty much the same, because I started this like in 2004, and writing about a father for about eight/nine years and now I just had twins last week, so, there we have it.  I don’t know if it’s life imitating art or art imitating life.

What did you take from How to Train Your Dragon to use in The Croods?

CS:  In Croods we pushed the 3D harder, Croods is a different type of film, it’s a different tone, it has a much broader tone, we have bigger action, almost like cartoony, if you will.   Especially the opening sequence.  It allowed us, in the moments that were appropriate, to push it literally to the breaking point.  We have moments where things come out into the audience and you can’t bring them out further.  The technology just will stop.

KD:  Your eyeballs will go in, there’s nowhere left.

CS:  For me with How to Train Your Dragon, that was my crash course in all things, CG.  And I took every little bit of the knowledge I gained from How to Train Your Dragon and brought that all to Croods and there were big changes on Croods when I came back, because I better understood what this CG thing could achieve.  So when I came back, both Kirk and I started pushing things on the Croods a lot harder visually to be more believable, in a sense of having things be more realistic and things.  Just because this film is about consequences of decisions.  So you need to believe in the world the Croods are in, so a lot of the stuff is broader.

We wanted to ask probably about a thousand more questions of each of them, but they had to be a million other places and in no time.  You don’t think about the amount of hard work that goes into a film when you sit back and just demand to be entertained.  It is nice to meet people so passionate about their work, and it translates incredibly well in their overall product.  I can’t wait for everyone to see The Croods, to meet them and understand their own families a little better perhaps.

We hope Chris and Kirk keep making great films, and we look forward to meeting them again.  Plus, it was a miracle I kept Madison from stealing that Belt prop at the Mandarin Oriental!  I’m not gonna lie, I wanted it to, for my son, yea, for my son.

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Sometimes your life needs a little mess in it.

Swift shot:  Mary, errr, I mean Melissa McCarthy is really growing on me.  For some reason I keep calling her Mary, but maybe one of these days I will get it right!  Speaking of identities, what’s in a name?  I guess if you’ve ever had your identity stolen, this film might offer some therapeutic release where you can see an imagined revenge play out before you.  And, while I wasn’t laughing in every single scene of Identity Thief, I did laugh heartily quite a few times.

Sandy Bigelow Patterson (Jason Bateman) is a mid-level accountant working for a major firm in Denver.  His boss, Harold Cornish, is played by an overtly puffy Jon Favreau who makes sure that the employees aren’t getting bonuses but he and the senior staff will be sure to get hefty checks.  Cornish explains to Sandy, “Read The Fountainhead, I’ll get you a copy.”  So, yea, his boss is not exactly a mensch.  Sandy’s wife, Trish (Amanda Peet) is pregnant with their third child, and Sandy and she are barely getting by.  But, a dastardly criminal mastress, (let’s call her Sandy) doesn’t know, or care to know all that.  All she knows is Sandy Bigelow Patterson has a great credit score and is an easy mark.

Sandy assumes Sandy’s identity and lives it up, like a government employee with an unlimited expense account.  She hits bars, spas, buys water-recreational vehicles, massage chairs, you name it, if she can swipe that card, it’s gonna be hers.  She is also not afraid of the law, or much, really.  At first glance, you really loathe her selfish character.  But her character develops throughout the film.

Sandy quickly discovers, in a very troubling set of circumstances, that he is the victim of identity theft.  Luckily for him, he is a man and his thief is, well, Melissa McCarthy, so once that is sorted out, the police let him go on his not-so-merry way.  All is not completely resolved, as he has just recently decided to jump at his co-worker’s offer to be a VP at a new firm being started in response to Cornish’s heinous “bonus policy.”  That’s great, but, because of his latest encounter with Sandy, his new boss, Daniel (John Cho) is not sure they can even hire him now.  In a desperate (only in the movies) move, Sandy convinces the Denver police and his new boss that he will settle everything and bring this thief to Denver to confess.

Sandy is about to meet Sandy.  Neither one is prepared.

Sandy is in [grumble] “the worst place in America”, my home state, Florida!  She has been living it up near Orlando.  Sandy managed to get information on where she would be, what time, and plans to ambush her and fly her back to Colorado.  Their first meeting doesn’t exactly go as Sandy was planning, but it starts out in one of those, oh, this should be good scenarios.  But, Sandy gets away.  She hightails it home, where she has essentially gathered up enough stuff to rival Pee Wee Herman.  She doesn’t just have one mega-deluxe blender, she has rows of them!  She even has a freakin’ rock-wall in her backyard.

But, Sandy isn’t completely without his resources, and he tracks her down to her McMansion.  There, one of the funniest fights I have seen on the silver-screen takes place.  Kudos to the fight choreographer for making a vicious, yet hilarious, fight come across as painfully believable.
At the house though, things are elevated to “a whole ‘nother level,” as we are introduced to two of Sandy’s partners in crime, Julian (T.I.) and Marisol (Genesis Rodriguez).  To put it bluntly, they are killers, and a surprisingly “bad” cameo plays their boss who orders both of the Sandys killed!  Also, as an outstanding warrant exists for Sandy, a skip-tracer is also on the scene looking for her, played famously by Robert (T2) Patrick!  Paying attention there?  You got a TI and a T2 in the same film!

The skiptracer is without scruples, think of him as a kind of Bobba-Fett; he isn’t stopping until he has his woman.  He’s not a nice guy, folks.

This is, at its heart, a road-trip movie, and all that comes with that theme follows.  There are goofy moments in the car, seedy motels, random characters they come across and even McCarthy’s real life husband, Ben Falcone, surprisingly not Mike (Billy Gardell) makes an appearance.  This is an adult movie, there are adult themes, and when you meet Big Chuck, you just can’t look away.  His scenes will either terrify you or have you laughing til it hurts.

With a bit more heart than I was expecting, Identity Thief does a great job keeping you engaged in the characters, caring about their fate, and rooting for the little guy, or in some cases, the big girl.  You may cry, but you will definitely laugh at all the McCarthy/Bateman insanity.  In classic Bateman fashion, he throws out these little one-liners under his breath, and McCarthy gives it right back.  Some of the scenes may be a bit tacked on, or be just a little too convenient . . . . like when airbags decide to employ, or how two people manage to turn a van back on its side.  But, every comedy has some plot holes, and at some point you just have to live with it and realize the film-makers are doing you a favor by skipping the boring, tedious parts and getting to the moving dialog and the great comedy.

When everything comes to a conclusion, you shouldn’t be too disappointed in this Seth Gordon directed flick, and there is actually a nice message involved.  McCarthy has a really heart-warming moment in front of the camera where she shows off her serious acting skills.  She really is an incredibly talented thespian, and she can throw a mean throat-punch!

It would be a crime to miss Identity Thief.  This article is also available on NerdSpan – Identity Thief